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MY GOD, SHE IS GORGEOUS.
EVEN I CAN APPRECIATE THAT.
(SIGHS)
AND THIS ONE,
SHE KNOWS HOW TO TURN ON THE FUN.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
CAN YOU AFFORD HER?
PLEASE, JACK, DO NOT TARNISH THIS MOMENT WITH TALK OF MONEY.
I'M JUST SAYING--
I MUST HAVE HER,
THEREFORE I CAN AFFORD HER.
HER...
AND ALL OF HER LITTLE TOYS, TOO.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS EVEN GONNA DO WITH SOMETHING THIS BIG?
I MEAN, IT'S KIND OF GROTESQUE,
NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT EMMA'S GONNA FREAK OUT
WHEN YOU DRAG THIS THROUGH THE LIVING ROOM.
JOEY, DON'T BE JEALOUS
JUST BECAUSE SHE CAN DO THINGS
THAT NO MAN HAS EVER KNOWN BEFORE.
OK, NOW YOU'RE DISTURBING ME.
IT'S A TELEVISION THAT LOOKS LIKE IT ATE A SMALL COUNTRY.
THIS IS THE MOST BLATANT DISPLAY OF CAPITALISM I'VE EVER SEEN.
DON'T BE THREATENED BY SOMETHING
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, JOEY.
I'M GONNA GO GET THE SALES GUY.
AREN'T THERE BETTER THINGS YOU CAN BE DOING WITH YOUR MONEY?
WHAT, LIKE FUNDING YOUR DRUG HABIT?
NOW WE'RE TALKING.
GRATUITOUS PURCHASES ASIDE,
I'M VERY IMPRESSED WITH YOU, PACE.
HEY, YOU PUT ANY FOOL IN A SUIT AND HE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD.
JUST LOOK AT TRADING PLACES.
IT'S NOT THE SUITS, AND IT'S NOT THE HIGH-TECH TOYS.
IT'S HOW YOU GOT YOURSELF TO THIS PLACE.
I MEAN, LOOK HOW FAR YOU'VE COME.
NOT TOO FAR, I HOPE.
ARE YOU REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THAT?
OF COURSE.
I'D LIKE TO THINK THAT I COULD GET BACK
TO BEING THE PERSON I USED TO BE,
BECAUSE, IN MY OPINION, HE WAS ACTUALLY A PRETTY GOOD GUY.
YOU STILL ARE, PACEY.
LOOK, YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN THIS MADCAP GENIUS
JUST WAITING FOR POTENTIAL TO KICK IN.
IT JUST SO HAPPENED TO KICK INTO OVERDRIVE.
I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU.
THANK YOU.
THAT MEANS A LOT COMING FROM YOU, JO.
BUT...
IF YOU THINK I'M GONNA SIT IN YOUR APARTMENT
AND PAY HOMAGE TO THAT THING, YOU'RE SORELY MISTAKEN.
YOU GOTTA COME TONIGHT. IT'S NOT A PARTY WITHOUT YOU, YOU KNOW THAT.
I KNOW.
BELIEVE ME, I'M COMING.
I MEAN, I'M IN DIRE NEED OF CHEER AND LIBATIONS
AFTER EDDIE UP AND DECIDED TO MAKE SOMETHING OF HIMSELF.
YEAH, YOU GOTTA QUIT WITH THE WHOLE SUPPORTIVE AND INSPIRATIONAL THING.
IT DOESN'T WORK FOR YA.
I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?
NOW DON'T MAKE ME REGRET ALL OF MY SENTIMENTAL PRIDE.
I WON'T.
SO LONG AS YOU COME TONIGHT.
IT'LL BE GOOD FOR YOUR SOUL,
AND IT REALLY WOULD MEAN A LOT TO ME
IF YOU COULD JUST ACCEPT HER...
OH, GOD.
AS ONE OF OUR OWN.
CLOTHES DON'T FOOL ME.
SAME OLD LOVABLE PUNK.
I'M GONNA GO CHECK OUT THE iPODS.
BACK WALL, GUYS.
OHHH.
SHE IS AWESOME. WE'RE GONNA PRAY TO HER EVERY NIGHT.
IT'S A BOX, JACK. IT'S A BIG BOX,
AND SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN SO INTERESTED
IN BIG BOXES?
SINCE PACEY HERE STARTED SHARING THE WEALTH.
THIS IS NOT GONNA BRING YOU HAPPINESS, YOU KNOW.
OH, I BEG TO DIFFER.
SEE, DAVID'S HERE RIGHT NOW TO CHECK OUT THE TV.
OH, SO, WHAT, YOU'RE GONNA GET LUCKY
WITH THE TELEVISION?
HI.
HEY.
HEY.
HOLY BIG-SCREEN, BATMAN.
YOU WERE RIGHT.
IT IS BEAUTIFUL.
HAVE YOU BOYS NO CONCERN
FOR THE GENERAL AESTHETIC QUALITY OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS?
THIS THING IS SO BIG, IT COULD BLOCK THE SUN.
SPARE ME THE MANIFESTO, LINDLEY.
THE QUALITY OF LIFE JUST WENT UP 10 POINTS IN HERE.
WOULD YA JUST...
GIVE THE OLD GIRL A CHANCE?
I'M SURE THAT SHE WILL IMPRESS YOU WITH HER SKILLS.
THE--THE STRENGTH OF THE SOUND THAT COMES OUT OF HER, IT JUST--
IT FEELS LIKE IT'S ENVELOPING YOUR WHOLE BODY.
OH, IS EMMA'S BAND PLAYING TONIGHT? I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
NO. THE TV.
LOVE THE TV. TOUCH THE TV.
AHH.
MOVING ON.
NEXT SUBJECT.
WHY ARE YOU HAVING THIS PARTY ANYWAY?
I MEAN, YOU AND JACK HAVE BEEN LIVING HERE
IN PRIVATE SQUALOR FOR MONTHS NOW.
SQUALOR.
INTERESTING.
WELL, WORK'S BEEN GOING WELL, AND, UH,
I JUST WANTED TO SPREAD THE JOY.
SO, LISTEN,
I'M BRINGING C.J. TO THIS PARTY.
(SIGHS)
C.J., THE DUDE FROM THE CONCERT.
YES, C.J., THE DUDE FROM THE CONCERT,
WHOSE FACE YOU INTRODUCED TO THE BRICK WALL,
WHICH LEADS ME TO MY NEXT POINT--
COULD YOU POSSIBLY NOT PUNCH HIM TONIGHT?
