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From the city that will bring you SuperBowl XLVI:
SuperSeed Bowl I!
The ultimate competition in SuperBowl Sunday snacking:
The squirrels and the birds!
(crowd cheering)
Hello, everyone. I am Beau Tuck.
And I am Joy Bakeman.
Welcome to the inaugural broadcast of the SuperSeed Bowl.
We are near downtown Indianapolis in a residential neighborhood
about a mile from Lucas Oil Stadium, which should be hosting
the current Super Bowl, but they lost out to Dallas.
Indy will get the 2012 Super Bowl.
And we can tell you, folks,
this city does not close down its
restaurants and movie theatres,
when they get a little snow and ice,
as Dallas did this week.
In fact, eating in the snow and ice
is a common occurrence
for many residents of Indianapolis,
and that is the reason we are here
for Super Seed Sunday.
And we can see outside
of our broadcast booth here,
the beginning of the activties.
This is the traditional priming of the plates
by the keeper of the seeds.
The game is about to start, Joy.
You are right, Beau.
The meal will feature
some of the best sunflower seeds
and corn that Indiana offers,
and we know this state is famous for corn.
Yes, in many forms, in fact,
but that does not bother the fans
gathered for this contest.
We have a camera in one of the suites,
and you can see the excitement building.
There is anticipation all around us, Joy.
You can say that again, Beau.
for us to take a back-seat
to the action on the field.
We will return at half-time.
Enjoy the game, everybody.
(Bugle call to post, crowd cheers)
(drum roll)
(gun shot to start game)
(competitive music)
(crowd cheering)
Welcome to half-time, seed fans.
What a game we are having, Joy.
SuperSeed Bowl I is certainly
living up to expectations.
I am Joy Bakeman.
And I am Beau Tuck.
Those Hoosier squirrels obviously
have the physicality for this contest,
but these Indiana birds,
the cardinals, particularly,
have got motors that will not quit.
I do not think Vince Lombardi
could chow down better, Joy.
You are right about that, Beau.
But let us look at the details.
First, the disqualifying has hurt the squirrels.
Three of them spent the first half on the bench,
two for missing hair and one for missing a tail!
And only one bird could not pass his physical.
He had the flu. I guess that is bird flu, right?
Fortunately, in the first half,
we did not have a lot
of injury time-outs, but we did see
the Johnny Deer a couple of times.
Both sides lost a player,
and those two are out
for the remainder of the game,
I suspect for the season
or even longer!
I guess hawks don’t like seeds.
Joy, the squirrels, in fact,
are out-eating the birds at this point,
by more than a pound of seeds in the 1st half!
Can you believe that?
That is not surprising, Beau,
considering the height and weight
advantage the rodents have.
But look at all the penalties!
These guys are making a lot of mistakes.
Yes, and in the wrong places, too!
They obviously have a problem with disciplne.
Plus, no role players,
too many soft hands
and just not enough ball skills.
You betcha. The birds got flagged more
for delay-of-game,
paying too much attention
to how they look on national TV, I guess.
But, Beau, the squirrels are just beating themselves.
Especially in the four-down situations.
They are just not playing like this is
the biggest meal of their careers.
That is for sure.
This is all four-down territory now, Joy.
Scoring the most points
or eating the most seeds
does not cut it.
And there is your half-time score, folks,
Birds, 14-point-four-ounces;
Squirrels, after all those penalties,
only 12-point-eight ounces.
Can the squirrels turn this around in the second half, Joy?
We will see in about 30 minutes.
And, Beau, our seed fans will see
at the same time we do.
Throughout the 2nd half our computers
will calculate the progress of the contestants,
measuring their consumption
and deducting their penalties
si, si, simul, simul...
Simultaniously.
Thank you. As we watch.
So, at the end of the day,
just like at a football game,
you will know all the winners,
and we will know all the winners
at the same time
and we will know who will be
celebrating in the tree tops.
Joy and I will be back after the second half
of Super Seed Bowl I
from icy and snowy Indianapolis.
(bugle call to post)
(crowd cheering)
(competitive music)
(crowd cheering)
Wow! What a turnaround!
I am Beau Tuck.
And I am Joy Bakeman.
The squirrels win it with a big second-half!
We do not have the final stats yet, Beau,
but it seems the squirrels were
the team that wanted it more.
Yes, and while it may have been
a moral victory for the birds
to win the first half,
they just did not have the horses
down the stretch, Joy.
Now that is why you have to play
the whole 60 minutes.
The birds just had too many costly turnovers
in the closing minutes
and not enough staying power in the red zone.
But I was impressed with those cardinals.
Yes, speaking of the red zone,
I think the cardinals have a bright future, Joy,
and maybe we will see a different finish
from them next year.
But today, it was the squirrels’ time to crow.
And our time to GO.
That is it for SuperSeed Bowl I
from Lame Dough Field in Indianapolis.
If you are in town for the Super Bowl
next year, put us on your schedule.
Good bye, everybody.
(closing music, crowd noise)