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LATE FOR SCHOOL. SEE YA.
MAX, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE?
HONEY?
IS THAT MAKEUP?
BULLIES WON'T PICK ON ME
IF THEY THINK I'VE ALREADY BEEN BEATEN UP.
THEY LIKE FRESH MEAT.
SOMEBODY'S PICKING ON YOU? WHO, MAX? I WANT A NAME.
HECTOR CLARK, BOBBY GARCIA, DAVID CHIN, RICHIE GOODMAN,
TIM SULLIVAN, PETER CISCO, PRADI PITWANI.
I KNOW IT'S TOUGHER IN MIDDLE SCHOOL,
BUT JUST TRY TO THINK OF IT THIS WAY --
BULLIES ARE JUST FRIENDS
WHO DON'T REALIZE HOW SPECIAL YOU ARE YET.
WHAT KIND OF CRAP ARE YOU TEACHING HIM?
NO WONDER KIDS OF ALL RACES
ARE COMING TOGETHER TO BEAT UP ON MAX.
OR AT LEAST DO BOTH EYES AND ADD A LITTLE LIPSTICK.
I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THERE WILL BE A COUPLE OF BOYS
WHO WILL WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND.
MOM, THIS FAMILY HAS ONLY ROOM FOR ONE GUY IN MAKEUP,
AND THAT IS YOU. GOOD DAY, SIR.
I SAID, GOOD DAY, SIR!
I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND
WHY ANYONE WOULD WANT TO PICK ON YOU.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
YOU'RE DRESSING HIM LIKE HE'S STILL IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.
DORKY SHIRT, DORKY PANTS...
YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE HIS BOXERS.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT HIM IN A "TICKLE ME, ELMO" T-SHIRT
AND SEND HIM TO HIS DEATH?
I THINK HE LOOKS REALLY CUTE.
OKAY, DON'T LISTEN TO ME.
HALEY?
I GUESS THOSE SHOES AREN'T TOO BAD...
IF YOU'RE RUNNING AWAY FROM SOMEONE.
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
I DIDN'T PICK ANY OF THIS OUT!
MAX, DO YOU WANT TO IGNORE PEER PRESSURE
AND BE JUDGED FOR WHO YOU ARE,
OR DO YOU JUST WANT TO FOLLOW THE CROWD --
FOLLOW THE CROWD!
I NEED NEW CLOTHES, FAST.
FINE, WE'LL GO SHOPPING LATER.
NO.
SHE PICKS OUT MY CLOTHES NOW. YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE.
MAN, REMEMBER WHEN YOU USED TO BE COOL, ANGIE?
ANGIE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
ANGIE WHEN WE GOT MARRIED. ANGIE BECOMES A MOM!
HEY, YOU'RE NOT SO COOL ANYMORE, EITHER.
REALLY?
TALK TO THE BOXERS. WA-CHA!
'SUP, EH? 'SUP?
'SUP, KITCHEN? 'SUP, TOAST?
WHAT'S UP, OUTSIDE? WA-CHA!
NOW, TELL ME WHICH OF THESE SETTINGS
YOU LIKE FOR THE WEDDING.
I'M JUST SO GLAD YOU CAME ACROSS MY AD IN THE PHONE BOOK.
I KNEW I'D GET BUSINESS IF I WAS LISTED BEFORE TRIPLE-A EVENTS.
[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]
A-A-A-ANGIE'S WEDDINGS, HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
HEY, YOU'RE EARLY.
COOL BRACELET.
YEAH, WELL, TODD AND I HAVE BEEN DATING FOR A WHILE,
SO I FINALLY DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO GO GREEN.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
DIDN'T THEY DO THIS AT YOUR OLD SCHOOL?
EVERY COLOR BRACELET IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT
YOU'LL DO WITH A GUY.
OH, YEAH. YEAH, I'VE GONE GREEN.
I EVEN WENT BLUE ONCE.
WHAT?! OH, MY GOD, BLUE?
Didn't you get sand everywhere?
HEY, WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF BLUE,
YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE.
MAN, WAIT TILL EVERYBODY AT SCHOOL
FINDS OUT THAT YOU'VE DONE BLUE.
THEY'RE GONNA THINK I'M, LIKE, A ***, ARE THEY?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
EVERYONE'S GONNA THINK YOU'RE COOL.
AT ST. THERESA'S, YOU'RE ONLY A *** IF YOU GET PREGNANT.
HEY, DAD, WHERE'S OUR BIBLE?
I'VE GOT HOMEWORK FOR MY RELIGIOUS STUDIES CLASS.
