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EJ: Hello and welcome, I'm EntranceJew and this is Insaniqaruium.
FP: I'm FPzero.
WM: I'm Waffleman_.
FP: I don't know a thing about this game.
WM: Me neither!
EJ: You're in the clusterfuck thread! WM: Me neither!
EJ: You're in the clusterfuck thread!
WM: And I don't like how this mermaid is lookin' at me.
EJ: That's okay.
FP: Is that Alien?
EJ: UH, NO.
EJ: THAT WAS...
EJ: YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING.
EJ: So these are fish.
FP: No, that was...
WM: What are you talkin' about, dude?
EJ: There's gonna be some helpful tint--
EJ: ***--temps?
EJ: No!
WM: ***!
EJ: Hints! WM: ***!
EJ: Hints!
EJ: Across the bottom of the screen. I'm going to completely ignore them all.
EJ: Alright, so, this is one of the most intense games that I own.
FP: Whoa, why's the ... why did that fish just turn gigantic?
WM: What? FP: Whoa, why's the ... why did that fish just turn gigantic?
FP: Whoa, why's the ... why did that fish just turn gigantic?
WM: Oh no, micro-transactions. FP: Whoa, why's the ... why did that fish just turn gigantic?
WM: Oh no, micro-transactions.
EJ: So, every time you feed your fish it takes five bitcoins.
EJ: But it's okay, 'cause, if you feed your fish enough then they'll start producing their own bitcoins.
FP: So this is...
EJ: This is how bitcoin farming works. FP: So this is...
EJ: This is how bitcoin farming works.
FP: ...this is a self sustaining economy, then? EJ: This is how bitcoin farming works.
FP: ...this is a self sustaining economy, then?
EJ: Ah, yes. This is my mining rig.
EJ: It's politely telling me up in the top-left to buy fish. I do not want to do so.
WM: Wave of the future.
EJ: These are guppies, they have three different stages.
EJ: At their first stage, they do nothing but take your food and complain.
FP: Hm.
EJ: But in their second stage here they produce the bitcoins... FP: Hm.
EJ: But in their second stage here they produce the bitcoins...
EJ: and that will keep you going at least enough to keep feeding their lazy, lazy butts.
EJ: They're worth about fifteen dollar each.
FP: Tryin' to make a poor people joke here but it's not working.
WM: Hm.
FP: POOR PEOPLE! Hooray!
WM: Ohsh!
WM: Oh, it's b..
WM: Oh!
WM: EGGS!
FP: Wh-- eggs? WM: EGGS!
FP: Wh-- eggs?
EJ: Yeah, that's how you end a stage. You get enough bitcoins and then you have to purchase three slices of egg.
FP: [hesitantly] Okay?
EJ: It kinda goes without saying but the reason that the fish are turning green:
EJ: 'cause they're hungry.
FP: Yeah.
EJ: And when a fish is... FP: Yeah.
EJ: And when a fish is...
FP: Oh, I know what this is, it's like that one level in Donkey Kong Country 3 where the fish gets mad at you if you don't feed him other fish. EJ: And when a fish is...
FP: Oh, I know what this is, it's like that one level in Donkey Kong Country 3 where the fish gets mad at you if you don't feed him other fish.
FP: And then he kills you.
EJ: Oh no.
WM: Yeah, let's go with that.
WM: Oh no, it's a stink snail.
EJ: We just unlocked our first pet!
EJ: His name's Stinky.
WM: Aren't the fish your pets already?
EJ: No!
EJ: They're our slaves.
WM: Fish aren't pets.
FP: They don't count right away.
WM: I don't count fish as pets, they're like living furniture, alright?
EJ: Remember to feed the couch.
FP: Yeah, really.
EJ: So, Stinky's goal in life is to obtain dollars...
EJ: and because the fish aren't producing dollars he really has no purpose just yet.
WM: Dolla dolla bills, yo.
FP: But I thought you wanted to obtain the dollars.
EJ: No, it's okay, he shares them.
FP: Does he give you more money?
EJ: Uh, no.
FP: Well, why'd you take from him?
EJ: I'm going to rob him of his job, you see...
WM: Oh look, the... EJ: I'm going to rob him of his job, you see...
EJ: I'm going to rob him of his job, you see...
FP: Oh no!
FP: Alien is coming!
EJ: Oh no.
EJ: This is an alien.
FP: Oh my god. EJ: This is an alien.
WM: Oh no! FP: Oh my god. EJ: This is an alien.
WM: Oh no! EJ: This is an alien.
WM: Oh no!
WM: Get away from her, you ***!
FP: Are you Sigourney Weaver?
WM: Yes!
