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Episode 5: "Caving in to the Dragon"
Ewww! How much did I drink?
Good morning!
Ewww!
Don't go, little princess!
What's wrong, little brother?
All these girls see are two fat old guys.
I'm never going to capture me a woman!
It's not fair, Art! It's not fair!
Russ, the problem you've got ...
... is that you set your standards too high, ok?
My rule?
Low standards, no disappointment.
Take a look at this *** here.
she's beautiful!
Yeah, almost as beautiful as I am.
Almost?
I can't believe I cuddled with a ...
... stuck-up, arrogant, egocentric swine like you!
Little lady, I don't know what half of those words mean ...
... but I'm pretty sure that I resemble those remarks.
I took pity on you, you old fart!
I can't keep going on like this, Art!
My hair's gone, my gut's kind of wide, ...
... I have the urge to buy a fast, red steed ...
We just need to find this witch and ...
get ourselves turned back into our younger selves, ...
... and then I want to go home!
Look. I will tell you where the old witch is, ...
... if you will just shut up.
Really? You know where she is?
I'll tell you where she is.
But first you must do something for me.
What?
Go to the Caves of Hysteria ...
... and capture the Puppet Dragon.
You got a deal! Come on, bro!
We've got a dragon to capture!
Hey Art, what's a Puppet Dragon?
2 Hours Later
I don't know.
Maybe it's a dragon the wizard has do what he wants it to do ...
... you know, like a puppet.
Well, I'm good at killing things, ...
... but I've never captured anything before.
To capture something, ...
... you just beat it until it's unconscious.
The secret is, you gotta stop right before you kill it.
You're the smartest person I know.
We've been walking around for a long time.
Where are the Caves of Hysteria?
I don't know. I was kind of following you.
Let's ask that orc over there.
Hey, you!
Hey, do we know you?
No, I don't! I mean, no, you don't!
You sure?
You look so familiar. Doesn't he, Russ?
He looks like that orc we keep killing over and over again!
Look, you guys are gonna kill me anyway, so ...
Hey, put that away! You're gonna hurt yourself!
Sod it all!
How are we gonna get directions to the Hysterical Cave now?
Half ... day ... east.
Which way is east?
Oh, OK. Thanks!
Let's go.
So how does that work again?
OK, so when a man troll and woman troll ...
love each other very much, or at least a little ...
I think we're at the cave.
I've seen bigger.
Think it's a trap?
Whoever it is, you better ...
... get your tasty rump roast in here right now!
What are ... who are you?
Who am I? Who am I?
Why, I'm the great and mighty Puff.
Now I'm a Puppet Dragon.
So you can call me PPD for short.
And now that I've laid out my back story, ...
... who the Hell are you two?
What's up his butt?
... playing jokes on each other.
I'm Russ, and this is Art, and we're the Brothers Barbarian!
Oh, and we were sent here to capture you.
Capture me? Nobody captures PPD unless ...
... PPD wants to be captured!
You see, there was this old wizard.
Old wizard!
About time he sent someone to get me.
I have half a mind to fry him inside out for what he did to me.
Did to you?
That's right. The wizard and I go way back.
We used to kick around between magic quests, ...
Is this going to take long?
Hey, shut up and pay attention!
These are the plot points here!
One day, the old wizard and I, ...
... we was one-upping each other with spells.
I zapped him and made him forget who he was ...
... at the same moment he turned me into this damned puppet.
Bad timing.
Now I've been stuck on this dead guy's arm for over a year.
Can we just go ahead and capture you?
Because I'm getting really hungry ...
... and it's a long way back.
Hey, don't you be getting huffy with me, ...
... and put that sword away.
I might look all cute and cuddly, ...
... but I can still breathe dragon's fire.
That's the worst kind of fire.
Hey, stop singing the song there, bandana man, ...
... and get me out of here ...
... so we can get me changed back into a real dragon.
Are your hands always this cold?
This book is for Lord Brian.
I'm afraid Lord Brian is a little tied up right now.
But I assume all you want is a small bag of gold.
Look, Lord Brian, your book of magic ...
... that you tried to use to take over the Midlands!
Magic is not the answer, Lord Brian!
Magic has always held the orc race down.
If I get rid of magic, ...
... then I can soon take over the world!