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*** belly
and govern da ting, a'ight!
Since this show was
recorded 10 years ago,
there is more equality.
Luckily, there ain't no longer
prejudice against *** sapiens
and we can celebrate that at last,
batty men has got the same
rights as normal people.
There has also been
nuff medical advances.
Last year me Julie went to Lithuania
and for just 60 squid she
got a new pair of swingers.
Well, the left one is,
the other one fell out.
So check out me show!
De Rezurection of Ali G.
Everything cook and curry!
Wes wes.
[title music]
1x09 - "Women"
Keep it real.
[snap]
Easy now.
If you ain't careful,
sex can lead to some terrible things.
***, squat rot, or even worse,
something called a relationship.
That's why I is off to meet John Gray,
to find out how to avoid one.
A'ight.
With men and women,
does you think that men
should marry only one woman?
Does you believe in mahogany?
I do.
I personally believe in
monogamy, for me personally.
How come in some religions,
it's all right to have more than wife?
Like the "Morons," you know?
Like sometimes I wish I was a "Moron.
"
- Well, it's the Mormons or the Muslims.
- Well, whatever.
In both those religions it's
okay to have more than
more than one wife.
So I've
helped lots of men with this
who, you know, they'll be
with a woman, she's great,
and then they just lose interest
and they don't understand
because all these other
women seem so much better.
For real, it's like with me Julie.
Me know there is
definitely someone better.
Well, I don't know if
she'd like to hear that.
Yo.
No, I is told her.
Okay.
But what you want
to do is not tell her.
Yeah.
But then she
get cocky or whatever,
you know, like, "Look at
me, I could get anyone.
"
I say, "Yo, I could do a lot
better than you.
So shut up.
"
Well, that's not a nice thing to say.
Let me tell you about a problem that
I got at the moment with me Julie.
'Bout two months ago,
me convinced me Julie
to let me take some,
like, arty photos of her.
Like very tasteful or whatever.
- Anyways, I was showing them
to me mates - Yes.
and then dem came up with
this idea of, like, sending
them to this magazine
called "Shaven Amateurs.
"
Anyway, dem published dem,
and now me Julie is like,
well-menstrual, really eggy.
What must me do?
Well, you're gonna have
to pay the price for that.
You violated her trust.
Oh no no.
She ain't worried about that.
- She just want half of the money.
- You need to find somebody
who has professional standards
of what the model would get.
So will me have to pay Snickers as well?
I don't understand the Snickers thing.
She's, you know, holding
a Snickers bar or whatever.
But I mean, to be fair,
you can only see "ickers.
"
- Okay, got it.
- But does me still have to pay them?
'Cuz it is, kind of in a way
it's like advertising for them.
[music]
What is the march about today
on a very very basic level?
I think it's about reproductive rights
and our current
administration's legislation
that threatens a
woman's right to choose.
Well I think that's also
interesting because we're,
you know, we're a lesbian
couple and everything and
- What?
- We have not had abortions,
but we are wanting to go down
to the Mall and show our support.
Did you say that you is,
you knows, some people is lesbians?
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, we know each other.
- What, you two is?
- We're a couple.
A couple of lezzes?
Respect.
- Thank you.
- Yo.
- Last I looked.
- Total, total respect.
- Yo.
Wicked, yo.
- Thank you.
I love lesbians.
- Yo.
- Okay.
Yo, respect.
Just relax.
You know?
You know.
I love it.
I is got loads of your
videos and everything.
So it's wicked.
[music]
So what's your opinion
on abortion rights?
- Or women's reproductive rights?
- Yo, I is totally into abortion.
I is been responsible for at least five,
so, you know, I is well up for it.
Find out what abortion
is! Find out what it is!
So why is you so pro-abortion?
We're not pro-abortion,
we're pro-life.
Has you ever had an abortion?
No.
I've never had one.
Surely you should try something
before you say it is bad.
- No.
- Oh, no.
We've known many, many women
that have had an abortion.
But I was very, very
anti-Burger King, but then, you
know, me went there and me
tried the flame-grilled Whopper
and it was like, you
know, it was amazing.
- What be your name?
- Father Dean Schultz.
Yo, respect.
Safe.
Is you very anti-abortions
'cause you yourself was aborted?
No.
I wasn't aborted.
So you ain't never got a ho preggers?
You ain't never got a ho preggers?
No.
So is that because you use connies
or does you fire blanks?
This interview is over.
Call it choice! Call it ***!
Just don't call it medicine!
Can me have a go on the loudy?
Hear me now, hear me now!
Buckatabuckatabus!
Hear me now, hear me now!
Free Nelson Mandela!
Free Nelson Mandela!
Let's make this clear.
You is campaigning to
make abortions cheaper.
- Why is that?
- I'm completely against it.
I'd like to see Roe Vs.
Wade overturned.
Personally, I would wait until I
was married to have sex with someone.