WM: This LP has celebrity guest stars.
EJ: [face in hands, laughing] Oh no.
EJ: So when an alien shows up you get a nice little warning, music stops, and then an alien will show up 'n' make a mess.
FP: Why would the alien show up? I mean...
EJ: He wants my dollars!
WM: Yeah!
FP: So ... so wait, he's trying...
WM: These illegal aliens are coming into our fishtanks and stealing our jobs. FP: So ... so wait, he's trying...
WM: These illegal aliens are coming into our fishtanks and stealing our jobs.
FP: Ah, christ. WM: These illegal aliens are coming into our fishtanks and stealing our jobs.
FP: Ah, christ.
FP: We should really encase our fishtanks better.
EJ: Tried covering my fish in tinfoil but they weren't very happy about it.
EJ: And when alien comes into our tank our feed-the-fish mouseclick becomes fire a laser at their noggin.
FP: Is that ... oh, that's fish food that they miss.
WM: This is why *** failed.
FP: ... thought they were fish crapping.
FP: I was like "No! Don't land on Stinky!"
WM: Now he's really stinky.
FP: So, I see more things. Oh, you bought -- wow -- you have a lot of fish now.
FP: Can you handle this responsibility.
EJ: Not really.
EJ: When you upgrade food quality that, I believe, keeps them from being hungry for longer.
FP: Oh no. EJ: When you upgrade food quality that, I believe, keeps them from being hungry for longer.
FP: Oh no.
WM: Oh no. FP: Oh no.
WM: Oh no.
FP: It's coming back.
EJ: And it makes the fish grow up faster.
EJ: So when an alien shows up it is lethal to your fish so you don't want it anywhere near your fish...
EJ: and you can direct 'em around by clickin' on his head a lot.
EJ: When you kill an alien they drop a diamond and that's worth $200.
FP: He almost ate Stinky. I'm not ... sure if I'm okay with that.
EJ: They, unfortunately, do not eat your pets.
FP: Just the fish that we've already determined are not pets.
FP: Is one of them dropping ... medicine?
EJ: There are two tiers that you can upgrade to. Organic food and then just straight up doping up fish.
WM: Remember, kids: performance enhancement is A-O.K.
EJ: The number next to what used to be our food quality is our food quantity.
EJ: You'll notice that there's only ever one pill on screen at once,
EJ: that is because because I can only produce one at once and because of this having this many fish caused that tiny fish to die.
FP: Oh no! EJ: that is because because I can only produce one at once and because of this having this many fish caused that tiny fish to die.
EJ: that is because because I can only produce one at once and because of this having this many fish caused that tiny fish to die.
WM: Oh, what the-- oh no! EJ: that is because because I can only produce one at once and because of this having this many fish caused that tiny fish to die.
EJ: that is because because I can only produce one at once and because of this having this many fish caused that tiny fish to die.
FP: He's dead! EJ: that is because because I can only produce one at once and because of this having this many fish caused that tiny fish to die.
EJ: that is because because I can only produce one at once and because of this having this many fish caused that tiny fish to die.
FP: Oh, I guess Stinky ate him.
EJ: Stinky hides the bodies for me, he's the perfect accomplace.
WM: Oh man, the fishy Sopranos.
FP: He takes your money and hides the bodies. WM: Oh man, the fishy Sopranos.
FP: He takes your money and hides the bodies.
EJ: A lot of the time I'm not going to buy a part of the egg as soon as it is available to me,
EJ: I'm instead I'm going to save up until I have enough dollars to buy all the pieces.
FP: Oh no, a giant fish died! EJ: I'm instead I'm going to save up until I have enough dollars to buy all the pieces.
FP: Oh no, a giant fish died!
EJ: I completely averted that alien encounter because, like, just end the level then.
FP: Oyster.
WM: He produces poy-els.
EJ: Pearls are worth $250.
WM: That's a lot of dollar.
FP: That's a lot of clams!
WM: [groaning]
FP: Oh god.
EJ: Unfortunately, every stage begins with this kind of slow two-fish opening.
EJ: It's unavoidable and you really can't make it go any faster.
EJ: Well, actually, Niko kinda helps us out with that.
EJ: You see, the option to buy more fish doesn't appear until one fish grows up.
EJ: And the option to do anything else depends on whether or not you do what the stage wants you to buy after that.
EJ: So you're kind of trailed along,
EJ: but there's fortunately a pet later on that we can get that can help us with that but that won't be for a while.
FP: So where's that mermaid chick?
WM: Ah, I don't want her again, no, no, get her away.
EJ: She actually is a pet. Spoilers.
WM: [pained groaning]
FP: I have an amazingly puzzled face on ... my face right now.
