The 4th Gop Debate Was a Thing That Happened

FOLKS, LIKE MANY OF YOU, I STAYED UP LATE TO WATCH THE FOURTH G.O.P. DEBATE FROM WISCONSIN-- THE TALKY IN MILWAUKEE, THE VERY BLAND FROM DAIRYLAND. AND LIKE THE CANDIDATES LAST NIGHT, I HAVE A RANDOM COLLECTION OF HALF-INFORMED THOUGHTS I WANT TO SHARE. ( APPLAUSE ) FIRST UP, ALL THE CANDIDATES DECRIED WASTEFUL GOVERNMENT SPENDING LAST NIGHT, BUT NOBODY SPOKE OUT AGAINST IT MORE PASSIONATELY THAN TED CRUZ, WHO GOT SPECIFIC ABOUT WHAT PROGRAMS HE'D CUT. >> FIVE MAJOR AGENCIES THAT I WOULD ELIMINATE: THE I.R.S., THE DEPARTMENT OF COMMERCE, THE DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY, THE DEPARTMENT OF COMMERCE, AND HUD. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: FIVE! I'M SW SENATOR CRUZ HERE. TWO DEPARTMENTS OF COMMERCE? THAT IS WASTEFUL. SHAME ON YOU, WHITE HOUSE! YOU, TOO, OTHER WHITE HOUSE. I'M SURE THERE'S TWO OF THOSE, TOO. AND DONALD TRUMP DOUBLED DOWN ON HIS PLAN TO DEPORT 12 MILLION UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRANTS, CITING THE HISTORICAL PRECEDENT SET BY SOMEONE WHO HE CONSIDERS A GREAT LEADER-- AND HERE'S THE SHOCKER-- IT'S NOT DONALD TRUMP. >> LET ME JUST TELL YOU THAT DWIGHT EISENHOWER-- GOOD PRESIDENT, GREAT PRESIDENT, PEOPLE LIKED HIM. I LIKE IKE, RIGHT? THE EXPRESSION. I LIKE IKE. MOVED A MILLION AND A HALF ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS OUT OF THIS COUNTRY, MOVED THEM JUST BEYOND THE BORDER. THEY CAME BACK, MOVED THEM AGAIN, BEYOND THE BORDER. THEY CAME BACK, DIDN'T LIKE IT, MOVED THEM WAY SOUTH. THEY NEVER CAME BACK. DWIGHT EISENHOWER. YOU DON'T GET NICER, YOU DON'T GET FRIENDLIER. >> Stephen: TRUMP IS RIGHT. EISENHOWER DEPORTED 1.5 MILLION ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS BACK IN THE 1950s, AND IT MUST HAVE WORKED BECAUSE MEXICANS WERE NEVER SEEN HERE AGAIN. NOW, I DID SOME RESEARCH, AND TRUMP'S RIGHT. EISENHOWER DID DEPORT OVER A MILLION MEXICANS. IT WAS A LITTLE PROGRAM THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT ACTUALLY CALLED "OPERATION ***." SO YOU MIGHT WANT TO UPDATE THAT BUTTON TO "I LIKE IKE WITH SIGNIFICANT RESERVATIONS." ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) BUT WHEN IT CAME TO FOREIGN POLICY, TRUMP SHOWED WHY HE HAS AN EDGE OVER OTHER CANDIDATES. >> AS FAR AS SYRIA, I LIKE IF PUTIN WANTS TO GO IN. AND I GOT TO KNOW HIM VERY WELL BECAUSE WE WERE BOTH ON "60 MINUTES." WE WERE STABLE MATES. WE DID VERY WELL THAT NIGHT. >> Stephen: I'M NOT SURE WHY TRUMP CALLED THE TWO OF THEM "STABLE MATES." IT'S EITHER A METAPHOR FOR THEIR POWERFUL FRIENDSHIP, OR DONALD TRUMP DOESN'T KNOW WHICH ONE OF THESE THINGS IS VLADIMIR PUTIN. ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) IT'S THE ONE ON TOP. THE ONE ON TOP. THE ONE ON TOP. AND ONE OF THE MOST TALKED ABOUT MOMENTS OF THE NIGHT CAME FROM FLORIDA SENATOR AND TAMPA'S NUMBER-ONE REALTOR OF 2013, MARCO RUBIO. >> FOR THE LIFE OF ME, I DON'T KNOW WHY WE HAVE STIGMATIZED VOCATIONAL EDUCATION. WELDERS MAKE MORE MONEY THAN PHILOSOPHERS. WE NEED MORE WELDERS AND LESS PHILOSOPHERS. >> Stephen: YOU BE WHAT, IT IS AN INTERESTING POINT. IT REALLY MAKES YOU WELD. UNFORTUNATELY-- ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) UNFORTUNATELY, IT TURNS OUT-- IT TURNS OUT RUBIO WAS WRONG BECAUSE PHILOSOPHY MAJORS ACTUALLY MAKE WAY MORE THAN THAN WELDERS. WHICH, OF COURSE, EXPLAINS DESCARTES' FAMOUS QUOTE: "I THINK, THEREFORE, I MAKE IT RAIN UP IN THIS BEE-ATCH!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LA-LA-LA-LA. I'M PARAPHRASING, OBVIOUSLY. SO, ALL IN ALL, YOU DIDN'T MISS MUCH LAST NIGHT. IT WAS KIND OF LIKE WATCHING PAINT DRY, WITHOUT THE ADDED BENEFIT OF BEING ABLE TO HUFF THE FUMES.