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So I thought today I was gonna make a video blog about sensory diet
and I prepared all my slides and I prepared all my notes
and I did a lot of research and then when I sat down to talk
I realized that
talking is hard and the way I process information when I talk
is very different than the way I process information when I write
when I'm talking
everything is, every . . .
when I'm talking it's like I can't see behind me or in front of me
I'm stuck here and the talking itself
occupies so much of my brain
that I feel like there are gonna be a lot of gaps if I try to present the subject
by talking
And as much as I wanted to do this
to try to
expand my capabilities and maybe present something in a new way
and take advantage of the visual aspects of video. I also feel like there will be too
many gaps
that I can't treat the subject thoroughly enough because I don't
have the ability to go
back and revise or to go back and see where I've
been and then pick up that thread and go forward with it
or to see the entire landscape of what I'm doing
in the way that I do when I write. And so I'm realizing as I do this that
the way that I use my brain and the way that I assemble my thoughts when I write
is very very different than the way that I use my brain when I talk.
no don't cut it don't cut it
And so there's this, there's this long pause there is this
utter blankness in my head
and something is happening
and yet nothing is happening
and so there's just a frustration, I think
that
I know what I want to say, I know
I know what I wanted to blog about. I know the subject inside out
and if I,
the voice in my head if I sit here silently and I let the voice in my head
run, it's all there it's so eloquent
and all the pieces come together and it's funny
and it makes sense and there are analogies
and I can get all the facts out and it's all there
and the minute I try to talk about it
it turns into nonsense
it turns into bits and pieces of things and I
I start okay and 20 seconds into it
I completely start stumbling. I lose complete track of what I wanted to say
and there's something about the physical
act of talking that derails my thought.
And this helps
this helps keep me on track, it helps keep me here
but it's not quite enough.
And it's not even about being self-conscious
I used to think maybe that I couldn't speak publicly or on camera because I was
too self-conscious.
But now I see that there is more of a
there's like a physical barrier
to speaking, to thinking and speaking at the same time.
And so I can
I can think
and then I can write what I'm thinking and sometimes I'm thinking and writing
at the same time. It's like chasing the words
in my head, but to speak them out loud
makes it impossible
to chase that train of thought because somehow
the part of my brain that does the thinking and the part of my brain that
does the talking
compete with each other.
And so that's why I'm not video blogging, unless this is video blogging.