Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
>>> WELCOME TO "RED EYE."
IT IS LIKE "I DREAM OF GENIE"
IF BY GENE ME YOU MEAN WHEN A
GROWN MAN CAN WEAR A SKIRT IN
PUBLIC BECAUSE THEY HUG AND
KISS BETTER THAN JEANS AND
UNTIL THEN LET'S WELCOME OUR
GUESTS.
SHE IS SO SWEET THAT SUGAR
SPRINKLES HER ON CEREAL.
SEEMS STRANGE TO ME, WHAT ELSE
IS NEW?
I AM HERE WITH DANE GNAW
PERINO, THE FORMER WHITE HOUSE
PRESS SECRETARY AND ONE OF MY
MANY, MANY CO-HOSTS ON "THE
FIVE."
YES, SMILE.
AND FILLING IN FOR ANDY LEVY
IS FORMER MUNICH CIRCUS
STUNTMAN.
DUE TO AN UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT
WITH AN ELEPHANT YEARS AGO HE
CANNOT REMEMBER ANYTHING
BEFORE 1987 SO WE ARE LIMITING
OUR STORIES TO AFTER 1987 AND
BETWEEN 1992.
AND ECSTASY DOES HIM AT
RAVES.
MY REPULSIVE SIDEKICK, BILL
SCHULZ.
AWE LOOK.
AND IF HILARITY WAS AN AIR
HORN HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WOULD
BLOW HIM AT A SOCCER GAME.
SITTING NEXT TO ME IS A
COMEDIAN, ANDREW SCHULZ,
FAMILY MEMBER OF BILL SCHULZ,
YIKES.
>> THE LEDE.
THAT'S THE FIRST STORY.
PS, I'M SORRY.
>> THAT'S NICE.
YOU ARE RELATED TO BILL?
>> I AM.
COUSINS.
>> I'M SORRY.
>> WE CAN TELL YOU MORE ABOUT
IT.
>> I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ANYTHING.
I WANT TO GO TO THE NEXT
STORY, IT IS JUST SAD.
SAD NEWS OUT OF PENNSYLVANIA,
AN ACTUAL STATE, THANKS TO THE
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN A PLANNED
KU KLUX *** RALLY HAS BEEN
HALTED.
DON'T LIKE THE SHIRT I'M
WEARING.
THE RALLY WAS SET TO TAKE
PLACE THIS SATURDAY AT
GETTYSBURG NATIONAL MILITARY
PARK, BUT OFFICIALS HAD TO
TELL THE SHEET FREAKS THE
SHUTDOWN MEANT ALL SPECIAL
EVENTS WERE CANCELED.
THAT'S THE FIRST STORY IN OUR
COVERAGE OF --
>> SHUTDOWN [BLEEP].
>> I FOUND THIS SHIRT IN THE
GREEN ROOM BECAUSE THE OTHER
ONE HAD MAKE UP ON IT.
>> IT IS *** WHITE.
>> IT REALLY IS.
>> PRESIDENT OBAMA, AKA, THE
AMERICAN HATING CRYPTO KENYAN
HAS MOVED TO SHUTDOWN ALL OF
THE PARKS INCLUDING THE ONE
NAMED AFTER CLAUDE MOORE.
THE LIVING HISTORY MUSEUM SITS
ON FEDERAL LAND, BUT IT COSTS
THE GOVERNMENT NO MONEY.
BOY IT LOOKS PRETTY.
AS THE WASHINGTON FREE BEACON
REPORTED, THEY SENT LAW
ENFORCEMENT OUT THERE ON
TUESDAY TO SEND EVERYONE
HOME.
THAT'S RIGHT.
THEY SPENT MONEY SENDING
OFFICERS TO SHUTDOWN A PARK
THAT COSTS NO MONEY.
AND FINALLY ROUTERS, MY GERMAN
MASSEUSE, OBTAINED DOCUMENTS
THAT SHOW DURING THE SHUTDOWN
THE EPA WILL BE OPERATING WITH
LESS THAN 7% OF THE STAFF.
THE REASON, THE AGENCY IS
CLASSIFYING 93% OF THE
PERSONNEL AS NONESSENTIAL.
YOU KNOW WHO IS TAKING THIS
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN IN
STRIDE?
♪♪
>> YOU KNOW, IF PAUL MECURIO
WAS ON THE SET HE WOULDS MAKE
A JOKE ABOUT A ***, BUT HE
IS NOT.
>> THE SHUTDOWN CAN'T BE THAT
BAD IF HE CAUSES A CLAN TO
BE -- THE *** TO GET
CANCELED.
>> UNFORTUNATELY I WILL NOT BE
ABLE TO MAKE THOSE THIS
WEEKEND.
>> THE SHIRT IS ATTRACTIVE.
>> IT IS LIKE A ROBE.
>> I READ THIS ARTICLE AND I
FELT I WAS SUCKERED INTO IT.
I WAS READING, READING,
READING.
IT IS A GOOD EXCUSE TO SAY THE
GOVERNMENT IS SHUTDOWN.
AND THEN YOU GET DOWN AND IT
SAYS LOCAL *** BIG WHEEL SAYS
NINE PEOPLE WERE GOING TO
ATTEND.
THERE IS A WHOLE ARTICLE.
AND LEADING THE A BLOCK IS
THIS STORY.
>> EVERY *** RALLY IS ABOUT
UNDER 10 PEOPLE, AND IT IS THE
SAME 10 PEOPLE.
THE FACT THEY WEAR HOODS YOU
NEVER KNOW HOW MANY THERE
ARE.
YOU CAN SAY THERE ARE 10 HERE
AND 10 THERE, BUT IT IS THE
SAME 10.
THEY HAVE A LOT OF FREQUENT
FLIER MILES.
>> THE TRAVELING CIRCUS.
>> IN THE GREEN ROOM YOU WERE
UPSET.
DID YOU HAVE A NO REFUND CAR
RENTAL?
>> YES, AND I HAD BLEACH TO
STAIN THE GRASS -- TO CLEAN
THE GRASS STAINS OFF OF MY
ROBE.
>> WHY WERE YOU PLAYING
BASEBALL?
>> WE HAVE FUN.
THERE ARE 9 OF US.
>> THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
DO YOU THINK THIS IS -- THIS
MAKES THE SHUTDOWN WORTH IT?
>> YES.
YES, I DO.
IS THAT RIGHT?
I AM SAYING IT WITH
CONFIDENCE.
>> NO NEED TO FOLLOW-UP ON
THAT.
YOU SAY SOMETHING STROPPINGLY
AND I DON'T HAVE TO SAY WHY.
>> IS SPENDING MONEY ON LAW
ENFORCEMENT TO SHUT THE PARK
THAT COSTS NO MONEY TO RUN, IS
THAT A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF
GOVERNMENT STUPIDITY?
>> IT REALLY SGREG.
VERY -- IT REALLY IS, GREG.
I LIKE THAT THE MANAGING
DIRECTOR WHOSE NAME IS ANNA
EVERLEY SHE SAID, QUOTE, IN
ALL OF THE YEARS I WORKED AT
THE NATIONAL PARK SERVICE I
NEVER WORKED WITH A MORE
VINDICTIVE GROUP REPRESENTING
THE NATIONAL PARK SERVICE.
