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>> Narrator: COMING UP...
>> I AM AN ASPIRING INVENTOR.
>> Narrator: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
JOE AND THIS LADY DON'T SEE
EYE-TO-EYE?
>> THAT LOOKS REALLY CRUMMY, AND
THAT'S LIKE A REALLY CRAPPY
IDEA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Narrator: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
MURR NEEDS SOMEONE TO LEAN ON?
>> AT WHAT POINT DOES HE
CONSIDER THIS TO BE MAYBE,
POSSIBLY A DRUG OVERDOSE?
>> Narrator: CAN Q SCORE WITH
THIS PERSONAL CONFESSION?
>> I'M 36, I LIVE ALONE, AND I
HAVE TWO CATS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Narrator: AND NOTHING CAN
SAVE TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER FROM
FACING HOLY HELL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WE'RE INVENTORS CONDUCTING A
FOCUS GROUP ON OUR BRAND-NEW
PRODUCT.
>> BUT WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT
IS, SINCE THE INVENTION WAS
CREATED BY THE OTHER GUYS.
>> AT THE END, WE'LL ASK THEM
HOW LIKELY THEY ARE TO BUY THE
PRODUCT ON A SHOW OF HANDS.
>> WHOEVER GETS THE FEWEST HANDS
RAISED LOSES.
>> THIS IS GONNA BE UGLY.
>> YOU'RE GONNA BE UGLY.
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
>> I'LL GET IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> SO, HOW'S EVERYBODY'S DAY?
>> GOOD.
>> YEAH, THANK YOU FOR COMING
IN.
APPRECIATE IT.
I AM AN ASPIRING INVENTOR, SO I
AM HERE JUST TO SHOWCASE SOME OF
MY PROTOTYPE/PRODUCTS.
I WILL SHOW YOU MY FIRST
PRODUCT.
>> WE THREW JOE UNDER THE BUS
RIGHT AT THE TOP.
THERE'S NO POSSIBLE WAY HE CAN
EXPLAIN THIS PRODUCT.
>> OKAY, SO...
>> HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO, HERE
WE GO.
>> I'M EXCITED TO SHOW YOU THE
PRODUCT.
>> WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
>> THESE HERE -- I'M EXCITED
ABOUT THIS PRODUCT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO, THESE HERE I CALL -- THESE
ARE, UH, BRICK-FLOPS.
THEY'RE FLIP-FLOPS WITH BRICKS
ATTACHED ON THE BOTTOM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WHAT IS THE THINKING BEHIND
THIS?
>> THE THINKING BEHIND THIS IS
YOU THINK ABOUT ALL THE RAGE IS
THE EXERCISE SHOE.
WHEN YOU WORK OUT WITH THESE, IT
FOCUSES ON THE ACHILLES TENDON,
WHICH IS THE WEAKEST PART OF THE
LEG.
>> I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
THAT LOOKS REALLY CRUMMY, AND
THOSE LOOK LIKE USED FLIP-FLOPS,
AND THAT'S LIKE A REALLY CRAPPY
IDEA.
>> I WISH YOU WOULD SPEAK YOUR
MIND A LITTLE MORE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WORKING OUT'S ALL THE RAGE, AND
THE BRICK-FLOP REALLY PLUGS IN
TO THE MARKET.
>> THEN YOU PUT THEM ON AND SHOW
US.
>> YEAH, YEAH! DO IT!
>> NO, I'M SHOWING THEM TO YOU.
ALL RIGHT, IF YOU'D LIKE ME
TO --
>> YEAH, TAKE YOUR SOCKS OFF.
>> OF COURSE.
I'LL BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO SHOW
YOU.
>> SHE'S ALL OVER HIM, MAN.
>> WELL, I MEAN, THESE AREN'T MY
SIZE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ GLASS CRASHING ]
THIS IS NOT GONNA -- YEAH, IT'S
JUST A PROTOTYPE.
>> WHAT THE [BLEEP] DUDE?
>> HOW MUCH TIME DID YOU SPEND
ON IT?
>> THIS -- ABOUT 20 MINUTES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE BRICK-FLOP IS NOT A CONCEPT
THAT YOU'RE BUYING IN TO.
>> NO.
>> NO?
>> PROBABLY NOT, NO.
>> PROBABLY NOT.
SO, BY SHOW OF HANDS, HOW MANY
PEOPLE LIKE THE BRICK-FLOP?