I WOULD NEVER.
WELL, THAT'S REASSURING.
UM, BUT I'M GONNA GO NOW,
AND WHEN I RETURN, I WILL HAVE C.J.,
AND I WILL HAVE ICE.
ICE, WHICH IS FOR DRINKS, NOT FOR BOYS' BROKEN FACES.
THANKS FOR THE CLARIFICATION.
HEY. SEE YA LATER TONIGHT.
TA.
EMMA.
(LAUGHS)
OH, WHAT IN THE QUEEN'S NAME IS THAT?
THAT IS TONIGHT'S ENTERTAINMENT
AND EVERY GLORIOUS NIGHT THEREAFTER.
Jack: THIS IS BERTHA.
NO.
ISN'T SHE PRETTY?
SHE IS NOT PRETTY.
SHE IS AN OVERSIZED HAG
WHO'S TAKING UP MY PRACTICE SPACE.
DON'T TALK ABOUT BERTHA LIKE THAT.
WE CAN DISCUSS REARRANGING LATER.
WHAT--WHAT--
WHAT IN THE QUEEN'S NAME IS THAT?
(LAUGHS) OH.
SORRY. UM...
THAT'S GUS.
OH.
MY FIANCE.
HOW CAN YOU HELP YOURSELF TODAY?
HA HA. UM, ACTUALLY I'M HERE TO--
Audrey: DAWSON LEERY,
YOU ARE A SIGHT FOR SOBER EYES.
HI!
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO.
OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA THINK MY MESSAGE WAS A JOKE.
YOU SOUNDED A LITTLE TOO DESPERATE FOR IT TO BE A JOKE.
OH, WELL, THANKS FOR NOT FLAKING,
'CAUSE I KINDA WOULDA DESERVED THAT.
AH-CHOO!
AH-CHOO!
AH-CHOO!
OH, BUT PLEASE TELL ME THAT YOU BROUGHT ME SOME NYQUIL
'CAUSE I CAN JUST NOT SHAKE THIS PESKY COLD.
THE FIRST STEP TO GETTING BETTER
IS ALLOWING YOURSELF TO ADMIT THAT YOU'RE SICK.
THANKS, BETTY.
OK, WELL, IT'S COOL THAT YOU FORGOT THE NYQUIL,
WE'LL DEAL WITH THAT LATER,
BUT PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF JOEY POTTER,
TELL ME THAT YOU BROUGHT ME SOMETHING TO READ.
A JANE MAGAZINE, HELL, I'D EVEN SETTLE FOR MARTHA ANYTHING.
ANYTHING BUT THE BIBLE,
ALTHOUGH IT WAS PRETTY COOL THE FIRST TIME AROUND.
PEOPLE STEAL A LOT OF MATERIAL FROM THE BIBLE.
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT?
ARE YOU OK, AUDREY?
YEAH. YOU KNOW, TRUTH BE TOLD,
I'VE BEEN...SMOKING A LOT MORE THAN THE AVERAGE GIRL,
WELL, MORE THAN THE AVERAGE GIRL WITHOUT AN EATING DISORDER.
YOU KNOW, THEY KIND OF ENCOURAGE THAT HERE.
YOU KNOW, THE SMOKING
'CAUSE, LIKE, THAT'S NOT GONNA KILL YOU OR ANYTHING.
ANYWAY...BYGONES.
YOU OK, DAWSON?
UH, WELL, SORTA.
I'VE BEEN LIVING IN TODD'S GUESTHOUSE FOR THE PAST 2 WEEKS,
WHICH HAS BEEN ITS OWN KIND OF SOBRIETY NIGHTMARE.
UH, WICKED DEAD IS GOING STRAIGHT TO CABLE,
WHICH MEANS TODD WON'T BE DIRECTING
ANYTHING IN THE NEAR FUTURE
AND I PROBABLY WON'T EVER GET ANOTHER SHOT AT THIS RATE.
YEAH.
I'M IN REHAB, DAWSON.
(LAUGHS)
DID YOU REALLY NOT BRING ME ANY MAGAZINES?
I'M SORRY, I--
DO YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS?
YEAH. IT'S THE BROAD I LOST MY CIGARETTES TO
LAST NIGHT IN POKER GAME.
I REALLY DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
THAT'S TONI STARK.
SHE'S A PHENOMENALLY SUCCESSFUL PRODUCER.
SHE USED TO WORK FOR SPIELBERG'S PRODUCTION COMPANY,
THEN SHE LEFT TO START HER OWN.
SHE'S LIKE A MODERN HOLLYWOOD LEGEND.
OH, WELL, FINDING THOSE IS LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL HERE,
SO DON'T BLOW YOUR *** ON ONE SIGHTING, OK, TIGER?
DO YOU--
I MEAN, DO YOU THINK I COULD LIKE TALK TO HER?
I MEAN--I MEAN, I'D LOVE TO TALK TO HER,
BUT I DON'T-- I DON'T KNOW.
SHE'S GOT THIS REPUTATION FOR BEING LIKE A RENOWNED HARPY.
YOU KNOW, LIKES TO EAT WELL-MEANING TYPES FOR BREAKFAST.
WELL, THAT'S PROBABLY HER DRUNKEN REPUTATION.
I MEAN, SHE'S GOT NO AMMO HERE,
BUT, HELLO, WHAT ABOUT ME?
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE LIKE THE ONLY PERSON
WHO'S BEEN COOL ENOUGH TO COME VISIT ME HERE,
AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA DITCH ME?
I'M SORRY. YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
LET'S--
LET'S WORK THROUGH
WHAT GOT YOU HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
NO.
LET'S STALK THE BURN-OUT.
WHOSE PARTY DID YOU SAY THIS WAS?
I DIDN'T. FUNNY, THAT. LET'S GO IN.
WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. COME ON NOW.
I'M NOT ONE FOR SURPRISES.
OK, IT'S MY FRIEND PACEY'S PARTY.
PA--THAT DUDE FROM THE CONCERT?
YES, THE DUDE FROM THE CONCERT,
THE ONE WHO INTRODUCED YOUR FACE TO A BRICK WALL.
I GOT A BETTER IDEA. WHY DON'T WE GO IN THERE,
DROP OFF THE ICE, GO TO A MOVIE.