THAT PRETTY MUCH SUMS UP THE
GOVERNMENT THESE DAYS, DOESN'T
IT?
>> YOU SAY THESE DAYS.
YOU WANT TO JOIN THAT RALLY?
>> I THINK YOU ARE READING
THAT IS KU KLUX *** PAMPHLETS
TOO CLOSELY.
>> I THINK YOU MAY HAVE
SKIPPED SOME PARAGRAPHS.
NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING.
GO AND HAVE FUN.
>> CANE JUST SAY IF ROBIN BIRD
WERE ALIVE NONE OF THIS WOULD
HAVE HAPPENED.
>> THAT'S EXACTLY TRUE.
THERE ARE A LOT OF
VINDICTIVENESS IN THE
GOVERNMENT AND FOCUSING ON
CERTAIN THINGS, NOT THE ***,
BUT OTHER THINGS THAT I HAPPEN
TO LIKE.
LIKE PARKS.
USUALLY AT NIGHT.
BILL, THERE IS NOBODY WHO IS
MORE OF A NONESSENTIAL
PERSONNEL THAN YOU.
THERE IS NO QUESTION IN THAT,
BUT I THINK YOU COULD FIGURE
OUT AN ANSWER THAT WON'T
COMPLETELY EMBARRASS YOU.
>> I CAN COAX AN ANSWER OUT OF
THAT NONQUESTION.
I HAVE HAD SOME PRACTICE.
>> I LOOK AT ALL OF THE
NONESSENTIAL NINNY'S IN THE
BOUGH -- BOHEMOUTH, AND I
THINK TO MYSELF, OF COURSE IT
WAS STARTED BY SOME SORT OF
LIBERAL SOCIALIST, MAXIST PIG
LIKE RICHARD NIXON.
>> OH MIND BLOWN! WE ALL KNOW
THAT.
>> I DON'T THINK WE DO.
>> IT IS NOT LIKE HE IS A FREE
MARKET CONSERVATIVE.
>> HE IS A P NIE KO
ENVIRONMENTALIST AND I AM GLAD
HE IS GONE.
>> THE THING ABOUT SAYING THAT
93% OF THE EMPLOYEES ARE
NONESSENTIAL, I THINK -- YOU
KNOW WHEN THE OBAMA
ADMINISTRATION IS ACCUSED OF
DOING THINGS THAT WOULD HURT
PEOPLE THEY THOUGHT THE EPA
WAS CLOSED DOWN.
AND THE NATIONAL PARK SERVICE,
THE POLICE OFFICERS HAVE HAD
NOTHING TO DO FOR A REALLY
LONGTIME.
WHEN WE LIVED IN DC, HE GOT A
TICKET FOR WALKING THE DOG OFF
THE LEASH AT LINKIN PARK AND
HE ENDED UP GOING TO OPERATION
CLEAN SLATE AND SPENT AN
ENTIRE DAY IN JAIL INCLUDING
WITH LEG IRONS.
>> ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A
JAIL?
>> IT IS KIND OF WEIRD HE DID
IT 12 NIGHTS IN A ROW.
>> AND WITH RICHARD QUEST OR
WHATEVER HIS NAME IS.
>> I KNEW YOU WOULD BRING YOUR
DOG INTO THIS.
HE WAS ACTUALLY ARRESTED AND
PUT IN LEG IRONS.
>> HE GOT ARREST -- HE GOT A
TICKET -- HE HAD BEEN A
CITIZEN FOR LIKE FOUR DAYS.
HE GOT A TICKET FOR WALKING
THE DOG OFF THE LEASH.
THE TICKET IS INCOMPETENT.
IT HAS AN ADDRESS IF YOU SEND
A TICKET TO THEM THEY SAY YOU
CAN'T ACCEPT THE CHECK.
I SAID YOU NEED TO TRACK IT
DOWN AND FIND OUT WHERE THE
CLARK OF THE COURT IS.
HE SAYS OH NO I WILL HAVE MY
DAY IN COURT.
WHAT HE DIDN'T KNOW WAS THAT
IN AMERICA YOUR DAY IN COURT
IN DC COMES WITH A DAY IN
JAIL.
HE SPENT AN ENTIRE DAY ON
OPERATION CLEAN SLATE, FOUR
CELLS INCLUDING THE BALOGNA
SAND WITCHES AND THE LEMONADE
AND GOT OUT AT 4:40 P.M. RIGHT
BEFORE THEY SHUT THE DOORS FOR
THE NIGHT.
>> WOW, THAT IS SO --
>> IF YOU WANT A FREE MEAL.
>> IT WAS RENTED.
>> FOR NOT WALKING YOUR DOG OR
WALKING YOUR DOG WITHOUT A
LEASH.
THE *** CAN TAKE A LESSON FOR
THIS.
WHY COULDN'T IT BE A WHITE
JUMP SUIT?
>> THEY ARE MORE FORM FITTING.
>> THEY ARE DOING ALL OF THIS
STUPID SHUTDOWN THEATER.
THEY SAID THE NAVY AND
FOOTBALL GAME WAS CANCELED.
IT IS FUNDED BY A PRIVATE
ORGANIZATION CALLED THE NAVAL
ASSOCIATION.
THEY WILL LOSE ABOUT $4
MILLION FOR THIS GAME BEING
CANCELED.
>> THAT'S CRAZY.
>>> FROM BUDGETS TO BUGS,
SERVICE WAS AS SPOTTY AS N ON
-- AS AN OUT OF ORDER POTTY.
MANY AMERICANS WERE MET WITH
AN ERROR MESSAGE WHILE OTHERS
DIED.
IT IS TRUE.
ON THE FIRST DAY OF OBAMACARE,
150,000 PEOPLE PERISHED.
TO BE FAIR, THAT'S HOW MANY
PEOPLE DIE ANYWAY.
MILLIONS LOGGED ON TO GET
INSURANCE UNDER OBAMACARE, BUT
THEY WERE MESS WITH COMPUTER
PROBLEMS.
THEY ENCOUNTERED GLITCHES IN
THE SYSTEM LEADING TO WASTED
TIME OR WORSE.
IN TENNESSEE A MAN ATTEMPTED
TO LOG ON AT WORK AND THIS
HAPPENED.
>> MEANWHILE IN OHIO A WOMAN
TRIED TO ACCESS HEALTH CARE
.GOV WHILE ON HER COMMUTER
TRAIN.
>> OBAMA.
AND HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED IN
NEW YORK CITY WHEN MORE THAN
FOUR PEOPLE TRIED TO LOG ON TO
THE GOVERNMENT'S WEBSITE AT
THE SAME TIME.
>> I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT
HARVEY VOTED FOR OBAMA.
>> ALL IN ALL, OBAMACARE IS
HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH.
DANA I REMEMBER YOUR FIRST DAY
AT FOX NEWS.
IT WAS FULL OF GLITCHES AND
EMBARASSMENT.
>> I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO
RHYME THAT WITH SOMETHING.
I THINK WE ARE MAKING TOO MUCH
ABOUT THE GLITCHES.
GLITCHES CAN ACTUALLY BE
FIXED.