ZERO. OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT WAS A BRICK-FLOP.
NOW, THIS IS A PRODUCT I WANTED
TO SHOW YOU GUYS, I WAS EXCITED
ABOUT.
THIS IS...
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> EXPLAIN THAT, JOE.
>> THIS HERE IS, UH...
GLASSES WITH SIDE-VIEW MIRRORS
ATTACHED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE MIRRORS ARE NOT FOR YOU.
THEY'RE FOR PEOPLE BEHIND YOU
SO THEY CAN SEE BEHIND THEM.
THESE ACTUALLY ARE A GREAT
ACCESSORY WITH THE BRICK-FLOP,
IF YOU PUT IT ALL TOGETHER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I HAVE TO BE HONEST.
I REALLY CANNOT IMAGINE ANYONE
WEARING THIS.
>> IS IT THE COLOR?
[ LAUGHTER ]
BY SHOW OF HANDS, WOULD YOU BUY
THIS PRODUCT?
>> AS A GAG GIFT MAYBE.
>> SO THAT'S A?
>> I WOULD SAY MAYBE, UNDER SOME
CIRCUMSTANCES.
>> THERE'S ONE. OKAY.
>> OH! HE GOT ONE!
>> GETS A ONE.
[ DING! ]
>> HAVE A SEAT, PLEASE, GUYS.
HAVE A SEAT.
>> MURRAY LOOKS LIKE AN
INVENTOR.
>> LIKE A MAD SCIENTIST?
>> NO, THAT'S RIGHT. I'M SORRY.
MURR LOOKS LIKE A MAD SCIENTIST.
>> YEAH, THERE YOU GO.
>> I'M AN INVENTOR, AND FROM
TIME TO TIME, I HAVE THESE FOCUS
GROUPS WHERE I TEST OUT NEW
CONCEPTS FOR PRODUCTS.
SO LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT
WE'VE GOT.
WE ARE BRINGING TO MARKET
HOPEFULLY, IF YOU LIKE IT...
>> WHAT'S THAT, MURR?
WHAT'S THAT, BUDDY?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THIS IS A PAIR OF UNDERWEAR.
AS YOU CAN SEE, IT'S A TYPICAL
PAIR OF UNDERWEAR IN THE FRONT.
AND WHAT WE'VE DONE ON THE BACK,
OUR TEAM OF EXPERTS HAVE USED
THE PATENTED, UH...
CRAP-ZIPPER TECHNOLOGY, AND
WE'VE SEWN IT INTO THE BUTT.
SO AS YOU CAN SEE, YOU CAN OPEN
IT UP LIKE THAT, AND YOU'VE GOT
THE PERFECT POUCH OUT THE BACK
FOR QUICK ACCESS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
FOLKS, FEEDBACK, QUICKLY.
>> WOULDN'T THE ZIPPER BE SORT
OF UNCOMFORTABLE?
>> AH! I'M GLAD YOU ASKED.
WELL, KEEP IN MIND, THIS IS THE
CRAP-ZIPPER TECHNOLOGY, AND THE
INSIDE IS MUCH SMOOTHER THAN
YOUR TYPICAL, AVERAGE ZIPPER.
YOU KNOW, ONE CAN SAY THE SAME
THING ABOUT A FRONT ZIPPER,
WHICH WE ALL HAVE IN OUR PANTS.
LIKE, WOULDN'T THAT BE A LITTLE
BIT DANGEROUS?
WELL, YOU KNOW, WE HAVE IT.
WE USE IT ALL THE TIME.
>> WE DON'T SIT ON IT THOUGH.
>> NO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> BUT I'D MUCH RATHER SOMETHING
GETTING CAUGHT BACK THERE THAN
UP THERE, YOU KNOW?
[ LAUGHTER ]
IF YOU HAD THIS, DO YOU THINK
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT YOU WOULD
FIND A USE FOR?
>> I DON'T THINK SO.
>> NO?
>> IT'S NOT SOMETHING THAT I
WOULD --
>> SIR, IF YOU HAD THIS, DO YOU
THINK YOU WOULD USE IT?
>> NO.
>> AND HOW ABOUT YOU?
>> I WOULD NEVER HAVE THAT.
>> [ IMITATES BUZZER ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU REALLY TOOK A [BLEEP] ON
THAT ONE.
