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(Betty) NO, NO, NO! AAH!
(Daniel) YOU ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON I MET THREE YEARS AGO.
BETTY, YOU'VE ALREADY CHANGED, BUT YOU'RE STILL YOU.
REALLY?
I DON'T WANT YOU EVER AROUND MY MOTHER AGAIN!
HE'S ONLY INTERESTED IN HIS CAREER AND LEECHING OFF OF YOU!
WELL, WHO IS HE THEN?
HE'S YOUR BROTHER.
I'M KIND OF BUSY RIGHT NOW.
THANKS FOR NOT DITCHING ME TONIGHT.
WELL, YOU'VE GOT ONE.
HILDA SUAREZ, I LOVE YOU.
(whispers) OH!
SO YOU LIKE SOMEONE.
WHAT IS... THEIR NAME?
LILY.
I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH LENA KORVINKA.
SHE LOVED MY AUDITION AND WANTS TO FORMALLY INVITE ME
(Betty and Ignacio scream)
ROMEO...
ROMEO...
WHEREFORE ART THOU, ROMEO?
DENY THY FATHER
AND REFUSE THY NAME.
(lisping) YOU SEE? ACTING IS...
(fake teeth clicking) REINVENTION.
I MEAN, WHO IS TO SAY
THAT JULIET HAS TO BE THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN THE ROOM?
YOU KNOW, MAYBE SHE'S SOME MISGUIDED ***
WITH BAD EYES AND BAD HAIR
AND BAD TEETH.
(door slams)
(students laugh)
WHAT?
OKAY, EVERYBODY TAKE TWO MINUTES.
I'M JUST GONNA CALL MY CAT AND GRAB TONIGHT'S SPEAKER.
YEAH, BUT YOU SHOULD STAY FOR THE GUEST SPEAKER.
(normal voice) THAT'S WHY HE'S SPEAKING?
THAT'S ALL I NEED.
OH, AUNT BETTY, THIS IS MY FRIEND AUSTIN.
HEY.
IT'S VERY NICE TO MEET YOU. I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.
NO. JUST WHAT A GIANT EGO YOU HAVE.
HI. CUTE GLASSES.
THANKS. NICE TO MEET YOU.
(Lena) GOOD NEWS.
TINKERBELL ATE HIS DINNER, AND HE'S GOING TO BE FINE.
(inhales deeply) ALL RIGHT.
NOW TONIGHT'S SPEAKER IS AN AWARD-WINNING PLAYWRIGHT
AND A FOXY LITTLE MUCKETY-MUCK.
HIS LATEST PLAY,
"THE REBIRTH OF RITA,"
OPENS NEXT WEEK.
PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO ZACHARY BOULE.
MWAH, MWAH. MERCI.
I KNOW HIM.
I READ HIS FIRST PLAY. IT WAS SO GOOD AND SO TRAGIC.
WHAT A NICE TREAT FOR ME.
(girl) HEY.
HI.
SO LENA ASKED ME TO SPEAK ABOUT REINVENTION TODAY,
WHICH IS A THEME IN MY NEXT PLAY.
IT WAS LIKE HE WAS TALKING DIRECTLY TO ME--
EVERYTHING HE WAS SAYING ABOUT REINVENTING YOURSELF,
YOUR LOOK, YOUR LIFE.
MM, THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
I MEAN, THAT'S EVERYTHING I'VE BEEN DOING THIS YEAR--
YOU DON'T SAY?
HILDA, STOP. I SEE YOUR ENGAGEMENT RING, OKAY?
(laughs) GOOD, BECAUSE I'M PRACTICING HOW TO SHOW IT OFF
WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE I'M SHOWING IT OFF.
TOO OBVIOUS.
AS I WAS SAYING, ZACH WAS REALLY INSPIRING.
AND BY "INSPIRING," DO YOU MEAN "CUTE"?
AY, IS HE CUTE?
THAT IS NOT EVEN WHAT I WAS THINKING!
UGH.
AND HE WON A DRAMA DESK AWARD.
I WRITE A BLOG. I WON A BLOBBY.
BUT I WAS THINKING ABOUT PITCHING HIM TO "MODE"
OH, YEAH, YOU SHOULD.
NOTHING SAYS "NEW YORK" LIKE THEATER.
HERE, LET ME FIX YOUR HAIR.
NO. I SEE IT!
YOU JUST SCRATCHED MY GLASSES.
THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S A DIAMOND. (gasps)
(singsongy) I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HER.
(normal voice) THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE BEEN TELLING HER?
FOR FOUR DAYS? DOES SHE... AT LEAST... SOUND... WORRIED?
SHE WAITS 30 YEARS TO TELL ME I HAVE A BROTHER,
AFTER SHE DROPS THAT BOMB,
SHE WHISKS HIM OFF TO PARIS TO MEET ALEXIS.
THINK ABOUT HOW YOUR BROTHER FEELS.
DON'T CALL HIM MY BROTHER.
EXACTLY MY POINT.
THE POOR GUY GETS OFF A BUS FROM SOUTH DAKOTA,
YOU PUNCHED HIM, AND NOW HE'S WHISKED OFF
TO MEET MANZILLA IN SOME FOREIGN LAND.
SINCE WHEN ARE YOU HIS FRIEND?
(telephone rings)
I HAVE A LOT OF WORK I HAVE TO GET BACK TO.
NOW, MARC,
I NEED ALL THOUGHTS OF GO-GO BOYS IN GLITTER PANTS
OUT OF YOUR HEAD TODAY.