What? Is you married or not?
No, I'm not married yet.
- So what? Is you a ***?
- Yeah.
[laughs] I don't mean to
laugh, but you're joking?
- No.
- This is going on telly, you know.
That's great.
Ask me how old I was
when I lost me cherry.
Well, why don't you just tell me?
was like 24 and a model.
And she wanted more.
I just didn't want to commit, innit.
We shall overcome
[beatboxing]
# We shall overcome #
I do believe
Abortion!
Deep in my heart
A-abortion.
That we shall overcome
someday.
Fresh!
[music]
Yekshemesh.
Kazaki people have
many job opportunities
here in US and A.
For a man, construction worker,
taxi driver, or accountant.
For woman, ***.
I try to get American job.
Jenqui.
What sort of things
have you done work-wise?
In Kazakhstan I was a make ice.
I was a gypsy catcher.
Also I work with animals.
Animals? In what respect?
I make them
have explosion
for liquid
for make more animals.
Oh, okay.
I specialty
is camel.
I can pull a camel for
in less than 20 minute
for him to have a liquid explosion.
- Okay.
- I can do goat very easy.
In a less than minute.
Finger in ***, easy.
Okay.
Tell me about a situation
in your previous work experience
where you were confident
that you did something well
that contributed to the organization.
When I work as animal puller,
one time they said there is a camel,
he can make no sexy time explosion.
- Okay.
- I say, "Please let a Borat try.
"
- Mm-hmm.
- I go on my knees,
I grip and pull
- for two hours.
- Oh, gosh!
- Grip, pull, grip, pull, grip, pull.
- Okay.
I my arm begin a to hurt,
I cannot feel my arms, I carry on.
I do not care.
I tell them I will do it.
Grip, pull.
Grip, pull.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Then, after two hours,
I hear
[chittering]
Okay.
I think something is arriving.
Something is arriving.
Then, fast, grip, pull,
grip, pull, grip, pull
- And then silence.
- Ahem.
And then explosion.
Very good.
As far as the activity
of your involvement
in producing *** from animals,
what are your
day-to-day activities?
I take the box of cream.
I take a two animals, same size.
I lie on my back.
I take a same size
and then I start to
Some people can only do one like this.
- Uh-huh.
- If it is a camel, can only do one.
- Okay.
- Obvious.
And you have a collection
small
Uzbekistani boy collect.
[music]
Tell me a little bit
about what would your boss
that you had at your last job
if I called him up and
asked him what kind of
employee you were, what
would he say about you?
Uh, he will say a bad things,
but that is because he is a liar.
Do you feel like you're
the kind of person
that can work well with other people?
Yes.
I have very good
work with other people.
And I want you to know
that I can sniff out
if there is a traitor in a company.
- Really?
- And if I find them, I can finish them.
Well, I really don't
need you to do that.
Tell me your strengths.
Let's
start off with your strengths.
What are you good at?
- I am a very strong physique.
- Okay.
I can hold a very large woman down
for up to three hours.
- Okay.
- Do ladies work here?
- Yes, they do.
- Do they have a nice physiques?
Yes, which I have to work
with you on that because
in our work force in the United States,
everybody's looked upon as
equal as far as man and woman.
What?
Yes.
Do you have lawsuits?
Are you familiar with the term
lawsuit? Court? Court suits?
- No.
- That could become a legal issue.
If you give me this job,
can I put a camera in
the lady toilet, please?
- No.
- Why not?
- It's against the law.
- If I work here,
can I work in a room
with a light, please?
- Yes, everybody will have a light.
- Great! Success!
- See?
- Thank you.
Thank you.
Have a nice evening.
Very much.
Good luck.
Nice meet you.
- Nice meeting you.
- Hope I like a job.
- Okay.
- High five!
All right, there we go.
All right.
[music]
[music]
Funkyzeit!
[cheering]
I will introduce you and then
I put my hand up and you all shout?
Okay, great.
Okay.
Also, willkommen.
Here I am in Daytona Beach
where all the great guys
in the USA come to be gay!
- Yeah!
- Wait a minute!
- No.
- Gay? What?!
Gay means happy, right?
No, no, no, no.
- No, ***.
- Whoa!
[music]
Funkyzeit!
Also jetzt gehen wir
to look at some guys
living on the beach
who are wrestling team.
Great!
Let's see you guys wrestle.
- What?
- Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah, let's do it! Yeah!
So, do you want to
show me how to wrestle?
Man: Hit his head, come on!
Get a double leg.
Double.
Oh!
So, whistle blows, we're
coming in here grabbing.
- Great.
- Pulling down.
- Nice!
- Shooting for legs here.
- All right.
- All right, see what I'm saying?
Yeah, there you go.
There you go.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, there you go.
- Now step here.
- Yeah?
Grab behind my legs and put
your head right in my chest.
- Okay great.
- Boom! Like that.