[ BUZZER ]
>> MY NAME'S BRIAN QUINN.
THANK YOU, GUYS, FOR COMING
DOWN.
I'M THE PRESIDENT, C.E.O., AND
FOUNDER OF QUINNDUSTRIES.
>> QUINNDUSTRIES. NICE.
>> THIS IS A FOCUS GROUP.
THE MORE HONEST YOU ARE, THE
MORE IT HELPS ME.
SO, FOR INSTANCE...
THIS IS A BEAUT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT
IS.
>> YEAH.
YEP.
>> AH!
[ LAUGHTER ]
YES.
>> THIS IS, UM...
>> EXPLAIN THAT.
>> THIS IS THE...
[ LAUGHTER ]
...AMPU-BEAR.
THIS IS THE AMPU-BEAR, AND HE
LOOKS LIKE HE'S MISSING HIS
ARMS, AND HE IS MISSING HIS
ARMS.
WHY, WHY, WHY WOULD WE DO THAT?
BECAUSE BEARS ARE SCARY TO
CHILDREN...
>> OH!
>> ...BECAUSE OF THE CLAWS.
>> THEY'RE NOT GONNA BUY THAT.
THEY'RE NOT GONNA BUY THAT.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT'S NOT SCARY?
IF THEY HAD NO ARMS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
NOW LOOK AT THIS.
DON'T YOU JUST WANT TO CUDDLE UP
WITH THIS?
HERE'S A NONTHREATENING --
HERE'S AMPU-BEAR.
>> THERE'S A HUMOR ELEMENT TO
IT, YOU KNOW?
>> OH, YEAH, IF YOU FIND
DISMEMBERED BEARS FUNNY.
I SEE WHERE YOU'RE COMING FROM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IF I COULD JUST SEE A SHOW OF
HANDS IF YOU GUYS THINK THAT YOU
WOULD BUY THIS PRODUCT.
>> NO, NO GOOD.
THAT'S NOT A HAND.
THAT'S NOT A HAND.
>> HE'S THINKING, HE'S THINKING!
ONE FOR AMPU-BEAR.
>> IS THIS STUMPING YOU?
[ DING! ]
>> MY NAME IS SAL VULCANO.
I AM AN INVENTOR AND A PATENTER.
>> I LOVE WATCHING HIM
BULL[BLEEP] HIS WAY THROUGH
THIS.
>> HE'S NOT GOOD AT IT.
>> NO.
>> THESE ARE MOSTLY PRODUCTS
THAT I'VE IDENTIFIED A NEED FOR
IN TODAY'S MARKETPLACE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
CHINESE SPRAY.
IT IS MANUFACTURED IN CHINA.
>> YEAH.
>> IT'S MADE WITH CHINESE
LIQUIDS.
IT'S FOR NOT JUST THE CHINESE.
CURRENTLY, RIGHT NOW, THERE'S
NOTHING LIKE CHINESE SPRAY OUT
THERE, SO WE JUST FIGURED "LET'S
GET A SPRAY OUT THERE LIKE A
CHINESE SPRAY AND SEE WHAT
HAPPENS."
[ LAUGHTER ]
QUESTIONS?
THE PURPOSE OF THE
CHINESE SPRAY?
IT'S A SPRAY.
WHAT'S THAT?
IT SPRAYS RIGHT OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
A SHOW OF HANDS, WOULD ANYBODY
BE INTERESTED IN THE MAGIC OF
CHINESE SPRAY?
I DIDN'T THINK SO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SOME PRODUCTS ARE BAD.
I GOT OTHER STUFF.
OKAY.
LAST PRODUCT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> TURTLE!
>> GOOD LUCK WITH THAT TURT,
SAL.
>> OH, GOSH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THIS IS A TURTLE WITH A
NINE-VOLT BATTERY ON THE TOP OF
HIM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE'RE GONNA CALL IT DURA-SHELL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE BATTERY SLOWLY RECHARGES AS
THE TURTLE WALKS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS BATTERY IS ALMOST FULLY
CHARGED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO, BY A SHOW OF HANDS, WOULD
ANY OF YOU BE INTERESTED IN THE
RECHARGEABLE NINE-VOLT-BATTERY
TURTLE?
>> [ LAUGHS ] ZERO.
>> THANK YOU FOR COMING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ BUZZER ]
>> Narrator: MURR AND SAL
COULDN'T FOCUS THEIR GROUPS, SO
THEY EACH EARN A LOSS.
