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Artists to the stage, artists to the stage
Ladies and gentlemen
Straight from the national theatre in Oslo
Vegard Ylvisåker
Calle Hellevang-Larsen
Bård Ylvisåker
This is Tonight with Ylvis!
Welcome to a sparkly new programme!
We have lots of fun guests, Atle Antonsen is coming!
And Katzenjammer is coming!
But before that, the African Americans!
Welcome to all the people at home and welcome to you.
Yes, nice gang!
Nice gang at home too for all we know. The best we've had!
You have been totally crazy since last time.
That's correct, I've applied for a name change.
To the first name Solhjell.
So that we can be known as the trio Bård, Vegard and Solhjell. Just like the...
deputy head in SV, Bård Vegard Solhjell. Oh! Is that it?
Okay, explaining a joke, okay.
Other things have also been talked about lately, like this article here, from Dagbladet.
It's the male model Andrej Pejic, who has been criticised for stealing work from women.
Apparently he has such fabulous legs that he's taking all the pantyhose and underwear...
Yes, he really has fabulous... he is androgynous, as they so nicely put it in latin.
Where "andro" stands for "man" and "gyn" stands for "woman".
Or a gender bender as they call it in English that originates from the words "gender" and "bender".
I don't think it's that impressive really, because I've been a stand in butt for Kari Traa for a long time.
You have? Stand in ***?
We have to go on with the show... And I don't even have to shave.
To me, I mean, those legs are fabulous, but I have to say that mine are equally as fabulous,
and I could've been mistaken as a woman, admittedly from *** and down, every day, anytime.
We have joked about it a lot, that you've got feminine legs.
Yeah, I'll show them.
They are very feminine and nice! Look, they are shiny!
But we really want to test this properly, if it's possible to separate you from a woman.
Therefore it is time for the game: Calle or woman?
We want to test if anyone from the audience can see the difference between Calle and a woman.
That means, Vegard, that you have to go out and find a random person in the audience.
I will! While you Carl Fredrik Hellevang-Larsen... I can go and be a woman.
Okay, what's going to happen now is that on my left side we have our Calle or woman box
that we happened to have laying around, and there we will put two women and one Calle.
Then we open the lower part of the box, so that you can see the legs of all three.
The person from the audience that we're bringing down here, will guess if the upper part is a Calle or a woman.
Have you found anybody, Vegard? Yes! I have found one Hanne.
One Hanne, give an applause for Hanne!
Just come and sit down.
Hi Hanne! High five! Hann-A.
Hi Hanna high five. Hanne or Hanna?
Hann-A. Good.
Hanna, have you been doing this a lot before? No.
It's the first time. Yep.
Okay, shall we begin then, and open the box and see the three pairs of legs, Vegard.
We begin with the one we're calling, eh, person number one.
Number one.
What do you think about these legs? They're nice.
Nice? Nothing special to say about them, no varicose veins? No cysts? No.
No? Over to person number two. Okay.
Woman or man? Woman or man? What do you think? They're nice too.
Do you think it's Calle? For the time being, which one is your favorite? The one in the middle.
Last pair of legs.
We're gonna start with number one. Calle or woman? Woman.
Person number two. Calle or woman? Calle?
Are you happy or disappointed, Calle? Did you think it was easy?
Yes. What made you decide? Muscles, varicose veins, scrapes?
Muscles. Yes. You have such muscular legs, I guess we all can agree on that.
Congratulations! You have won a price, and the price is twelve bags of groceries.
Give her an applause, Hanna! There you go.
Thank you! You can take them with you.
Yes, we have to move on with the show. You can take them in rounds if you want.
You're stealing a lot of attention. Okay, we're moving on with the show, and Calle?
You can just stand there. That's good.
We're going to talk about taxis, because we sometimes take taxis here in Oslo.
We do. Stealing a lot of focus with that...
There! Thank you! Applause to Hanne.
We sometimes take taxis when we live here in Oslo, because we don't own a car.
We're crazy, we take taxis. Wild.
We've talked about something when it comes to taxis, this thing called radio usage.
Yes, we decided to equip a taxi and a following car.
We were sitting in the following car, with a little screen that showed everything that happened inside the taxi.
Meaning that we could see the person sitting in the backseat.
Then we made a song about what that person was doing,
and our song came to them via the radio in the taxi. Very exciting!
We're going to see how that went, Radio Taxi!
I'm going to Lambertseter centre. Lambertseter centre, okay. Could you...
say that a bit louder, because I'm trying out a new GPS system. Lambertseter. Centre.
Lambertseter centre registered.