Okay.
Like that?
- Yeah.
Now tackle me.
- Okay.
- Like that.
- Okay?
- That's it.
- Great.
That's a two-point takedown.
Great.
Let's do that again.
Go ahead.
You shoot your
double that you learned.
- Yeah.
Oh, okay.
- Do your double leg.
Boom.
All right, stay on top.
Stay on top.
- Okay.
Great.
- You got two points for a takedown.
What we're gonna do for
the front of the show,
we're gonna spell out P
you go P
then you go A-R-T-Y.
And then you all shout party!
- Go.
- P!
- A!
- R!
- T!
- Y!
Party! Whoo!
[shouting]
Spring break, baby! Whoo!
So let's just do that,
but like with more energy.
- More? More?
- Yeah, with a lot
- Okay, go!
- P!
- A!
- R!
- T!
- Y!
Party!
[shouting]
We're crazy! Spring break!
[continues shouting]
Okay, okay.
Just do it, but with more energy, okay?
We'll give you some [bleep] energy.
- Okay
- Get psyched up! Whoo!
Okay, you ready?
- Go!
- P!
- A!
- R!
- T!
- Y!
Party!
[shouting]
Let's do it, but with
more energy this time.
- That was a little bit low.
- More energy?
Because it's gonna be
the front of the show.
- Go!
- P!
- A!
- R!
- T!
- Y!
[shouting]
Okay, great.
Let's see pectorals.
Let's see your pectorals.
- Ahh!
- That's how we do things!
Okay, let's turn around.
Turn around.
- Show some abs.
- Show us some muscle.
Yeah.
Show us some muscles on the back.
- Yeah, baby!
- Whoo!
Is it possible to see
the asha? To see the asha?
- The ***?
- The ***?
- Yes, yes! Show us.
- Want some *** cheeks?
You wanna see some *** cheeks?
- Yes! Let's see.
- Give him *** cheeks.
- Yes, let's see!
- Give him some *** cheek!
That's great.
Wow.
[shouting]
Great.
Great.
Great.
Just say, "Hello this is Jim.
"
Hello, this is Jim! Whoo!
And I am saying hi.
And I am saying hi.
Saying hi from Daytona Beach, Florida!
To Austria Gay TV.
Saying what?
Austria Gay TV?
- Yeah.
- What do you mean Gay TV?
Get the [bleep] out of here.
You say Gay TV?
- Yeah.
- No.
no.
What do you mean Gay TV?
There is no [bleep] gay
TV involved in this.
- I'm not getting involved in gay TV.
- This is a gay show.
[music]
Funkyzeit!
Yo, check it.
I is here with none other
than my main man Andy Rooney.
Total respect.
And today we is
chattin' about the media.
The media is well-important, innit?
It is important.
If a
democracy is important,
people have to know what's
going on in the world,
that's why the media is important.
Does you think the media has
changed since you first got in it?
"Does" you think the media has changed?
Do you think the media has changed.
Whatever.
Does
No.
It's English.
The
English language would say
"do you think the media has changed,"
not "does you think
the media has changed.
"
Yes, I think the media has changed.
So what sort of things does you
think the media should cover?
Do you do you think the media.
Um
do you think the media
I think it's an English-American
thing, though, innit?
No, no.
No, no.
That's English.
The English language is
very clear.
I have 50 books
on the English language if
you'd like to borrow one.
Let's talk about some mistakes
that has happened or not happened.
Has journalists ever put out
tomorrow's news by mistake?
How do you know what the news
is if it hasn't happened yet?
Yo, but if there was
something like well-important
like a plane crash, wouldn't you
report that, like, a day early?
How would you report a plane crash
that happens tomorrow today?
All right, safe.
Well,
you couldn't do that.
But let's say it was
something like the election
which is, like, a massive thing.
Wouldn't you report who won that
a few days before,
because it's gonna be
such a massive story?
That everyone will want to know
about it and reads about it
Well, you don't know who won it, do you?
Until the election is over.
How can you report it before it happens?
Yo, for real.
- Okay, I think that's about it.
- What?
I don't think we need anymore.
Can't do this.
Can't do this.
- Why not?
- This is not going.
- Is it because I is black?
- I can't waste my time.
Hmm?
- Is it because I is black?
- You're black?
- For real.
- Huh? Who's black?
- Yo, I is.
- Pfft! No, I don't want to do this anymore.
- Why not?
- I don't have time.
- Sorry.
- You's been rude to me
- since the first moment.
- Right.
Right.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Trying to tell me I don't speak English?
- Well, right.
- Yo, he's been rude.
That's quite racialist, to be honest.
- Oh, racialist?
- Yo.
- Racist.
Not racialist.
- You're racialist.
- Yo, keep the cameras runnin'!
- Racist.
- You see that this is racialism goin' on here.
- This is fun.
He's chucking me out
'cause the color of me skin.