>> SAL IS THE KING OF RETURNS.
>> YEAH. YOU GOT TO KNOW WHEN
THINGS ARE DUE BACK.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
THEY'RE NOT DUE BACK.
YOU DON'T RENT THEM.
>> I'VE WORN A PAIR OF SLACKS
FOR AN ENTIRE SEASON AND BROUGHT
THEM BACK.
>> HE STEPPED UP HIS GAME.
>> YEAH.
>> HE BOUGHT ONE OF THOSE GUNS
THAT PUT TAGS ON CLOTHES.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> YOU KNOW, WHEN THEY'RE LIKE,
"WELL, IT'S GOT TO HAVE THE TAGS
ON IT."
I'M LIKE, "DON'T WORRY ABOUT
IT."
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Both: Shh!
>> IT'S NAP TIME!
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
WE'VE GOT TO GO UP TO A COMPLETE
STRANGER AND FALL ASLEEP ON THEM
FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE.
>> WHOEVER TAKES THE SHORTEST
NAP LOSES.
>> I GOT THIS, BOYS.
I'M GOOD AT TWO THINGS -- TAKING
CRAPS AND TAKING NAPS.
ALREADY DID ONE TODAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> ALL RIGHT, MURR, WHITE SHIRT
RIGHT THERE.
>> IF I WAS THAT GUY RIGHT NOW,
I'D ALREADY BE LIKE, "WHY IS
THIS GUY ALL UP IN MY GRILLE?"
>> HERE HE GOES.
[ DING! ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> OH, HE'S GOT HIM.
HE'S GOT HIM.
OH, CLOCK IS RUNNING.
[ LAUGHS ] THAT'S NICE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, DUDE?!
WAKE HIM UP!
[ LAUGHS ]
>> HE'S EATING A SANDWICH.
[ LAUGHS ]
>> YOU ALL RIGHT, BUD?
I'M GONNA HAVE MY SANDWICH.
AT WHAT POINT DOES HE CONSIDER
THIS TO BE MAYBE POSSIBLY A DRUG
OVERDOSE?
>> [ LAUGHS ]
YEAH, I WOULD THINK THIS GUY IS
DEAD AT THIS POINT.
>> YEAH.
THAT'S IT. STOP THE CLOCK.
19 SECONDS, MURR.
>> DID I -- MY APOLOGIES, MY
APOLOGIES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I DON'T KNOW HOW WELL SAL'S
GONNA DO ON THIS.
YOU SEE THE SIZE OF THE NOGGIN
ON THIS GUY?
>> YEAH, THIS KID'S GOT A
WRECKING BALL ON HIS SHOULDERS.
>> SAL, I HEARD THEY'RE TRYING
TO KNOCK DOWN A BUILDING ON
23rd STREET.
YOU WANT TO WALK BY, HELP THEM
OUT?
>> ALL RIGHT, SAL.
TRY FOR THIS GUY RIGHT NEXT TO
YOU.
>> HERE HE GOES. HE'S DOING IT.
>> OH, OH, OH!
>> I DON'T THINK THE GUY NOTICED
IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> OH.
>> HE'S ON, HE'S ON.
>> OH. CLOCK HAS STARTED.
>> OH, I HAD A LONG NIGHT.
>> THAT'S IT, BUDDY.
THEY'RE ON TO YOU. YOU'RE DONE.
>> YOU'RE GONNA GO AGAIN?
>> I'M WILLING TO CONTINUE THE
TIME.
>> ALL RIGHT. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
I'LL LET IT GO.
WE'LL GIVE IT TO YOU.
>> THERE HE GOES.
HE'S BACK, HE'S BACK, HE'S BACK.
[ GASPS ]
[ DING! ]
THE CLOCK IS TICKING!
>> THERE YOU GO!
>> HE'S LIKE, "JUST LET HIM
SLEEP."
>> HE'S LETTING HIM SLEEP!
THEY'VE ACCEPTED IT AS THEIR
REALITY.
>> HE'S KEEPING CALM AND
CARRYING ON...
>> YEAH, THAT'S WHAT HE'S DOING.
>> ...WITH HIS FAT HEAD SLEEPING
ON HIS SHOULDER.
>> OH, SORRY. I'M SORRY.
>> [ LAUGHS ] 15 SECONDS!