THESE ARE SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS,
AND IF YOU AND I ARE GONNA DO THIS,
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET TO KNOW THEM SOONER OR LATER,
SO LET'S JUST DO IT, PLEASE?
HELLO THERE.
NICE TELEVISION.
SEE? I TOLD YOU IT WASN'T GONNA BE SO BAD.
QUITE THE SHINDIG, PACE. I'M IMPRESSED.
WHY, THANK YOU.
I OWE IT ALL TO BERTHA.
Joey: PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T NAME THE TELEVISION.
OK.
YOU WANT A DRINK?
WE HAVE...
WATER, JUICE, COKE,
THE GREEN GUNK THAT EMMA DRINKS, BEER--
MM, GIMME A DRINK. SOMETHING FRUITY AND MIND-NUMBING.
DON'T GIMME THAT LOOK.
WHAT LOOK?
LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO ASK ME WHO I AM
AND WHAT I'VE DONE TO JOEY POTTER.
I WAS GONNA DO NO SUCH THING.
I WAS SIMPLY GONNA MAKE YOU A DRINK.
AND MAY I SAY THAT YOU LOOK WONDERFUL TONIGHT.
THANK YOU.
I THOUGHT IT WAS TIME FOR A SHOWER.
(LAUGHS)
YOU KNOW, I HEARD THAT THINGS HAVEN'T BEEN GOING SO GREAT FOR YOU LATELY,
BUT I HAVE CONFIDENCE THAT YOU'RE GONNA GET THROUGH THIS
BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS DO.
HMM.
YOU KNOW, I'LL ALWAYS BE THE ONE
TO WAKE UP EARLY, TAKE THE EXAM, GET OVER THE BOY,
DRIVE THE ROOMMATE TO REHAB, RIGHT?
'CAUSE SOMEBODY'S GOTTA DO ALL THAT, RIGHT?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
MAYBE TOMORROW I WON'T DO IT
AND SOMEBODY ELSE WILL.
SO JUST WHAT WOULD YOU DO INSTEAD?
WHAT IS THIS INSTEAD YOU SPEAK OF?
WELL...
THIS IS A FAIRLY SAFE PLACE FOR YOU, RIGHT?
SO FEEL FREE.
ENJOY YOURSELF.
ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S THE PLAN. ALL BETS ARE OFF.
YOU KNOW, I JUST KEEP WONDERING...
WHEN HE'S GONNA RETURN TO HIS ART.
I MEAN, HE WAS REALLY QUITE TALENTED.
MM-HMM.
REALLY?
I HAD NO IDEA HE WAS INTO THAT SORT OF THING.
MM-HMM.
REALLY?
OH, MY GOSH. THAT'S WHAT BROUGHT US TOGETHER IN THE FIRST PLACE.
WELL...
BEFORE.
I MEAN, YOU'LL THINK THIS IS FUNNY, BUT...
JACK...
WHEN I FIRST MET HIM...
MM-HMM.
HE WAS...
SHY AND KINDA DORKY.
SERIOUSLY.
(LAUGHS)
I MEAN, TO BE HONEST,
I NEVER WOULD'VE KNOWN HE LIKED ME,
EXCEPT FOR...
THERE WAS THAT ONE TIME
I WAS SKETCHING HIM FOR CLASS...
HE GOT EXCITED.
WAAAAAH.
NO.
(LAUGHING)
OOH, DAWSON, GO DO IT NOW.
DO WHAT?
I DON'T REMEMBER COMING UP WITH A PLAN.
JUST FRIGGIN' GO DO IT!
SLIM PICKIN'S, HUH?
ENTERTAINMENT'S SURE TOUGH TO COME BY AROUND HERE.
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN?
ME? I JUST GOT HERE.
WELL, I'D BE GLAD TO SHOW YOU THE ROPES, UM...
DAWSON. DAWSON LEERY.
YOU GOT NICE HANDS, DAWSON LEERY.
I'M TONI STARK.
I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
YOU'RE...A GENIUS.
YEAH.
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
I'M SORRY. YOU PROBABLY CAME HERE FOR PRIVACY.
NO. ACTUALLY I CAME HERE TO STOP HAVING FUN,
BUT I LOVE HEARING HOW GREAT I WAS...
10 YEARS AGO.
YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, YOU SOUND LIKE YOU WERE A FLASH IN THE PAN.
SO ARE WE GONNA GO SOMEWHERE OR WHAT?
UM...
(LAUGHS)
I...UH,
I'M SORRY.
LOOK, THE THING IS I'M STARTING OUT IN THE INDUSTRY--
LISTEN, BABY BIRD,
IT'S BAD ENOUGH TEASING A DRYING-OUT BROAD WITH YOUR NAUGHTY BITS,
BUT IT'S WORSE TO TRY AND TALK ABOUT THE BUSINESS
WITH SOMEBODY WHO'S CURRENTLY OUT OF IT.
SEE YA AROUND.
(LAUGHS) OH, MY GOD.
DAWSON!
(SIGHS)
HEY, HOPE YOU'RE NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING
OF NUTRITIONAL VALUE.
NO. NO.
(SIGHS)
NO. NO. JUST LOOKIN'.
SO IT'S A GOOD PARTY, HUH?
I THINK IT'S A GOOD PARTY.
ALL THESE DIFFERENT TYPES OF PEOPLE MIXING
AND WHAT NOT, AND--
AND THERE'S BEEN NO PUNCHING IN OF C.J.'s FACE.
THAT'S GOOD. I LIKE THAT.
YOU SEEM A LITTLE JUMPY.
DO YOU, UH, WANT A BEER OR SOMETHING?
NO, I'M GOIN' THE CLEAN AND SOBER ROUTE TONIGHT,
TAKIN' ONE FOR THE C.J. TEAM.
HE DOESN'T MIND IT WHEN OTHER PEOPLE DRINK.
IT'S NOTHING. IT'S JUST EASIER THIS WAY.
WHAT, LYING?
NO, IT'S NOT LYING, I MEAN, IT'S JUST--IT'S--
AND YOU KNOW WHAT, AND IT'S PROBABLY REALLY GOOD FOR ME, TOO.
HEY.
HI.
HOW ARE YA, SLUGGER?
DON'T WORRY. EVERYTHING'S FINE.
YEAH, I NOTICED THE LACK OF FISTICUFFS.
THANK YOU FOR BEING NICE TO HIM.
IT'S ACTUALLY EASIER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE
'CAUSE IT TURNS OUT HE'S A PRETTY GOOD GUY.
