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>> [ IMITATING GUNSHOTS ]
[ GROANS ]
YAY.
>> [ MUMBLING ]
>> [ IMITATING GUNSHOTS ]
>> [ MOANING ]
[ TIRES SCREECH ]
AAH!
[ TIRES SQUEAL ]
[ SOBBING ]
[ SOBBING ]
[ SNIFFLES ]
>> AAH!
[ SOBBING ]
>> AH! AH! AH! AH!
>> [ SOBS ]
YAY!
>> ♪ OH, LIFE ON THE OUTSIDE
AIN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE ♪
♪ YOU KNOW, THE WORLD'S GONE
CRAZY, AND IT AIN'T SAFE ON THE
STREET ♪
♪ OH! ♪
♪ WELL, IT'S A DRAG, AND I KNOW
THERE'S ONLY ONE PLACE TO GO ♪
♪ I'M COMING HOME ♪
♪ WHOA, YEAH ♪
♪ I'M COMING HOME ♪
>> [ GRUNTING ]
COME ON!
SERIOUSLY?!
THOSE GUYS ARE DICKS!
[ DOLPHINS CHIRPING ]
WHAT?!
REALLY?
UNDER ATTACK?
I DIDN'T NOTICE, MORON!
WHAT?
NO, NO.
I'M AT THE RENDEZVOUS POINT.
WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?
OH.
WELL, THEN, WHERE THE [BLEEP] AM
I?!
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
>> Jared: SO, I THOUGHT, WHAT IS
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SOUP AND
STEW?
RIGHT?
>> Warden: HOW DO I PUT THIS
NICELY, JARED?
I DON'T GIVE A CRAP.
LISTENING TO YOU PRATTLE ON IS
SOMETHING ONLY A FRIEND SHOULD
ENDURE, AND A MAN IN MY POSITION
DOESN'T HAVE FRIENDS.
[ ALARM BLARES ]
HELLO.
WHO'S THAT?
>> Jared: NOT ONE OF OUR
INMATES.
>> Warden: LOOK HOW HE OOZES
POWER, AUTHORITY, FASHION SENSE.
JAILBOT!
GO GET HIM!
UH...BE GENTLE.
>> WELL, OF COURSE, A MAN OF MY
EXALTED POSITION RARELY HAS TIME
FOR SOCIAL CALLS, BUT WITH MY
OWN ISLAND FORTRESS JUST DOWN
THE ARCHIPELAGO, I SAID TO
MYSELF, "STINGRAY, IT'S TIME TO
DO THE NEIGHBORLY THING AND
POP OVER TO SAY HI."
>> Warden: FASCINATING!
NOW, TELL ME -- WHAT KIND OF
WORK ARE YOU IN, STINGRAY?
>> YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS
LORD STINGRAY!
>> Warden: HAHA.
OF COURSE.
W-WHAT WAS I THINKING?
WOULD YOU CARE FOR A TOUR,
STINGRAY -- UH, LORD STINGRAY?
SORRY.
>> NO SIGN OF STINGRAY,
SIR.
LOOKS LIKE HE GAVE US THE THE
SLIP AGAIN!
>> SCOTCH AND SODA!
>> I'M SORRY, SIR.
I, UH...
>> IT AIN'T YOUR FAULT, SON.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST HEAD ON BACK
TO YOUR QUARTERS AND PACK YOUR
BAGS 'CAUSE YOUR FREAKING CAREER
IS FREAKING OVER?!
>> SIR!
I'M PICKING UP A SIGNAL FROM A
NEARBY REMOTE-ISLAND VOLCANO.
IT LOOKS LIKE STINGRAY, SIR!
>> I'D RECOGNIZE THAT BLIP
ANYWHERE!
STARS N' STRIPES, SADDLE UP!
>> OH!
THIS IS SOME LAIR YOU'VE GOT
HERE, WARDEN.
DOUBLE TITANIUM WALLS?
>> Warden: TRIPLE!
I FIGURE, WHY SETTLE FOR TWO?
>> HMM.
>> Warden: MOCHACHINO?
>> NOPE.
I LIKE MY JOE LIKE I LIKE MY
MINIONS -- SIMPLE AND STRONG.
>> Warden: OH, ME TOO.