We're going to play some pop music here on Radio Oslo.
What is this?
Because I opened my bag and he's singing "she's looking in her bag" and then "she took up her glasses".
Here comes the song "Pink Jacket".
Friday afternoon, pink jacket, taking a ride, and I take a taxi up to Kjelsås.
Mari is coming to the party And Benny is coming to the party
Fredrik, listen to this. And Fredrik is coming to the party!
You can't turn this off? It's the GPS? It must be a little annoying for you?
Yeah, it gets a bit tiring.
It's time for the radio theather. The dramatic taxi ride.
She stretched out her left arm and grabbed the red bag.
She stopped chuckling, stretched out her left arm and grabbed the red bag before she was reported to the police for not cooperating with the radio theather.
Yes, she did. There's something strange here.
She stretched out her arm, grabbed the red bag and put it on her lap.
Put me on your lap! I want to... oh! That was lovely! To finally get onto your lap.
It's time to bring in our first guest, Calle.
You were saying? I said it's time for our first guest.
How nice! It has been incredibly nice to have you here, but now you have to get the hell out.
That's how it is. I'm not going to make a big number out of that. That's good.
We are going to bring in our first guest, Vegard.
He was born in the same year as the moon landing. Wow, 1969.
But he's not from Houston, he's from Lillehammer.
And you've seen him in both Åpen Post and XLTV and Nissene på Låven and Ut i Vår Hage and Team Antonsen, but now he's currently doing Dag 2, come on! Atle Antonsen!
Welcome! Thank you! Very nice to be here.
The busy man. Yes, I have a lot to do. What a nice couch!
Thank you! Yes, I think it's very nice. It has passementerie here.
It has what? Passementerie!
Coussementerie? Passementerie!
PASSEMENTERIE! Passementerie!
You have to know that, it's the passementerie that makes the curves show.
Okay! Is it good or bad to have passementerie? Well, that varies.
So it's trimmings. Yeah, but at least you have passementerie.
That's good! We specifically asked for a sofa with passementerie.
Yes, but I'm really surprised by your style here. You're supposed to be these new fresh comedians. Like, the new generation.
But there's not a single furniture here from the 2000s! No, that's correct.
Everything is from down to 1940, and plus those consierge(?)curtains over there, that velour *** over there.
It looks like a *** house! Thank you! That's nice.
But the difference is that we're so young that we don't know that it's called consierge curtain.
We say: Let's hang something red there that looks awesome. So you're laughing at the story, okay.
No, I'm not laughing. Laughing at knowledge, okay.
No, but we can... Hang something red and slutty I say!
We can jazz it up a bit, just like Senkveld, they have iPads and... That's good!
...and Facebook and "on the Facebook site!" like Rønneberg says. You don't have that.
No, we don't have that yet. Paper notes!
Yeah, but I like that. Speaking of Senkveld! Let us talk about this now.
Okay, you were a guest on Senkveld on Friday? Yes.
And, we are the underdog talkshow. Yes, we are. For now!
For now! Let's be honest. A couple more weeks!
They took Atle Antonsen in front of our noses, fair enough, and then we became buddies and decided that you were going to do a sneak commercial for Ylvis on their show.
Yes. That was the deal? Yeah, that was the deal.
You were going to say Ylvis at a random time, backwards in the conversation. So that we could reverse it and see that you said Ylvis on Senkveld.
Without them knowing! How did that go, Atle Antonsen?
It went well I think. You think?
Yes yes. I didn't know you were called Ylvis though. No, because you thought our name was...?
I thought you were called Yvlis. Oh! Okay.
And therefore we didn't get disappointed on Friday night when we were waiting for you to say Ylvis backwards.
Let's see a clip where you're struggling to say Ylvis backwards on Senkveld.
I could've been dangling from my balls from the Radisson SAS hotel, without that affecting me.
Is it Silvy? What?
Silvy? What is that?
*** creme. It's the best.
Silvy! I obviously think that Yvlis is easier to remember.
Obviously. And there's two things to talk about here. One thing is that you pronounce it wrong. The other thing is that you squeeze it into that *** cream... that's the moment you choose!
It was just luck. Okay, so it ended up with you saying Sylvi, which is Yvlis backwards...
I said Silvy. Silvy!
SILVY! You're struggling too. YES!
I knew it, it's not that easy! You're not the master of reverse talking anymore.
Yeah, *** hell. Shut up! We're going to see the clip backwards, and listen to how it turned out.
It's close enough.
You have to remember that I'm an old comedian, I don't have to do these backwards things.
I've based my career on forwards humor. You're driving forwards.