SO WE KISSED, WE MADE UP, I OFFERED HIM A DRINK,
AND EVERYTHING'S BEEN OK.
HE REFUSED, RIGHT, WHEN YOU OFFERED HIM THE DRINK?
NO, OF COURSE NOT. WHO DOES THAT?
OH, GOD. ALCOHOLICS.
RECOVERING ALCOHOLICS TEND NOT TO DRINK.
WHAT'S WITH ALL THE UNDER-AGE ALCOHOLICS AROUND HERE?
OK.
I GOT IT.
I'M ON DAMAGE CONTROL,
AND HAVE YOU SEEN JOEY?
YOU KNOW, C.J.
I JUST--I REALLY THINK IT'S GREAT
HOW YOU'VE TURNED JEN AROUND.
BECAUSE BEFORE, BELIEVE ME, I MEAN, SHE WAS--
SHE WAS A TROUBLED YOUNG LADY.
SO SHE SAYS.
SHE KILLED A GIRL ONCE.
WHAT?
ABBY MORGAN.
KILLED HER WITH CHAMPAGNE.
NO.
YOU WANT SOME?
NO. NO.
DO YOU WANT SOME?
I'M--I'M-- THIS IS--I'M--
OOOH.
(LAUGHS)
HEY, THERE YOU ARE.
SO...
WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE LEAVE THE NICE MAN ALONE NOW, SHALL WE?
ABOUT THAT THING EARLIER, I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T KNOW.
WHAT?
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
HE SEEMS LIKE A NICE GUY.
WHAT DOES C.J. STAND FOR?
COULDN'T TELL YA.
AH, I HOPE THOSE KIDS WORK IT OUT.
HMM.
PACEY.
EVERYBODY'S WORKING IT OUT.
JEN AND C.J.,
YOU KNOW, THAT BRITISH GIRL
AND THAT GROSS GUY.
I'M JUST NO GOOD AT THIS. I JUST--
I PUSH PEOPLE AWAY.
NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
OH, NO?
THEN WHY DO THEY GO OUT TO SEA OR MOVE ACROSS COUNTRY
OR FOLLOW THEIR DREAMS JUST BECAUSE I TOLD THEM TO?
THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING BETTER OUT THERE THAN ME.
WHOA. I THINK, PERHAPS
YOU'RE LOOKING AT THIS THE WRONG WAY.
MAYBE IT'S JUST THAT YOU'RE SUCH AN AMAZING WOMAN,
YOU MAKE THESE GUYS WANNA BE BETTER MEN.
WELL, WE'RE NOT TOGETHER.
TRUE ENOUGH.
(CHUCKLES) YEAH.
(SIGHS) YEAH.
WELL, DON'T YOU LOOK SO GLUM.
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MY SUCKY LIFE.
YOURS IS A SUCCESS.
OH.
I FORGOT.
YOU'RE STILL NOT OVER ME.
(CHUCKLES) REALLY?
OH, REMEMBER?
CHRISTMAS DINNER FROM HELL?
RIGHT.
THAT WAS ONE OF AUDREY'S ENLIGHTENED COMMENTS.
OF COURSE.
YOU'RE STILL NOT OVER ME.
THAT MUST SUCK.
OH, IT DOES.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE HARDSHIPS I GO THROUGH
TRYING TO MAINTAIN A FRIENDSHIP
WITH A DREAM GIRL SUCH AS YOURSELF.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
GETS LONELY.
IT DOES. I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT,
BUT JACK AND I CUDDLE.
THAT EASES THE PAIN.
HE'S VERY LOVING.
(LAUGHS)
OH, PACE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I AM A GOOD CATCH.
I--I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I MEAN, WHEN DID YOU STOP GOING TO SCHOOL?
UM...
THE END OF THE SEMESTER.
THE BAND'S REALLY TAKING OFF, JACK,
AND I JUST--
I COULDN'T KEEP UP WITH THE REQUIREMENTS.
WHEN AM I GONNA NEED TO KNOW THE ORIGIN
OF THE BAROQUE PERIOD ANYWAY?
IT'S TOTALLY LACKING INSPIRATION.
TOTALLY.
AHEM.
SO, GUS...
YOU STILL IN SCHOOL?
NO NEED.
I'M GONNA BE A ROADIE FOR THE LITTLE LADY.
(LAUGHS) NO. NO. HE'S JUST SAYING THAT. NO.
HE'S ACTUALLY, UM, A VERY BRILLIANT PIANIST.
HE, UM, PLAYS IN A POOL HALL ON--ON THURSDAY NIGHTS.
IT'S REALLY GOOD STUFF.
WICKED.
YEAH. OK, UM...
ARE YOU SURE YOU THOUGHT THIS MARRIAGE THING THROUGH?
I MEAN, NO OFFENSE, GUS, WE JUST MET TONIGHT, BUT, UH,
IT'S MOVIN' AWFUL QUICKLY.
YEAH, THAT'S SORT OF THE POINT, JACK.
MY VISA RAN OUT AS SOON AS I QUIT SCHOOL,
WHICH MEANS I HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE HERE
UNLESS I...
MARRY SOME YANKEE ***.
ACTUALLY GUS HAS BEEN VERY AGREEABLE ABOUT THE WHOLE THING.
HAVEN'T YA, GUS?
RIGHT ON, BABY MAMA.
SO I'M GOING TO GO, UM, FETCH SOMETHING TO DRINK.
CAN I GET SOMETHING FOR ANYONE?
YEAH, I'D LIKE A-- I'D LIKE A BEER.
OK.
AND MAYBE SOME CHIPS.
AND MAYBE, UH...
MASH THE CHIPS UP INSIDE A SANDWICH.
OK.
SO...
GUS,
DID YA JUST, YOU KNOW, OFFER YOUR SERVICES TO HER, 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW,
IT'S A BIG SACRIFICE JUST,
YOU KNOW, GETTIN' MARRIED THIS YOUNG AND ALL.
SO--
YEAH, I WAS LED TO BELIEVE
THAT HAVING OTHER WOMEN IN THE BEDROOM
WOULDN'T EXACTLY BE OFF LIMITS.
PLUS, IT'S NICE COMPENSATION.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
FREE ROOM AND BOARD, MAN.
PLUS, SHE SAID SHE'D COOK FOR ME.
UH...
YEAH, YOU KNOW, SHE'S NOT EXACTLY A COOK.
