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"Double, double|toil and trouble "Fire burn|and cauldron bubble. " I don't know|why people do this. It's not at all good|for the cuffs. Takes the starch|out of them. I wonder if it does|that to babies? Of course,|that must be the idea. As you shall soon see, tonight's play bears|a relation to the foregoing,|however slight. It is a tragical, comical, historical, pastoral,|musical mystery entitled "Toby. " "Toby" takes place|in New York in 1910 and on your television screen|in just a moment. So, well,|then he says he wants new dishes|in the cupboards. "New dishes,"|I said, "Mr. Birch. "Look, I don't put new dishes|in my furnished flats. " But no, he insists, "She's got to have new|dishes when she moves in. " Some nerve. Yeah.|"Well," I says, "Oh," he says,|"I'll pay for them myself. " He says, "Get her|some pretty things. "She comes from|a good family. "She's used|to nice things. " Good family? And she's|gonna live here in this dump? Mrs. McGurk, take these|and stick them on the shelf if you don't want|a teapot over your head. Yes, ma'am. Well, well, ladies, this is very pleasant,|very pleasant indeed. I hope you like the pattern|on the new dishes, Mr. Birch. Yellow roses,|it's called. Yes, very nice.|Very nice. Oh, what will I put|these flowers in? Oh. Mrs. McGurk, you be|a good one, run upstairs and get a vase out of that|second-floor storeroom, huh? Yes, ma'am. The Queen of Sheba|will be thrilled. Queen of Sheba? Your friend that's moving in, she means. Queen of Oh, no,|she's nothing like that. She's a very simple girl. Girl? Well, I|Time passes, I know, but here in the mind|and in the imagination it doesn't pass. Why, to me,|Edwina's still a girl. Well, your Edwina's no girl. Not after 20 years,|she ain't, Mr. Birch. Twenty years. What kind of a girl|is your Edwina, Mr. Birch? Heavens, I scarcely know. She was the shyest,|most gentle thing on earth back home in Canandaigua. Oh, that's where|we both come from, Canandaigua. Upstate. Did you love her? Well, I think that's|rather personal, don't you? Oh, come off it,|Mr. Birch. You've been my tenant|upstairs for 12 years. There ain't much|we haven't talked about. Yes, but this I'd rather|not talk about. Then you did love her. Loved her? I was possessed by her. Then what happened? Well, her father|was very rich. He owned the biggest house|in town. And, well,|I was very poor. Oh, then her father|objected to you marrying her? Oh, no. Not in the least. I courted her|for two years. We would sit on the porch|in the summer. Oh, those long, hot days|with the smell of the flowers. I loved her|more than my life. But witness the fact|that I never married. And she did? Oh, no. No. Well, then what happened|between you two? Why didn't you|marry her? Well, I Hey, it's got a chip in it. I hope your lady friend|ain't gonna mind. Oh, thank you,|Mrs. McGurk. You've done very well.|Thank you. Yeah. Oh, that's|a lovely shape for roses. She loved roses. Her porch back home|was a bower of roses. They climbed all across|the trellis, pink ones,|and white ones, and Oh, excuse me|for rattling on like this, but I think Well, I believe this is|the happiest day of my life. Oh! Oh, for heaven's sakes. I glued them handles on|only last week. What's the matter|with you, Mr. Birch? It's a bad sign. Bad sign, my eye. Stick them|in this pitcher here. Everything will be|all right. I can't help feeling|it's a bad sign. Oh, go on with you. Now, go on up into your own|place, change your shirt. Your lady friend|will be here any minute. Leave the roses|to me, huh? Oh, if you|don't mind, I'd rather. Thank you, Mrs. Foster,|thank you for everything. You wanna be alone when|she comes, is that it? Well, if you don't mind,|I'm sure you understand. Don't I just? I guess you won't|be needing two flats for long. No, I'm sure we won't. And as soon as we settle|the marriage details Yeah, well,|good luck. And mind you give me 30 days'|notice on that other flat. It's just|gotta rain. It's gotta blow up the|whole town, one or the other. Can't go on like this. Is no gonna rain,|and is no gonna blow out. Is gonna go on|just the way it is. Summer in New York.