JAMES CAMERON'S PEOPLE ARE GONNA CALL.
THEY'RE DOING THE C.G.I. WORK
RIGHT.
I SHOULD TELL YOU, DANIEL'S CONCERNED ABOUT THE COST.
(sighs) I DON'T CARE ABOUT DANIEL.
GOOD MORNING!
WAS THAT MONOCHROMATIC BLUR BETTY SUAREZ?
I KNOW. WHERE ARE THE POLKA DOTS AND BUTTERFLIES
UH, YEAH.
DOES SHE LOOK... NICE?
WILLIE!
YOU SWORE YOU'D DIE
BEFORE YOU EVER COMPLIMENTED A SUAREZ ENSEMBLE.
AAH!
(Marc) WILLIE!
ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?
YOUR STUMBLE INTO GOOD TASTE HAS KILLED HER! (gasps)
BY NOW YOU'VE ALL HEARD WHAT HAPPENED TO WILHELMINA.
SHE IS HAVING SURGERY ON A PERFORATED ULCER,
BUT SHE IS GOING TO LIVE.
THE GOOD NEWS IS,
I AM TAKING POINT ON THE NEW YORK ISSUE.
SO I GUESS WE SHOULD SEND FLOWERS OR SOMETHING.
(sighs) It's just like you to cheap out, Daniel.
I had a little time before surgery,
so I'm gonna run this meeting, thank you.
Daniel, I could die on the table.
Are you really gonna take this away from me?
Features, what do you got for me?
UM, HI, WILHELMINA. IT'S BETTY.
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THE IDEA OF REINVENTION
AND HOW PEOPLE COME TO NEW YORK CITY TO--
Oh! (groans)
OH, MY GOD. ARE YOU OKAY?
I'm fine. It's your pitch. It's excruciating.
JUST GIVE HER A CHANCE.
Fine. Five words, go.
UM...
PROFILE!
UH...
PLAYWRIGHT.
No.
I gave you five words. You chose to use "um" twice.
No playwrights.
Theater is dead, and so is your pitch.
(grunts) I am not wearing that.
(sighs)
Apparently, my table is ready, so I will leave you with this--
I've given Marc detailed instructions
as to how to proceed with my New Amsterdam shoot.
WILHELMINA, THAT'S TOO EXPENSIVE.
Daniel, you stupid moth--
ALL RIGHT, THAT SHOOT IS CANCELED.
DANIEL, CAN I PLEASE RE-PITCH YOU MY IDEA?
LOOK, I HATE TO SAY IT,
BUT I HAVE TO AGREE WITH WILHELMINA ON THIS ONE.
IT DOES!
LOOK AT HOW FASHIONABLE HE IS!
BESIDES, HIS NEW PLAY IS ALL ABOUT REINVENTION,
WHICH IS THE CORE OF FASHION, RIGHT?
I MEAN, WHAT'S OUT YESTERDAY IS IN TOMORROW.
AND I'M SORRY, BUT NEW YORK IS THEATER.
IS HE WITH LEIGHTON MEESTER?
WOW, YOU SAID THAT FAST.
YOU KNOW WHAT? IF YOU WANT TO ASK HIM OUT, JUST ASK HIM OUT.
WHAT?! UH, NO.
THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
I JUST THINK THAT THIS WOULD BE A REALLY GOOD STORY.
RUN WITH IT.
AT THE VERY LEAST, IT'LL *** OFF WILHELMINA.
THANK YOU, AND TRUST ME, THIS IS TOTALLY PROFESSIONAL.
(Carmen Reece's "Right Here" playing)
YOUR REAL NAME IS EZRA BUTINSKY?
WHY WOULD I MAKE THAT UP?
I GUESS IT DOESN'T HAVE QUITE THE SAME ROMANTIC RING
AS "ZACHARY BOULE."
SO YOU THINK MY NAME'S ROMANTIC?
IS THIS INTERVIEW TAKING A TURN?
HA HA. (chuckles)
UH, SORRY. I INTERRUPTED YOU BEFORE.
WHAT WAS YOUR QUESTION?
RIGHT. OH, 'CAUSE I... WAS ASKING YOU A QUESTION.
HOW HAS YOUR TIME AT OXFORD
INFLUENCED YOUR NEW PLAY, "THE REBIRTH OF RITA"?
OFF THE RECORD,
I KIND OF EMBELLISHED MY BIO TO SOUND MORE INTERESTING.
I DID ONE SUMMER PROGRAM THERE.
THE TRUTH IS, I GREW UP IN NEW JERSEY.
TYPICAL DORK-- GLASSES AND BRACES.
NOT THAT I'M IMPLYING
THAT GLASSES AND BRACES MAKE YOU A DORK.
IT'S OKAY. I CAN HANDLE "DORK."
I'M SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING THEM OFF SOON ANYWAY.
I JUST HAVE TO FIND A NEW ORTHODONTIST
I LOVE MINE.
YEAH, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
THANKS.
(inhales deeply) OKAY. SO...
MM. I'M KIND OF AN OVER-THINKER,
MM.
YOU KNOW, THE KIND THAT GET SWEPT UP IN A MOMENT
AND TAKE ACTION.
DOESN'T IT?
I MEAN, WOULDN'T OUR LIVES BE SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING
TOTALLY.
IF WE JUST LIVED IN THE MOMENT?
WE WANT SOMETHING, WE GO FOR IT.
