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bjbj STEPMOTHER Girls? Where are you? BOTH (offstage) We're here! (Sound of a man and
a woman being tortured offstage) STEPMOTHER What are you doing? Stop that! ODIA (enters)
We're just torturing the prisoners! STEPMOTHER You go right back there and release them!
ODIA Oh, Mother! GARGOLA (entering) They're so stupid! They don't even know any secrets!
ODIA Damn! Damn! STEPMOTHER Odia! ODIA Well, I'm bored! I gotta do something! GARGOLA I'm
bored too. ODIA I'm more bored than you are! GARGOLA No, you're not! STEPMOTHER How can
you be bored? You've got the whole world at your command. ODIA All we do all day is rule,
rule, rule! GARGOLA Yeah, we never have any fun anymore! STEPMOTHER Well, why don't you
do some good? Go visit the lepers in the hospital. ODIA (getting off on the pain) Oo, that does
sound like a good time! Are they still open the sores I mean! GARGOLA I've got it! Let's
throw a ball! STEPMOTHER Now I don't want you girls straining yourselves throwing a
ball around. GARGOLA I don't mean that kind of ball! ODIA Right! She means a big party
with dancing and music and food. GARGOLA And we'll invite just everybody! The Prime Minister!
ODIA Knights in shining armor! And the princes of the Church! GARGOLA Just everybody who's
anybody! ODIA Oh, it sounds fabulous. Let's get to work right away on it! We've got to
send invitations! GARGOLA I don't want to waste a second! Mother, help us! INVITATION
(SONG, sung by Stepmother and Stepsisters, like the Andrew Sisters) ALL THREE Goodness
gracious! Send those invitations, Only to the only to the only to the very best. No
one facile! Folks with razzle-dazzle. La-di-da-di! No one shoddy! Nothing but the very best!
STEPMOTHER Let's invite the Archduke Basil. He has lots of clout. STEPSISTERS But his
missing leg's a hassle, And he has the gout! STEPMOTHER Shall we ask our Uncle Boris? He
has lots of class. STEPSISTERS But what has the man done for us? And there is his gas!
ALL THREE Goodness gracious! Send those invitations, Only to the only to the only to the very best.
No one facile. Folks with razzle-dazzle. La-di-da-di! No one shoddy! Nothing but the very best!
STEPMOTHER How about the Doge of Venice? He's a lovely chap. STEPSISTERS But he tends to
be a menace Since he got the clap! STEPMOTHER What about our cousin Hedvig? She is musical.
STEPSISTERS But she dances like a dead pig, And swigs alcohol! ALL THREE Goodness gracious!
Send those invitations, Only to the only to the only to the very best. No one facile.
Folks with razzle-dazzle. La-di-da-di! No one shoddy! Nothing but the best! ALL THREE
But what if no one's really chic or good enough? There are standards, so we must be tough.
We can't let just anyone in. Admitting riff-raff is a sin. Let's go slow Until we know Just
Who is good enough! Yes, who is good enough! Yes, who is good enough to come! ODIA Let's
invite somebody sexy, Like a grand vizier. GARGOLA What if he gets apoplexy Stroking
your brassiere? STEPMOTHER What about your dear old granny With her walking stick? ODIA
There's a pimple on her ***! GARGOLA And she makes me sick! STEPMOTHER What about the
Queen of France? STEPSISTERS She's a klepto! Not a chance! STEPMOTHER How about a Romanoff?
STEPSISTERS They are bleeders! Cross them off! STEPMOTHER What about His Holiness? STEPSISTERS
He's a weirdo! Wears a dress! ALL THREE Goodness gracious! Send those invitations, Only to
the only to the only to the very best. No one facile. Folks with razzle-dazzle. La-di-da-di!
No one shoddy! Nothing but the very best! But what if no one's really chic or good enough?
There are standards, so we must be tough. We can't let just anyone in. Admitting riff-raff
is a sin. STEPSISTERS Don't be dumb. The best will come! And who is good enough? Yes, who
is good enough? Yes, who is good enough (spoken loudly) BUT US! ALL THREE Good gracious! Send
those invitations, Only to the only to the only to the very best. No one facile. Folks
with razzle-dazzle. No one but the fancy-shmantzy, hotsy-totsy, cutsey- wutsey, hoity-toity,
haughty-gaudy, artsy-fartsy no one but the very best! The best! hH|) urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags
country-region urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags City urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags
place urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags stockticker STEPMOTHER Girls daniel curzon
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