|It's cooler in the oven. Stuart. Stuart,|let the lady pass, or you want I should|paste you one? He's He's waiting|downstairs for you, miss. Hey. Who is this Miss Ritzy? This Miss Ritzy|is Mr. Birch's friend. He rented the basement|flat for her. MR. McGURK: Birch's friend?|That weasel's got a friend? MRS. McGURK: He ain't no|You keep your mouth shut. Edwina. Hello, Albert. Uh Come in,|come in, my dear. I didn't know.|You never told me. Oh, I have so much|to tell you, Albert. So much|has happened to me. Well, we'll be together now. We'll have hours|and hours to talk. Oh, how we used to talk|in the old days. Do you remember? I've never forgotten. Where shall I put|the baby, Albert? Oh. In the bedroom, Edwina. Here, this way. Why do you keep|his eyes covered? He'll smother|under that blanket. The poor dear's just|getting over scarlet fever. The doctor said he was|to remain in the dark for several weeks yet. Scarlet fever,|poor little thing. Have you any milk|for Toby's bottle? Oh, yes, yes.|I laid in a few supplies. But I never thought|the milk would be for a baby. I didn't know|you'd been married, Edwina. Oh, Toby isn't|my child, Albert. He's|my sister's child. You remember Martha? Of course. She married Otto Schmidt|who worked in the bank. They were driving|in their carriage, a brand-new carriage, and they were hit by a train|at Price's Corners. They were both|killed instantly. Killed?|Both of them? Luckily, Toby was at home|with his nurse. Poor little thing,|scarcely three months old. I'm his guardian now. Poor Edwina, you must have|had a terrible time. I think the milk|is warm enough now, Albert. Put some in this bottle,|there's a dear. Of course. You went away and you|never wrote me, Albert. I never heard|a single word from you, not even a postcard. Did you really|go to college, Albert? Oh, I'm sure you fell|in love with some other girl and forgot|all about me. Oh, no. It's not true. I never fell in love|after I left you. I did go to college but I couldn't finish.|There wasn't enough money. So I left and came to New York|and I've been here ever since. Then you never became|a lawyer, Albert? What are you then? Oh, I keep the books|in a department store. I'm a bookkeeper,|Edwina. A bookkeeper? How strange that I should|be marrying a bookkeeper. Oh, don't|look like that. I don't mind,|I don't mind at all. And Toby's too young to mind,|so what's the harm? Why, there's no harm,|absolutely none. I shall buy you|a box of pencils and a ledger|for a wedding present. And I shall|wear roses. I remembered|you loved them. Oh. Roses. Oh, what fragrance. We always had roses|in our garden at home. I shall always try to have|roses for you here, Edwina. Oh, I'm glad I put that|advertisement in the newspaper. I'm glad we found|each other. Oh, my dear, when I When I|saw this in the personal column, I couldn't believe it. I had thought to go|to the end of my life alone. And then there was this. "Seeking information|as to the whereabouts "of Albert Birch,|formerly of Canandaigua. " Oh, well, you should have|come back to me years ago. But I couldn't.|I couldn't, Edwina. I knew I could|never marry you. I could never|make the living that I had hoped to make|as a lawyer, nor could I ever have the social|position that I thought you wanted. Social position? Me? I only wanted to be with you,|as we are now. As we are now. And will be now,|forever. And now I must|take up my duties as a proper father. Now, you make yourself|some tea while I give|the little one his bottle. No, no! No one's|to go near him. Don't be silly, my dear.|He's to be our child now. No! No one's|to go in there! Not yet.|Not yet, Albert! But why? He's not well. He's not quite|himself yet. Well, I only|thought to help. A mother,|even a foster-mother, feels things no man|could ever understand. Please. Make me some tea. Hey, listen.|Listen, did you hear that? Wasn't that thunder? Ah, it's the elevator|over in the Bowery. Hey, look.