THEY WILL FIGURE OUT THE
SOFTWARE EVENTUALLY.
THERE WAS A PRIVATE COMPANY
AND THEY WOULD HAVE DONE IT
BETTER.
THIS IS THE GOVERNMENT AND
THIS IS WHAT YOU GET.
I AM MORE CONCERNED ABOUT THE
FUND MENTAL CHANGE.
HERE WE GO.
IT IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE END
OF YOUR COUNTRY.
>> WOW.
THAT'S A BIGGER ISSUE THAN
GLITCHES.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE BEING
POSITIVE.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO
SAY, I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE
GLITCHES, BUT WE WILL DIE.
ANDREW, YOU PROBABLY HAVE NO
INSURANCE AND ARE RIDDLED WITH
SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED
DISEASES.
>> I CANNOT SAY THAT IS TRUE.
PUT IT THIS WAY.
I HAVE NEVER HAD AN STD AND I
HAVE NEVER HAD AN STD TEST.
THAT'S MY OBAMACARE.
>> HAVE YOU EVER HAD
INSURANCE?
>> I HAVE HAD INSURANCE AND
NOW I DON'T.
>> ARE YOU GOING TO SIGN UP?
>> FOR OBAMACARE?
YES.
I THINK I WILL DO IT.
I THINK I WILL GO TO HEALTH
CARE .GOV.
>> DID YOU SEE TO THOSE PEOPLE
WHO TRIED TO SIGN UP?
>> I AM NOT GOING TO SIGN UP.
I WILL WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE.
CLINTON CARE.
>> WHY CAN'T PEOPLE LIKE ME
JUST START MY OWN EXCHANGE?
LIKE GUTFELD HEALTH EXCHANGE.
I JUST TAKE ON A FEW PEOPLE.
>> I JUST WANT YOUR OP TAU CAL
CARE.
>> THESE ARE DELIGHTFUL.
>> THE THING IS WE ONLY ACCEPT
HEALTHY, YOUNG MEN.
>> WHAT I GET IS ACTUALLY I
GET GET -- I DO THE PHYSICALS
-- MYSELF.
OFTENTIMES AT A LOCAL HOTEL IN
YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD.
>> YOU CAN WRITE OFF THE LATEX
GLOVES THAT WAY.
>> PRESCRIPTIONS ARE SPLIT.
>> HE WEARS THOSE GLASSES TO
HOGWARTS.
>> AND IT WAS SO SLUGISH NOT A
SINGLE PERSON ENROLLED IN THE
PLAN IN SOME AREAS.
THAT'S NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE.
THAT'S 0.
>> THAT'S NOT A LOT OF
PEOPLE.
I'M WITH DANA, GLITCHES BE
HAPPENING.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
>> I DON'T LIKE THE FACT THEY
COMPARE THE GLITCHES TO LIKE
OH YOU HAVE TO GIVE US A
CHANCE LIKE APPLE.
THE THING IS SPHRU A TECHNICAL
PROBLEM WITH APPLE, YOU HAVE A
TECHNIQUE PROBLEM WITH APPLE.
IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH
OBAMACARE YOU CAN BE FINED BY
YOUR GOVERNMENT.
IF YOU WILL HAVE A SYSTEM IN
PLACE THAT WILL SIGN YOU THEY
SHOULD HAVE A SYSTEM IN PLACE
THAT ALLOWS YOU TO SIGN UP.
>> I THINK THAT MAKES PERFECT
SENSE.
ON TUESDAY THE PRESIDENT SPOKE
IN THE ROSE GARDEN AND HE
WANTS EVERY AMERICAN TO HAVE
HEALTH INSURANCE.
EXYOU, BILL SCHULZ, I DON'T
CARE WHETHER YOU LIVE OR DIE.
ACTUALLY I HOPE YOU DIE AND
THEN HE SAYS YOU STUPID
[BLEEP]
>> IF INDEED THIS WAS SAID I
WOULD HAVE HOPED WE HAD SOME
TAPE.
I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO HAVE
SEEN THIS.
>> THE TAPE WAS TOO
EXPENSIVE.
>> WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?
>> THERE WAS NONE.
>> ONE OF THE QUOTES THEY DID,
I COULDN'T TELL IF THIS WAS
WHERE OBAMACARE WAS GOOD OR
BAD.
HIGH SAID OBVIOUSLY THREE
HOURS IS A LONGTIME TO WAIT
AND I AGREE.
BUT IT WILL SAVE ME $6,000 AND
FOR THAT I WOULD WAIT ALL
DAY.
THAT SUMS IT UP IN A
NUTSHELL.
THE LONGER THIS GOES ON AND WE
REALIZE IT IS NOT GOING TO A
WORLD ENDER, WE WILL END UP
TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE
AND I CAN WATCH BOB BECKEL NOT
GET APOCALYPTIC ON "THE
FIVE."
>> THAT'S THE GOOD PART OF THE
SHOW.
>> OBAMACARE CAN'T HELP HIM AT
THIS POINT.
>> HERE IS THE THING.
DID YOU EVER LIVE IN ENGLAND?
>> NO.
I AM NOT EVEN AWARE IT
EXISTS.
>> I LIVED THERE FOR AWHILE.
THE NATIONAL HEALTH SERVICE IS
JUST TERRIBLE.
IT IS LIKE TRYING TO RUN A
MARATHON WITH LEAD WEIGHTS ON
YOUR ANKLES AND IT HAS HELD
BACK THE COUNTRY AND HELPED
LEAD TO THE DESTRUCTION OF THE
INDUSTRIAL MILITARY COMPLEX IN
THE WESTERN CIVILIZATION.
SO AMERICA HAS TO BECOME THE
WORLD'S POLICEMEN AND WE ARE
EVEN TAKING A PASS ON THAT.
WE ARE LIKE THE NATIONAL PARK
POLICEMEN GIVING TICKETS TO
PEOPLE BECAUSE WE WALK A DOG
OFF A LEASH.
>> WE ARE THE WORLD'S
REFEREES.
>> BUT IF YOU DON'T HAVE
HEALTH CARE YOU CAN'T RUN THE
MARATHON.
YOU KNOW WHY?
YOU WILL BE DEAD.
>> HAVE THEY THOUGHT ABOUT
CHECKING WITH OBAMACARE?
YOU DRINK AN ASTOUNDING AMOUNT
OF WATER.
>> I KNOW.
I HAVE AN ASTOUNDINGLY SMALL
BLADDER.
WE ARE IN THE A BLOCK.
I DON'T WANT TO BE REMINDED
ABOUT THIS UNTIL AT LEAST THE
END OF THE SHOW.
HOLD ON.
TOO LATE.
THANKS, DANA.
>> I HAD A GOOD POINT TO MAKE
TOO.
THE POINT YOU ARE MAKING IS AS
THE SOCIAL SYSTEM GROWS YOU
HAVE LESS MONEY TO PROTECT
YOURSELF AS A GREAT COUNTRY.
AND THAT IS WHAT COULD
HAPPEN.
ALSO THE FACT THAT -- WE ARE
LIVING IN LONDON AND WHEN I
GOT THERE I LOOKED INTO THE
NSS.
I GOT THERE AND THEY SAID
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT BECAUSE
YOU WON'T BE ON IT.
