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2. She violates your boundaries. You feel like an extension of her. Your property is
given away without your consent, sometimes in front of you. Your food is eaten off your
plate or given to others off your plate. Your property may be repossessed and no reason
given other than that it was never yours. Your time is committed without consulting
you, and opinions purported to be yours are expressed for you. (She LOVES going to the
fair! He would never want anything like that. She wouldn't like kumquats.) You are discussed
in your presence as though you are not there. She keeps tabs on your bodily functions and
humiliates you by divulging the information she gleans, especially when it can be used
to demonstrate her devotion and highlight her martyrdom to your needs ("Mike had that
problem with frequent urination too, only his was much worse. I was so worried about
him!") You have never known what it is like to have privacy in the bathroom or in your
bedroom, and she goes through your things regularly. She asks nosy questions, snoops
into your email/letters/diary/conversations. She will want to dig into your feelings, particularly
painful ones and is always looking for negative information on you which can be used against
you. She does things against your expressed wishes frequently. All of this is done without
seeming embarrassment or thought. Any attempt at autonomy on your part is strongly resisted.
Normal rites of passage (learning to shave, wearing makeup, dating) are grudgingly allowed
only if you insist, and you're punished for your insistence ("Since you're old enough
to date, I think you're old enough to pay for your own clothes!") If you demand age-appropriate
clothing, grooming, control over your own life, or rights, you are difficult and she
ridicules your "independence."