CHECK THE LIVING ROOM.
WHEN YOUR GRANDMA PASSED OUT LAST NIGHT,
I TOUCHED IT TO HER HEAD TO SEE IF IT'D LEAVE A BURN MARK.
HI, HALEY.
OH, CUTE BRACELET!
YOU KNOW, A BLUE ONE WOULD MAKE A GREAT GIFT
FOR THE FLOWER GIRL.
DO NOT...DO THAT.
HEY, THERE'S THAT KID FROM THE COVER OF COOL GUY MONTHLY!
OH, HEY, I SAW THIS MOVIE.
"NERDS, NERDS, NERDS, NERDS!"
WHAT'S GOING ON?
[ Panting ] CLOTHES...DIDN'T WORK.
WHO ARE YOUR FRIENDS?
NOT...MY FRIENDS.
WE WERE JUST RUNNING IN THE SAME DIRECTION...
AWAY FROM BULLIES.
YOU WERE CHASED AGAIN? THAT'S HORRIBLE.
I KNOW.
THANK GOD THAT FAT KID HAD TO STOP
TO TAKE A HIT OFF HIS INHALER.
THEY WOULD'VE GRABBED US ALL.
WHERE'S THE FRONT DOOR?
THERE.
AFTER ME, FELLAS, COME ON!
I'LL BE UP IN MY ROOM.
ANGIE, THIS IS SERIOUS.
IF MAX DOESN'T MAKE FRIENDS SOON,
HE'S GONNA BE BRANDED A LOSER FOR THE REST OF MIDDLE SCHOOL.
SO, WHAT'S HE SUPPOSED TO DO?
I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN, I GOT LUCKY.
I STARTED DATING SOME HOT CHEERLEADER.
USED TO TAKE HER TO ALL THE PARTIES AND SAY,
"LOOK AT WHAT GEORGE GOT!
WA-CHA!"
[ Panting ] WHICH WAY? WHICH WAY?
TH-THROUGH THERE.
THE FRUIT IN THE BOWL IS FAKE!
WHAT AM I SAYING? THAT KID'S NOT GOING FOR THE FRUIT.
WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS EARLIER?
DINA'S SON, KYLE, GOES TO THE SAME SCHOOL AS MAX.
THEY SHOULD GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
MAX, GET DOWN HERE!
NO, ANGIE, KIDS DON'T MAKE FRIENDS
BY HAVING THEIR MOMMIES SET THEM UP ON BLIND DATES.
LOOK, A KID TRIPS IN THE CAFETERIA.
YOU LAUGH SO HARD THAT MILK COMES OUT OF YOUR NOSE.
THE KID NEXT TO YOU IS LAUGHING SO HARD HE ACCIDENTALLY FARTS.
BRRRP!
BOOM! FRIENDS FOR LIFE!
DO YOU KNOW KYLE FROM SCHOOL?
I-I'VE SEEN HIM AROUND. WHY?
WELL, MAYBE HE'D LIKE TO GO TO THE MOVIES
WITH YOU THIS WEEKEND.
TRUST ME, IT'LL BE FUN.
KYLE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO THE MOVIES
WITH MAX THIS WEEKEND?
NO, NO, NO!
HE'S A LOSER, LOSER, LOSER!
NO WAY!
I'M NOT GOING TO HANG OUT WITH HIM!
EVERYONE KNOWS HE'S A LOSER.
HEY! YOU'RE IN MY BACKYARD WITH YOUR MOMMY LOOKING AT CHINA,
SO WHO'S THE REAL LOSER, HUH, PRINCESS?!
ANGIE, DINA, HOW ARE YOU?
LET'S GO, SON.
[ INTRO TO WAR'S "LOW RIDER" PLAYS ]
♪ ALL MY FRIENDS KNOW THE LOW RIDER ♪
♪ THE LOW RIDER IS A LITTLE HIGHER ♪
DAD, DO I HAVE TO DO THIS?
COME ON, YOU LOVE SKATING, MAX.
NOW, GET OUT THERE. YOU MIGHT MAKE SOME FRIENDS.
THIS IS STUPID.
MAN, IT'S HARD WHEN YOU DON'T FIT IN.
[ Laughing ] REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE TRYING
TO GET INTO THE ROLLER DISCO CROWD,
AND YOU WERE SPINNING ME AROUND
'CAUSE YOU WERE GONNA WHIP ME OUT SO I'D LOOK REALLY COOL?
