Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
>> RYAN: Welcome back, Internet people. I teleported here.
[rifle fire] For some reason all of the enemies have respawned.
[gunfire and pig noises] The spawn point is right in front of the enemies.
That's wonderful game design.
[gunfire and pig noises] We're going to have to take, uh, take care
of these *** first.
[gunfire and pig noises]
[gunfire and pig noises] There he goes.
[gunfire and pig noises] Making the wonderful squishy noises we have
all known to love.
Wonderful. OK.
[pot breaking]
Alrighty, so that's just great.
Um, each of these places here...
I'm not going to stand here because one of the enemies will see me.
But uh, each of these doors here; I went up a couple of them and they all seem to lead
to very similar and by similar I mean identical chambers and then those chambers all lead
to various places on, uh, real life. Um...
I don't know, I didn't go through any of them but, uh, I'm going to guess that I can't do
any of those yet so we're going to have to do the exact opposite of what I usually do
and go through the most important looking door. The one with salamanders climbing up
it, so, uh...
Ohh.
Good luck to me.
Don't like important looking doors.
[chanting starts]
Oh god, just had to pull the chanting...
[chanting]
It's really quite... What the *** is that?
OK, it's a head.
[chanting]
Uhh...
[pig squeals and roars]
[gunfire]
[gunfire and pig noises] Holy ***, this baton thing is like wicked
powerful.
[gunfire and pig noises] *** A, wow.
Geez, I need to find some ammo for this.
Oh, maybe this is the last boss.
[gunfire] Or a last boss.
I don't know.
>> SHADOW MAN: Great.
[gunfire]
>> RYAN: Suffice it to say, I don't know what I'm doing at all.
[gunshot]
We'll just loosely follow that guide and backtrack if necessary.
[steam shooting]
OK, Internet people.
Time to boldly where no Shadow Man has gone before except for all of the people that played
this game when it was new and appropriate to be playing it.
Let's home I'm still Shadow Man when I go through here.
I can't go through that one.
[steam shooting]
Oh, OK. That one's not active.
Oh right, no, I guess there was a...
There was like a red smoke coming out of it when it was active before, so...
Let's learn about this guy.
Um, Nettie's file that she gave me has information about everybody. I'll read this for you and
I'll...
tell you all about him.
OK, so this guy was a doctor
I guess and uh...
[gunshots]
he, uh, I guess he became rather insane.
I bet that Legion guy was like, "Hey, how's it going?" and uh, convinced him that his
way was "the way."
And, uh, yeah, so he killed a bunch of people, um, by making their heads explode somehow.
Not quite sure how that worked.
Um, and he tattooed them with some odd marking.
So that's interesting.
Anyway, so I figure I'd try all of these. Oh, what is this?
[strange noise]
"Come to mama, baby." I remember you from the intro. You have a very specific face.
Unless that's just the way they draw all of the Asians in this game and all the Asians
just look the same.
Let's learn about you. Let's figure out what your deal is.
OK, so first off, this is this guy's furniture apparently.
Um, this guy is a carpenter I guess.
Uhh... He embeds messages in dead canaries, so that's... interesting.
Um...
Oh, his thing appears to be inactive as well.
[gunshot]
I can't go this way.
>> SHADOW MAN: Got it.
[steam shooting]
>> RYAN: Hmm. Let's go try, let's go try another one of these.
Awkward jump cut!
OK, so what's this guy's deal? Let's see.
Oh, this guy appears to be, uh, Jack the Ripper 2.
Um...
So that's very, uh, enumerated.
Oh, again it's not active.
[gunshot]
But, uh yeah, no, he might be the guy we saw in the cut-scene actually. At the very beginning.
[pot breaking] The guy that can act up a storm.
Freaking amazing. Can you believe that guy?
I was, I was floored. I was absolutely floored.
Geez, look at this guy. This guy's stylin'. Oh ***!
