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FELICIA DAY: I think we're ready to broadcast "Vaginal
Fantasy Book Club." Hello everybody.
Are you here?
Because we're here.
BONNIE BURTON: Yay.
VERONICA BELMONT: Hello.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Hi.
FELICIA DAY: All--
[GARBLED]
KIALA KAZEBEE: What?
VERONICA BELMONT: So Felicia's having a little technical--
BONNIE BURTON: I don't know what's happening.
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: We are live.
VERONICA BELMONT: We are definitely live, yes.
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, god.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Felicia's having some technical
difficulties.
FELICIA DAY: Hi, everybody.
I am clearly on the worst connection ever.
[INAUDIBLE]
fine until we started broadcasting, and then now
it's terrible.
Anyway, welcome to "Vaginal Fantasy," everyone.
BONNIE BURTON: It's Canada.
FELICIA DAY: Yes.
I'm in Canada, and unfortunately, I am not as
clear or as awesome as I could be.
So the ladies will take over if I crash somehow.
But regardless, we are here, and it is our tenth Hangout,
and we are very happy to be here.
And everybody introduce themselves again, if you don't
know everybody.
BONNIE BURTON: OK.
I'm Bonnie, Bonnie Burton.
And my dog Sophie's to the left, or that way.
And I dressed up.
I dressed up.
So I'm wearing my red shirt.
VERONICA BELMONT: Uh-oh.
That's trouble.
KIALA KAZEBEE: No, no.
BONNIE BURTON: You're gonna die.
BONNIE BURTON: It's a really good shirt.
And I have my Spock ears on.
I don't know if you can see that.
Spock ears.
So I tried.
I tried to dress up.
And I have an R2-D2 pumpkin, too.
FELICIA DAY: At least you put some effort in, Bonnie.
BONNIE BURTON: I did.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Jeez.
FELICIA DAY: I put zero, because I'm traveling.
What about you, Kiala?
Do you have an excuse?
Because I saw you tweeting about your costume all week.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I--
yeah.
I couldn't think of anything.
Hi, I'm Kiala.
But also, I couldn't think of anything.
I have, like, a green velvet cape in my closet.
VERONICA BELMONT: Ooh.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I do.
And I have a mask, but I couldn't figure
out what that was.
Like, I couldn't make it into anything, and then I just gave
up. 'Cause I'm the worst.
BONNIE BURTON: Awww.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I know.
FELICIA DAY: Well, at least you had a little bit of
imagination in the intention, and then in bailing on it, at
least you went through some creative process, right?
KIALA KAZEBEE: I did, and I engaged with social media.
Like I do.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: Well, that's always the key.
And then we have Veronica Belmont.
VERONICA BELMONT: Helo, I am--
I tried.
I'm wearing my Gersberms shirt.
Ermahgerd, you guys, Gersberms.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Gersberms.
VERONICA BELMONT: I've literally wore this shirt on
every single show that I do this week, so you've probably
seen it on me already.
Anyway, yeah.
I'm Veronica.
I don't have a costume, really.
I was going to do my cosplay outfit, but then I got lazy.
I'm not going to any Halloween parties or anything this week.
BONNIE BURTON: Me neither.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Me neither.
VERONICA BELMONT: I'm going to a grown-ups, no-kids-allowed,
no-costumes-allowed party tomorrow night.
FELICIA DAY: Why is it no costumes allowed?
I've never heard of a Halloween party that--
VERONICA BELMONT: It's too much pressure.
It's too much pressure.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Really?
VERONICA BELMONT: We just want to drink, yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: So I hate doing costumes, so I always do
last-minute costumes.
So last year I put sponges all over me when I went to the
Lucasfilm Halloween party, when I was still at Lucasfilm,
and I put sponges all over me, and I went as self-absorbed.
But no one--
FELICIA DAY: Ohh.
BONNIE BURTON: No one got it.
VERONICA BELMONT: Funny.
That took me a second.
BONNIE BURTON: Absolutely no one got it.
Some little kid was like, that's the worst SpongeBob
SquarePants costume ever.
VERONICA BELMONT: I dragged down the Veronica barrier.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yay!
Oh, god.
We are doing good work on this show.
We are breaking down barriers.
VERONICA BELMONT: Breaking down barriers.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: We figured you were in the ghetto for long
enough, Veronica.
We actually--
VERONICA BELMONT: The ghetto.
FELICIA DAY: Because of Google Hangouts, the way it works,
everybody's in alphabetical order by first name, I guess.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Really?
VERONICA BELMONT: Yes, yeah.
That makes sense.
FELICIA DAY: So our Geek and Sundry account was under the
name of my co-producer, Kim Evey, and that's why there was
a Veronica barrier.
And we had to literally change it to Zim Evey.
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, that's why it changed?
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, I feel so special.
Wow.
I brought about, like, great change within the whatever.
That's funny.
FELICIA DAY: Well, you blessed someone to have their first
name as Zim.
VERONICA BELMONT: I feel like real people
now, like I'm a real--
KIALA KAZEBEE: Like "Invader Zim." I've watched that.
VERONICA BELMONT: Totally.
Totally.