BUT THEN I GOT SCARED,
AND I KEPT HOLDING ON TO YOUR HANDS,
AND WE JUST KEPT GOING ROUND AND ROUND IN CIRCLES,
LIKE WE WERE DANCING, REMEMBER?
[ LAUGHING ]
I THINK YOU HIT YOUR HEAD, MAN, 'CAUSE I WASN'T THERE.
NO, I SPECIFICALLY REMEM--
THAT WASN'T ME.
MAX, THAT WAS AWESOME!
WAY TO GO, LITTLE BUDDY.
[ Sarcastically ] YEAH, WAY TO GO, LITTLE BUDDY.
[ BOYS LAUGHING ]
I'M SORRY.
Look, if you want to be cool with these guys,
this one time, all right,
I give you permission to tell me off.
Say something like, "Get out of here, old man."
GET OUT OF HERE, FAT HEAD!
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR CRAP!
YEAH, LIKE THAT. OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.
I'LL BE BACK IN AN HOUR.
YOU COME BACK WHEN I TELL YOU TO COME BACK!
WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME IN THE MINIVAN
AND START MY DINNER, SOCCER MOM?!
I love you, Dad.
GEORGE, CHECK OUT THESE BRACELETS.
I SAW CARMEN'S FRIEND WEARING ONE.
THEY'RE SO CUTE! I GOT ONE IN EVERY COLOR.
IT WAS SO SAD.
THE BOY AT THE STORE HAD SOME KIND OF DISORDER.
WHEN HE GAVE ME MY CHANGE, HE WAS JUST [PANTING] SHAKING.
WELL, WHILE YOU WERE OUT GETTING "BRACELETS"...
[ CHATTERING ]
I WENT OUT AND GOT MAX SOME FRIENDS.
HONEY, THAT'S GREAT.
AND THOSE FRIENDS, THE ONES THAT I GOT HIM
WHEN I TOOK HIM TO THE SKATE PARK,
ARE COMING OVER FOR SOME BURGERS THAT I'M MAKING.
THERE'S NO REASON TO TALK LIKE THIS ANYMORE, BUT I LIKE IT!
WANT TO SEE THE COOLEST THING EVER?
WA-CHA!
GEORGE, DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?
I...DID NOT.
ALL THE GUYS THINK IT'S REALLY COOL.
WHICH GENIUS TALKED YOU INTO THAT?
BODIE.
LET ME GUESS -- BODIE'S WEARING THE TRASH CAN?
OKAY, GUYS. COME ON, THAT'S ENOUGH.
WHOA, WHY ARE YOU WEARING ALL THOSE BRACELETS?
YOU'RE A MOM.
JUST BECAUSE I'M A MOM DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T HAVE A LITTLE FUN.
OH, DUDE, YOU ARE SO PIMPIN'.
DARYL HANNAH?
Boy: GO, MAX!
MAX, NO! THIS WAS NOT ON THE SAFETY VIDEO WE WATCHED.
ANGIE, RELAX, IT'S OKAY.
NO, IT'S NOT.
REMEMBER, SAMMY THE SKATER,
THE PENGUIN WITH THE LITTLE HELMET?
♪ YOU CAN BE SAFE AND STILL BE RAD ♪
♪ WHEN YOU WEAR YOUR HELMET AND YOUR ELBOW PADS ♪
OHH...
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE SAMMY THE SKATER SINGS, ANGIE?
♪ SHUT UP, SHUT UP, YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE ♪
♪ NOW MEET ME IN THE KITCHEN ♪
ANGIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING HIM IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS.
THOSE AREN'T THE KIND OF FRIENDS I WANT MAX TO HAVE.
THEY'RE OLDER, THEY'RE RECKLESS.
LOOK, HE ALREADY CHANGED HIS HAIR.
HE'S TOO DESPERATE FOR FRIENDS.
WHAT OTHER STUPID THINGS IS HE GONNA DO TO TRY TO IMPRESS THEM?
LOOK, THEY'RE JUST BEING GUYS.
WHEN WE GET TOGETHER, WE DO CRAZY STUFF.
CAN YOU IMAGINE YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIENDS
GOING TO A RAIDERS GAME
AND PAINTING YOUR CHESTS SILVER AND BLACK?
[ CHUCKLES ]
GEORGE!
JUST BE HAPPY HE HAS FRIENDS, OKAY?
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A LONER.
BODIE, BODIE, BODIE, BODIE!
[ CRASHING ]
THAT STILL HURTS A LOT LESS THAN BEING ALONE.
RIGHT, BODIE?
COME ON, MAN, GET UP. I'M TRYING TO MAKE A POINT HERE.