>> YOU YOU WILL BE ON PRIVATE
HEALTH INSURANCE.
YOUR EMPLOYER WILL GIVE YOU
PRIVATE HEALTH INSURANCE AND
ALL OF THOSE OTHER PEOPLE CAN
BE ON THE NATIONAL HEALTH
SYSTEM.
>> MAYBE THAT'S WHAT THIS IS.
>> I THINK THAT'S WHERE WE ARE
GOING.
>> THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
AS LONG AS YOU DON'T NEED. IT
YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO NEED IT
AND IT IS FOR EVERYBODY ELSE.
IT IS LIKE YOU USE FEDERAL
EXPRESS AND NOT THE POSTAL
SERVICE.
DO I HAVE TIME FOR THE HARRY
REID THOUGHT?
>> IF YOU CAN HAVE ONE CHILD
--
>> LISTEN, LISTEN.
WHY WOULD WE WANT TO DO THAT?
I HAVE 1100 PEOPLE AT NELLIS
AIR FORCE BASE THAT ARE
SITTING HOME.
THEY HAVE A FEW PROBLEMS OF
THEIR OWN.
>> OKAY, DANA, WAS HE JUST
FRUSTRATED?
>> HE IS JUST TALKING AND IT
IS JUST WORDS.
IT IS NOT EVEN A SENTENCE.
HE SAID THIS OBAMACARE THING
AS IF HE DOES PRESIDENT EVEN
KNOW WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.
HE PLAYS DUMB SOMETIMES AND HE
IS NOT.
HE IS EXTREMELY SHAW --
SHREWD.
THE CONGRESS HAS BECOME
DYSFUNCTIONAL SINCE 2006 WHEN
THEY TOOK OVER.
THE HOPE IS YOU WOULD HAVE
MATURITY AND COMMON SENSE AND
A WAY TO WORK TOGETHER.
AFTER THIS QUOTE CAME OUT, YOU
COULD WATCH REID AND PELOSI
AND THINK NO WONDER AMERICA
HAS A RECORD LOW AMOUNT OF
CONFIDENCE IN THE GOVERNMENT.
>> ARE YOU CLAIMING CONGRESS
WAS FUNCTIONAL BEFORE 2006?
>> MORE SO THAN NOW.
>> ARE YOU GOING TO SIT HERE
WITH A STRAIGHT FACE, DANA AND
SAY THAT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
--
>> YES, I AM.
>> WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK.
I HAVE TO GO YELL AT A
PRODUCER.
>>> COMING UP, CARJACKING,
HIT-AND-RUN, VEHICULAR
HOMICIDE.
DANA PERINO ON HER NEW BOOK,
THINGS I LIKE TO DO TO
UNWIND.
FIRST, A WEBSITE THAT FILTERS
OUT UG LOOLY PEOPLE --
>>> IT LETS YOU DUMP ANYONE
PLUMP.
THE DATING SITE ALLOWS USERS
TO PAY TO FILTER OUT
OVERWEIGHT AND UNATTRACTIVE
PEOPLE.
A-LIST MEMBERS, I USE THOSE
PAYING A MONTHLY FEE TO HIDE
ANYONE WHO LABELS THEMSELVES
CURVY AND SKINNY AND JACKED.
THEY COULD FILTER POTENTIAL
DATES AS RANKED BY OTHER
USERS.
AS A JOURNALIST NOTES, THE
SEARCH OPTIONS ARE EYEBROW
RAISING IN THE ERA OF
TOLERANCE AND POLITICAL
CORRECTNESS.
OH LIKE YOU DATE ONLY UGLY
PEOPLE.
SPEAKING OF BIGOTS.
>> DON'T WORRY.
THE BEAR DOES EVENTUALLY EAT
THE CAT.
WE WERE ALL WONDERING THAT.
DANA, YOU KNOW, I UNDERSTAND
THAT DISCRIMINATION IS WRONG.
AFTER MANY, MANY DECADES OF
DENYING IT, IS THERE ANYTHING
WRONG --
>> LOOK AT THE SHIRT.
>> HOW CAN THERE BE ANYTHING
WRONG WITH DISCRIMINATING
BASED ON APPEARANCE WHEN YOU
ARE DATING THE PERSON?
>> WHY WOULD YOU EVEN PAY FOR
THAT SERVICE WHEN YOU COULD
JUST DO IT IN YOUR COMPUTER
SEARCH AND REPLACE?
LIKE IF SOMEBODY DESCRIBED
THEMSELVES AS SHORT THEN YOU
MIGHT NOT WANT A SHORT PERSON
IN YOUR LIFE.
I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT WOULD
BE.
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU BEING
SO INCREDIBLY TALL I CAN
UNDERSTAND WHY.
>> I LOVE HOW THEY DO THE
WHOLE TABLE SHOT TO GET
PERSPECTIVE.
>> WHEN I FIRST READ THIS
STORY I THOUGHT THERE WERE
PEOPLE JUDGING WHETHER YOU
WOULD BE ABLE TO GO THROUGH OR
NOT.
>> DANA, IT WAS A SLOW NEWS
DAY.
>> AN -- AN TRUE, IF PEOPLE
WILL PAY TO PLAY ON-LINE WHY
SHOULD YOU WASTE YOUR TIME
WITH CHOICES THAT YOU REPORT
INTERESTED IN?
AND WHY SHOULD PEOPLE WASTE
THEIR TIME LOOKING AT PICTURES
OF YOU?
>> THAT'S TRUE.
DO YOU LOOK AT PICTURES OF
ME?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO
SAY.
I AM BLUSHING, BUT YOU CAN'T
SEE IT UNDER THE MAKE UP.
HONESTLY I THOUGHT THE MOST
INTERESTING PART OF THE
ARTICLE IS ONE OF THE
DESCRIPTIONS THAT YOU CAN I
GUESS CLASSIFY PEOPLE AS AND
IT WAS USED UP.
THAT ALONE MAKES ME WANT TO
JOIN.
I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE THERE,
THEY WILL SLEEP WITH ME.
THEY ARE NOT SAYING NO.
>> WONDER HOW LONG IT TAKES TO
GET USED UP.
>> ASK LYNDSAY LOHAN.
>> ABOUT 2004.
>> IT DEPENDS ON HOW MANY
OTHER PEOPLE ARE INVOLVED.
>> NOW THAT YOU ARE TALKING,
WHAT IS POINT OF GOING ON A
DATING WEBSITE IF THEY ARE
DESCRIBING THEMSELVES
ACCURATELY?
>> YOU MEAN IF THEY ARE NOT?
>> I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I
ASKED.
>> I AM JUST GOING TO DO THE
THING WHERE YOU IGNORE THE
QUESTION.
WE SHOULD JUST STOP TALKING
ABOUT IT.
>> SOMEBODY LEFT A COMMENT
SAYING THEY DIDN'T LIKE THIS.
THEY SAID ULTIMATELY WHAT
FREAKS ME OUT THE MOST IS THE
KIND OF PERSON THAT WOULD PAY
TO EXERCISE THAT DEGREE OF
CONTROL OVER THEIR RESULT.
