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ON THE RIGHT TO LIFE: An unborn child is my most precious constituent.
And I will fight to make abortion illegal without exception.
Of course, once that unwanted baby has grown and almost inevitably turned to a life of
crime, I will come down on them with the full weight of the law, up to and including the
death penalty.
At which point I will seek out the grieving mother, buy her a glass of Glenmorangie and
say, "You got Buccinellied."
ON HOMOSEXUALITY: I don't hate homosexuals, but I hate the homosexual
lifestyle—it's an abomination of nature. I mean, you never see two male panda bears
going at it.
You do?...You have?...Was it Gross?
ON PANDA BEARS: I don't hate panda bears, but I hate the panda
bear lifestyle. It's an abomination of nature.
RETHINKING IMMIGRATION: I don't hate Mexicans anymore. Don't believe
me, watch this...
Yo soy el Ben Cuchinelli. Me gusta comer pollo a la brasa. Barak Obama (dramatic music) IS
EL CHUPACABRA!
ON SCHOOL NUTRITION: It's important for kids to eat good, uh, when,
during school, uh... Look Greg, I know how important the school nutrition thing is to
you and Barb but, honestly, I got bigger fish to fry. I'm trying to run a campaign here...ok,
just walk away, cause that's what adults do. *** Baby.
You got what you need right? Just clean it up in post and make it look like I'm talking
about health food ***.
ON SCHOOL NUTRITION: Fish, Low Fat, Raisin, Pumpkins, Whole Grains,
Low Fat, Low Fat, Low Fat, Chicken Breast, Low Fat Shrimp, Steam