I'M STILL IN THE LEAD.
>> OKAY, JOE, WOMAN TO YOUR
LEFT.
>> JOE DOES HAVE A DISTINCT
ADVANTAGE IN THAT NOSE WILL
TOUCH SOMEONE ABOUT 40 SECONDS
BEFORE THE REST OF HIS HEAD.
>> TRUE.
>> THEY SEE YOU COMING.
THEY SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.
>> THERE HE GOES, THERE HE GOES.
[ DING! ]
>> THERE'S CONTACT.
HE'S GOT CONTACT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> SHE PUSHED HIM, SHE PUSHED
HIM.
NO.
>> WHOA, WHOA!
KEEP THE CLOCK GOING!
KEEP THE CLOCK GOING!
THAT COUNTS!
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> THAT'S ONLY 12 SECONDS, JOE.
THAT IS NOT ENOUGH.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
Q'S GOT THE ADVANTAGE.
>> MOST PEOPLE THINK HE'S
HOMELESS.
IF HE FALLS ASLEEP ON THEM, IT'S
NO BIG DEAL.
>> Q, YOU NEED 20 SECONDS TO
WIN.
>> OH, THE "FALL ASLEEP ON
SOMEBODY ASLEEP ALREADY" MOVE.
>> THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED.
OH, THE GUY'S WAKING UP!
[ DING! ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> HE'S LETTING HIM STAY, HE'S
LETTING HIM STAY.
HE'S LETTING HIM STAY.
>> OH, MY GOD!
>> HE'S TRAPPED.
AT THIS POINT, HE'S TRAPPED.
THE GUY'S ASLEEP AGAIN.
THE GUY IS ASLEEP AGAIN.
THE GUY IS ASLEEP AGAIN.
THE GUY FELL BACK ASLEEP.
>> THEY'RE TWO GROWN MEN
SLEEPING ON EACH OTHER IN THE
PARK!
>> ALL RIGHT, Q, THAT'S 20
SECONDS.
YOU WIN.
>> STOP BEING A JERK, Q.
WE GET IT. YOU WON.
>> Q IS USING THIS MAN LIKE A
JENNIFER CONVERTIBLE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> LET'S SEE HOW LONG THIS GOES.
>> I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS IN MY
LIFE.
>> UNREAL.
HE'S BREAKING RECORDS.
>> OH, MY GOD!
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> THE GUY IS NOW AWAKE WITH A
STRANGER SLEEPING ON HIM.
>> IS THIS GUY MADE OF GOOSE
DOWN?
WHAT IS GOING ON?
>> OH, MY GOD.
>> HE LOOKS LIKE A BABY BIRD
WAITING TO BE FED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> HE'S GOING FOR THE LAP.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> AH, YOU TOOK IT TOO FAR, MAN.
[ DING! ]
>> 1:24.
UNBELIEVABLE, Q.
NOW THIS GUY'S GOING BACK TO
SLEEP?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Narrator: JOE COULDN'T SLEEP
IT OFF, PUTTING HIM ON THE LOSER
BOARD.
>> YOU KNOW, IF YOU HAVE
NARCOLEPSY, YOU CAN FALL ASLEEP
AT WORK, NO ONE'S ALLOWED TO SAY
ANYTHING, ANYTIME YOU WANT.
>> HOW DO WE GET DIAGNOSED WITH
NARCOLEPSY?
>> I USED TO WORK WITH A GUY --
HIS NAME WAS CHARLES -- AND HE
WAS LIKE 70.
HE HAD NARCOLEPSY.
>> [ LAUGHING ]
>> SORRY, CHARLES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WE'RE AT COMPARE FOODS IN
BROOKLYN, TRYING TO TALK
CUSTOMERS OUT OF A PRODUCT
THEY'RE ABOUT TO BUY.
>> WHY CAN'T THEY BUY IT?
WELL, WE DON'T KNOW YET.
>> WE'LL BE GIVEN A RANDOM
REASON BY THE OTHER GUYS.
>> IF YOU CAN'T GET SOMEONE TO
PUT IT BACK USING THAT REASON,
YOU LOSE.
>> THE BEST PART ABOUT THIS IS
MURRAY HAS NO IDEA HOW TO
FOOD-SHOP.
HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO COOK OR
FOOD-SHOP.