IT FREAKS YOU OUT THAT A
PERSON WANTS TO EXERCISE A
HIGH DEGREE OF CONTROL OVER
WHO THEY WANT TO DATE?
I DON'T GET THAT.
THE FACT IS THIS IS NOT JUST
FOR SCREENING OUT UGLY
PEOPLE.
PEOPLE ARE ATTRACTED TO
CERTAIN TYPES.
>> I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT
TO SAY.
YOU DON'T LIKE DATING PEOPLE
OF OTHER RACES.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> I WASN'T GOING TO SAY THAT,
BUT NOW THAT THE ELEPHANT IS
IN THE ROOM.
>> THE WHITE ELEPHANT.
>> HOPEFULLY.
AND SOME PEOPLE AREN'T
ATTRACTED TO -- SOME GUYS ARE
NOT ATTRACTED TO SKINNY GIRLS
AND SOME GIRLS ARE NOT
ATTRACTED TO FAT GUYS.
YOU SAVE YOURSELF THE TIME AND
EFFORT BY PICKING THE KIND YOU
WANT.
FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T CARE THEY
DON'T CHECK THE BOXES.
>> I LIKE HOW POLITICALLY
CORRECT YOU ARE.
THERE ARE SOME GUYS THAT DON'T
LIKE SKINNY GIRLS.
THERE ARE NONE.
>> I KNOW PLENTY OF GUYS THAT
DON'T LIKE SKINNY GIRLS.
>> THERE IS A REASON.
>> THERE ARE GUYS WHO ONLY
WANT TO DATE CURVEY GIRLS.
>> THERE IS A PHRASE FOR
THAT.
>> KANYE WEST.
>> BILL, YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN
ON A DATE AND NOR DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THE INTERNET IS.
DO YOU WANT ME TO SKIP YOU AND
GO TO THE NEXT STORY?
>> I USED THE INTERNET TO FIND
ME SOME STATS. I NEVER
UNDERSTOOD ON-LINE DATING.
I HAVE BEEN TO MANY WEDDINGS
FROM THE RESULT OF ON-LINE
DATING.
I DID LOOK UP HOW MANY PEOPLE
THERE ARE SINGLE IN THE UNITED
STATES.
IT IS 54 MILLION.
THAT'S ACCORDING TO ROITERS.
GUESS HOW MANY HAVE USED
ON-LINE DATING?
40 MILLION.
THAT'S ALMOST HALF.
THAT MAKES ME WANT TO INVEST
IN ON-LINE DATING.
40 MILLION PEOPLE ON LEAN
DATING.
ON-LINE DATER.
>> HERE IS THE THING, YOU GOT
THAT INFORMATION FROM ROUTERS,
MY MASSEUSE WHO I MET ON-LINE
AND HE LIES ABOUT EVERYTHING
INCLUDING THE FACT HE WAS A
MASSEUSE AND HE WAS NOT AT
ALL.
BY THE WAY, WHAT IF YOU PREFER
ONE RACE OR ANOTHER WHEN YOU
DATE.
IS THAT RACIST?
>> YES.
>> IF YOU ARE WHITE.
FROM YOU WHITE IT IS RACIST.
ANYBODY ELSE IT IS OKAY.
BUT ALL OF US, WE DON'T SEE
COLOR.
>> JAPANESE IT IS JUST BEING
JP NIECE.
>> BUT NOBODY CAN TELL YOU YOU
HAVE TO BE TOLERANT WHEN YOU
ARE DATING.
THAT IS BASED ON YOUR PERSONAL
PREFERENCE.
SOMEBODY CAN'T SAY OH WE ARE
GOING TO MAKE THE CHOICES FOR
YOU.
YOU NEED A WOMAN OF THIS
WAIT.
MAYBE IT IS A GUY.
YOU SHOULD BE DATING A GUY.
THE FACT YOU LIKE WOMEN IT IS
INTOLERANT.
YOU SHOULD BE DATING MEN AS
WELL AND PERHAPS A SEQUENTIAL
HEMAPHRODITE.
>> I AM NOT ALLOWED TO BE ON
OK COULD YOU -- CUPID.
YOU CAN FIND ME ON NO WAY PEG
SUCCESS.
PEGASUS.
>> HE IS TALKING ABOUT AGE,
PEOPLE.
>> COMING UP, HOW CAN YOU
STRANGLE A BABY PANDA WITH A
SHOELACE?
WE DISCUSS THE NEW SELF-HELP
BOOK AND THEIR SCREAMS GIVE ME
LIFE.
BUT FIRST, WHAT IS PARIS UP TO
NOW?
>>> IT IS CHEESY MEETS WEEZY.
PARIS HILTON IS BACK AND SHE
AND HER *** HAVE A A NEW
TRACK.
JK, SHE DOESN'T HAVE ***.
THE FORMER WHATEVER TEAMED UP
WITH LIL WAYNE ON A TUNE
CALLED GOOD TIMES.
GUESS WHAT, IT IS ABOUT GOOD
TIMES.
SHE LIKES HAVING THEM AND SO
DO I.
HERE COMES A PRESENT FOR YOUR
EARS, AMERICA.
>>
♪ HAVING A GOOD TIME.
♪♪ COUSIN I'M HAVING A GOOD --
CUZ I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME ♪
♪ AND I WOULD BE A BIT
TIPSY ♪
♪ THAT'S OKAY CUZ YOU'RE WITH
ME ♪
>> I'M [BLEEP] UPPED.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS WHAT.
I WALKED UP TO HER BIG BUTT
AND ASK HER BUTT SAY WHAT?
>> THAT MADE ME VOMIT IN MY
MOUTH.
WE WILL DISCUSS THIS IN
SOMETHING BETTER.
>> LIGHTNING
ROOOOOOOUUUUUNNNNNDD.
LIGHTNING ROUND.
>> I ACTUALLY FIND THAT
FUNNY.
>> I LOVE IT.
I LOVE IT.
>> IT IS LIGHTNING ROUND, BUT
IT IS REALLY LONG.
>> THAT'S SO FUNNY.
>> THAT'S HILARIOUS.
THIS TV SHOW YOU GUYS ARE
DOING, THIS IS GREAT.
>> WE ARE NOT REALLY A TV
SHOW.
>> IT IS A JOY TO WATCH YOU
ENJOY IT BECAUSE DANA WAS
SWEARING UNDER HER BREATH.
>> BY THE WAY, THIS IS NOT
EVEN BEING FILMED.
IT IS DONE FOR THE JOY OF US.
THIS IS NOT EVEN ON THE AIR.
>> IT IS A POD COST.
-- A POD CAST.
>> DANA, PARIS HILTON HAS HIT
HER STRIDE AS AN UNTALENTED
STRUMP BUCKET.
>> SHE CAN'T RHYME, TIPSY AND
WITH ME?
YOU COULDN'T THINK OF
SOMETHING BETTER?
YOU WOULD THINK YOU ARE
WORKING WITH LIL WAYNE AND YOU
COULD FIGURE THAT OUT.
I'M SURE HER PARENTS ARE VERY
PROUD.
VERY, VERY PROUD.
>> ANDREW, ARE YOU A GUY.
DOES IT MATTER WHAT IS COMING
OUT OF HER MOUTH?
>> NO, IT DOESN'T.
