Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
MALE SPEAKER: Workless.
JEN: Good morning.
Ah, I'm running so late today.
CARRIE: Oh, hey, Jen.
JEN: Oh it looks so good in here.
Can I help you do anything?
JEN (OFFSCREEN): What?
CARRIE: Um.
You have something.
JEN: Something?
CARRIE: On your lip.
JEN: Oh.
Oh, this?
It's nothing.
I don't have anything.
I just--
I get them when I'm stressed out.
Is it really that noticeable?
CARRIE: Well, no.
It just, um--
JEN: I'm gonna put a little bit of powder on it.
Better?
CARRIE: Uh--
JEN: I stopped and got the brand new pumpkin spice latte.
It's so good.
CARRIE (OFFSCREEN): Oh.
JEN: Have you had it?
Try it.
CARRIE: No.
JEN: Yeah.
No, no.
Try it.
CARRIE: No, I'm fine.
JEN: Come on.
Just try it.
CARRIE: No, Jesus.
Back it up.
God.
JEN: Look at all the snacks you brought.
Wow.
ALEX: Brian's paperweight has been glued to his desk.
JEN: Ah, you have the best gags.
Chips and dip?
ALEX: Who made this?
CARRIE: I did, so it's--
ALEX: Oh, OK.
JEN: So good.
JEN: You're a double dipper too, huh?
Secret's safe with me.
I am too.
[SPITS FOOD OUT]
ALEX: I need a drink.
CARRIE: Oh, no, that's Jen's.
JEN: Oh, it's good, right?
ALEX: I'm gonna puke.
TOM: Here's the birthday cake, huh?
JEN: Shh.
It's a surprise.
Don't forget.
Oh, that is good.
Have some.
Have some.
It's delicious.
So good.
MARIAN: Hey, everybody, I brought Samson.
JEN (OFFSCREEN): Ohh!
MARIAN: Samson!
Samson.
JEN: Hey, look at what a big boy you are.
You're such a big boy.
ALEX: Mr. Beltzman, get the kid.
Get the kid.
MARIAN (OFFSCREEN): Oh, god.
He's just a kid.
He can't see that.
JEN: Surprise!
What?
CARRIE (OFFSCREEN): Oh, no.
[GRUNTING]
CARRIE (OFFSCREEN): Oh, god.
JEN (OFFSCREEN): No, somebody?
ALEX: Who's the CPR administrator in the office?
JEN: Oh!
Oh, it's me.
It's me!
ALL: No, no, no, no!
MR. BELTZMAN: God, no!
Just let me die!
[ALL CLAMORING]
CARRIE: Take your hands away from him!
JEN: What?
This?
CARRIE (OFFSCREEN): Oh, no.
JEN: This is nothing.
SAMSON: Mama, that's gross.
[TYPING]