Oh ***, there's guys down here! ***! [gunfire and pig noises]
Oh, and this guy is active. [gunfire and pig noises]
[gunfire and pig noises]
Look at that. This guy is stylin'.
Oh. "Kill, kill, kill." That's... that's wonderful.
"Death."
Disc- I wouldn't mind dying at the hands of this guy. Disco death. OK, let's figure out
what, uh, what he's all up on's.
Alrighty, so apparently this guy is a DJ.
[gunshot] Who would have thought?
I don't know, he could have just been gay or something.
Um...
[gunshots]
And I don't know, they picked him up and put him in jail of some sort, so this is where
we're going to have to try and go next. Um... Really hoping I can actually do something
in that level because the one with that one fat guy that just kills you? Jesus.
[gunshot]
[steam shooting]
A-ha, but first... thingies to collect. Must collect all the thingies.
Thingies are the most import...ant part of a balanced breakfast. Look, I can't even talk
without the thingies.
OK...
Put away the weapons. Oh ***, no! I didn't want to go through there.
I guess we're just going to have to pick those up on the way out.
>> MILTO: Hey there, brother! Yo! What's happening, my man?
>> SHADOW MAN: Where the hell...?
>> MILTO: Hey, man. Hey, soul brother. It's good to see you.
Coming a little late to the party but hell it's going to be worth it. I'll see to that.
>> SHADOW MAN: I haven't come for a party, mister.
>> MILTO: Can't back out now. Clock's ticking and your number's coming up.
[unintelligible] ... down beat dance.
>> SHADOW MAN: You crazy son of a ***.
You got your damn party all right.
>> MILTO: Woooo!
It's an end of the world [something] and you're on the guest list, Mikey. Little Lukey's coming
too.
[unintelligible]
...And he's scREAMING for his mommy but mommy's gone down Deadside-way.
She can't help him.
>> SHADOW MAN: Damn you!
[gunshots]
>> MILTO: Yeeah! All right! That's the spirit, Mikey!
Let's rock and roll!
>> RYAN: Seriously?
Jesus Christ. OK.
OK, let's uh...
Can I kill this guy?
[gunfire] >> MILTO: Hey! How you doin'?
>> RYAN: Oh god.
[gunfire]
[more gunfire]
>> MILTO: Hey there! [gunfire]
>> RYAN: That's not the button I use for guns.
OK, we're going to go up here.
[gunfire]
Don't shoot me! Don't shoot me, oh god!
>> SHADOW MAN: This should be useful.
>> RYAN: Oh, *** yes.
I really hope I have unlimited ammo.
>> MILTO: Yo! Soul brother! Shall we dance?
It's about that time. Time for the fandango through the flames.
>> SHADOW MAN: ***. No ammo. I need ammo.
>> RYAN: I'm not sure what I'm doing right now but, uh...
[gunshot]
>> MILTO: [something] ... lizard... [something]
>> RYAN: Is he following me?
I don't think he is. I think he's just running around shooting at random up there.
I could deal with that. I like to explore uninhibited.
[gunshots]
>> SHADOW MAN: Great.
>> RYAN: Ah. There we go.
[gunshots]
A-ha.
OK, Mr. Man.
[gunshots]
Let's see what, uh...
[gunshots] >> MILTO: Hey, how you doing? Soul brother?
>> RYAN: Jesus, you're so *** dumb.
[gunshots]
[sustained gunfire]
Well, I just unloaded basically an entire clip into this guy and that didn't kill him
so I'm going to guess that I can't kill him, umm...
>> MILTO: You know that firewalk is all about keeping your cool.
>> RYAN: Time to run?
Oh god, please stop shooting at me!
We're going to try... Oh, there's nothing down there. OK.
Oh god! Oh god, let me in!
[music changes]
OK!
We're back. [laughs]
We're going to have to figure out what we're going to have to do there. Uh...
See you later, Internet people. I'll be back later.