UM...
SHE JUST THROWS STUFF IN A BLENDER,
AND THEN SHE JUST KINDA HOPES--
WHATEVER, MAN.
SHE'S GOT A NICE RACK.
YEAH, SHE--
SAY, UH,
ARE YOU TWO GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER?
UNFORTUNATELY.
YEAH, NO, YOUR OLD MAN'S COOL.
DOESN'T EVEN SEEM ALL THAT GAY.
YEAH.
OK. UM...
SEE YOU KIDS LATER. I'M JUST GOING TO--
STAY RIGHT HERE.
Dawson: ALL RIGHT, WAIT,
WHY ARE WE STILL DOING THIS?
WEREN'T YOU JUST BLATANTLY TELLING ME
WHAT A MISERABLE FAILURE I WAS?
LOOK, DAWSON LEERY,
IF THERE IS ONE THING I HAVE LEARNED IN REHAB,
WELL, OTHER THAN SOME KILLER CAT'S CRADLE,
IS THAT YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.
YOU ARE YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY AND ALL THAT.
YOU'RE NOT TOO CONVINCING.
(SIGHS) COME ON.
YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER
THAN ALL THE WANNABES I GREW UP WITH.
I MEAN, OK, SO YOU MADE A COLOSSAL FOOL OUT OF YOURSELF
IN FRONT OF SOME PRODUCER.
I SAY... WHY NOT DO IT AGAIN?
YOU'RE NOT JUST ENCOURAGING ME
BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN IN REHAB FOR A MONTH
AND YOU'RE BORED OUT OF YOUR MIND, ARE YOU?
DAWSON, GIVE A GIRL A BREAK
AND DANCE, MONKEY, DANCE!
ALL RIGHT, SHE WENT IN THAT ROOM RIGHT THERE.
OOOH.
HEY, GUYS.
COME ON IN. DON'T BE SHY. WE'RE HERE TO HELP.
ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW, WE'RE--
NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?
HONEY, THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD FOR US.
COME ON, GUYS, MAKE SOME ROOM.
THANK YOU.
THANKS.
AAAAAH!
Guys: ONE, TWO...
DO WE REALLY HAVE TO CO-HABITATE WITH THIS GUY?
WHOA. WHOA. SHE DIDN'T MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT THAT.
Guys: ...NINE--
EECH. (LAUGHS) WHOO!
WELL, YEAH, I THINK IT'S PART OF THE MARITAL-BLISS DEAL.
I MEAN, FREE ROOM AND BOARD,
THE OCCASIONAL UNWANTED GROPING,
IT'S THE ONLY REASON HE'S DOING IT.
YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.
WHAT, YOU'RE SHOCKED?
I--I--I JUST DON'T GET IT, I GUESS.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
I UNDERSTAND EMMA'S IN A BIND,
BUT, YOU KNOW, SHE COULDA SAID SOMETHING.
AND THIS CREEP.
YEAH, I KNOW.
I MEAN, WHO MARRIES SOMEONE THEY DON'T LOVE?
THAT KINDA CREEP.
KINDA CREEP THAT'S KINDA GIVIN' UP HOPE.
WHEN YOU STOP TO THINK ABOUT IT,
IT REALLY MUST SUCK TO BE HIM.
SO YOU HAVIN' FUN?
OH, YEAH.
YEAH.
SO YOU'RE DRINKING?
YOU KNOW, I'D BE MUCH MORE INCLINED TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION
IF YOU WEREN'T LOOKIN' AT ME
LIKE I JUST...KILLED GRAMS DRUNK DRIVING.
I'M JUST CURIOUS.
WELL, YOUR FRIEND OFFERED ME A DRINK,
AND IT SEEMED RUDE TO SAY NO, SO--
SO THAT'S IT?
YEARS OF SOBRIETY SHOT TO HELL
OVER A QUESTION OF ETIQUETTE
WITH A GUY WHO THREATENED TO PUNCH YOU IN YOUR FACE?
I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO UNDERSTAND.
WELL, THANK GOD FOR THAT.
NO, I JUST-- I DIDN'T WANT
TO GET INTO IT WITH A STRANGER.
YOU KNOW...
BUT THANKS FOR TELLING HIM, INCIDENTALLY.
TELLING HIM WHAT?
THAT I DON'T DRINK, APPARENTLY.
NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO ME
LIKE I'M DYING OR SOMETHING.
WELL, YOU KNOW, IT IS A DISEASE.
I KNOW THAT, JEN.
I, UH, I TRAINED YOU. REMEMBER?
Y-YEAH, NO, I KNOW. I KNOW,
SO WHY IS THIS COMING UP?
BECAUSE FOR AS LONG AS I'VE KNOWN YOU,
YOU'VE OPERATED ON A CERTAIN SET OF RULES
TO THE POINT WHERE I DIDN'T THINK THAT A DAY WOULD GO BY
IF YOU WEREN'T STICKING TO THE C.J. PLAN.
WELL, DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU
THAT MAYBE I REALIZED I WAS TOO STRICT WITH MYSELF?
THAT MAYBE I WOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE RIGHT NOW
IF I WAS STICKING TO THE SO-CALLED C.J. PLAN?
WELL, IF THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN,
THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE WITH ME.
WHY? BECAUSE I'VE BEEN SITTING HERE
FOR THE PAST HOUR CONSIDERING ON WHETHER OR NOT TO TAKE A DRINK?
I'D BE MORE CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR FRIEND JOEY OVER THERE.
SHE TRIED TO TELL ME YOU KILLED SOMEBODY.
WAIT, I'M SORRY, SO YOU--YOU HAVEN'T BEEN DRINKING?
OH, IS THAT GONNA MAGICALLY CHANGE
ALL THE CONCLUSIONS YOU JUST JUMPED TO?
WELL, YES.
WELL, IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY, JEN.
YEAH, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT, FINE.
JUST LIKE I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT TRYING SOME NORMALCY WITH YOU,
BUT APPARENTLY YOU FIND THAT WILDLY INSULTING.
NO. NO, LOOK, I JUST DON'T WANT--
I JUST DON'T WANT WHATEVER HAPPENS BETWEEN US
TO BE DETRIMENTAL TO EITHER OF US.
ARE YOU TRYING TO GET OUTTA SOMETHING HERE?
IF YOU ARE, JUST TELL ME.
NO, I AM NOT TRYING TO GET OUT OF ANYTHING.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M GETTING INTO.