THE ONLY THING HE DOES IS EXIST.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> THERE YOU GO, MURR, RIGHT IN
FRONT OF YOU.
>> NO, NO, NO, NO!
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
>> I DEFINITELY WOULDN'T GET
THAT MIXED FRUIT.
I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
>> ORIGAMI.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
BECAUSE OF ORIGAMI.
YOU KNOW THE JAPANESE ART OF
MAKING THINGS OUT OF PAPER?
YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT, RIGHT?
SO YEAH, I DEFINITELY WOULDN'T
GET THAT MIXED FRUIT.
LITTLE-KNOWN FACT -- THAT
COMPANY HAS BEEN SINGLE-HANDEDLY
CLOSING EVERY SINGLE ORIGAMI
UNIVERSITY IN JAPAN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WHAT?!
>> WHICH IS A LITTLE BIT OF
B.S., IF YOU ASK ME.
SO ARE YOU GONNA SWITCH?
ARE YOU GONNA PUT THOSE BACK?
>> OH!
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> COME ON, LADY!
>> HAVE A GREAT DAY.
[ DING! ]
>> Q, THE GIRL RIGHT THERE WITH
THE CAN OF SOUP.
>> OOH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I, ACTUALLY, IF I WERE YOU,
WOULD NOT GET THAT PARTICULAR
CAN OF SOUP RIGHT THERE.
>> 'CAUSE I'M 36, I LIVE ALONE,
AND HAVE TWO CATS.
>> BECAUSE...
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> IT'S ALL TRUE!
>> I'M 36...
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I ACTUALLY IF I WERE YOU
WOULD NOT GET THAT CAN OF SOUP
RIGHT THERE.
>> I'M 36, I LIVE ALONE, AND
HAVE TWO CATS.
>> BECAUSE...
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> IT'S ALL TRUE.
>> I'M 36...
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'M 36, I LIVE ALONE, AND I HAVE
TWO CATS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I DON'T KNOW IF I'M SUPPOSED TO
BE ASHAMED OF THAT, BUT I OPEN
THE SOUP CAN, AND WHEN I OPEN
THAT, THEY GO NUTS.
THAT WILL ATTRACT CATS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU OPEN THAT IN YOUR HOUSE,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO
SLEEP AT NIGHT.
THERE'S GONNA BE CATS.
YEAH, RIGHT THERE.
>> OH!
>> THANK YOU.
>> OH, MY GOD, HER FACE!
>> HA! SHE'S GIVING Q A PITY
FACE.
[ DING! ]
>> SEE WHAT'S GOING ON HERE,
BOYS, RIGHT?
HE WORE THAT SAME STUPID, PURPLE
SHIRT --
>> OH!
>> LAVENDER GLOW OF LOVE.
>> WHAT IS THE THOUGHT PROCESS?
>> I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
LIGHTS HIM UP.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> JOE, THIS GUY COMING UP
BEHIND YOU -- THAT'S YOUR MAN.
>> OH, I WOULDN'T GET THAT
BROTH.
YEAH.
UM...
>> ALGONQUIN ROUND TABLE.
>> THE AL-GON-KIN ROUND TABLE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> JOE, IT'S AL-GON-KWIN.
IT'S FAMOUS!
>> UM, IT'S BASED ON AN OLD
WIVES' TALE ABOUT HOW CHICKEN
STOCK COULD CURE, YOU KNOW, ALL
DISEASE BACK IN THE DAY.
DO YOU KNOW OF THE ALGONQUIN
ROUND TABLE?
>> NO.
>> OH, OKAY.
WELL, IT'S AN OLD FABLE WHERE
THEY THOUGHT THAT THAT CHICKEN
STOCK WOULD BE HEALTHIER.
>> WHERE DID THEY THINK THAT?
>> THAT WAS AT THE ALGONQUIN
ROUND TABLE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THEY ARE PROPONENTS OF IT BEING
A CURE-ALL, RIGHT?
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY.
BUT IT'S NOT TRUE, SO JUST GO
AHEAD AND GRAB ANOTHER ONE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AW! REALLY?
I THOUGHT I PUT UP A GOOD, GOOD
ARGUMENT FOR THE ALGONQUINS.
YOU DON'T KNOW...
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> JOE, THE GIRL IN THE GRAY
SWEATER.
>> OH, I WOULDN'T GET THAT SOUP.
YEAH, THAT SOUP I WOULDN'T GET.
>> YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
THAT'S ALL IT TOOK?!
>> I MEAN, SOMETIMES, WHEN YOU
HEAR IT FROM A GUY IN A LAVENDER
SHIRT, YOU JUST TAKE IT FOR --
RIGHT?
SOMETIMES, YOU DON'T EVEN NEED
WORDS.
>> THAT'S THE POWER OF THE
LAVENDER SHIRT, MY FRIENDS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ DING! ]
>> SAL, HERE YOU GO.
LADY WITH THE BLAZER.
>> [ GROANS ]
UH...I DON'T KNOW IF I WOULD GET
IT.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> THE REASON I WOULDN'T GET
THAT PARTICULAR NOODLE...
>> IS BECAUSE OF HOT HAM WATER.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> IS...
IS BECAUSE OF HOT HAM WATER.
UH, LET ME EXPLAIN.
THE THING IS, I, UH -- WHAT
HAPPENED WAS...
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF
ULTIMATE FRISBEE?
I INVENTED ULTIMATE FRISBEE.
>> "I INVENTED ULTIMATE
FRISBEE."
>> IT WAS A RIVAL
ULTIMATE FRISBEE LEAGUE, AND
THIS NOODLE WAS THE BIGGEST
SUPPORTER, PROPONENT OF THAT
LEAGUE, AND SO THERE'S A LITTLE
BIT OF AN OLD RIVALRY THERE.
>> UH, HOT HAM WATER?
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GET TO THAT?
[ LAUGHS ]
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE WHAT
THEY DO IS HOT HAM WATER, RIGHT?
[ LAUGHS ]
>> HE LOST HIMSELF.
HE HAS NO IDEA WHERE TO GO.
>> UH...
YOU KNOW WHAT?
JUST GET IT.
[ BUZZER ]
>> Narrator: SAL LANDS HIMSELF
IN HOT HAM WATER AS TONIGHT'S
BIG LOSER.
>> WE'RE AT THE TEA LOUNGE FOR
SAL'S PUNISHMENT.
AND IF THERE'S ONE THING HE
HATES, IT'S YOU.
>> WELL, ANOTHER THING YOU HATE
IS BIG, OBNOXIOUS SCENES.
>> TRUE.
>> SAL, TODAY, YOU WILL BE THE
BIG, OBNOXIOUS SCENE, MY FRIEND,
'CAUSE WE HAVE SEIZED CONTROL OF
YOUR LAPTOP SPEAKERS.
>> AND THEN WE'VE LOADED SOME
FUN SOUNDS IN THERE FOR EVERYONE
IN THE QUIET COFFEE SHOP TO
ENJOY.
>> WHAT TYPES OF SOUNDS?
>> FUN SOUNDS.
>> FUN FOR WHO?
>> US.
>> WHAT ABOUT ME?
>> UN-FUN. UN-FUN FOR YOU.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> YEAH, THAT'S YOU RIGHT THERE,
BUDDY.
PULL UP A CHAIR. GET COMFY.
>> HE'S CHECKING OUT THE WHOLE
CROWD.
HE SEES THERE'S A LOT OF OLD
PEOPLE HERE.
>> DUDE, OLD PEOPLE?
HAVE YOU SEEN THE NUN?
>> OH...
>> HE SAW THE NUN.
[ WOMAN MOANING ]
>> HE JUST SAW THE NUN.
>> READY?
[ WOMAN MOANS ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ MOANING CONTINUES ]
>> SORRY.
[ MOANING CONTINUES ]
>> OH, YEAH. OH.
>> TIME-OUT, PLEASE.
TIME-OUT, PLEASE. STOP.
[ WOMAN MOANING ]
I'M NOT GOOD -- I'M NOT GOOD
WITH COMPUTERS.
MY BAD.
SORRY. SORRY, BUDDY.
>> THE GUY UNPLUGGED THE
SPEAKERS.
>> I HAVE TO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I'M NOT CRAZY.
IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
THANKS, MAN.
>> PLUG IT IN.
IT'S A PUNISHMENT.
YOU DON'T GET TO SAY NO.
>> OH, YEAH.
[ WOMAN MOANS, LAUGHS ]
[ MOANING CONTINUES ]
[ HORSE NEIGHS ]
>> SORRY, SISTER.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
[ MOANING CONTINUES ]
>> SORRY!