♪ WHEN YOU LET ME GO ♪
♪ YOU THOUGHT I'D HIT THE GROUND ♪
♪ I BET YOU THOUGHT THAT I WAS GONE ♪
♪ WITHOUT A SOUND... ♪
♪♪♪
OH, MY GOD. I'M SORRY.
NO, IT'S NOT OKAY.
IT'S TOTALLY UNPROFESSIONAL AND--AND DISRESPECTFUL TO YOU
AND WHATEVER POTENTIAL STARLET GIRLFRIEND YOU MIGHT HAVE.
I'M SORRY.
LOOK, I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT THIS WILL IN NO WAY
NEGATIVELY AFFECT THE PIECE THAT I AM WRITING ON YOU.
SORRY.
OH, GOOD. YOU'RE STILL HERE.
SORRY TO BOTHER.
OH, YOU'RE SWEET...
BUT NO.
AND NOW YOU'VE MADE ME SAD.
MY ACTING CLASS IS DOING A SCENE NIGHT
FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS, AND I WANTED TO INVITE YOU.
OH... A NIGHT OF SCENES...
PERFORMED BY TEENAGERS. HOW FUN.
HOW MANY SCENES ARE THERE?
AND WHAT NUMBER ARE YOU IN THE ORDER?
ARE ANY OF THESE KIDS FAMOUS?
ONE GIRL DID A P.S.A. FOR LEAD PAINT WHEN SHE WAS 4.
OH.
IT'S LILY-- THE GIRL THAT I LIKE.
RIGHT. SO--SO, THAT'S...
STILL HAPPENING?
YEAH, IT'S GREAT.
OH, OKAY.
SO YOU BOTH... LIKE HER.
MM-HMM.
WELL, COUNT ME IN. I LOVE DRAMA. (chuckles)
AND I LIKE THEATER.
(Betty, thinking) "ZACHARY BOULE
"IS ONE OF BROADWAY'S BRIGHTEST RISING STARS.
"IN FACT, I'D SAY THE ONLY THING BRIGHTER
IS HIS DASHING SMILE."
"DASHING SMILE"? KEEP IT CLEAN, SUAREZ.
(sighs)
"WE MET AT A BAR ON 29th STREET.
"HIS HANDSHAKE WAS FIRM.
"I COULDN'T HELP BUT IMAGINE
THOSE SAME HANDS MASSAGING MY SHOULDERS."
(clicks computer keys)
♪♪♪
(echoing) I NEED YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME.
(echoing) ANYTHING, ZACH. ANYTHING AT ALL.
I WANNA READ MY PLAY TO YOU.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I HOPED YOU'D SAY.
"PAGE ONE,
ACT ONE."
THAT'S AMAZING.
"A SPOTLIGHT ILLUMINATES A WELL-WORN EASY CHAIR,
CENTER STAGE."
AN EASY CHAIR-- THAT'S SO GOOD.
♪♪♪
WOW. YOU'RE REALLY IN THE ZONE, HUH?
ZONE? YES.
I'M FEELING THE ZONE.
HOW WAS THAT THING LAST NIGHT?
MM-HMM.
OH, YOU MEAN MY MEETING WITH ZACH--
ZACHARY--ZACHARY BOULE?
GOOD. BUT I WOULDN'T REALLY CALL IT "A THING."
I'D CALL IT AN INTERVIEW.
WOW. YOU'RE BEING KIND OF WEIRD, HMM?
I'M NOT ACTING WEIRD. YOU'RE ACTING WEIRD.
HELLO?
ZACHARY.
HOW WEIRD.
UM, DANIEL, THIS IS ZACHARY.
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.
YOU HAVE A... REALLY BIG FAN HERE.
DANIEL, I'M NOT A FAN. I'M NOT A FAN.
I'M AN IMPARTIAL JOURNALIST. CAN I HELP YOU WITH SOMETHING?
JUST WANTED TO FOLLOW UP ON OUR THING LAST NIGHT.
(lowered voice) HE CALLED IT A "THING."
WELL, UH, LET'S GO SOMEWHERE AND TALK.
ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS DROP THESE CAFTANS AND TURBANS OFF
WITH WILHELMINA--
MM. (gasps) TYLER JUST SENT ME A TEXT.
HE WANTS TO HAVE DINNER WITH ME WHEN HE GETS BACK FROM PARIS.
I CAN'T DECIDE IF IT'S WEIRD OR HOT
THAT YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH ONE BROTHER
I CAN'T EITHER.
ON ONE HAND, I'VE KNOWN DANIEL FOR YEARS,
AND I REALLY CARE ABOUT HIM.
BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, TYLER'S A MODEL.
AH, DILEMMAS.
(woman over P.A.) DR. BYNES TO PROCTOLOGY.
DR. BYNES TO PROCTOLOGY.
(singsongy) AW.
I WANT TO PULL BACK THE COVERS
(normal voice) N-NO! NO, NO.
(lowered voice) LET'S JUST DROP THIS STUFF OFF
AND GO HAVE A NICE LUNCH.
OH, OKAY.
(mechanical whirring)
REALLY, MARC? SOUP AND HALF A SALAD?
WHEN THE CAT'S AWAY,
OH, MY GOD. WILLIE...
THIS WAS ALL THEY HAD AVAILABLE.
LUCKY FOR ME, SHE GETS NO VISITORS.
JUST SLOWLY ROTTING AWAY.
OH, SAD FACE.
(normal voice) WELL, YOU'RE LOOKING AWFULLY SPRY
FOR SOMEONE WHO'S RECOVERING FROM A PERFORATED ULCER.
WELL, I HAVE TO STAY ALERT
(Amanda and Marc) OHH.