WELL, THEN WHY ARE YOU MAKING EXCUSES FOR WHY THIS WON'T WORK?
I MEAN, IT'S PRETTY HYPOCRITICAL GIVEN OUR HISTORY, ISN'T IT?
Counselor: WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
(SOUTHERN ACCENT) MY NAME IS PINKY.
THEY CALL ME THAT BECAUSE A FERRET BIT OFF MY PINKY TOE
WHEN I WAS 10, AND THAT IS WHEN I TURNED TO THE DRINK.
Counselor: OK.
WHAT IS IT THAT YOU'D LIKE TO TELL YOUR FRIEND HERE?
OH, HE IS MORE THAN JUST A FRIEND,
MORE THAN JUST A COUSIN.
WE GOT MARRIED REAL YOUNG.
RIGHT AFTER THE SECOND BABY, WAS IT?
AND THEN THERE WERE SOME MORE,
BUT I LOST TRACK.
THEY'RE WITH MOM NOW IN VEGAS,
BUT DAWSON HERE, HE WAS ALWAYS REAL GOOD TO ME.
EVEN WHEN I BEAT HIM BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT I DIDN'T MEAN IT.
HE KNEW IT WAS JUST THE ALCOHOL TALKIN', RIGHT?
YOU DID DO SOME THINGS THAT WERE MORE VIOLENT THAN THAT.
WELL, LIKE WHAT, HONEY?
WELL, HOW 'BOUT THE TIME YOU DROVE THE CAR THROUGH THE HOUSE
AND DAMN NEAR KILLED US ALL?
HE'S RIGHT ABOUT THE CAR. YEAH.
THERE WERE SOME THINGS THAT I DID
THAT I PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE IF I WEREN'T DRINKIN'.
WHAT OTHER THINGS, FINGY?
WELL...
LIKE TELLIN' PEOPLE THINGS THEY DIDN'T NEED TO HEAR
JUST 'CAUSE I WANTED TO SEE THE LOOKS ON THEIR FACES.
YOU KNOW, PUSHIN' PEOPLE AWAY WHO WERE JUST TRYIN' TO HELP ME.
DAWSON HERE, HE WAS ALWAYS...
REAL QUIET ABOUT IT, THOUGH.
NOT JUDGMENTAL, REALLY, JUST, YOU KNOW,
KEPT PICKIN' ME UP OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
AND WHY DO YOU SUPPOSE HE DID THAT?
I DON'T REALLY KNOW.
I THINK HE'S JUST...
THE KINDA GUY WHO ALWAYS BELIEVES THE BEST IN PEOPLE.
AND HE DESERVED MORE THAN JUST...
THE DESTRUCTION OF HIS PROPERTY, I SUPPOSE.
IT'S OK, THOUGH. WE CAN FIX THAT.
(WHISPERING) BUT I COULD'VE REALLY HURT YOU.
YEAH, BUT I THINK YOU NEEDED TO HIT ROCK BOTTOM
BEFORE YOU SNAPPED OUT OF IT.
YEAH, BUT I DIDN'T HIT ROCK BOTTOM
UNTIL A COUPLE OF WEEKS AFTER THAT.
MAYBE YOU JUST NEEDED TO HIT IT REALLY HARD.
(LAUGHING)
(SOUTHERN ACCENT) DO YOU THINK... THAT THERE IS STILL A HOUSE
FOR ME TO COME HOME TO
AFTER ALL THE CONSTRUCTION'S DONE AND WHAT NOT?
I PROMISE.
OH!
DAWSON, LET'S HAVE ANOTHER BABY.
(APPLAUSE)
LISTEN, I'M ALL FOR MAKIN' A MOCKERY OF REHAB,
BUT CAN WE PLEASE MOVE THIS ALONG?
BLONDIE OVER HERE IS FROM BEVERLY HILLS,
AND SHE TRIED TO TAKE ME FOR 2 PACKS LAST NIGHT,
AND HER BOYFRIEND HERE IS, I DON'T KNOW, A KEY GRIP.
IS THIS TRUE?
ACTUALLY I WAS ASSISTANT TO THE DIRECTOR.
I ENDED UP DIRECTING THE RE-SHOOTS MYSELF,
AND, TONI, IF YOU'D ALLOW ME TO SHOW YOU MY REEL--
OK, THAT'LL BE QUITE ENOUGH OF THAT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU TWO OBVIOUSLY DON'T BELONG HERE.
(GASPS) DO YOU MEAN I'M CURED?
NO, I MEAN YOU'RE ON DISH DUTY TONIGHT.
I'LL TELL BETTY. NOW, PLEASE,
LET US CONDUCT THIS SESSION IN PEACE.
SORRY.
BUH-BYE NOW.
IT WENT WELL.
YOU ARE KIDDING ME WITH THIS, RIGHT, JOEY?
Joey: I MOST CERTAINLY AM NOT.
NOW DON'T BE A SPOIL SPORT.
COME ON.
OK, FINE, BUT I--I'M NOT KISSING HIM.
WELL, WHAT'S FAIR IS FAIR, RIGHT?
COME ON, GUSTAV,
SPIN.
Joey: NEW RULE--
NO TONGUE.
Jen: NO, NO, NO, NO. WHAT'S FAIR IS FAIR,
AND DON'T MESS WITH ME BECAUSE I'VE KILLED BEFORE.
(WHISPERING) I KNOW.
SEE?
Gus: NO TONGUE?
SCREW THAT.
OK.
WELL?
JACK!
OH.
Joey: WAIT.
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
YOU GUYS GET TO KISS ALL THE TIME.
WHAT'S THE FUN IN THAT?
NOT TONIGHT. THERE'S RULES TO BE FOLLOWED, YEAH?
OH, SHUT UP.
David: OK.
UGH, YEAH.
I'M A LITTLE THIRSTY. DO YOU NEED A--
OK.
YEAH, LET'S.
Joey: OH, HEY, WHOA.
THIS ISN'T LIKE...
7 MINUTES IN HEAVEN.
YOU GUYS HAVE TO COME BACK.
YOU JUST WANNA KISS JEN.
OK, REGARDLESS,
THEY FORFEIT THEIR TURN.
MMM.
WELL...
♪ DOO-DOO DOO-DOO ♪
ALL RIGHT.
(WHISPERING) Lay one on me, Pace.
OH!
(CRASH)
Pacey: OH, YOU'RE GONNA DIE!