YOU KNOW WHAT IS FUNNY?
I HEARD THIS SONG ON MY
PANDORA STATION, USED UP.
I LOVE IT.
I THINK IT IS A HIT.
IT IS SURPRISING TO SEE THINGS
COMING OUT OF HER MOUTH.
IT IS SURPRISING TO SEE.
>> I THINK IT IS PROGRESS.
I THINK IT IS PROGRESS THAT
THAT'S THE NATURE OF WHATEVER
SHE IS DOING.
HER VOICE SOUNDS LIKE A ROBOT
SQUIRREL SHOW.
SQUIRREL THOUGH.
SINCE WHEN DID IT BECOME OKAY
NOT TO SOUND LIKE WHROW AND TO
SOUND LIKE A ROBOT SQUIRREL?
>> EVEN WITH AUTO TUNE HER
VOICE SOUNDS AWFUL.
YOU HAVE TO BE REALLY BAD IF
YOUR VOICE SOUNDS THAT AWFUL
WITH AUTO TUNE.
ARE YOU TALKING LIL WAYNE?
>> YES.
>> AS A RAP SCHOLAR I DON'T
KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS, BUT LIL
WAYNE IS STRAIGHT TRIPPIN.
THAT IS WHAT IS GOING ON.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNEW
THAT.
>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
>> WE WILL TALK AFTERWARDS.
>> EVERYONE INVOLVED IN THIS
SONG SHOULD BE IN PRISON.
>> I WOULD EVEN SAY GITMO.
I WOULD SAY GITMO AND A LITTLE
WATER BOARDING.
MIGHT BE IN ORDER.
ALTHOUGH, I DON'T KNOW.
IT IS GROWING ON ME.
THE SONG IS NOW STUCK IN MY
HEAD.
YOU ALSO MADE A NIGHT VISION
SEX TAPE WITH SOME DUDE THAT
NOBODY REMEMBERS.
DO YOU PLAN TO RELEASED A
SINGLE?
>> I HAVE NOT MADE A NIGHT
VISION SEX TAPE WITH SOME
DUDE.
>> ANYWAYS, YOU KNOW HOW
HOLLYWOOD HAS BEEN REBOOTING
MOVIE AFTER MOVIE AFTER
MOVIE?
AND THEN THEY REBOOT IT
AGAIN.
WHY CAN'T WE JUST REBOOT PARIS
HILTON?
SHE STARTS A NEW AND SHE MAKES
MAKES -- SHE DOES THE REALITY
SHOW WHICH IS MORE LIKE WHAT
KARDASHIAN DID.
IT WOULD BE A BETTER PARIS AND
THEN MAYBE SHE WOULD DO A SONG
WITH LIL WAYNE WHERE SHE
ACCIDENTALLY LISTENS TO THE
LYRIC.
SHE DID NOT KNOW WHAT LIL
WAYNE WAS SAYING.
LIL WAYNE WAS TALKING ABOUT
THINGS THAT SHE SHOULD HAVE
CHECKED.
>> I THINK THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT
SHE WANTED.
>> YOU ARE BOTH SUPER HEROS
AND A NEW SEX TAPE.
KIM KARDASHIAN AND PARIS
HILTON, BUT INSTEAD OF PARIS
HILTON, BEN AFFLECK.
>> I SEE WHERE ARE YOU GOING
WITH THAT.
>> WE LAUGH AND WE LAUGH AT
HER, BUT SHE IS GOING HAVE THE
LAST LAUGH BECAUSE WHEN SHE IS
DYING SHE WILL BE LAUGHING
BECAUSE SHE IS TOO STUPID TO
KNOW SHE IS DYING AND SHE WILL
KEEP LAUGHING.
>> SHE WILL HAVE THE LAST
LAUGH.
>> SKINNY, RICH AND BLONDE.
>> IS A RELATED AD ALL THAT
BAD?
WELL, FEDERAL COURT HAS RULED
AN ILLEGAL WIRETAPPING LAWSUIT
MAY PROCEED AGAINST TABOOING
GEL WHICH I -- AGAINST GOOGLE
WHICH IS KNOWN FOR ITS
PICTURES OF POVERTY.
ANYWAY, THE SUIT CLAIMS THE
COMPANY'S PRACTICE OF SCANNING
E E -- E-MAILS AND SHOWING THE
CONTENT OF THE E-MAILS
VIOLATES STATE AND FEDERAL
WIRETAPPING LAWS.
THE SUIT COULD GET CERTIFIED
AS A CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT.
THE FINES COULD BE HUGE LIKE A
THOUSAND DOLLARS OR 2,000.
A LOT OF MONEY.
DANA, DO ADS THAT CATER TO
YOUR PERVERSE NEEDS CATER TO
WHAT IS ON THERE?
>> I DON'T KNOW THE G MAIL AS
THEY CALL IT, BUT I LIKE IT IN
THE COMPANY OF DOGS.
THEY SEND ME E-MAILS AND IT IS
A LITTLE TOO OFTEN FOR THE CUT
BACK.
ONCE A WEEK WOULD BE PLENTY.
>> YOU ARE TELLING SOMEBODY TO
STOP SENDING YOU DOG
INFORMATION AND MAYBE CUT IT
BACK A LITTLE BIT?
>> ONCE A WEEK.
I DON'T NEED THREE TIMES A
WEEK.
>> SOMEBODY IS SENDING OUT DOG
INFORMATION EVERY DAY AND IT
CAN GET TIRE SO MANY.
TIRESOME.
>> WHAT IS MORE ANNOYING IS I
HAD E-MAILS HAVING TO DO WITH
DOG COLLARS.
I DON'T HAVE A TOG.
I DON'T HAVE A DOG.
>> THAT HAPPENED TO ME AND I
GET A LOT OF RESTRAINTS AND
THEN ADS FOR MAURY STRAIPTS.
MORE RESTRAINTS.
>> DO YOU CARE IF G MAIL SCANS
YOUR E-MAIL?
YOU MAY GET NICE COUPONS.
>> I DON'T.
I DON'T CARE IF ANYBODY
LISTENS TO MY PHONE CALLS.
I AM TRYING TO CARE BECAUSE IT
IS LIKE GET OUT OF MY
PRIVACY.
EVE TIME I GO I SAY JUST
READ -- EVERY TIME I GO I SAY
JUST READ IT.
>> IF ANYBODY TAPED INTO MY
E-MAIL THEY SAY THEY WOULD BE
DISAPPOINTED.
>> THE BOX YOU SHARE IS WITH
HOBO CARL.
BUT IS IT CIGARETTES AND
ANIMAL FECES?
>> I WAS WAITING FOR ANOTHER
ONE.
IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE THREE.
I LOVE THIS GUY FROM THE
ELECTRONIC AND PRIVACY
INFORMATION CENTER AND HE SAID
IT HAS BEEN A BAD MONTH FOR
GOOGLE.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
PEOPLE WILL CONTINUE TO USE
GOOGLE AS OFTEN AS THEY DO.
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEY DO
TO YOU.
GOOGLE HAS US.
I WILL NOT TYPE IN PARIS
HILTON AND NUDE ON ASK
JEEVES.
IT IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE
GOOGLE.