DID YOU NOT REMEMBER THAT DANIEL KILLED THAT YESTERDAY?
OF COURSE I REMEMBERED.
AND I'M REVIVING IT, SO WE'LL WORK FROM HERE.
AND DON'T YOU DARE TELL DANIEL.
IF YOU'RE HUNGRY, CALL DOWN FOR SOME ICE CHIPS.
I'M SORRY THAT YOU HAD TO COME ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE.
I KNOW, ZACH. I AM SORRY. I AM SO EMBARRASSED.
I WISH I COULD TAKE EVERYTHING BACK.
I MEAN, I'M A JOURNALIST.
I SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAINTAIN A CERTAIN LEVEL OF PROFESSION--
HAVE DINNER WITH ME TONIGHT.
I WOULD LOVE TO.
NO! NO, I CAN'T.
I PUSHED REALLY HARD TO WRITE THIS ARTICLE,
AND IF MY BOSS FOUND OUT THAT YOU AND I WERE INVOLVED,
THAT WOULD LOOK REALLY BAD.
SO...
THEN WE WON'T TELL HIM.
IF ANYONE FOUND OUT...
ZACH, YOU'RE IN THE TABLOIDS.
I HAD TO DATE TWO ACTRESSES AND CRASH A MOTORCYCLE,
AND SUDDENLY EVERYONE WANTS TO TAKE YOUR PICTURE.
WE CAN KEEP IT A SECRET, JUST BETWEEN US.
I'VE GOTTEN PRETTY GOOD
AT AVOIDING THE PAPARAZZI WHEN I HAVE TO. (chuckles)
(sighs)
OKAY, YES. A SECRET DATE.
A SECRET DATE.
(elevator bell dings)
(man speaks indistinctly)
I KNOW, BUT... (speaks indistinctly)
(door closes)
UGH. EVEN THROUGH A MORPHINE HAZE,
I CAN SEE THE SHODDY WORK ON THESE SAMPLES.
(sighs)
OH, AND CALL THE WAITRESS. I NEED MORE JELL-O.
UGH. SPEAKING OF JELL-O.
I JUST TRIED TO BOOK LORENZO
FOR THE COVER SHOOT WE'RE ACTUALLY DOING,
AND I FIND OUT THAT HE'S ALREADY BEEN BOOKED
OHH! (groans)
IT'S NOT GONNA WORK THIS TIME.
LOOK, YOU CAN COME UP WITH SOMETHING MORE MANAGEABLE
FOR THE NEXT COVER, BUT THIS ONE IS MINE.
(sighs) SCREW YOU AND YOUR CRAPPY GERBER DAISIES.
FINE. YOU WIN.
THANK YOU.
WELL, I GUESS THAT'S THAT.
I'LL JUST TAKE THESE DOWN.
NO, YOU HEARD DANIEL.
I GET THE NEXT COVER, SO PARK YOUR *** DOWN.
(whispers) GET OUT OF MY HEAD, WOMAN.
(Betty) OKAY,
THERE'S A CHANCE THIS MOVIE MIGHT STINK,
BUT IT'S STARRING BRUCE WILLIS,
SO THE THEATER WILL PROBABLY BE EMPTY.
WELL, IN THAT CASE, I'D BETTER DO THIS NOW.
(whispers) HIDE!
I AM NOT GOING TO JOCK STRAP NIGHT ALONE.
I WILL LOOK LIKE A FOOL. OH, HEY, BETTY.
YEAH, SHE'S HANGING OUT IN THE LOBBY AGAIN.
(normal voice) I'M SORRY.
I WORK WITH HER, AND SHE'S SUCH A GOSSIP,
I DIDN'T BRING MY WALLET,
(leaves rustle, thud)
YEAH, SHE'S STILL HERE. I DON'T KNOW.
AGAIN, I'M SORRY.
FINE. I'LL FIND SOME OTHER QUEEN TO BUY ME A DRINK.
(gasps) OH, MY GOD.
BETTY MET SOMEONE IN THE LOBBY.
YOU SHOULD TOTALLY START HANGING OUT HERE.
WHY WOULD THAT MAKE YOU SAD?
OKAY, HOPEFULLY SHE'S NOT COMING BACK.
I THINK WE'RE SAFER BACK HERE.
(chuckles)
ALL RIGHT,
HERE ARE ALL THE BRIDAL ISSUES I COULD FIND.
OKAY, SO TELL ME,
DOES THIS SAY ENGAGEMENT PARTY
OR... DEAD *** UNDER A BRIDGE?
DOES SHE HAVE TO BE A DEAD ***?
CAN YOU JUST ANSWER ME?
BOBBY'S COUSIN IS COMING OVER, AND SHE'S A ***.
I DON'T WANT HER TO THINK I'M MAKING FUN, YOU KNOW.
(cell phone chimes)
(singsongy) OH, LET ME GUESS.
(normal voice) WE'RE TAKING THE PATH TRAIN
OUT TO NEW JERSEY TONIGHT
TO GO TO THIS OUT-OF-THE-WAY ARGENTINEAN RESTAURANT.
THAT IS CUTE.
I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S ACTUALLY INTO ME.
(normal voice) WHY? BECAUSE HE'S AN AWARD-WINNING PLAYWRIGHT?
LISTEN, YOU WROTE A PLAY, TOO.
SECOND GRADE. YOU REMEMBER?
"THE BUMBLEBEE THAT NEEDED GLASSES."
OHH, GOD!
(voice breaks) THAT THING BROKE MY HEART.
