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hi I'm Amelia
uh...
I'm Amelia
(Groaning sounds)
I'm Amelia
My suitemate
has been engaging in coitus for the past hour now.
So, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking Amelia, you're college
You need to grow up because everyone in college literally never stops doing the nasty.
But you begin to form a different opinion when your suitemate
never stops doing it.
(Loud moaning)
uh... whoever is in there has been occupying Vagistan nonstop for the
past week. I transfered schools to get away from stuff like this!
I have a 3.8 GPA
I made the Dean's List last year! This is a women's college for Christ sake!
(Knocking) Come in.
Hey, do you want to go get something to eat? -Yeah, sure.
Is your friend coming with us? -I was alone...
Oh, I love going to an all women's college.
Even though it wasn't my first choice.
But...Well,
You see I got into some "legal" trouble
back home with one of my high school teachers in Ohio. Toledo, represent.
(Laughs)
So,
my dad the it would be better for me to go to a college where it's all women, in the middle of nowhere
and all my teachers are over fifty. But
I make do.
Whoa, kiddie
Where are you going? -Back to my room. Carter was getting hungry. I'm sorry Ashton. I didn't see you.
It's okay. I didn't see you either. You're not exactly in my eye-line.
What are you doing with all those boxes?
I'm bringing them to Carter.
She won't leave the room. I think she might be agoraphobic.
I don't know what that means. -(To Amelia) Who are you?
Oh! I'm Amelia -She's a transfer.
Okay...I gotta go
Where are you going? -J. CRU
What's J. CRU? -Jesus Crusaders. Do you guys wanna come?
Oh no, no, no- -Yeah!
We'd love to come! See you there!
Great! Bye! -Byee...It'll be fun!
I think it's really important for Amelia to meet people. Her being a transfer and all.
And I think J. CRU is just her kind of thing!
Uh, I'm an Atheist.
Oh my gosh! Hiiii guys! This is awesome!
Look at everybody's smiling faces!
Gonna learn about the word today!
It's gonna be great! So many people.
Good to see you! Glad you made it.
Welcome, lovely ladies...
and Eddie.
Why is Eddie here? I think Eddie's gay...I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
He didn't hear me. I don't think he heard me...He didn't hear me.
Well, this is the first J. CRU meeting of the semester so yay!
I'm really ready
to um...
get these kids Baptized.
So, let's just go around
and everybody, all the new members introduce yourself
I'm Ashton and
I like bananas
and Jesus.
I like Jesus too.
I'm Stephanie. Hi. -I'm Lucy
Nice to meet you!
uh...I'm Amelia. -I'm River. I'm on a religious scholarship.
I'm a Buddhist.
My mother is a
Master yogi in New York.
She meditates with all the celebrities.
It's a wonderful experience.
Okay, so I guess we should get started. Usually
with Bible studies. I don't know if any of you
have gone to them
I don't know.
Mary? She's gone to some.
Yes, I'm really 15.
That's always everyone's first question.
And no, I'm not some know-it-all who's parents never let her have any fun.
That's always everyone's second question.
But in case you're wondering, I do have a 4.0
But that doesn't mean I don't know how to have fun!...I drink the wine at Communion.
I usually like to open with a prayer. If everyone could
hold hands.
So we can all connect.
Okay, I'm just gonna open up with a prayer.
Um, Father God
thank you so much for this amazing group
of strong women.
Who are educated
and who are filled
with the holy spirit
uh...
God, I just ask that you uhh
just fff...
I ask that you just rise
rise above
our expecatations today.
Rise above
what what we expect to get from you Lord.
uh...
I just want to be on fire today for God. That's what I want. I just want to be on fire. Amen.
Great! Wow!
The Lord said to Moses, "Speak to the Israelites and say to them,
after you enter the land I'm giving you as a home
and you present to the Lord food offerings from the herd or the flock
As an aroma pleasing to the Lord." So what kind of
umm, sacrifices or offerings could we give?
Fasting?
That's a very good offering.
She likes bananas. She could give him bananas.
Or maybe, like helping the homeless?
Or giving up your house and just going and
living in a shack in the woods.
I actually grew up in a commune in San Diego.
We farmed Angora rabbits and brushed their hair
and made scarves out of it
and then sold it
to the uh,
the little Indonesian children who lived across the way
They were very thin. It was very sad.
Uh...The sacrificing of animals.
Is that something you do?
(singing) *This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine. Let it shine!* Go! Go share the holy spirit!
Do you want the tuna salad on Wednesday or Thursday?
How many times do I have to tell you
Wednesday is grilled cheese day.
Thursday is tuna salad. -Sorry.
You know, I think it's gonna be a good year.
It's gonna be a good year. -It's definitely gonna be a good year.
It's gonna be a good.
(Loud moaning) It's gonna be a good year, it's gonna be a good year
It's gonna be a good year.