Yes, and I've tried sideways and upside down, but not backwards. But that's probably the only thing we haven't done and have left for you.
That's what's coming now. I guess that's correct.
But we young, fresh ones can take care of that. We have slutty furniture, but we talk backwards!
But, you have a lot to do these days, Dag 2 is airing on TV2? Yes, it is.
It goes well, I've heard. It goes very well, I've heard.
And it has become a bit darker?
It has. At least it starts out a bit darker, bit it's not necessarily a downward spiral after this. We dig out a bit of light soon, that I can say.
We're gonna watch a clip from one of the first episodes of Dag 2. What are we seeing here?
It's the opening of Dag 2, where Dag is so far down in the gutter he possibly can get.
This is supposed to be comedy? Yes, it is a comedy, but with heavy drama elements.
Let's watch the comedy Dag 2.
It's dark and nice! Yes, it's dark and nice, and therefore a lot funnier.
We're laughing. Is it personal experience? Yes, unfortunately some parts are personal experience, to a certain degree.
I have gone into that toilet and been there way too long, that's correct. Is that true?
Yes, that's true. That toilet exactly?
Yes, that's the only toilet that looks like that. So that's correct. I'm still not laughing at it.
We laugh a little bit. And I think you should continue doing that. How nice!
You're no longer an old comedian, you're just old. Yes, just old. Old and tired.
But we hear stories about you on the road, Atle Antonsen, messing around with your credit card?
I have a tendency to become very generous when I'm drunk, the later it gets, and also stupid. It's very closely connected I guess.
Stupid and generous at the same time. One time when I was in Stavanger, I've never had a business card so I started to hand out my credit cards instead!
It was very nice. And of course my cellphone also disappeared.
But I rely on the app MobileMe. Fantastic invention! Where I just can call my phone and find out where it is.
Yes. And then I know where I was the night before.
Oh! Amazing!
And if you lose your cell you can also just...
When I lose my cell, I just call and see it on the GPS on the computer. And then I see where the cell is in that exact second. Probably also with my credit cards.
But do you use all the functions on your cell? Do you use the calendar? Are you hip?
I use the calender yes. But not the camera and other things like that?
I use some of it. But I think it can do a lot more than I know.
But you have young children? I have very young children, and the problem is that I've been gone a lot lately, so they don't believe that I'm going to work anymore.
They just think I'm taking a holiday or making a run for it. So they think you're in Spain tonight?
I tried to tell them today that I'm going to Yvlis. But they didn't believe that.
I'm gonna need some kind of a evidence that I've been here, so if you can make a video or something on this, because they're not allowed to watch this of course.
No, that's too late. Good upbringing! Yes, it's way too late! They're only fifteen so.
Fifteen, okay! So they go to bed at 7.
Maybe you can tape this. Us?
I have too be there too, or the whole point is gone. If I just sit here. What are we saying?
You can say what you want. It just needs to be an evidence that I've been here.
There's a lot of Atle here right now! Relax!
Hi, we are here with... we're saying hello, daddy is working! Relax!
Okay, have you done it now?
Yes, very nice, shut up. We're having a commercial break, and we're back after the break with Katzenjammer, hold on to the remote, see ya!
Welcome back everyone! It has calmed down here, and the mood has lightened up.
Because we didn't give all that we got. I was a little afraid of you there, Atle. Yeah, I see.
But we have to talk about that we have the exact same hair. I must confess, you are my big idol, in every way.
Your thick head of hair we know so well. Completely similar!
We're going to invite in some more guests here, it gets too boring with only Antonsen. Calle, are you ready?
Welcome! Thank you!
How nice clothes! Thank you! I've sown it myself.
No! Yes.
Is it true? Is that possible?
That's possible. Both of you? No, this is H&M.
You guys are touring the world at the moment. In Germany and Netherlands you are very popular and play for 100,000 people like this! Applause for that!
It's very impressive. Thank you.
Have you seen them?
I've seen them, I've played with them, they have played with me and we know each other well.
Have you played with them? Yeah, I've whistled with them.
So we're toning it a bit down. We've whistled together on a few conserts, and they've been to a couple of DDR conserts and played with us. So we know each other well.
I must say that I thought I heard you guys is Germany last week. But it was just an ordinary German band.
They sang in German? Yeah, I thought it was you but it wasn't. It's very similar. Very.
Similar to ordinary German bands? Yes, we've been told by Germans that we sound Austrian, and that's close enough.
But you have a new record that will be released in October, correct? The 7th of october. We'll have a release consert on Sentrum scene.