J-JAILBOT, TWO CUPS -- BLACK.
>> Jared: BUT, WARDEN, YOU LOVE
YOUR MORN--
>> SILENCE, DRONE!
>> Jared: [ GROANING ]
>> YOU LET YOUR UNDERLINGS
QUESTION YOU?
>> Warden: [ CHUCKLES
NERVOUSLY ]
'COURSE NOT!
SHUSH, DRONE!
>> Jared: AAAAAAAH!
>> LOOSEN THINGS UP BOYS.
LET'S CATCH US A STINGRAY.
>> L-LISTEN, WARDEN, I GOT TO
LEVEL WITH YOU.
I'M NO ORDINARY FORTRESS GUY.
I-I'M A VISIONARY, A MAVERICK!
JUST LIKE YOU.
>> Warden: LIKE ME?
>> AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN TWO MAVERICKS GET TOGETHER?
>> Warden: A LIFELONG FRIENDSHIP
BLOSSOMS?
>> NOPE!
THE MAN TRIES TO BRING US DOWN!
ARE YOU GONNA LET THE MAN DO
THAT TO US?
>> Warden: NO WAY, STINGRAY --
UH, LORD STINGRAY!
BEHOLD MY IMPENETRABLE DEFENSE
SHIELD!
>> [ GIGGLES ]
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
WELL PLAYED, WARDEN.
[ DOOR OPENS ]
>> Alice: MAN, IT'S POURING ARMS
AND LEGS OUT THERE.
>> Warden: OH!
THEN LORD STINGRAY SHOULD STAY
THE NIGHT, LIKE A SLUMBER PARTY!
>> YES!
CAN I...INVITE A COUPLE OF
FRIENDS?
>> Warden: MI CASA ES YOUR CASA!
>> THAT IS THE PLAN.
[ EVIL LAUGHTER ]
[ LASERS FIRING ]
>> MAYDAY, MAYDAY!
WE ARE DOWN AND NEED ASSI--
>> STARS N' STRIPES, SOUND OFF!
>> PEEPERS!
>> ***!
>> RIP TIDE!
>> WHOO-HOO!
COOK OUT!
>> BLACK FACE!
>> ALL RIGHT.
LISTEN UP, MEN.
WE'RE ONLY SIX DEEP, BUT WE'RE
STARS N' STRIPES, DAMN IT!
THAT'S THE BADDEST, MEANEST,
MOST ELITE --
AAAAAAAAAH!
>> OH! OH, I'M SORRY.
>> COME ON.
PICTURES DIDN'T LIE ABOUT THIS
PLACE, RIGHT?
>> Warden: LORD STINGRAY!
LORD STINGRAY!
>> OH, BOY, HERE COMES
CAPTAIN CLING.
>> Warden: CHECK ME OUT, BUDDY.
LOOK, LIKE WE'RE TWINS NOW, HUH?
>> AH, I WANT YOU TO MEET MY
WIFE, MISTRESS KILDA!
>> Warden: HMM.
>> NO TOUCHING!
AND THIS IS HER BOYFRIEND/MY
ASSISTANT, CATASTRO!
>> [ GROWLS ]
>> NO TOUCHING.
>> Warden: [ CHUCKLES
NERVOUSLY ]
SAY, LORD STINGRAY?
WHEN I SAID INVITE SOME PEEPS
OVER, I WAS THINKING JUST A FEW.
UH...
>> I...THINK IT'S TIME WE...
TALKED.
>> Warden: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]
WE'RE BUDDIES, RIGHT?
>> LOOK.
I'M WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL A
TYRANNICAL RULER, OKAY?
I PLUNDER STUFF -- NUCLEAR
WEAPONS, INTERNATIONAL SPACE
STATIONS, PRESIDENTS' DAUGHTERS.
I SEE SOMETHING I WANT, I TAKE
IT.
NOW, TAKE SUPERJAIL FOR EXAMPLE.
>> Warden: [ CHUCKLES
NERVOUSLY ]
W-WHAT?
>> OH, NO, ACTUALLY...
I'M TAKING SUPERJAIL!
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
>> Alice: [ SIGHS ]
>> I SEE ONE OF STINGRAY'S
HENCHMEN.
A REAL BIG SON OF A ***.
>> TRACK HIM.