|Here she comes. You know what|I'm gonna make her do? I'm gonna|make her talk. Yeah, do that.|Three weeks she's been here, and she ain't opened|her mouth to one of us. Is it hot enough|for you, Miss Freel? It's very warm,|but I don't mind. How's the baby|standing the heat? He's fine. Excuse me, do you think|I could get by? What's the hurry? I've got to get the milk|into the icebox before the sun sours it. Oh, let her get by, Mac.|She talked, didn't she? We've been wondering|about the baby. The old lady here,|she says I never said no such When are we gonna|see the baby? Quite soon. He's so much better now. Please,|let me get by. Hey, come on, Mr. McGurk,|let the lady pass. I ain't stopping her. He's playful, miss,|like a gorilla. Now, you quit it,|Mac, it's too hot. I'd like to see her get mad.|She looks too cool. How I wish already you'd go back|to work in the garbage truck. Mamma mia! He sits around all day|long, just tries to think up trouble. Ah, shut your face. I ain't stopping the lady,|now, am I, miss? I'm gonna swat you one|right in your beak if you don't quit it, McGurk. Now, you just go on|downstairs, miss. And don't you try|something or I'll hit you Well, and how|is my girl today? Oh, don't do that! Darling, what is it? I don't want you|startling me like that. So, you're upset.|What's happened? Nothing's happened,|it's just Oh, never mind. I brought you something. Put it on the table. I'll be with you|in a moment. And if we're going|for a walk after supper, you'll want to go upstairs|and wash up, I'm sure. Edwina, you've got to tell|me when we're to be married. It's been three weeks and|you keep putting me off. Oh, not now, Albert.|Why must you discuss it now when I'm getting|the baby's supper ready? You've changed about me. In your feelings for me,|I mean. Well, I'll confess|something to you, Albert. I'm just now beginning|to get used to you, to having people around me. You ought to be able|to understand that. I've lived alone|for so many years and now I have|Toby and you. It's been quite a shock. But I am getting|used to it. Oh, I am. And soon, quite soon|I'm sure, we can be married. There now,|I've explained it to you. So, run along|and freshen up. We'll have a bite to eat and then we'll go for a walk|along the Battery and watch the ferryboats|crossing the harbor. It's the most beautiful|sight in New York. It's so wonderful|having you here, Edwina. Thank you, Albert. Now, run along, now. Who is it? Open in the name|of the law. It's only us,|your upstairs neighbor. We brought you some cold|beer, didn't we, Mac? Yeah, she was afraid|you were sore at me, so she had me rush|the growler. Oh, set it|down on the table. Get some glasses,|honey. Oh, I'm busy right now,|I'm feeding the baby. Babies can wait.|Come on, have a drink. I don't drink. Of course|you drink beer, especially on a hot day|like today. No! Now get out,|both of you. Get out, do you hear me? Now, wait a minute. Just goes|to show you. You can't be neighborly with people|who don't like to be neighborly. It's just that I don't like things|to happen to me suddenly, that's all. I have to be prepared. I don't like surprises. Surprises make me nervous. If you told me|to expect you, I Oh, never mind|that stuff. Yeah. And what's more,|it's like I told you, Marie. There ain't no baby|here at all. Oh, yes, there is. MR. McGURK: Where? In the bedroom. Let's see him. Let's see|your little Toby. Don't go in there! Mac, she means it. Say, what's the matter|with you? Come on, let's get. Just take your beer|and let's just get, Mac. What I|wanna know is, how come nobody's never|laid eyes on that kid since you've come here? That's not true.|Mr. Birch has seen him. What seems|to be the trouble? You've seen her Toby boy,|have you, Mr. Birch? Yes, I've seen him. Well, why didn't you tell us,|or Mrs. Foster, or somebody? Because I don't believe|it's any of your business. Oh, just ain't|friendly at all, ain't neighborly at all. Come on, Marie. Well, thank heavens|it's going to rain at last. Did you|hear that? That was|certainly thunder. Oh, I don't know|how people can stand it in the city|day after day. The heat and the noise,|it's enough to drive one What's the matter,|Albert? Why did you|make me lie? Lie? Yes, about Toby. Well, you didn't have to.