Not a lot of people get applause for telling where they are doing a release consert. That means there's interest.
For those people at home who haven't seen you yet, we have a little music video. What's it called?
When the laughter is gone. When the laughter is gone. Look at this.
It's very funny.
And I gotta say, for those who haven't experienced you live, it's explosive. I've seen live tapes and there are fireworks and men and women and children, they're all jumping in the ceiling. Very cool.
Actually, one time in Russia we had naked ladies dancing in a cage over us. No!
That was pretty special.
Very good. But we checked you up online, and we found a lot of fans talking about chocolate. The Germans obsess about the weirdest things.
They take things very literally. If we say that we like chocolate we get packets and buckets of chocolate when we play conserts, and there's of course a lot of cat chocolate because we're called Katzenjammer.
A crazy country.
It's very convenient that you like chocolate, because we have a column in our show called Goldbread in one minute!
And in Goldbread in one minute you are supposed to eat a Goldbread as fast as you can, and preferably within a minute. Sounds simple.
We want you two, and Atle you join in. No one is allergic to Goldbread?
Can we open it first? Yes, you can open it first. We all open it.
But don't start eating until we say so, okay?
Are the Goldbreads ready? I think I'm going to join in too.
I *** love Goldbread. Okay, one minute, first one to finish, from now, one two three four!
Swallow! All the way down.
How's it going?
Atle Antonsen, you did it. And even if you just won something... Is it supposed to be hard?
Yes. But look at this here. This is probably not how you wanted to look on tv, but it's very entertaining.
The thing with Goldbread is that if you take big chunks, it just turns into a big mess.
And you dug in. And took big chunks. And it turns to concrete. I couldn't swallow a thing.
You were easy cheesy over there. It's all about the eating technique.
Small fast bites? Yeah, not too big, I was patient. A minute is a long time.
But this is just pathetic. I ate as fast as I could.
Okay, you are not only two people in Katzenjammer, we are going to invite in the other two, Anne Marit Bergheim and Turid Jørgensen!
Welcome to you two! Thank you!
We thought, since you brag a lot about playing all sorts of instruments, we are going to check if that's true.
So we have found some instruments that we think you are not going to be good at. Calle, give us the instruments if you can be so kind!
Who wants the fiddle? Trombone? Langleik and flute.
Are these instruments pretty uknown to you? Yes, very.
Very good. You can just stand behind there Atle, that's great.
Okay, we're ready. We want you to play the popular song Tir n'a Noir by Vamp. Can anyone sing?
Marianne can sing. I have to make up some lyrics then.
Ladies and gentlemen, here comes Tir n'a Noir by Katzenjammer with instruments they've never played before. He we go.
It was black november... [unclear lyrics]
Thank you so much Atle Antonsen and Katzenjammer!
Welcome back Calle! Thank you!
What have you been up to since last time? I've been sitting in the dressing room eating salty sticks and listened to the Bee Gees.
It must be nice for you to be here again then, do you want to present our next clip maybe? Yes!
You want to do that? Sit in daddy's chair? Yes, of course.
Give him an applause!
Like this, and then you stare into what we call camera 3 and say: We get a lot of questions that we of course are going to answer, here is the question of the day!
We get a lot of questions...
We have gotten a new question here. Hello Bård and Calle, and congratulations on the high amount of viewers.
We are a group of boys who has started a choir, but has to conduct it ourselves. Can you give us a quick lesson in conducting?
Vegard, maybe you can help with that?
Yes. Singing in a choir can be a very social activity, but it might also be chaotic if you don't have a good leader.
I've been visited by "Sølvguttene", and today I'm going to conduct them through "Deilig er Jorden".
And the most important thing when it comes to conducting, is to choose a pattern and stick to it. 1, 2, 3, 4!
Fantastic! And that's how you conduct a choir!
Thank you so much guys. That is what we had time for today. Continue sending us questions. See ya!
We're gonna take a short 40 second break, and then we'll be back with Star Talk with Stig Henrik Hoff and Calle Hellevang-Larsen!
Welcome back everyone!
We are sitting here, Calle is back, Vegard is back, and we're going to talk about the things happening in the world today: that Norway got a 23rd place in the FIFA election!
23rd place. What does that mean really?
FIFA election? It's called the FIFA rank, the rank of FIFA. But what are you ranking?
You're ranking all of the world's countries, 203 teams and Norway is 23, that is actually *** impressive if I can say so myself.
Ah, but is it?
Yes. I mean think about all the countries. We have Brasil, Argentina, Germany, England, Mexico, Italy, Turkey, Russia, Japan, China, Australia. There are a lot of countries in the world!
