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What is your story?
Jackie Levi and Beth Midrash story tellers presents: Chazal stories in new custom.
In Argentina, they are addicted to soccer.
The official religion is soccer.
They even have a church named after Diego Armando Maradona.
In Jerusalem they also love soccer very much, but we won't talk about that.
My wife, Paula, who made an aliya 30 years ago from Argentina,
says "In Argentina they are also addicted to soap operas."
There are good soap operas in Argentina, here too. I can tall you more later…
Many years ago, a handsome young man arrived to Jerusalem,
from Lod, seeking a job with the richest man in Jerusalem.
Kalba Savoua (a fat Satisfied dog)
What would you expect from someone with a name like that?
Kalba had a beautiful daughter, Rachel. So Beautiful and delicate, and
he planned to marry her to one of the wealthiest man of the city.
To the Valiro's, Nakkash's, Safra's, or atleast Gaydamak…(a rich oligarch)
And Akiva? Akiva, come come, I have got a lot of
good recommendations. Your task is to take this herd
and in a year to double it, and then I will double your wage.
Your residence is over there, this house is out of your range. Is that clear? Good luck."
Akiva took the drove, fed it, water it, shepherd
it, and in the next spring, that herd was doubled.
"Akiva, come… come. I have heard you doubled the herd. I will double
your wage, but only in the next year. For now carry on in your task."
One day when Rachel left the big beautiful house, she
saw her father's shepherd and fell in love with him.
"Father, I love him."
"Listen carefully, you got two choises: either
you marry a Vallaro or a Nakash or a Gaydamak.
or you and the shepherd leave this house never to come back.
Rachel Chose Akiva and Kalba Savoua issued a "red card". (in soccer)
They left the house with only their cloths on their backs.
They didn't even have a coin for a mattress, so they slept on straw and hay.
Every morning, Akiva would take out a straw from Rachel's hair and would
promise her "Rachel, a day would come and the straw will turn into gold.
I will give you a gold crown, Jerusalem of gold."
and it is known that jerusalem was obtained with a lot of effort
Rachel loved Akiva very much, and sold her beautiful hair to pay for his bible studies
He left for 12 years, came back, and left again for another 12 years. He returned
as a head of 24 thousand students, and was the most brilliant sages of Jerusalem.
Everyone followed him and listened to every word he has to say.
All this time, the evil Roman Governer is watching
Tornos Rufus his name, which was a bit unmanly
and like any evil person, he had a beautiful wife, Rufina. So
beautiful, that when she walks by, she takes your breath away
your heart stop pounding, but she doesn't give you a second look
when Tornos Rufus saw Rabbi Akiva he thought that he has a problem.
He wondered what shall he do… and decided: a confrontation!!!
full studium, me, judge, Rabbi Akiva…. He makes a small mistake,
judge pulls a red card, and he's kicked out of the game
So Rufus challenged him, the studium was full, many people, lots of noise
and all the honorable distinguished people of Jersalem
were in the gallery including gaydamak and valerio
food and wine were generously served with arak and humus
and they begin: Tornos Rufus asks the first question,
Rabbi Akiva answers and wins, over and over again…
Four times he won! Torenus Rufus left this conflict with his tale between his legs. He
said to his wife Rufina - this jew cheated, he fooled me! I will arrest and execute him!
"Torenus, wait. Maybe I will try to play my charm
and he will crawl back to you." said his wife
That day, Torenos was out, and Rufina was waiting
for Rabbi Akiva, wearing nothing, almost nothing.
Rabbi Akiva knocks on the door and Rufina opens it. Rabbi Akiva takes
one look at her and does three things: spits, crys and laughs.
Why spit…?
there are several theories: some say he spit as so he meant to say - what a beautiful "Shikse", other
claim he spit as if to say - he didn't come for this, it's beneath him, after all, he is Rabbi Akiva.
Why did he cry? Because he saw in his eyes that in 50
years her amazing beauty will become ashes dust and worms
and it's well known, that once you're dead, the worms can't
tell if you were once beautiful as a mermaid or ugly as an uger
why did he laugh ? Oh well…. It doesn't really matter, the point is, that she
- Rufina, fell in love with Rabbi Akiva
and she gives him golden gifts. Rabbi Akiva took the gold to a jewler
and asks him to make a gold crown. Jerusalem of Gold. Once
it's ready he asks him to send it to Rachel - his wife.
When Torenos returns home, and hears that Rabbi Akiva was at his home turf, he get maniac
He arrests Rabbi Akiva and takes him to Caesarea for execution
How did this game end? Maybe Rufina wanted to set
Rabbi Akiva up and eventually falls in love with him,
Maybe Torenus Ruphus, enjoyed watching Rabbi Akiva tortured to death
Maybe Rachel waited all her life for Rabbi Akiva, and at the end all
she got is straw turned to gold, when she got the golder crown?
I don't really know who won here, but certainly, in Jerusalem as well
as in Argentina - when you go to a soccer game you spit, cry and laugh.
Truthfully, I don’t really know much about soccer, nor do I understand much
about soap operas, but in this soap opera Rabbi Akiva deserves the world cup.