That's a good one.
FELICIA DAY: I don't like the fact that you're
so close to us now.
VERONICA BELMONT: I'm sorry.
I know.
I'm getting my non-"Guild" cooties all over everybody.
FELICIA DAY: Awww.
VERONICA BELMONT: They're wafting over.
FELICIA DAY: I have to do another season now.
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, but I am especially bummed out, because
I had big plans to do "Poison Study"-themed cocktails, and
Bonnie can attest.
And I totally just forgot, like 100% forgot.
BONNIE BURTON: I was going to do it too.
I have my giant wine glass, but because I have bronchitis,
it's full of Vitamin Water.
VERONICA BELMONT: Is that what's in there?
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
It's actually the Defense Vitamin Water.
So I'm pretending it's ***, but yeah, I'm too sick, so I
can't *** it up.
Sorry.
KIALA KAZEBEE: You've been sick for weeks, Bonnie.
I'm really concerned about you.
BONNIE BURTON: I am too.
I'm starting to feel like I'm getting the zombie plague.
I've been sick for--
since, like, three months now?
VERONICA BELMONT: You've been sick for so long.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, it started with cold, and then
whooping cough, and then bronchitis, and then--
KIALA KAZEBEE: Can adults get whooping cough?
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I had no idea.
VERONICA BELMONT: There's been a whooping cough thing going
on this year.
BONNIE BURTON: And I was healthy for like a week, and
then I got those bronchitis out of nowhere.
VERONICA BELMONT: I had to teach her
how to cough properly.
FELICIA DAY: Did you get vaccinated for whooping cough?
BONNIE BURTON: I know.
I don't want to cough into my elbow and get
lipstick on my shirt.
KIALA KAZEBEE: On you red shirt?
BONNIE BURTON: Can't I just do this?
Can't I just do the consumption?
I need like a little--
VERONICA BELMONT: Don't joke about the consumption, Bonnie.
FELICIA DAY: Oh.
VERONICA BELMONT: There's nothing funny about the
consumption.
BONNIE BURTON: I need a little lace handkerchief so you see
the little droplets of blood and know that I'm
going to die soon.
FELICIA DAY: I always wanted that when I was a kid, not
knowing that it was terrible.
I always wanted--
VERONICA BELMONT: Well, I didn't even get--
when I had the consumption, I didn't even
get my coughing rag.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
That's right, you had it.
KIALA KAZEBEE: You had consumption.
VERONICA BELMONT: I had tuberculosis, yes.
I'm a tuberculoid.
FELICIA DAY: How is that possible in this day and age?
Where did you get it?
VERONICA BELMONT: Did you go to South America?
BONNIE BURTON: No.
Lower Haight.
VERONICA BELMONT: Lower Haight.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah, there was a TB breakout.
When I was living in the Castro, there was one.
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, really?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
Same thing.
VERONICA BELMONT: I got coughed on by the wrong
person, apparently.
Who knows?
But anyway, we are wildly digressing.
We haven't even started to talk about
what it is we do here.
FELICIA DAY: OK.
What we are doing is "Vaginal Fantasy." We have a book club,
and every month, we read a main book, and we have an alt
pick that we try to touch on at the end.
And our forums talk about the books during the month, and we
sort of round up--
BONNIE BURTON: [COUGHS]
FELICIA DAY: And this-- was that a good summary?
What was that weird cough?
Oh, Bonnie.
BONNIE BURTON: That was me, sorry.
FELICIA DAY: That's all right.
It was good--
BONNIE BURTON: I'm trying to cough away from the
microphone.
FELICIA DAY: No worries.
So basically, this month, well--
we have people on the forums who interact, but also we have
a lot of local Hangouts.
If you have a hankering to meet other people who are
reading books in the club, we have tons of local meet-ups.
In fact, our first New York City meet-up is going to be
November 2 at Argo.
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, yes.
And we are actually having a--
BONNIE BURTON: Is it still there?
FELICIA DAY: I--
I hope so.
VERONICA BELMONT: Ooh.
Good point.
FELICIA DAY: Oh.
You're right.
She tweeted me yesterday.
I hope you're still having a Hangout.
Oh, boy.
VERONICA BELMONT: We're having a Bay Area Hangout on the 11th
of November, on 11/11.
FELICIA DAY: Where are you going?
VERONICA BELMONT: We're doing it at Borderlands, I believe,
at the Borderlands Cafe.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, I hope that cat is there.
VERONICA BELMONT: No.
BONNIE BURTON: I love that cat.
VERONICA BELMONT: Is he still around?
I thought maybe he--
KIALA KAZEBEE: Did he?
Oh, is he not around?
VERONICA BELMONT: I'm not 100% sure.
BONNIE BURTON: Whoa, really?
Aw.
VERONICA BELMONT: I think he's still around.
I hope so.
He's really cool.
He's a Sphinx, and he's adorable.
FELICIA DAY: Somebody should bring a cat.
VERONICA BELMONT: I have plenty.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: Well, I'll have to do an [INAUDIBLE] when I
get back from traveling.
I'm going right to--
I'm going to Australia.
KIALA KAZEBEE: What?
