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Hi Yukky.
Hi Yummy.
Yukky, can I ask you a question?
Yeah, of course you can.
Tell me, Yukky: What is
that *** orange shirt you are wearing?
This shirt is not an orange shirt, Yummy.
This shirt is a golden shirt.
It's a *** what?
A golden shirt.
Holy ***.
Oh, I've got it, Yukky: That golden shirt
was your Halloween costume, right?
My Halloween costume?
Sure, Yukky. At Halloween you
didn't dress up as a ghost or as a vampire.
Instead, you went as
Kate Moss' 24 carat golden vibrator, right?
People can go as a golden vibrator
at Halloween? I didn't know that, Yummy.
Of course you can:
You put on that golden shirt,
stick two batteries up your ***
and go "Brrrrrrrr" when somebody
opens their door.
I'm sure you got all the sweets at Halloween
because you scared the *** out of everyone.
No, Yummy. This golden shirt
is not a golden vibrator Halloween costume.
What is it then?
This golden shirt is the away shirt
of my new favourite club,
of H***over S****+neunzig.
Of what?! - I am now a consumer of the
successful product H***over S****+neunzig
and this shirt is my new S****+neunzig shirt.
Yukky, can I ask you another question?
Sure, Yummy.
Yukky, I always thought that
*** H***over play in red and black
or in green and white
or in red and white and black
or in green and white and black.
So why are S***+neunzig playing in gold now?
Let me tell you, Yummy:
H***over's new kit sponsor, Under Armour,
made some expensive market research
and found out that football consumers
who have the IQ of a goldfish
like to dress in the colour of a goldfish.
They do not want traditional,
old-fashioned S****+neunzig colours
like red, black, white or green.
So H***over's away shirt is gold now
and the home shirt is bordeaux.
Gold and bordeaux? For a football club?
How *** *** is that?
I wouldn't be surprised if one day
H***over wear stupid colours like...
purple... and mint green!
What is wrong with these colours?
Surely S****+neunzig could wear
purple and mint green one day.
What?! - As soon as H***over's president
has managed to kill "50+1"
and S****+neunzig are owned by AWD
H***over will surely play
in AWD's company colours,
which are purple and mint green.
*** hell.
What a bunch of *** you are.
Yukky, I have a little maths task for you:
Just add up the number of carats
of the golden *** with which
you happy S****+neunzig consumers
get *** every week.
A maths task? Adding numbers?
Okay, why not?
Let's start with 24 carats
for getting *** by your club president.
That's 24 carats so far.
Correct. Plus 24 carats
for getting *** by your
purple and mint green arena name sponsor.
That's a total of 48 carats now.
Correct. Plus 24 carats for the arena card
that you need to buy food, drinks or sweets.
Let me think...
That's a total of 72 carats now.
Correct. Plus another 24 carats
for your kit sponsor
who can change your shirt colours
into whatever *** colours they like.
72 plus 24... - that's S****+neunzig!
Absolutely right, Yukky.
So H***over S****+neunzig officially are
the golden *** club
because they get ***
24 carat golden *** style
by their president, by their arena sponsor,
by their arena card system
and by their kit sponsor.
Yummy.
Modern clubs have to find a compromise
between old-fashioned club tradition
and modern ways of making money.
If they don't they will not win matches
and as a result their consumers
will be unhappy and will choose other clubs.
Well, *** that, Yukky:
There is a club called Eintracht which
does not *** itself for any sponsor.
A club which does not play in
some *** sponsor arena
but in its Eintracht-Stadion.
A club which has always played
in its original colours, in yellow and blue.
Which club are you talking about, Yummy?
I'm sure that a club which
does not *** itself for sponsors
loses every match.
I am talking about a real football club
and not some S****+neunzig carat
golden *** club.
We do not sell our identity
but we are top of our league
and so we are the winter champions.
We are of course Eintracht Braunschweig!