>> BESIDES, HE SAID IT HAS
BEEN A BAD MONTH FOR GOOGLE
AND THEIR PROFITS ARE
SOARING.
>> A LOT OF THE PROFITS COMES
FROM ADS WHICH THEY ARE ABLE
TO TARGET.
BY ALLOWING THE SUIT TO GO
FORWARD IF THE COURT RULES
THAT GOOGLE CAN'T DO THAT
ANYMORE THEIR PROFITS ARE
GOING TO GO DOWN.
>> AND YOU SLIGHTLY PLUGGED
TARGET SO YOU ARE PART OF THE
PROBLEM.
>> I WILL NOW GET ADS ABOUT
TARGET.
>> WHERE DO YOU STAND?
YOU ARE THE MR. LIBERTARIAN.
>> MY FEELING IS IF YOU NOAH
HEAD OF TIME THAT GOOGLE IS
DOING THIS, IF YOU ARE A G
MAIL USER THEY TELL YOU YOU
WILL DO THAT.
THE PROBLEM IS -- AND THIS IS
WHERE THEY MAKE IT INTO
TROUBLE.
IF YOU DO --
>> IF I E-MAIL YOUR G MAIL
ACCOUNT YOU WILL LOOK AT
MINE?
>> OR LIKE BOB BECKEL USES
EARTH LINK.
>> YES.
IF YOU E-MAIL SOMEBODY WHO
USES G MAIL, G MAIL IS
SCANNING YOUR E-MAIL.
>> BUT JUST THE E-MAIL I SENT
TO THAT PERSON.
>> OR ANY E-MAILS.
THEY MAY RUN INTO PROBLEMS.
>> YOU KNOW WHO BENEFITS?
MY WEBSITE G-MAIL.
>> FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T
SPELL.
>> I AM NOT PICKY AND NOT A
RACIST.
>> YOU HAVE TO CHECK DO NOT
HAVE TO SPELL.
I SAY NOT BEING ABLE TO SPELL
IS A PLUS.
>> AND SPEAKING, NO SPEAKING.
>> IT IS PART OF MY WHOLE
DATING PROFILE.
>> TIME TO TAKE A BREAK.
WHEN WE COME BACK WE HAVE A
LOT MORE STUFF.
"JOY OF HATE" HAVE YOU BOUGHT
THIS YET?
I GET ANGRY.
AMAZON.COM AUTOGRAPHED COPY.
THEY ARE THERE NOW.
JUST SIGNED A
>>> HE HAS GONE AFTER THE FAT
AND NOW HE IS GOING AFTER YORE
FEELINGS.
YOUR FEELINGS.
MAYOR BLOOMBURG HAS INTRODUCED
A NEW HEALTH DRIVE TO HELP
GIRLS.
AGE 7 TO 12 WITH SELF-ESTEEM.
ON TUESDAY A DAY OF THE WEEK
ADS WERE POSTED ON BUSES AND
SUBWAYS FEATURING BEAMING
NONPROFESSIONAL MODELS UNDER
THE HEADLINE "I'M A GIRL.
I'M BEAUTIFUL THE WAY I AM."
I USED TO WAKE UP IN THE
MORNING AND SAY THAT.
ALONG WITH ADJECTIVES WITH
CARING, CURIOUS AND CREATIVE.
AFTER SCHOOL PROGRAMS WILL
SOON FOLLOW.
AS NEW YORK MAGAZINE POINTS
OUT, QUOTE, THERE IS SOMETHING
SLIGHTLY CONTRADICTORY ABOUT
THE MESSAGE.
DON'T WORRY HOW YOU LOOK.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
I WOULD AGREE IF I KNEW WHAT
CONTRADICTORY MEANT.
THOSE PEOPLE AT NEW YORK
MAGAZINE, WHAT A BUNCH OF
JERKS.
ARE YOU PSYCHED YOUR TAX
DOLLARS ARE PAYING FOR THIS?
>> YES, ESPECIALLY WHEN I WALK
THROUGH EVERY DAY WITH A BIKE
RENTAL GANG PEOPLE THERE THAT
SCARE THE YOU KNOW WHAT OUT OF
ME.
I DO THINK GIRLS SUFFER FROM
SELF-ESTEEM, BUT I WORRY ABOUT
10 TO 15 AND 20 YEARS FROM NOW
THAT THE LITTLE BOYS PRETTY
MUCH IGNORED IN SOCIETY WHAT
ABOUT THEM?
WHAT ABOUT DEALING WITH THEIR
SELF-ESTEEM PROBLEMS IN THE
CHAT ROOMS.
>> DID YOU THINK ABOUT
SELF-ESTEEM GROWING UP?
>> SURE, OF COURSE.
EVERY KID DID.
I WOULD SAY MY DAD, WOULDED
HARD .
HE HAD TWO DAUGHTERS.
HE WOULD EXPLAIN TO US -- I
GREW UP IN WYOMING.
IT WAS DIFFERENT.
HE WOULD TELL US YOU CAN DO
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO DO.
MAYBE EVERY DAY SAYS THAT TO
THEIR KID, BUT GROWING UP YOU
SAY I AM NOT TALL ENOUGH OR
PRETTY ENOUGH, I DON'T HAVE
CUTE RED GLASSES, MY SHIRT IS
TOO BIG AND THINGS LIKE THAT.
>> IT WAS TOUGH FOR YOU
BECAUSE HE LIKED YOUR SISTER A
LOT BETTER.
>> WHO DOES PRESIDENT?
>> IT IS FUNNY BECAUSE EVEN
THOUGH ARE YOU MORE FAMOUS TO
YOUR SISTER THEY REFER TO HER
AS THE BREAD WINNER AND THE
ONE THAT MAKES THEM HAPPY.
>> THE RESPONSIBLE ONE.
>> EVERYONE WANTS TO BE AROUND
ANGIE.
ANGIE HAS CATS AND NOT DOGS.
>> ANDREW, MOST SITE YOU AS
THE REASON WOMEN HAVE TERRIBLE
SELF-ESTEEM.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY WOULD
SAY THAT.
I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND RIGHT NOW
SO HONESTLY I AM ALL ABOUT
WOMEN HAVING SELF-ESTEEM.
>> OH MR. I HAVE A GIRL FRIEND
RIGHT NOW.
>> NOW THAT I AM IN A
RELATIONSHIP I BELIEVE IN
WOMEN HAVING SELF-ESTEEM.
>> ALL RIGHT, WE GET IT.
>> WHEN A COMEDIAN GETS A
GIRLFRIEND IT IS A BIG DEAL.
THE POINT IS IF I WAS SINGLE I
WOULD HOPE THEY DIDN'T HAVE
SELF-ESTEEM BECAUSE IT IS
EASIER TO SLEEP WITH THEM.
NOW THAT I AM IN A
RELATIONSHIP, BELIEVE IN
YOURSELF.
>> BUT NOT ENOUGH WHERE YOU
THINK YOU CAN DO BETTER.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
JUST THINK YOU ARE PRETTY.
DON'T THINK YOU ARE SMART.
>> NOT EVEN PRETTY.
CUTE.
PALLETTABLE.
NOT ADORABLE.
>> YOU DO A LOT OF, WELL, I
THINK YOU ARE PRETTY AND
THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.