WM: [dying]
EJ: Things in fishtanks qualify as pets: anything but fish.
WM: Oh god.
EJ: That .jpg in the background is also a pet.
FP: Oh!
WM: Are the aliens pets?
EJ: Yes.
FP: He's incoming.
WM: [with bouncy ball in mouth] Oh no, oh no, oh no, shoot it!
EJ: So, you may have noticed earlier when the fish died they left a tiny little body.
FP: Yeah.
EJ: When an alien murders your fish they don't want it dead, they want to consume its flesh so your fish does not leave a body.
EJ: This is important!
EJ: Not yet.
WM: Oh, okay.
FP: These fish have, like,
FP: terrible metabolisms.
FP: (They) constantly need to eat.
WM: Well they do have like a three second memory, they forgot they ate.
FP: Suppose so, but...
FP: ...still.
EJ: Their bodies don't actually need the nutrients, they just need the assurance that they did, in fact, eat something.
FP: They're just eating placebos.
WM: Oh, oh! Is that a new fish I see? FP: They're just eating placebos.
WM: Oh, oh! Is that a new fish I see?
EJ: That is and that is why I bought a ton of fish.
FP: Is that a...
FP: Is that a pir...
FP: That's a piranha.
FP: You're gonna introduce a piranha into the ... into the fish.
EJ: I couldn't quite afford it, yet.
FP: I'm on to your games.
EJ: You will find out soon enough that I enjoy the superior tiers of fish as soon as they are available to me. All the time.
FP: Like right now?
FP: Well... first you have aliens.
EJ: Yeah, I'm not gonna introduce him when there's a risk of losing him.
WM: [whimpering]
FP: Doesn't seem very dangerous, it seems like the most danger you'd have with him is that he causes you to stop feeding your fish.
EJ: Actually, during an alien encounter your fish stop experiencing hunger or growth of hunger.
EJ: And if they are green during an alien...
FP: [laughing] I just watched the piranha eat the ... whoa, wow he gives you crystals? EJ: And if they are green during an alien...
FP: [laughing] I just watched the piranha eat the ... whoa, wow he gives you crystals?
EJ: Yeah, diamonds, they're worth $200 each.
EJ: So right off the bat...
FP: Quickly, Stinky, bury the bodies.
WM: Man, I should quit my job and just get a bunch of fish.
FP: This is a lucrative business.
WM: Who am I kidding? I don't have a job.
FP: I do, but this probably pays better than it does.
EJ: Oh no!
FP: Auugh!
WM: Oh no! FP: Auugh!
WM: Oh no!
EJ: My money making device! It's died!
FP: Well, two for the price of one.
EJ: Yeah, they pay for themselves and they pay...
FP: So can they not eat the big ones?
EJ: They cannot. Anything that is not the tiniest size of guppy they cannot shove in their mouths.
FP: Can you make them bigger?
EJ: Unfortunately not.
WM: [disappointed groan]
EJ: I would love a massive piranha.
WM: Oh no!
FP: So how fast do you think these guys would skin a cow?
EJ: Uh, I don't think they care about cows.
FP: How fast do you think he'd skin an alien?
EJ: They're not very aware of those either.
EJ: You'll find out, at some point, that none of these fish are all-too-clever.
WM: Fish are never clever.
FP: As evidenced by the three second memory.
WM: Carnivores won't eat fish food! Thanks a lot.
EJ: See, whenever I play this game I'm criticized for letting all of the guppies die as soon as I have access to piranhas of any sort,
EJ: and as you can see two piranhas have died during this...
FP: Attacking aliens.
WM: Itchy!
FP: Do you have to feed him?
EJ: Uh, no.
EJ: He's not a fish.
FP: He gets his food from the blood of the alien.
♪ the same relaxed song, forever ♪
WM: Pretty funky soundtrack we got goin' here. ♪ the same relaxed song, forever ♪
EJ: Well I'm glad you enjoy it, 'cause there's not a lot of songs.
FP: There's also not a lot of backdrops.
WM: There's also not a lot of ANYTHING.
EJ: ...lot of fish.
FP: That is true, there are a lot of fish.
EJ: In fact, there was so many fish earlier that my computer could not handle it.
FP: Wow.
WM: I noticed.
EJ: Yeah, FRAPS was not enjoying anything that I was doing.
WM: Yeah, I was wondering if that was just me or not.
EJ: Nah, but, fortunately enough the framerate did smooth out.
WM: Yup.
EJ: For these ... these five moving pictures ... on my screen.
FP: Actually recording from the inside of a toaster.
EJ: This is actually my fish tank, someone help. Why are my fish cartoons?
