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This is Brad Davidson, telling you, basically, a 3-minute (5-minute) summation of Lord of
the Rings...in an Irish accent. "Ok, so there was this guy named..."
"Bilbo. Frodo." -man in background "Frodo? No, he's Bilbo Baggins. He snuck into
this cave because he was like going to get something from the Dragon. But then there
was Smeagol and he had to get the ring, but it was The Precious of Smeagol. So he stole
the ring and turned invisible. And he was the burglar. Anyways, fast forward to after
they slay the dragon and then they get the gold. He gives the ring to Frodo. Frodo meets
up with Gandolf and then they get chased by some Ring Wraiths to the Elf city...called
Rivendale. After that, they slay some Orcs while rowing a boat. After they slay the Orcs,
they swim. Frodo says "no Sam, you can't come with me" And then you find out that Sam can't
swim, and you're like "No, Rudy, Nooo!" After that they walk a little more and there's like
one tower, and they save the king. Then there's like a second tower, and that's the two towers,
and then they defend that place. And Gandalf, well, in the last one he died, but in the
next one he came back and he was all white. He was like "I'm the white!...And I'll save
you." So he comes down with the little staff and the horse and they come down the hill
and they save them, the two towers...both of them. Then the third one. So they meet
up with the Smeagol guy and then they walk into Morridor and then there's a spider. It
tries to eat them but Sam gets out this little light, and he's like "Back you demons!" After
that, Frodo get's, like, stabbed in the abdomen and Sam thinks he dies, but he didn't...he's
good. But he gets captured by some Orcs and so they take him up and Sam has to rescue
him. He's got this sword and he's like "I'm going to kill you." And he's like "augshwuah",
and he's like "brawrahrah" and he's like "Aughshwuah!" And then he slays all the Orcs...somehow.
This little Hobbit comes into the castle...????? So they walk up to the volcano, Sam has to
carry because Frodo wusses out. And he says "CHUCK IT IN THERE!" And Frodo says, "No."
And then Gollum comes and bites of Frodo's finger and Frodo, like, pushes him in the
lava and he's, like, happy but he dies...he's melting. And then they get outside and the
hawks come that Sandal always...Handel...Gandalf whispered to a moth, and he was like, "go
save my friends." And then the movie is over and it's happy and you're left thinking with
a deep thought. Why didn't Gandalf tell the hawks to just drop the ring in there in the
first place? The end.