(normal voice) ANYWAY, THE POINT IS, YOU ARE WORTH IT.
BELIEVE IT NOW.
YOUR CHILD IS CALLING. HI, JUSTIN!
HI, SWEETIE.
OH, WHOA. WHAT'S WITH THE WORD "HELL"?
WELL, LILY'S COMING OVER TO WATCH A MOVIE,
AND IT'S OUR FIRST TIME ALONE,
AND I CAN'T VERY WELL SERVE HER POPCORN WITH PAPER TOWELS,
WELL, ACTUALLY YOU CAN, BUT--
(doorbell rings)
(snaps cell phone shut)
(thud, slides drawer closed)
(sighs) OH, HELL.
HEY.
OH.
HEY.
OH, IT'S IN THERE.
SHE INVITED ME. I GUESS SHE WANTED ME HERE, TOO.
OR MAYBE SHE LIKES ME BETTER.
OR MAYBE YOU NEED A BREATH MINT.
GUYS, WHICH "ROMEO & JULIET"-- ZEFFIRELLI OR LUHRMANN?
LUHRMANN.
WELCOME.
(laughs)
YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO ADMIT,
ALL THIS SNEAKING AROUND HAS BEEN KIND OF FUN.
YEAH. (chuckles) OH, I ALMOST FORGOT.
MY ORTHODONTIST'S CARD.
(singsongy) CUTE.
(laughs)
BYE.
DANIEL, I KNOW WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE,
BUT I CAN EXPLAIN.
I THINK I CAN PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER.
YOU BEGGED ME TO LET YOU DO A STORY ON A HOT NEW PLAYWRIGHT.
I FINALLY AGREED TO AN OBJECTIVE PROFILE,
AND NOW I DISCOVER YOU'RE ACTUALLY DATING HIM.
IN MY DEFENSE... I HAVE NO DEFENSE.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOU.
YOU COULD LOSE YOUR JOURNALISM LICENSE.
OH, NO! MY JOURNALISM LICENSE?
WHAT?
(laughs)
YOU ARE SO CUTE WHEN YOU'RE MORTIFIED.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW STRESSED OUT I'VE BEEN
YOU'RE ACTUALLY WORRIED WHAT I THINK?
BETTY, I'M HERE BECAUSE I'M FOOLING AROUND
WITH MY ASSISTANT.
SO MY POINT WAS, I'M NOT ONE TO PASS JUDGMENT ON ANYONE.
JUST GIVE ME A LITTLE HEADS-UP NEXT TIME.
I THINK I'M GONNA SAY NO TO DINNER WITH TYLER.
I'VE GOT THIS THING WITH DANIEL,
AND AREN'T THERE STATE LAWS
PROBABLY IN TEXAS.
MAYBE I'LL JUST HAVE COFFEE WITH TYLER.
HE'S SO NICE, AND I THINK I'M A LITTLE BIT SMARTER THAN HE IS.
I DO.
MANDY, LOOK, WHAT YOU HAVE WITH DANIEL IS CASUAL AND FUN,
BUT WITH TYLER... YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
SO YOU HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF,
ARE YOU HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU'VE GOT
OR DO YOU WANT THE POSSIBILITY OF SOMETHING MORE?
(gasps)
NOT YOU TWO.
I'M WILHELMINA SLATER'S DOCTOR,
AND I CAN'T HAVE YOU TWO BRINGING HER ANY MORE WORK.
IF SHE DOESN'T GET SOME REST, SHE'LL NEVER HEAL.
TRY.
OTHERWISE YOU'LL BE VISITING HER HERE FOR A VERY LONG TIME.
WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO, KILL HER?
WE CAN'T.
SHE'LL ONLY GROW STRONGER.
(sighs)
HI.
WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?
WE GOT HELD UP BY DR. WHO'S-IT. HE'S REALLY WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
THAT FOOL. HE COULDN'T FIND HIS *** WITH BOTH HANDS
IF I SPOTTED HIM A CHEEK.
SO LET'S GET TO WORK.
OKAY. WELL, HERE'S THIS.
(whispers) DISTRACT HER.
OH.
EXCUSE ME, WILHELMINA.
I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION TO ASK YOU.
YES?
WHICH OF THESE IS THE CABBAGE PATCH
AND WHICH IS THE PREP?
"A"...
OR "B"?
(clicking continues)
WHAT IS SHE DOING?
I'M SAVING YOU FROM YOURSELF.
NO! OW, OW. OW! (choking)
(gurgles)
AND... HUG YOU. OHH.
(coughing and gasping)
OHH.
(Amanda and Marc scream)
OHH! OHH. OH, I FORGOT.
SHE ALWAYS DOES THAT WHEN SHE FIRST FALLS ASLEEP.
I PEED A LITTLE.
OH, IT'S OKAY. I WON'T TELL ANYONE.
(elevator bell dings)
HEY, I GOT YOUR MESSAGE.
I WAS SURPRISED YOU WANTED TO MEET ME HERE.
I WANTED TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
BETTY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
PEOPLE CAN SEE US.
I KNOW. WE DON'T HAVE TO HIDE ANYMORE.
BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THE CODE OF ETHICS STUFF?
I WAS TAKING IT TOO SERIOUSLY. I CAN DO THAT.
SO I WAS THINKING MAYBE I COULD BE YOUR DATE
TO THE PREMIERE TONIGHT?
I WOULD LOVE THAT,
BUT LET ME JUST CALL MY MOM FIRST AND CANCEL.
I KNOW. I'M LAME.