How nice! But the point is that we think that 23rd place sucks. Even though we don't know a lot about football. The only good thing about this is that we beat the 24th place.
Yeah, that's the good thing. We're higher than 24th place. And who ended up there? That was Paraguay.
And so we decided to call Paraguay, to hear how things are going, and if they actually know anything about this ranking at all.
It's not cool to be better than someone if they don't know that we are better. True.
We really gave them in there. Totally planned. Everything went as planned.
Can I say something? You can.
I just think that your interviews stink.
You gotta deal with this, now we're on programme four. I don't think you make the guests deliver properly.
But they say lots of funny things! No! Not things that matter. You have to...
They're singing and playing and everything, they deliver! Yes, that's fine. But the point here is that you must be able to combine good journalism with for instance practical tasks. To set your interview objects in motion.
Okay, so this is about the Stig Henrik Hoff thing? Yes.
Okay, Calle has made Start Chat with Stig Henrik Hoff. Do you want to introduce it?
Haha. And then you will... No no, I mean it. You can do it. Sell it in, come on.
Okay, you're serious? Yes.
Ladies and gentlemen, in tonight's episode of Star Chat you will see my meeting with actor, chef, mechanic and handyman Stig Henrik Hoff.
Here's Star Chat with Stig Henrik Hoff.
Today I have invited actor, charmer, dancer, handyman and of course human, Stig Henrik Hoff home to me, here in Asker, this idyllic paradise where I have chosen to live with my family.
Today I have invited actor, charmer, dancing lion, handyman and of course human, Stig Henrik Hoff home to me, here in Asker, this idyllic paradise where I have chosen to live with my family.
Welcome Stig Henrik Hoff. Thank you.
I thought we'd try to destroy a myth, the myth that men, real men, only can do one thing at a time.
Yes. You're in?
Of course, I totally agree. How nice!
I thought we'd start by cleaning the terrace. Do you accept the challenge?
Cleaning the terrace? Yes!
We all know the actor Stig Henrik Hoff, but there's one type we don't know that well, and that is the human Stig Henrik Hoff.
What do you mean by that? What are you good at?
Well, I often get cast as a bad guy. No, I mean practical. What are you good at? Carry, paint, saw, drill, to drill? To drill?
You have played a lot of different parts, how do you study to make them?
You have to start by identifying with the character. Some guy, something I've seen or.
But it hasn't always been so easy to be Stig Henrik Hoff either. Do you have any allergies? Birch pollen?
No. Good!
How did you become a celebrity? I'm not a celebrity, I'm an actor.
Do you know how to change an exhaust device? No! I don't. Weren't we supposed to have an interview?
We're having an interview, I'm asking and... Do you wanna play ping-pong?
No I don't play ping-pong! We can put it in the garage then! Come on!
Just gotta lift here a little bit now.
Well help me here!
What are you doing with this then? Where are you gonna put it?
I don't know.
You're okay? Yes.
Who played Frode in Hawaii Oslo? That was me.
That was you. And who said "I'm gonna fix it?" That was Frode.
Let us say that I was a character in Hawaii Oslo, who came to Frode and said "Hey Frode! I have a heat pump that doesn't work". What would Frode have said?
I'm gonna fix it. Didn't hear?
I'm gonna fix it! Good!
Here is the heat pump I was talking about, which is broken. I don't know how to do this.
Frode! Buddy! You will fix this!
No, I don't! Stop it, this is the stupidest thing I've ever experienced! *** you!
Take the mic and the camera crew and everything! ***!
I've got better things to do! I'm so sorry Stig Henrik, it was a misunderstanding.
I've got better things to do than spending time with you!
That's what we had today! We're of course going to summarise the show for those of you who haven't watched until now! You can do that today Calle!
Thank you. In one breath!
After the vignette the show started with a fresh dance from the trio Bård, Vegard and Calle Hellevang-Larsen, and then we spoke to a man with exceptionally beautiful legs,
and then we realized that my legs are just as pretty and therefore the competition Calle or woman. Then we watched a clip where Bård and Vegard drove a taxi, and then came Atle Antonsen and Katzenjammer
they ate Goldbread and played music and it was incredibly funny. Then we watched a clip with a a choir singing and falling, incredibly funny I laugh just by thinking about it. Then we saw my interview with Stig Henrik Hoff and that was also pretty funny and then I summarised the show.
Thank you! That was all we had time for today! Thanks to Atle Antonsen and Katzenjammer!
Next week we are back again! On Monday, with a fantastic show! See ya!