I JUST-- I JUST WANTED TO SEE
HOW MUCH WEIGHT IT WOULD HOLD.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
I DIDN'T--
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
I WILL KILL YOU. I WILL KILL YOU FOR THIS!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!
AH! AH! AH! AH! AAAAH!
IDIOT!
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THIS. I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
NO! NO! NO!
KILL YOU!
WHAT ABOUT MY STUFF?
OH, I'LL THROW IT ON THE CURB.
YEAH.
OK, BUT--
THE WEDDING IS OFF.
UM, WE--
WE HAVEN'T DONE IT YET.
YEAH, I'M AWARE OF THAT, THANK YOU.
OK.
OH, BERTHA.
(CRYING) OH, NO.
JEEZ!
(ELECTRICAL SNAPS)
OH, I'M GONNA KILL THAT LITTLE ***.
WANNA PLAY SARDINES?
(THUD)
SO THEY'RE REALLY GONNA PUT YOU ON DISH DUTY, HUH?
OH, PLEASE, THAT'S A GODSEND.
IT GETS ME OUT OF KUMBAYA-ING FOR THE NIGHT.
WELL, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GIVE US SO MANY KIDS?
WHATEVER!
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GET ALL EARNEST
WITH THE BAG LADY ABOUT THE NATURE OF THE BIZ?
(LAUGHS)
OHH.
(SIGHS)
YOU KNOW, IT WASN'T ENTIRELY FICTIONAL,
THE THERAPY SESSION.
I WAS FEELING LIKE THERE WAS SOME
HARDCORE HEALING GOING ON IN THERE.
GOOD.
JUST SUCKS YOU HAD TO GET IN TROUBLE TO DO IT.
DAWSON.
STALKING SOME WOMAN THROUGH THE HALLWAYS
AND CRASHING A THERAPY SESSION
WAS MORE FUN THAN I EVER COULD'VE IMAGINED.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT A RELIEF IT WAS
TO JUST...
NOT TALK ABOUT MYSELF
AND MY PROBLEMS ALL DAY.
AND DARNED IF IT DIDN'T END UP HELPING MY PROBLEMS OUT ANYWAY.
HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS.
I KNOW.
YOU SEEM A LITTLE LESS SELF-ABSORBED
THAN WHEN YOU GOT HERE.
YOU BETTER GET YOURSELF BACK TO L.A. PROPER FAST.
YEAH, REALLY.
I DON'T KNOW, I THINK IT WAS
JUST SEEING SOMEBODY I ADMIRE SO MUCH
GIVE UP ON LIFE LIKE THAT.
I DON'T KNOW, I MIGHT BE FLOUNDERING FOR MY NEXT MOVE,
BUT I'M NOT THAT BAD.
DAWSON, I HAVEN'T GIVEN UP ON LIFE.
I'M TALKING ABOUT TONI STARK.
OH. RIGHT.
(GIGGLES)
SEE? YOU'RE GOOD.
THE NEXT TIME YOU COME, YOU BRING ME NYQUIL.
THERE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE TO BE A NEXT TIME.
YOU'RE ALMOST OUTTA HERE.
I DON'T KNOW, IT'S LIKE...
AS MUCH AS I HATE IT HERE,
I'M SORTA SCARED
MORE OF WHAT'S BEYOND THE GATE
'CAUSE IT'S ALL KIND OF A BLUR, BUT...
I DON'T THINK I LEFT THINGS
ON THE BEST OF TERMS OUT THERE.
IT CAN ALL BE JUST LIKE IT WAS.
MINUS THE BAD PARTS.
YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY,
I KINDA DON'T THINK I CAN,
BUT...
KINDA GLAD ABOUT THAT.
(GIGGLES)
COME HERE.
(SIGHS) THANK YOU.
BYE.
SEE YA.
SO, UH, YOU REALLY USED TO GO OUT WITH, UH, JOEY, HUH?
UH...AHEM.
WHO HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING TO TONIGHT?
WELL, MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T KEEP DITCHING ME
TO GO MAKE OUT WITH WOMEN--
I WAS JUST PLAYING BY THE RULES.
BESIDES, JOEY WAS BEING VERY...ADAMANT.
WHAT EXACTLY DID SHE TELL YOU?
NOTHING, REALLY,
BUT I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOUR WORK SOMETIME.
(LAUGHS)
OOH, NO, I DON'T--
I DON'T-- I DON'T THINK SO.
AHEM.
BUT I AM SORRY FOR BEING,
UH, DISTRACTED TONIGHT.
IT'S JUST THAT, YOU KNOW,
THIS WHOLE... GUS BOMB
THAT, UH, EMMA DROPPED IS JUST KINDA SHOCKING.
YEAH, BUT CRISIS AVERTED.
IT'S ALMOST LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED.
WELL, I'M JUST WORRIED.
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, I JUST--I HAD NO IDEA
THAT THINGS WERE SO DESPERATE FOR HER.
WHAT'S SHE GONNA DO NOW?
HMM. IT'S A BAD SITUATION,
BUT, YOU KNOW, IT ISN'T EXACTLY YOUR PROBLEM TO SOLVE.
I MEAN, THERE ISN'T REALLY MUCH YOU CAN DO
UNLESS YOU WANT TO GO MARRY HER YOURSELF.
(CHUCKLES)
WAIT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU GETTING DRESSED?
WELL, YEAH. I THINK SOME PEOPLE WANNA GET IN HERE.
DON'T. MAKE THEM WAIT.
THEIR COATS AREN'T THAT NICE ANYWAY.
WELL, YOU'RE THE ONE ROLLIN' AROUND IN 'EM.
I KNOW. EXACTLY.
OK.
COME HERE.
MMM.
THIS SURE BEATS ARGUING ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I'VE HAD A DRINK.
NO, THAT WAS FUN FOR A WHILE, TOO.
WELL, YOU WEREN'T ENTIRELY WRONG.
YEAH, WELL, I WASN'T ENTIRELY RIGHT, EITHER.
I MEAN...
IT'S YOUR LIFE, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING WITH IT.
NOT REALLY.
BUT THIS IS PRETTY NICE RIGHT HERE.
I GOT NERVOUS TONIGHT...
WHEN I SAW...
PACEY.
REMINDED ME OF ALL THE--THE DRAMA.
I DON'T KNOW, I JUST--
I GUESS I JUST WANTED TO MAKE YOU HAPPY,
TRY TO BE NORMAL.