FP: I didn't realize piranhas were so easy to come by.
EJ: With tons of dollars just falling all over the place it's easy to start neglecting more important fish.
FP: WHAT!?
WM: WHAT?!
FP: What is that?!
EJ: Eh, he's just about...
FP: There's like...
WM: What?
FP: [amazed] What was that?
EJ: He's just a reskin of the normal alien. FP: [amazed] What was that?
EJ: He's just a reskin of the normal alien.
FP: He looked like... he looked like... god, I don't even know.
WM: What? FP: He looked like... he looked like... god, I don't even know.
FP: He looked like... he looked like... god, I don't even know.
EJ: He has a name but I don't recall his name.
WM: His name... his name is steve.
EJ: His name is now steve.
EJ: I don't even think Itchy...
FP: Steve the alien. EJ: I don't even think Itchy...
FP: Steve the alien.
WM: Stevie the moonman. Uh-oh! LP Cross-over!
EJ: Did Itchy even go for that alien?
WM: I saw him, he did.
FP: He was attacking though it didn't ... look like he was doing much. WM: I saw him, he did.
FP: He was attacking though it didn't ... look like he was doing much.
EJ: Yeah, he helps but I don't like keeping pets that only contribute offensively;
EJ: a lot of the time because it's not that hard to push 'em into a corner.
FP: Do you get to choose? EJ: a lot of the time because it's not that hard to push 'em into a corner.
FP: Do you get to choose?
EJ: We do. Gosh, I'm so spoilery.
FP: Because, I mean, I saw you collect the egg and it looked like it just gave you a guy at random.
WM: [mock whining] Don't spoil!
FP: Ah, I'm sorry, we're spoiling the intricacies of fish feeding.
WM: Hey! This game is deeper than you think, okay?!
FP: I dunno, this aquarium looks pretty shallow.
WM: There's a big Insaniquarium community.
EJ: There actually is, don't smack-talk.
FP: Sounds like you're punching that thing.
EJ: Well, I kinda would.
FP: Fish boxing!
EJ: I mean, if some dude came into your tank and said:
EJ: "You know what? I'm just going to -- not steal, destroy your money making devices."
FP: Yeah.
EJ: I'd be kind of upset about that.
WM: Just jam your fist into the aquarium full of piranhas.
FP: They know it's for their own good.
EJ: They don't. They don't know a thing.
FP: They just eat fish.
EJ: But yes, we do have the ability to choose which pets we have, because we have a pet limit.
EJ: We only have three at any time. Ever.
FP: Ah.
WM: So, uh, I see there's some kind of lasergun upgrade up there or something?
EJ: Yeah, we don't need that. I'm never going to buy that.
FP: Well, what is it, then?
EJ: It just makes you do more damage to aliens.
FP: Oh. P-prego the mama fish...
WM: Prego the mama fish. FP: Oh. P-prego the mama fish...
WM: Prego the mama fish.
FP: Oh my g-- that's a lot of pets.
EJ: This is the pet selection screen.
FP: How ... how long is this game? EJ: This is the pet selection screen.
FP: How ... how long is this game?
WM: Oh my god. FP: How ... how long is this game?
WM: Oh my god.
EJ: There are...
FP: I just noticed we're only on tank one of... one-five.
EJ: Yeah, there are four tank worlds and there are five, uh, tank levels.
FP: So, twenty levels?
WM: Yeah, twenty.
WM: [emphatically] Math!
FP: [unenthusiastically] Wow.
EJ: Uh-oh!
EJ: What's she doin'?
EJ: What's she doin' over there?
WM: Euh-- that's gross, stop it!
FP: Oh, she pooped a baby.
EJ: Babies. FP: Oh, she pooped a baby.
FP: Oh, she pooped a baby.
WM: That's not how it works!
WM: [desperately] That's not how fish work!
EJ: Fish do not come from a thing that resembles themselves.
EJ: I don't know enough about animals to classify that.
FP: [laughing] She just suddenly has a... EJ: I don't know enough about animals to classify that.
FP: [laughing] She just suddenly has a...
FP: wait, is there actually a poop sound? I think there is.
WM: Yeah, I was ... I was ... yes. FP: wait, is there actually a poop sound? I think there is.
WM: Yeah, I was ... I was ... yes.
FP: I was joking at first, but apparently not. WM: Yeah, I was ... I was ... yes.
FP: I was joking at first, but apparently not.
EJ: So yes.
EJ: Prego's a bit of a blessing because early on you get your fish investment without having to invest in a lot of fish.
FP: How does she... EJ: Prego's a bit of a blessing because early on you get your fish investment without having to invest in a lot of fish.