IF HE'S IN THAT MUCH PAIN, ANGIE,
AT LEAST WE KNOW HE'S NOT ON DRUGS.
[ Laughing ] HE GOES DOWN THE TABLE, UP THE RAMP, MOM,
OVER THE GRILL, AND INTO THE KITCHEN!
THAT'S WHY I THINK WE NEED A WOMAN PRESIDENT.
HEY, HONEY.
NO, ANGIE, ANGIE, DON'T END IT.
IT'S JUST ONE GRAY HAIR. WE'LL DYE IT.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
I HAD AN INTERESTING LITTLE TRIP TO THE GROCERY STORE.
ANOTHER SHOPPING STORY.
LET ME HAVE THOSE SCISSORS.
WHEN THE TEENAGE BOY BAGGING MY GROCERIES NOTICED MY BRACELETS,
I TOOK IT AS A COMPLIMENT.
WHEN HE HELPED ME TO THE CAR,
I THOUGHT, "THAT WAS REALLY SWEET."
WHEN HE PUT HIS HAND ON MY BUTT
AND TOLD ME THAT HE'D NEVER DONE PURPLE WITH AN OLDER CHICK,
I HIT HIM.
WHEN HE STOPPED CRYING, AND WE FOUND HIS RETAINER,
HE TOLD ME THAT EACH OF THOSE COLORS
STANDS FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT YOU'LL DO WITH A BOY.
DID YOU HAVE TO CUT THEM ALL OFF?
CARMEN WAS WEARING A BUNCH OF THOSE BRACELETS YESTERDAY.
CARMEN, GET DOWN HERE!
IN MY DAY YOU DIDN'T GO AROUND ADVERTISING THIS STUFF.
YOU'D GO OFF WITH A GUY,
AND THEN IF HE WENT TOO FAR YOU SLAPPED HIM.
NOW, IF SLAPPING WAS YOUR THING, IT GOT A LITTLE CONFUSING.
MOM!
ANOTHER SOURCE OF CONFUSION -- BITING.
LET ME SEE YOUR WRIST.
ORANGE,
BLUE, GREEN, PURPLE, RED, BLACK, PINK,
ANOTHER WEIRDER KIND OF BLUE. WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THAT?
TEAL!
CARMEN, YOU'RE TEAL-ING?
YOU'RE A TEAL-ER?
WE KNOW ABOUT THE BRACELETS. WE NEED TO HAVE A SERIOUS TALK.
NO, WE DON'T. EVERYONE JUST CALM DOWN.
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
THEN WHY ARE YOU WEARING THE BRACELETS?
BECAUSE PEOPLE THINK IT'S COOL.
A WEEK AGO HARDLY ANYONE AT SCHOOL TALKED TO ME.
NOW EVERYONE LIKES ME.
YOU LEFT PUBLIC SCHOOL BECAUSE EVERYONE THOUGHT YOU WERE EASY.
NOW YOU WANT EVERYONE TO THINK YOU'RE EASY?
BECAUSE I'M MATURING.
UM, WARD, JUNE?
I HATE TO INTERRUPT ONE PARENTAL FAILURE WITH ANOTHER,
BUT THE BEAV'S BEEN ARRESTED AT THE MALL.
George: WHAT? FOR WHAT?
THEY WOULDN'T TELL ME.
HE GOT IN TROUBLE WITH THOSE SKATER PUNKS.
THEY'RE HOLDING HIM DOWN THERE.
I'LL HANDLE THIS.
I TOLD YOU HE WAS GONNA DO SOMETHING STUPID
WITH THOSE BOYS.
DON'T WORRY.
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED AT THE MALL,
HE WILL HAVE HIS DAY IN FOOD COURT.
[ LAUGHS ]
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. COME ON, COME ON.
IF WE DON'T LAUGH, WE'LL CRY.
[ LAUGHS ]
IS ANYBODY HERE?!
HE'LL BE BACK IN A SECOND. HE'S CHECKING ON MY KID.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS A WASTE OF TIME, MAN.
SKATEBOARDING'S NOT A CRIME.
SO A KID, LIKE, GRINDS ON A RAIL
OR TRIES TO JUMP A FOUNTAIN.
IT'S LIKE THESE MALL COPS GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO.
MY SON STABBED ANOTHER GANGBANGER
AND THREW HIM DOWN THE ESCALATOR.
SO, YOU THINK THEY'RE KEEPING BOTH OF OUR KIDS
IN THE SAME ROOM BACK THERE?
PROBABLY.
MAX, ARE YOU OKAY?!
