Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
Derek!
Are you ok?
She’s peeing!
Who’s peeing?
Fresh meat!
- Fresh meat? - Yes!
- Are you ok? - No!
I mean, yes – I’m ok. It’s the hot girl.
She’s in the bathroom. She’s about to come out.
- And? - And – you need to check yourself in the mirror! I’ma help you through this.
Through what?
Your first impression. Smile for me.
- No. - You got a piece of celery stuck between your teeth.
Pluck it out.
Pluck it out!
Hello? Hello?
Derek. Derek? Derek!
You just ran up inside the men’s room.
Did you pluck it out?
Michelle, Missy, we’ve been through this. No more match-making. I’m not looking.
You don’t have to look! That’s what I’m here for. Consider me your wingman!
- Ok, “doo doo doo” the number you have tried to call is busy. Message 5,4,3,2… - You better NOT hang up!
- What does she look like? What does she LOOK like? - Put it like this – I think it’s time you try something new.
And what exactly do you mean by something new?
“Something New.” You ever seen that movie? I’m pretty sure its on Netflix.
Did you just slam the door?
Peek through the glass and see if she has a ring. I didn’t check for it before.
Negative.
Is she with anybody?
Negative. She’s solo. Be honest. She’s pretty right?
I seriously, seriously owe you an apology. She’s hot.
But I still don’t think this is a good idea. Every time we do something like this…
…It’s me who ends up looking like a fool.
Act normal. Do not hang up. We’re gonna extract her phone number.
Mission control to Derek…
…mission control to Derek.
- Are we all good? - Sorry, I spaced out. Michelle, what the hell…
Let’s do this.
So, so right now, she’s having trouble with the door.
Perfect. Open it, and smile. Took care of that celery, right?
Wait, stop!
What? It’s taken care of!
No. What are you going to say?
What am I going to say?
I don’t know. I’ll just play it like I’m going to the water fountain.
Right. But you need to THINK of something to SAY.
Hi. Hey, maybe? Maybe not.
Stand down. Let me think, let me think.
Ooh, okay! What do you think – is she Chinese of Japanese?
I know she’s Asian. I mean other than that, I could not tell you.
- Probably Chinese. - Why? - There's like a b'jillion of them.
Remember when we took Chinese 1101 in our undergrad?
I remember how to say Ni Hao. Why?
Ok, so when you open the door, give her your number.
So I give her the access code and then what?
No, your phone number. But…in Chinese.
Ok, I see where you’re going with all this, but…
…my Chinese? Uh-uh, I would totally screw that up.
Everything would just come out.. “Wong.”
- I am still good with numbers. Trust your wingman..uh..woman.
- Ok. What if she’s Japanese? - Nope.
- Korean? - Don't think so.
- Hawaiian? - Chinese! Go with it! And if she likes you, she’ll remember the number.
Ok, shouldn’t we just break the ice before the phone number and all that?
Trust me this is icebreaking 101.
Hurry up! Go! Go! Go!
- Ni hao! - Hey!
You understood that?
- Good, good, good, good, good. - Yeah boy! I told you she was Chinese!
I, myself, was just headed to the water fountain.
So, you’re trying to get in, right?
Yeah. Xie-Xie.
- Mei ***. Mei ***! - Mei… Mei ***?
- Water fountain. Water fountain! - …Water fountain.
Oh. Hao!
Dui bu qi. Ching-wen yixia. Haoma *** ji hao?
Ooh! She just asked for the number, right? Am I right?
Ok. Showtime. Liu, qi, ba…
Liu, qi, ba…
I repeat - Liu, qi, ba…