BUT SHE KINDA LIVES FOR EVERY OPPORTUNITY
TO COME INTO THE CITY AND SEE A CELEBRITY.
THAT'S NOT LAME. THAT'S SWEET.
WHY NOT? I WOULD RATHER GO WITH YOU.
THAT'S ALSO VERY SWEET, BUT YOU SHOULD TAKE YOUR MOM.
YOU SURE?
(laughs) OKAY.
BREAK A LEG!
(mouths word)
UGH. OKAY. WELL, THIS HAIR ISN'T GETTING ANY BETTER.
LET'S JUST GO.
(lock clicks)
MM.
WHAT'S WRONG?
(door closes)
WHY ARE WE SITTING?
(sighs) I'M FREAKING OUT.
I HAVE TO KISS LILY IN OUR SCENE TONIGHT.
OH.
(keys clank)
YOU HAVE TO KISS LILY?
BUT I THOUGHT YOU LIKED THIS GIRL, RIGHT?
ISN'T THIS A GOOD THING?
YEAH, WE'VE JUST NEVER REHEARSED IT,
AND OUR FIRST KISS IS GONNA BE ONSTAGE.
WHAT IF SHE THINKS THAT I'M... BAD?
OKAY, WELL... (clears throat)
IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT,
YOU'RE IN A PRETTY GOOD PLACE.
YOU ACTUALLY LIKE THE GIRL YOU HAVE TO KISS. (laughs)
SO JUST LET... YOUR FEELINGS TAKE OVER.
AND YOU WON'T BE...
BAD.
IF YOU KISS SOMEONE
WITH FEELING,
THEY KNOW IT,
AND YOU KNOW IT.
IT'S LIKE...
IT'S LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE GOES GRAY,
AND...
YOU'RE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE LEFT IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
THANKS.
(sighs) I FEEL BETTER NOW.
GOOD.
I'VE NEVER FELT MORE ALONE.
OFF WE GO!
(door opens)
(Betty) EXCUSE ME.
OOH! SORRY.
OH!
OH. ARE THOSE FOR ONE OF THE ACTORS?
NO, THE PLAYWRIGHT. WE'RE SEEING EACH OTHER.
ZACHARY BOULE? REALLY?
REALLY. I MEAN, I WAS SUPPOSED TO SIT WITH HIM,
BUT HE'S BRINGING HIS MOTHER INSTEAD,
AND I COULDN'T JUST NOT COME, SO I USED MY PRESS PASS.
ACTUALLY I THOUGHT I'D GET A BETTER SEAT.
NOT THAT THESE ARE BAD SEATS. THESE ARE GREAT SEATS.
SURE. LET'S JUST HOPE THE PLAY IS AS GOOD AS THAT STORY.
(gasps) OH, THERE HE IS.
(whispers) ZACH. ZACH!
(applause continues)
(normal voice) HI! (laughs) I MADE IT.
(speaks inaudibly)
I KNOW THIS IS GONNA SOUND INSENSITIVE,
BUT YOU'RE GONNA SIT DOWN, RIGHT?
NO, UM...
I HAVE TO GO. EXCUSE ME. SORRY.
(applause)
(man) SHH!
MAMA? MAMA, WHERE ARE YA? I CAN'T SEE YA.
I'M HERE, RITA.
I HAD SOME TROUBLE GETTING BACK HERE
THROUGH THE FOG.
(mouths words)
OH, HE'S HELD UP BY MR. WILKINS.
HIS MARE'S WORKIN' THROUGH A FEVER.
HE'LL BE BACK IN A BIT.
(sighs and whispers) HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW
SHE WAS GONNA COME DOWN THE AISLE? THAT'S SO CLICHé.
THEN WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
TELL HIM, BEATRICE.
I'M SAYING GOOD-BYE.
THAT'S NOT HOW YOU SAY GOOD-BYE.
WHAT? THIS IS WHAT?
OH, MY.
WHOO-HOO!
(Marc) YEAH!
(Hilda) WHOO!
TERRIFIC! THAT WAS TERRIFIC!
(lowered voice) A LITTLE BETTER IN REHEARSAL,
(chuckles)
(keypad keys clicking)
(woman) OH, DEAR GOD,
WOULD YOU PLEASE KNOCK IT OFF?
(switch clicks)
OH. I'M SORRY.
I ASSUMED BY THE ZOMBIELIKE COMPLEXION
AND THE OCCASIONAL DEATH RATTLE YOU WOULDN'T MIND.
OUCH.
SAVE IT FOR THOSE POOR KIDS YOU TORTURE ALL DAY.
THOSE KIDS ARE MY EMPLOYEES.
I WOULDN'T EXPECT YOU TO UNDERSTAND.
I HAVE A BUSINESS TO RUN.
OH, I UNDERSTAND.
I USED TO BE YOU.
YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA CALL THE NURSE.
YOU'RE A HIGH-STRUNG TYPE "A" ***
WHO DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ANYTHING BUT HER CAREER.
YOU SEE, THIS IS WHY I WANTED A PRIVATE ROOM.
AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
YOU ARE GETTING OLD.
YOU HEARD ME.
YOU CAN PARALYZE YOUR WHOLE FACE.
YOU CAN LIFT YOUR ***, YOUR BUTT AND YOUR NECK
UNTIL YOU'RE 6 INCHES OFF THE GROUND,
BUT YOU CAN'T STOP TIME.
ONE DAY YOUR PRECIOUS JOB IS GONNA BE DONE WITH YOU,
AND ALL YOU'RE GONNA BE LEFT WITH
IS A BUNCH OF MISSED HOLIDAYS, SKIPPED VACATIONS...