MAX, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, SON,
DON'T HURT ANY OF THOSE OTHER BOYS.
YOU CAN'T AFFORD YOUR THIRD STRIKE!
MAX, ARE YOU OKAY?
YEAH, I'M FINE.
I NEED YOU TO SIGN THIS.
YOUR KID'S NOT ALLOWED BACK IN THE MALL.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE HIS PICTURE ON FILE.
WHOA, MAN, THAT'S A LITTLE HARSH.
THEY WERE JUST SKATEBOARDING.
HE WASN'T SKATEBOARDING.
I JUST FINISHED GRABBING THIS GUY'S KID OUT OF A KNIFE FIGHT,
AND THEN I FIND YOUR SON AND SIX OF HIS FRIENDS
BEATING UP ANOTHER KID.
MAX, IS THIS TRUE?
DON'T BE TOO *** YOURSELF.
ONCE A KID GOES DOWN THAT ROAD, THERE AIN'T MUCH YOU CAN DO.
WELL, MY KID'S NOT GOING DOWN THAT ROAD, OKAY?
HE'S SMARTER THAN THAT.
TURN TO YOUR RIGHT.
HE'S DYSLEXIC, MAN, JUST TURN HIM.
GEORGE, TAKE IT EASY.
MAX, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?
THIS GUY AT THE MALL CALLED TREVOR A NAME.
SO, THAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO GANG UP ON THE BOY?
I HAD TO STAND UP FOR HIM. HE'D DO THE SAME THING FOR ME.
YOU MESS WITH ONE OF US, YOU MESS WITH ALL OF US.
THAT'S IT! COME HERE.
STAND RIGHT THERE.
COVER YOUR EYES.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
LOOK, THOSE KIDS ARE GONNA END UP IN PRISON.
I KNOW BECAUSE I GREW UP WITH KIDS LIKE THAT.
AND I DIDN'T WORK MY *** OFF TO LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU.
MAX, GO UPSTAIRS AND WASH THAT OUT YOURSELF.
THEN WAIT IN YOUR ROOM.
DID YOU HEAR HIM?
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH OUR KIDS?
I DON'T KNOW.
ARE WE BAD PARENTS?
NO!
YOU'VE BEEN TOUGH, I'VE BEEN FORGIVING.
WE'VE GONE INTO HUGE DEBT TO GET CARMEN INTO THE RIGHT SCHOOL.
WE'VE BEEN UP HALF THE NIGHT WITH MAX,
HELPING HIM WITH HIS LEARNING DISABILITIES.
WE'VE ALWAYS PUT THEM FIRST.
WELL, IT'S NOT ENOUGH
'CAUSE THEY KEEP FALLING IN WITH THE WRONG PEOPLE.
LAST YEAR MAX WAITED UP FOR SANTA.
THIS YEAR HE AND HIS CREW ARE GONNA WAIT ON THE ROOF
AND JACK HIS SLEIGH.
GOD KNOWS WHAT CARMEN'S GONNA DO WITH THE ELVES.
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE.
MAYBE IT'S THE CITY.
MAYBE THERE'S A BETTER PLACE TO RAISE KIDS.
GEORGE, I'M NOT MOVING OUT OF THE CITY.
HEY, YOU GUYS, THERE'S A HIGH-SPEED CHASE
ABOUT TO GO PAST THE HOUSE.
COME ON, LET'S GO CHEER ON THE CARJACKER.
[ SIREN WAILING ]
I'LL MISS YOUR MOM.
LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF THE CITY.
YOU KNOW, ANGIE, IF WE LEAVE L.A.,
THIS WILL BE THE LAST CAR CHASE WE EVER SEE.
YOU GET A BOTTLE OF WINE. I'LL GET THE CHAIRS.
GO, GO, GO, GO!
MOM, SAVE ME A SPOT!
HEY, GEORGE, CHECK IT OUT!
I FOUND MY OLD SKATES.
[ LAUGHING ]
HEY, HEY, HEY, REMEMBER THIS?
LOOK, I'M TELLING YOU FOR THE LAST TIME, BERNIE,
THAT WASN'T ME!
OH, YEAH?
WELL, THEN WHOSE SKATES ARE THESE, MR. VON BOOGIE?
I BELIEVE IT'S...DR. VON BOOGIE.
[ LAUGHS ]
CAPTAIN SHAKE IT REPORTING FOR DUTY.
DOCTOR, WHAT TIME IS IT?
IT'S TIME TO GET FUNKY!
[ DISCO MUSIC PLAYS ]
NOW IF I CALL IN SICK,
IT WON'T BE A LIE.