HE COULD LEAD US TO THE EAGLE'S
NEST.
>> I'VE LOST VISUAL.
[ SCREAMS ]
AAAAAAAAAAH!
>> ATTACK!
>> Alice: [ GRUNTING ]
>> AAAAAAAAH!
>> [ GRUNTS ]
>> FREEZE!
>> Alice: [ PANTING ]
TAKE US TO YOUR LEADER.
>> Jared: WARDEN!
YOU'RE ALIVE!
>> Warden: OH, JARED.
HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN FOOLED BY
A FANCY OUTFIT AND A BUNCH OF
SWEET TALK?
STINGRAY WASN'T MY REAL FRIEND.
YOU'RE MY REAL PAL, JARED.
>> Jared: OH, WARDEN.
DO YOU REALLY MEAN IT?
>> Warden: NOT REALLY, BUT THOSE
GUYS LOOK PRETTY PISSED, AND I
THINK I'M GONNA NEED A HUMAN
SHIELD.
>> THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT,
WARDEN.
>> PAYBACK'S A ***, AND SO AM
I!
>> NOWHERE TO RUN, WARDEN.
[ BIRD SCREECHES ]
YOU'RE IN OUR HOUSE NOW, LITTLE
MAN.
>> Warden: YOUR HOUSE?
YOUR HOUSE?
THIS ISN'T YOUR HOUSE!
THERE'S YOUR HOUSE!
SUPERJAIL -- WHERE YOU LIVE LIKE
PRIVILEGED VEAL RATHER THAN
WALLOWING PIGS!
SUPERJAIL -- WHERE THE INMATES
ARE FREE TO SHIV ONE ANOTHER IN
CLEAN, GLISTENING SHOWER STALLS!
SUPERJAIL -- IT'S YOUR HOME,
CREEPY TATTOOED MAN!
AND IT'S YOUR HOME, SERIAL
***.
AND YOURS, TOO, WHITE
SUPREMACIST GUY!
AND, DAMN IT, IT'S WORTH
FIGHTING FOR!
[ ALL CHEER ]
>> Warden: NOW DIG!
EVERYBODY, DIG!
TOGETHER!
DIG!
>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
TEAM, NICE JOB RELOCATING THE
OUTFIT.
OH, AND, UH, SWEETIE, LOVE THE
NEW OTTOMAN.
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]
>> THANK YOU.
I HAD SOME LEFT OVER, SO WE'RE
MAKING ART.
>> Warden: AM I INTERRUPTING,
BUDDY?
>> EVERYONE, FREEZE!
>> [ SIGHS ]
>> Warden: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
>> WE'RE THE GOOD GUYS.
WE'RE WITH YOU.
>> OH, WE'RE NOT GOOD.
>> WE'RE NAUGHTY.
>> WAIT, YOU'RE WITH STINGRAY?
>> Warden: AH, I'M A LITTLE
CONFUSED HERE.
>> IDIOTS.
ATTACK!
>> Alice: [ GRUNTING ]
[ ALL SCREAMING ]
[ BEEP ]
[ SCREAMING ]
>> OH, POO.
>> I KNEW WE'D MISS SOME
[BLEEP] GOING AWAY THIS WEEK.
[ ALL SCREAMING ]
>> Alice: [ GROWLS ]
>> YAAAAAAAAH!
AAAAAAH!
>> Alice: [ GRUNTS ]
>> Alice: I KNEW IT.
FAKE.
EURO-***.
[ ALL SCREAMING ]
>> Warden: SUPERJAIL RESIDENTS,
VICTORY IS YOURS!
[ INMATES CHEERING ]
[ INMATES GROAN ]
>> [BLEEP]
COME ON, BABY.
WORK WITH STINGRAY.
WORK WITH STINGRAY.
[ GASPS ]
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
YOU'RE NOT STILL MAD, ARE YOU,
BUDDY?
COME ON!
SO WE HAD A LITTLE TIFF!
THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS DO.
YES.
THE SIMPLE BASICS TO BEGIN MY
NEW FORAY INTO PRISON
DOMINATION!
WANT TO BE MY ASSISTANT?
[ ZIPPER UNZIPS ]
>> SHUT THE [BLEEP] UP.
>> IS THAT A YES?