I WOULD BE UNHAPPY IF YOU WERE NORMAL.
BESIDES, I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRYING TO DO.
I HAD THIS PLAN
THAT I WAS NOT GOING TO HAVE A DRINK TONIGHT,
AND YOU AND I WERE JUST GOING TO TALK
ABOUT PHILOSOPHY.
THAT'S NOT NORMAL PARTY BEHAVIOR.
I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THAT STUFF ANYMORE.
I MEAN, I JUST WANNA...DO THIS.
CAN--CAN WE DO THIS?
THIS?
THINK WE JUST DID,
AND I THINK SOME COAT OWNERS
AREN'T GONNA BE TOO HAPPY WITH THE RESULT.
SERIOUSLY, I--
I DON'T WANNA DATE THE IDEA OF YOU,
AND I DON'T WANT YOU
TO FALL FOR SOME FALSE IDEA OF ME.
YOU TRIED FAKING ME OUT BEFORE, REMEMBER?
YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT IT.
I KNOW.
WE SHOULD GET OUTTA HERE.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SURRENDER THIS COAT FIRST, YOU KNOW THAT?
NO, THIS IS JOEY'S COAT. SHE HAS ENOUGH COATS.
COME ON, LET'S GO GET WASTED.
MMM.
TOTALLY, DUDE.
BYE.
SEE YA, GUYS.
SO, WHERE DO YOU THINK C.J. AND JEN CAME FROM?
I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT.
LOOK, I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR, UM...
FAILED MARRIAGE AND EVERYTHING.
YEAH, THANKS, JACK,
THE SYMPATHY IS JUST OOZING FROM YOUR VOICE.
ALL RIGHT, WELL, BETWEEN A LOVELESS MARRIAGE
AND--AND GOING HOME,
DON'T YOU THINK GOING HOME WOULD BE A LITTLE BIT BETTER?
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, AT LEAST YOU'D HAVE SOME TIME
TO FIGURE SOME THINGS OUT.
MY FOLKS ARE GREAT, DON'T GET ME WRONG,
BUT IT IS MY MOM'S DYING WISH
TO SEE ME FAIL AT THIS,
AND I JUST CAN'T GIVE HER THAT SATISFACTION.
YOU KNOW, I'D BE THERE ONE DAY,
SHE'D HAVE ME TUTORING THE SLOW KIDS
ON THE TRIANGLE. IT'S MUSICAL SUICIDE.
I'M NOT LOOKING FOR LOVE RIGHT NOW.
WHEN I FIND IT, IT USUALLY KICKS MY ***.
(CHUCKLES)
AND IF AT SOME POINT SOME CHRISTIAN BALE TYPE
DOES DESCEND UPON ME, SO TO SPEAK...
I'LL JUST, UM...
YEAH.
DUMP THE POOR SAP I MARRIED.
HMM. WELL,
I'M GONNA HAVE TO HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF PRIVATE TIME WITH THAT, UH,
CHRISTIAN BALE TYPE BEFORE I CAN LET YOU MARRY HIM.
(LAUGHS)
UH-UH.
YOU ACTUALLY, I--I...
I WOULD BE THE PERFECT HUSBAND.
YOU KNOW, I CAN HELP YOU CHECK OUT GUYS,
I CAN...MAKE SURE THEY'RE NOT GAY.
(LAUGHS)
YES, IT IS RATHER A HASSLE WHEN YOU FIND THAT OUT LATE IN THE GAME, ISN'T IT?
PLUS, YOU KNOW, I WOULDN'T BE PAWING YOU ALL THE TIME LIKE GUS.
WELL, THAT SOUNDS GREAT. LET'S GET MARRIED, THEN.
LET'S DO IT.
(LAUGHS)
YEAH, UM...
HOW MUCH HAVE YOU HAD TO DRINK?
I'M JUST TRYIN' TO HELP YOU OUT.
I MEAN, WE ALREADY LIVE TOGETHER, RIGHT?
LOOK, WHY DO YOU THINK I ASKED GUS?
'CAUSE HE'S A NASTY LITTLE CREATURE WHO I DON'T CARE ABOUT.
IT'S EASIER THAT WAY.
I COULD NEVER ASK THAT BIG OF A FAVOR FROM A FRIEND.
I JUST--I COULDN'T.
WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO 'CAUSE...
I'M ASKIN' YOU.
JACK,
YOU ARE TOO GOOD.
WELL, NOT REALLY.
I--I--I DIDN'T GET YOU A RING OR--
THAT'S A GOOD POINT!
NO, YOU ARE. YOU ARE TOO GOOD FOR THAT.
I COULDN'T.
(SIGHS)
I WOULD.
I KNOW.
I KNOW YOU WOULD, YOU MADMAN.
I WISH I COULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT.
NOPE.
I CAN'T RUIN 2 LIVES.
(LAUGHS)
IT'S MY MESS. I'VE GOT TO FIX IT.
I'VE BEEN LIVIN' TOO LONG IN FANTASY LAND.
GO DRY THOSE DISHES.
AND HERE WE ARE.
HOME, SWEET...
ALREADY?
ALREADY. I KNOW, IT'S A LONG TRIP UP FROM THE LIVING ROOM.
THAT WAS FUN.
SEE, I'M A LOVELY DRUNK.
YOU ARE INDEED, MISS POTTER.
I TALKED TO SO MANY NEW PEOPLE TONIGHT.
PEOPLE LOVE ME.
AND THEY LOVE IT WHEN YOU TELL THEM
YOUR FRIENDS' DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS.
HUH?
NOTHING. NEVER MIND.
IT WAS A WONDERFUL PARTY, PACEY.
UNTIL ALL THE SMASHES AND STUFF.
YEAH, THE SMASHING WAS NOT SO GOOD.
I'M SORRY ABOUT THE TELEVISION THING.
IT'S OK. IT HAPPENS.
AND I PROBABLY WAS GETTING A LITTLE TOO ATTACHED.
CAN'T HAVE THAT.
NO.
BUT I'M GLAD YOU HAD A GOOD TIME. YOU DESERVED IT.
AND YOU ARE A LOVELY AND WISE DRUNK, MISS POTTER.
WHAT YOU SAID EARLIER WAS RIGHT.
I NEVER DID.
HOW COULD I?
JUST LOOK AT YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WE NEVER DID?
YOUR TURN NOW.
SWEET DREAMS, JOEY.