>> BABY, DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT
EVERYBODY ELSE SAYS AND PINCH
HER CHEEK.
>> I HAPPEN TO THINK THIS IS A
WONDERFUL THING TO PROVIDE
BALANCE TO THIS HORRIBLE
SHOW.
WHERE IS YOUR AD CAMPAIGN
SINCE YOU HAVE AN AWFUL BODY
IMAGE OF YOURSELF?
>> I HAVE AN ACCURATE BODY
IMAGE.
IT IS SOMETHING I HAVE TO NOT
SLEEP ABOUT EVERY DAY.
>> HERE WE GO.
ANDY, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND
YOU KNOW.
>> THERE IS NO DOUBT THAT A
LOT OF GIRLS HAVE AN UNHEALTHY
BODY IMAGE BECAUSE OF
PRESSURE.
AND NOT JUST YOUNG GIRLS.
WOMEN DO AND TO A CERTAIN
EXTENT MEN.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOOK LIKE A
SUPERMODEL.
THE ONLY -- THE DOWNSIDE OF
THIS IS IT IS THE WHOLE YOU
ARE PERFECT THE WAY YOU ARE
CULTURE WHICH IS NOT ALL THAT
GREAT.
GUESS WHAT, THERE ARE HEALTH
RISKS.
IF YOU ARE SUPER OVER WAIT YOU
HAVE HEALTH RISKS AND
SOMETIMES YOU ARE NOT PERFECT
THE WAY ARE YOU AND YOU NEED
TO BE TOLD THAT SO YOU CAN
ADJUST.
>> YOU CAN'T JUST SAY YOU ARE
BEAUTIFUL AS YOU ARE TO A
PERSON WHO IS A HUNDRED POUNDS
OVERWEIGHT.
YOU ARE BASICALLY PUTTING THEM
ON EMOTIONAL WELFARE AND THEY
WON'T GET OFF.
>> ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
WOULD YOU TELL SOMEBODY WHO IS
OVERWEIGHT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
THE WAY YOU ARE?
FOR THE FIRST TWO YEARS OF
THIS SHOW I GOT E-MAILS FROM
PEOPLE TELLING ME HOW FAT I
WAS AND THAT GOT ME TO LOSE
WEIGHT.
I LOST 40 POUNDS.
IF YOU WERE DANA YOU WOULD SAY
YOU LOOK FINE FAT GREG.
FAT GREG YOU DON'T NEED TO
LOSE WEIGHT.
PEOPLE AT HOME SAID YOU SHOULD
LOSE SOME WEIGHT YOU SWEATY,
FAT, WEIRD OWE.
>> DIDN'T YOU SEE MY WEBSITE
GOT FAT .ORG?
IT WAS YOU, YOU, YOU.
>> BILL, YOUR SELF-ESTEEM IS
TERRIBLE AND RIGHTFULLY SO.
>> NO INFLECTION.
>> EXPRU 30 SECONDS.
>> YEAH, EVE TIME I GO TO HOBO
CARL GROWING UP I WOULD BE
LIKE AM I PRETTY?
HE WOULD HIT ME UPSIDE MY FACE
WITH A TWO BY FOUR.
I KNOW IT SOUNDS WORSE THAN
WYOMING.
I WISH I COULD GO TO WYOMING.
>>> WELL, WE ARE GOING TO TAKE
A BREAK AND THEN WE HAVE
ANOTHER STORY COMING UP.
STICK AROUND.
YES, STICK AROUND.
>> COMING UP TOMORROW WE HAVE
FIRST TIME GUEST DEBORAH BLOOM
AND ERIC METCALF.
>> E BLOCK.
LAST STORY.
THAT'S THE LAST STORY.
>> NOBODY WAS TALKING TO ME.
HER SON RONIN -- RONIN'S DAD
MIGHT NOT BE *** ALLEN AFTER
ALL.
AFTER ALL, THE FATHER MAY BE
FRANK SINATRA'S.
WHEN THEY ASKED IF OLD BLUE
EYE'S COULD BE RONIN'S FATHER
SHE SAID POSSIBLY.
RONIN WHO BROKE OFF ALL
CONTACT WITH ALLEN AFTER THE
CREEPY FILM MAKER WAS BANGING
HIS ADOPTED DAUGHTER SEEMS TO
BE HANDLING HIS MOM'S
REVELATION WITH GOOD HUMOR
TWEETING, LISTEN, WE ARE ALL
POSSIBLY FRANK SINATRA'S SON.
INTERESTING.
DANA, APPARENTLY THERE HAS
NEVER BEEN A PATERNITY TEST.
WOULDN'T THAT BE EXCITING?
>> I DON'T CARE.
>> YOU CAN'T DO AN I DON'T
CARE.
>> I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE OVER
SHARING.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND "VANITY
FAIR" ?
DOES ANYBODY CARE?
>> GUESTS ON "RED EYE" ARE NOT
SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT STORIES
NO MATTER HOW STUPID THEY
ARE.
>> ABOUT MIA FARROW?
>> VERY MUCH INTO THIS.
>> IF YOU COULD CHOOSE A NEW
DAD WHO WOULD IT BE?
AND DON'T SAY BOB CRANE
BECAUSE THAT IS MINE AND HE IS
DEAD.
>> HONESTLY I THINK FRANK
SINATRA WOULD BE GREAT.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THAT IS
POSSIBLE.
THIS IS THE BEST NEWS FOR THE
WHOLE TALK ABOUT HEY YOUR DAD
IS NOT REALLY YOUR DAD.
>> MOST OF THE STORIES GO WITH
YOUR DAD AND IT IS JAVIER THE
GARDENER.
FRANK SINATRA IS A PRETTY GOOD
UPSIDE.
>> IT IS A HUGE UPGRADE.
IT IS NOT A ***?
IT IS GREAT, IT IS AWESOME.
>> I THINK SHE DID THIS TO GET
BACK AT ***.
SHE IS SAYING THIS PREGNANCY
HAPPENED AFTERWARDS.
>> I ALSO THINK THERE HASN'T
BEEN A PATERNITY TEST.
SHE KNOWS IT IS FRANK SINATRA
AND RONIN KNOWS IT IS FRANK
SINATRA.
LOOK AT THOSE BABY BLUE EYES.
THOSE ARE FRANK SINATRA'S
EYES.
HE KNOWS SINATRA IS HIS DAD
AND HE IS HAPPY AS HELL ABOUT
IT.
>> DO YOU THINK *** ALLEN
CARES?
>> HE IS TOO BUSY HAVING SEX
WITH HIS STEPDAUGHTER.
>> THIS IS GOOD NEWS BECAUSE
IF FRANK IS REALLY THE DAD
THEN *** ALLEN CAN HAVE SEX
WITH RONIN.
THINK ABOUT IT.
DO THE MATH.
IT IS TOTALLY LEGAL.
>> IT IS SAD NEWS FOR RONIN
THEN.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE IS
INTO.
GREG, HE CAN HAVE -- ***
ALLEN CAN HAVE HIM AND IT IS
FINE.
IT IS FINE.
OPEN YOUR EYES.
>> I GUESS SO.
THANKS, DANA, ANDREW, ANDY,
BILL.