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Thank you all for assembling.
Last week I was in Knoxville, Tennessee, promoting the Allstate 60 Seconds of Mayhem sweepstakes,
and I owe a sincere apology for what occurred at the local amusement park.
Yes, I was warned not to put my orange soda
near the roller coaster control board.
Yes, I ignored the warning. Yes, it spilled,
destroying the controls and trapping people on an unstoppable roller coaster
for what has now been four days.
Unfortunately, it gets worse. The coaster hasn't been properly oiled.
The engineers likened riding it to repeatedly driving
over speed bumps in a car with no tires.
It also has a water cannon that blasts the riders in the face and body
after each of the nine loops, and the temperature last night, it dipped into the 40s.
Now, if and when the roller coaster does stop -
and I count myself as one of the few in the "when" camp -
I'll make it up to these riders.
I volunteer to pay for all the photos taken at the bottom of the drop.
Limit one per customer.
I'll spend 20 minutes each day standing on the platform,
giving out high fives as the coaster passes by.
Hey, we're in this thing together. Even if I'm not the one
whose ice-cold body is chafing away under the jagged metal harness,
while I'm here in this warm room, my spirit's right there on the coaster,
throwing its arms up on the loops.
Not so much out of the enjoyment, but as a means to fight off the hypothermia.
My behavior in no way reflects my sponsor Allstate
or its wonderful Tennessee agents.
The Allstate 60 Seconds of Mayhem sweepstakes will continue,
and I do hope one of the good folks of Knoxville wins the truck, motorcycle, skiboat, and RV.
Thanks.