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Jory: (in monotone for intro only) Hello, I'm Jory Caron, and this is "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?" America's pastime: drawing with crayons.
But there's only one problem: there's eight shades. I don't like to play favorites! I want ONE shade! Solution? Microwave!
*theme song plays*
Jory: Let's go roast some nuts!
Jory: I wonder how long I should put it in there? Three minutes? Okay!
Jory: Ventilation is key!
Jory: Oh, jeez!
Jory: Safety is our number-one concern.
Jory: Yeah, I think it's just gonna catch fire.
Jory: 'Cause nobody likes roasted nuts!
Jory: Definitely a good idea!
Jory: Stopping, stopping!
Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?
Well, let's find out! Here at the Jory Caron Laboratory, safety is our number-one concern. That's why we hide behind this behemoth of a wall. It's to protect our nuts, because nobody likes roasted nuts!
We also have a proper ventilation system, consisting of two fans. It really gets the air movin', you know, the blood pumpin' in this room!
And then, we also have, my pride and joy, what gives my life meaning and purpose, the Sharp microwave!
Jory: So, we open it up, and we put in the crayons. It's open so you can see them. And there it goes. I wonder how long we should put these in there for?
Jon: A minute, 37!
Jory: A minute, 37... Sounds like a plan! Let's evacuate the premises! Going!
Ezra: Who didn't have crayons?
Jory: Yeah, I know! I had the big box- I'm not bragging or anything!
Ezra: The 96 kind?
Jory: Yeah, 96 colors.
Jon: MY crayons had the pencil sharpener in the base!
Ezra: I believe it's a CRAYON sharpener!
Jory: Yeah, it's a crayon sharpener. That would basically put, like, paraffin wax everywhere! Do you remember that? I also used to take crayons, and I would melt them on my fingers, and I would make, like, a blob of crayon.
Ezra: You might end up with a rainbow crayon! Like, what if they all melted together? Then, when you wanted to draw rainbows for gay pride parades and stuff, you'd just do one swipe!
Jory: One swipe!
Ezra: That could be a very good thing!
Do you know how much time that would save me?!
Ezra: You could draw a LOT of rainbows!
Jory: That would be an eighth of the time I'd spend!
Jon: So, for gay people, this could be a good idea!
Jory: Yeah, that's how we'd market it! Politically correct- they're homosexuals.
Ezra: "Alternative lifestyles"!
Well, there it goes! That was all the time. Now, we have to go and check out what we did. Probably not much! Let's go!
Jory: Well, blue melted a lot. Oh, no, actually, all of the colors... Oh! And I got some on my gloves! Great! Let's empty these out somewhere.
Jory: Let's try black. Oh, nice! The colors flow a lot better!
Jon: It's like a pen!
Jory: It's like a pen! It's like a pen-crayon!
Jory: I mean, I can think of no better way to prepare your child for the future... Ooh! It's like paint now! I can't think of any better way to prepare a child for the future than to microwave your crayons.
It'll teach them sharing, I'm not sure how, but when you only have one crayon to go around, damn right they're gonna be sharing!
It teaches them how to do cursive, when you're dragging a whole glob of crayon behind it. You know? They're gonna be connecting letters!
Is it a good idea? I don't see why not. There was no foul smell, the crayons didn't really mess up the microwave that badly. It stayed inside the cardboard container. So, yes, it's a good idea.
And that's it for "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?" I'm Jory Caron.
*end credits play*