(sighs)
AND A SON YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IN 20 YEARS.
HELL, I MIGHT BE A GRANDMOTHER
AND NOT EVEN KNOW IT,
BUT I GOT STOCK OPTIONS...
(sighs)
AND A BUNCH OF TOYS I CAN'T EVEN PLAY WITH.
(sighs)
OKAY, WELL, I LOVE YOU. MWAH.
HAVE A GOOD TIME AT THE CAST PARTY,
AND STAY AS LONG AS YOU WANT,
OKAY.
(chuckles) BY THE WAY,
THANKS.
(door clatters)
(giggles)
(applause)
BETTY!
NO, I'M SORRY.
IT MUST HAVE BEEN SO HARD TO GROW UP
WITH A MOTHER WHO WAS YOUNGER THAN YOU.
NO, IT WASN'T MY IDEA.
MY AGENT AND MANAGER SET UP THE WHOLE THING.
YOU THINK ALL THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENED
YES! BECAUSE EZRA IS TALENTED.
YEAH, WELL, EZRA DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF HIS PLAYS PRODUCED
UNTIL HE CHANGED HIS NAME TO ZACHARY BOULE
WELL, I'M GLAD THAT WORKED OUT FOR YOU, BUT I'D LIKE TO GO.
COME ON. I HAVE A REPUTATION.
THAT INVOLVES BEING SEEN WITH HOT GIRLS ON YOUR ARM?
EXACTLY. THEY GET ME PRESS, AND THAT FILLS THE SEATS,
BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN WE CAN'T GO OUT.
FOR NOW.
COME ON.
I LIKE YOU, BETTY. JUST WAIT FOR ME AFTER THE SHOW.
DON'T THINK ABOUT IT.
BE IMPULSIVE.
JUST...
DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
(smack)
(crowd murmuring)
(thud)
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU GUYS GO WITHOUT ME.
(sighs) JUSTIN, I KNOW YOU SAW US.
DON'T WORRY.
SHE DIDN'T PICK ME OVER YOU OR ANYTHING.
I KISSED HER.
YOU GOT TO DO IT ONSTAGE, SO I WANTED MY SHOT, TOO.
WELL, SHE SEEMED PRETTY INTO IT.
I GUESS.
YOU WEREN'T?
WELL, IT WASN'T LIKE YOU TWO ONSTAGE.
THAT SEEMED INTENSE.
YEAH, WELL...
I GUESS IT'S JUST BECAUSE I'M A GOOD ACTOR.
R-REALLY?
YEAH.
I-IT WAS BETTER IN MY HEAD. (chuckles)
(chuckles) YOU KNOW, THIS IS MESSED UP, ALL RIGHT? LIKE...
OH, AND BY THE WAY, YOU WEREN'T THAT GOOD, ALL RIGHT?
'CAUSE I HAD TO MOVE ALL THE WAY OVER HERE,
'CAUSE YOU WERE TOTALLY BLOCKING ME
(scoffs) YOU WISH. I DEFINITELY DID IT RIGHT.
OH, TRUST ME, THEY WERE LOOKING AT ME ANYWAY.
WOULDN'T YOU BE?
(Maps' "*** In The Sunshine" playing)
♪ YOU MAKE ME SO GOOD ♪
♪ TO BE AROUND ♪
♪ FEELING LIKE YOU SHOULD ♪
I'M SORRY.
♪ WON'T GET YOU DOWN ♪
♪ IN THE SYSTEM ♪
♪ HELL AMIDST 'EM ♪
♪ EVERYONE'S A MESSED UP TRIP, YEAH ♪
(Hilda) NO.
(Betty) ISN'T THAT DRESS TACKY?
(Betty) I WOULDN'T EVEN WEAR THAT!
(Hilda) THAT DRESS IS A NO.
JUSTIN!
THERE'S MY STAR!
OH, MY GOD. YOU ARE NOT GONNA BELIEVE
WHAT YOUR AUNT BETTY DID.
SHE PUNCHED THAT GUY ZACHARY AT HIS PREMIERE!
LOOK, IT'S ALREADY ON THE INTERNET.
(Justin) WOW, THAT'S CRAZY!
I'M NOT PROUD OF IT, BUT IT DID FEEL REALLY GOOD.
(keys jangle)
HEY, WHY ARE YOU RUSHING OFF TO BED?
AND WHY ARE YOU HOME SO EARLY?
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA HANG OUT
AUSTIN.
YEAH. UH, I WAS...
UM... I'M JUST NOT FEELING THAT GREAT.
I-I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA GO TO ACTING CLASS TOMORROW.
REALLY?
HUH.
MUST JUST BE THE EXCITEMENT FROM THE NIGHT, HUH?
YEAH.
MAYBE.
(whispers) AY.
(normal voice) MAN, TEENAGERS AND THEIR MOOD SWINGS.
ONE MINUTE HE'S UP AND THE NEXT MINUTE...
OH, GOD. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
THIS WHOLE TIME, I THOUGHT I WAS HIDING HIM...
(swallows)
WHEN HE WAS HIDING ME.
AND THE WORST PART IS, ON SOME LEVEL,
I KNEW HOW THIS WAS GONNA END.
OH, COME ON, COME ON.
YOU CAN'T TURN THIS INTO SOMETHING THAT IT'S NOT.
IT'S TRUE.
EVERY TIME I FEEL LIKE I'M MOVING FORWARD,
(voice breaking) SOMEONE REMINDS ME THAT...