|You could have told them. Well, you knew I wouldn't.|I never saw him, either. Well, I can't stand here discussing the matter|with you now, Albert. Oh, that blessed,|blessed thunder. Oh, now let it rain. Let it rain and cool off|all the fevers and drown out|all the questions on people's lips|and in people's eyes. Why do you look at me|like that, Albert? No, don't turn away. Answer me. I don't understand|you, Edwina. You don't understand me. Well, that's a fine thing|for you to say to me. You broke my spirit|and twisted my life and now you stand here|and say, "I don't|understand you, Edwina. " When you step|on a caterpillar, do you look down and say,|"I don't understand you"? That's what you did|to me, Albert. You stepped on me|and turned away. And 20 years later,|I came crawling back to you through an advertisement|in the newspaper. Oh, I know|what you think of me. You despise me!|And I don't blame you! What's the matter|with you, Edwina? I'm lonely! I've been lonely|for 20 years waiting, waiting. I couldn't get over you. Oh, I tried.|I did try at first. I gave parties. I went to|the band concert. I even traveled a little. But I grew lonelier|every time I came home and I realized|you weren't coming back. Everybody seemed|to be moving further and further|away from me. And they couldn't reach me,|and I couldn't reach them. I was alone. Do you know|what that is, where one's been|promised so much? We were going to be|a happy family like other families|in Canandaigua with children growing up. You promised me. I don't know|what to say. I dreamed of children. I dreamed of the family|you promised me. A noisy, laughing family. And instead,|I was utterly alone. And then|a miracle happened. Toby was given to me. Oh, yes, it was death|who brought him to me and placed him|in my arms. Somebody had to die first, but Toby was sent|to me at last, and I wasn't alone anymore. And you never|will be again. I swear to you. Oh, Albert,|your present. I'd forgotten|all about it. It's not real, but it certainly|looks real, doesn't it? It's something to pin|onto a dress or a hat. A rose.|Thank you, Albert. I love you more than ever.|You've got to believe me. And I'm sorry|for whatever I've done. Oh, thank you, Albert. I like|to hear that said. Don't touch me.|Don't dare come near me! You and your fake roses. False! False! Do you think|I could ever trust you? You? You don't wish me well. Oh, I can see it now.|I can see it. It's not true. You wish|I'd never come here. Well, I'll take my child and|I'll go and that will be that. And one day, perhaps, you'll put an advertisement|in the newspaper looking for me. And I won't|answer you, Albert. No, I won't answer! And you'll suffer|as I've suffered. What is it? Oh, dear. The gentlemen|have arrived and I'm scarcely|ready to receive them. Hello,|Miss Freel. I'll be ready|in a moment. Ben, Amos, I'm so glad|you found me. I don't like it|in this place. I've been lonelier|than ever here. We've come to take|you back, Miss Freel. I'll get my hat. She isn't well? She's been in the county|asylum for many years now. In an institution? Outside Canandaigua. She likes it there. We were surprised|she even wanted to escape. Escape? Especially at this time|of year, with the roses blooming|all over the place. She always said|it reminded her of home. Bye. You ready,|Miss Freel? Thank you|for everything, Albert. It's been so nice|to see you again. Goodbye. Goodbye, Edwina. I'm leaving Toby|in your hands now. I know you'll take|good care of him. But do write me|from time to time and let me know|how he's getting along. I will, Edwina. One day soon,|I shall be back, I'm sure. That's true, isn't it? Toby. Edwina "When shall we three|meet again "In thunder, lightning,|or in rain? "When the hurly-burly's done, "when the battle's|lost and won. "That will be|ere the set of sun. " Well, in other words,|next week. Good night, coz.