EJ: Prego's a bit of a blessing because early on you get your fish investment without having to invest in a lot of fish.
FP: So, does the... do the pets you receive, are they randomly acquired? Or are they in a set order.
EJ: No, they're strategically assigned through the progression of the game. FP: So, does the... do the pets you receive, are they randomly acquired? Or are they in a set order.
EJ: No, they're strategically assigned through the progression of the game.
FP: Okay. EJ: No, they're strategically assigned through the progression of the game.
EJ: No, they're strategically assigned through the progression of the game.
WM: Oh wow, that was really dangerous, oh man.
EJ: He... he ate our fish.
FP: Did he?
EJ: Yeah, there was a guppy at the bottom of the tank that was really hungry.
FP: Oh, I didn't even notice.
EJ: I hovered over the upgrade weapon to just say "hey, I'm never touching this." FP: Oh, I didn't even notice.
EJ: I hovered over the upgrade weapon to just say "hey, I'm never touching this."
FP: Hm.
EJ: 'cause, it's just so easy to pin them in the corner.
FP: This is a terrible relationship; she poops out babies and he eats them.
EJ: Unfortunately, it's only ever enough to sustain one piranha.
EJ: But, you know, if you really like playing slowly then you'd never have to pay for a single guppy.
WM: Christ, how expensive do these eggs get?
EJ: Uh, extraordinarily.
FP: Jeez.
EJ: I'll be swapping out my stock for guppies and piranhas and you'll see why this is worthy of being in the clusterfuck thread.
FP: It al-- well, some parts of it already look like it, you know?
EJ: Just wait until you get my piranha buddies goin' full blast.
FP: Oh boy.
WM: Oh boy.
FP: It's gonna be your aquarium computer just doesn't ... doesn't work.
FP: Multiple alien signatures?!
WM: [exhuberated sounds] FP: Multiple alien signatures?!
WM: Oh no, there's more than one! WM: [exhuberated sounds] FP: Multiple alien signatures?!
WM: Oh no, there's more than one! FP: Multiple alien signatures?!
WM: Oh no, there's more than one!
FP: Oh, so that's how they make it dangerous, 'cause, like WM: Oh no, there's more than one!
FP: Oh, so that's how they make it dangerous, 'cause, like
EJ: Dangerous, spelled with a "Q".
FP: Ah! Bright lights, bright lights stay away from--Oh, he ate the big fish.
EJ: Yeah, see, no, he didn't eat it, the big fish just decided to happen into him.
EJ: And then ... just died.
FP: Big fish is now on an interstellar journey.
WM: [dramatically] I must go now, my planet needs me.
FP: [with a vague accent] I am needed on another aquarium.
EJ: [soft laughter] He's going to try and invade their system for me, fortunately.
WM: Guppy died on the way back to his home planet.
FP: And he was never heard from again.
EJ: He didn't actually have any complications with space travel, he just forgot that he ate.
WM: [shrill noises imitating the sound of a small fish dying]
FP: So I see what you mean, you're eventually just gonna, like, forget to feed that dude 'cause you're too busy picking up gems.
EJ: Fortunately enough, with the amount of gems that they drop you can just afford to replace somebody that you accidentally forget to give nutrients to.
FP: Yeah.
EJ: Stinky's got my back over there.
WM: Yep.
FP: What a cool dude.
EJ: The gems, they do actually sit on the floor for a little bit of time and sometimes Stinky'll be lucky enough to fling on over to one.
WM: Oh, what's this gonna be?
FP: Zorf the sea horse?
WM: Aw, man!
FP: What did he do-- wait, what?
EJ: Zorf feeds our fish.
FP: Oh.
EJ: Right now, here's a bonus round!
WM: Bonus!
EJ: This gives us money for our virtual tank. WM: Bonus!
EJ: This gives us money for our virtual tank.
EJ: It showed us the point values before and getting a chain of the same type of thing gives us, y'know, increasing amounts of dollar.
FP: Hm.
EJ: And if we get enough of them, then we end up getting a super bonus at the end, unfortunately that didn't happen.
FP: What, y'gotta get like a thousand?
WM: Oh, a bonus pet!
EJ: Yep, that's Zorf, he feeds our fish tier 2 food pellets.
FP: Oooh. EJ: Yep, that's Zorf, he feeds our fish tier 2 food pellets.
EJ: Yep, that's Zorf, he feeds our fish tier 2 food pellets.
EJ: But, that's about it for this update, so...
WM: Alright! EJ: But, that's about it for this update, so...
WM: Alright!
FP: Alright, well, this was... this was educational.
WM: Yes.
EJ: Here we go!
EJ: Good.