I'M STILL JUST THE DORK WITH GLASSES AND BRACES.
BUT THOSE BRACES ARE COMING OFF ANY DAY NOW.
YEAH, BUT WHAT IF NOTHING CHANGES?
(sighs) THEN I'LL HAVE NOTHING TO BLAME.
OH, HONEY.
YOU GOTTA STOP.
SOMEHOW YOU GOT IT IN YOUR HEAD
THAT THIS IS YOUR STORY.
BUT YOU GOTTA LET THAT GO.
IT'S TIME TO COME UP WITH A WHOLE NEW STORY FOR YOURSELF.
(Hilda) YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE.
AND THE SOONER THAT YOU'RE OKAY WITH THAT,
THE SOONER THAT YOU SEE WHAT I SEE,
THE HAPPIER YOU'RE GONNA BE.
I SWEAR TO GOD.
(knocking continues)
OKAY!
OH.
(sighs deeply) HEY, DID YOU GET MY TEXT?
UM, NO.
I'VE BEEN KIND OF AVOIDING TEXTS ALL DAY.
WELL, I FINALLY TALKED TO MY MOM.
WE REALLY GOT INTO IT AGAIN. I AM IN SUCH...
I'M SORRY, DANIEL.
UH... YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M NOT SURE I'M UP FOR OUR KIND OF PLANS TONIGHT.
OH. OKAY.
COOL.
DO YOU MIND IF I JUST HANG OUT?
I DON'T REALLY FEEL LIKE BEING ALONE RIGHT NOW.
I'LL GRAB A COUPLE OF MARC'S 64-CALORIE BEERS.
NAH, I'M GOOD.
(cell phone chimes)
YOU'RE LATE.
OH! SORRY, WILLIE.
ABOUT YESTERDAY...
IT'S FINE.
TURNS OUT YOU WERE RIGHT.
IT WAS GOOD FOR ME.
REALLY?
YES.
I HAD AN EPIPHANY LAST NIGHT.
(curtain rings scrape)
(Wilhelmina sighs)
THAT ANGEL...
(snorts and snores)
THAT SWEET, WHEEZING ANGEL
SAID SOMETHING TO ME LAST NIGHT THAT MADE ME...
REEVALUATE MY PRIORITIES.
(sighs deeply) I'M WASTING MY LIFE, MARC.
WHAT AM I DOING?
WORKING AT A FASHION MAGAZINE, DAY AND NIGHT. AND FOR WHAT?
A PAYCHECK?
A MEAGER PERCENTAGE OF SOME DWINDLING BOTTOM LINE?
(sighs) I KNOW WHAT I WANT,
AND IT'S NOT "MODE."
IT'S NOT?
IT'S MEADE. I WANT THE WHOLE DAMN COMPANY.
AND THIS TIME, I'M NOT GONNA DANCE AROUND CLAIRE,
NO MORE COMPROMISING WITH DANIEL,
NO MORE NICE WILLIE!
(lowered voice) THIS HAS BEEN NICE WILLIE?
IF I'M GONNA DIE, I'M GONNA DIE WITH THE MOST TOYS!
(elevator bell dings)
(Zachary) BETTY?
OH, NO. (chuckles) LOOK AT YOUR FACE.
IT'S OKAY. I DESERVED IT.
I CAME BY TO SAY THANK YOU FOR SENDING ME THE PROFILE.
UH, IT WAS SURPRISINGLY NICE.
NO, I WOULD NEVER DO THAT.
ASIDE FROM THE OCCASIONAL PUNCHING AND SNEAKING AROUND,
I LIKE TO KEEP IT PROFESSIONAL.
I'M GLAD YOU LIKED THE ARTICLE.
BETTY...
I REALLY AM SORRY.
AND I REALLY LIKE YOU.
AND THIS MIGHT BE PRESUMPTUOUS OF ME TO ASK,
BUT IS THERE ANY CHANCE YOU MIGHT GIVE ME ANOTHER SHOT?
NO.
THANKS. BUT, NO.
I THINK IT'S TIME FOR ME TO TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
BUT I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.
HI.
UM, HAVE YOU SEEN AUSTIN?
NO.
I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
SOME DAYS, IT'S JUST HARD TO GET OUT OF BED.
YOU'RE ACTORS. YOU'LL SEE.
OKAY, LET'S BEGIN.
SHOULDN'T WE WAIT FOR AUSTIN?
OH, NO. UH, AUSTIN WILL NO LONGER BE JOINING US.
HE DROPPED OUT OF CLASS THIS MORNING.
OKAY, SO TODAY WE'RE GONNA TALK
ABOUT HAVING A PHYSICAL LIFE ON THE STAGE.
(Passion Pit's "Let Your Love Grow Tall" playing)
♪ I'LL FOLLOW YOU, AND YOU'LL FOLLOW ME ♪
♪ MY FABRICS MYSTERY ♪
♪ I'LL WAVE YOUR LOYALTY IN THE FREEZING BREEZE ♪
♪ SO DESPERATELY ♪
♪ WHOO, OOH, WHOO, OOH ♪
HI. MY NAME IS BETTY SUAREZ,
AND I'M LOOKING FOR A NEW ORTHODONTIST.
I WAS WONDERING IF DR. FRANKEL IS TAKING ANY NEW PATIENTS?
I'VE BEEN WEARING BRACES FOR OVER FOUR YEARS NOW.
♪ AND ANOTHER ONE COMES DOWN ♪
WEDNESDAY?
THAT WOULD BE GREAT.