FELICIA DAY: Yes, and I think we're trying to get a meet-up
there in Brisbane, too.
So--
VERONICA BELMONT: I'm so jealous.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, I gotta jump on the--
I know, I'm really excited, guys.
I've never been to Australia.
It's a very long flight, and I don't know
what to do with myself.
VERONICA BELMONT: I've always wanted to go, but there's so
many tiny things that can kill you there.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: You can probably get--
VERONICA BELMONT: Like koalas.
BONNIE BURTON: Veronica.
VERONICA BELMONT: There's so many tiny little things that
can kill you.
It's like the little green octopuses, octopi.
KIALA KAZEBEE: You're talking about koalas
again, aren't you.
VERONICA BELMONT: Octopussy. (GIGGLING) I
just said a bad thing.
BONNIE BURTON: Koalas will cut you.
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: Koalas are dangerous.
They--
they're like Ewoks.
They're cute, but--
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah, and the platypi, with their
spines, with their--
BONNIE BURTON: They've got these, like,
claws, shred you up.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah, they got their little hooks.
BONNIE BURTON: They're like little wolverines.
FELICIA DAY: No, that' a honey badger.
You're thinking of a honey--
KIALA KAZEBEE: No, that's a slow loris.
You're thinking--
BONNIE BURTON: No, koalas are deadly.
VERONICA BELMONT: I don't think we're thinking about
slow lorii.
BONNIE BURTON: Koalas are deadly.
FELICIA DAY: OK, anyway.
VERONICA BELMONT: Slow Lorii is the name of my--
KIALA KAZEBEE: Tumblr.
VERONICA BELMONT: Chat room, Slow Lorii is the name of my
what cover band?
Come on, chat room.
Felicia hates this game.
Come up with a good one.
FELICIA DAY: I hate this game so much.
I can never think of any.
That's why I hate it so much.
VERONICA BELMONT: They'll come up with one, and then I'll
scream it out randomly.
FELICIA DAY: Anyway, if you enjoy this club-- which if
you're basing it on this viewing alone,
you probably aren't.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: If you enjoy romance in fiction and want to
meet up with local people, we have a whole list on our
forums on Goodreads.
And the link is either below or on vaginalfantasy.com.
All right.
This month's book.
Let's get to it.
We had two books.
"Poison Study" was-- well, our main was "Master of Crows,"
and then it was pointed out after the broadcast that--
VERONICA BELMONT: Slow Lorii is the name of
my Rush cover band.
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: Thank
you, Brit C. [LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: Thank
you, Brit C. [LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: So "Master of Crows" was my main pick, but
unfortunately it's a self-published novel, or is it
has a very small press, e-book only.
And so we had a huge controversy on the forums,
whether we should switch them, and I went ahead and switched
them because there were many people on there who only read
paper books.
We have a couple here in our group who
only read paper books.
So we didn't want to disenfranchise paper book
readers, so I switched the main and the alt.
Which caused even more controversy later because of
sort of the ilk of "Poison Study." Now we'll get to that,
but what was the--
did you guys read the alt as well?
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah, I read both.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I didn't read--
I read some of it.
BONNIE BURTON: I broke my Kindle rule.
I read it.
FELICIA DAY: OK.
So the theme I picked were two women who were sort of--
the heroines in both these books, "Poison Study" and
"Master of Crows" are sort of at the mercy of the male
protagonist, and that's why I thought they kind of went--
BONNIE BURTON: This is the Kindle one, the "Master of
Crows."
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
So "Poison Study" is by Maria Snyder, and it's a book about
a fantasy, alt-fantasy world where a woman is a prisoner
and then she becomes the ruler's poison-taster,
basically has to eat all the food.
And let's see.
Kiala, you start.
What did you think of "Poison Study?"
KIALA KAZEBEE: Um, I didn't--
I didn't love it.
I--
I really--
I felt like it was a kind of bad "Hunger Games."
VERONICA BELMONT: Really?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: Really?
KIALA KAZEBEE: I know.
I wanted--
I wanted to like it.
I really did want to like it.
I just felt like it was, like the exposition was too
exposition-y.
And I just--
I don't know.
The character didn't draw me in.
I felt like it was a little too easy to read.
And I don't know.
I just couldn't get into it.
I'm sorry.
I hate not liking a book.
FELICIA DAY: No, that's OK.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Now I'm gonna go cry.
BONNIE BURTON: That's all right, Kiala.
They can't all be Cthulhu erotica.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: Oh, boy.
Well, we'll go down more specific stuff, because in
every book, there's good things to find and then things
we don't like as much.
And we'll go over the characters and the lore.
Let's just go over overall impressions.
Bonnie, what did you think?
BONNIE BURTON: OK, so I--
hm.
OK, so I would always be eating or drinking when I was
reading this, which kind of warped me a little.
Because there's a lot of descriptions of how you're
supposed to poison-taste.
And I'm always intrigued by that, because I have this old
book that's like the big book of poisons for writers, and it
tells you how to write short stories to kill people with
poison and have the right kind of reactions.
'Cause I always hate reading books that people die of
poisons, but they don't die the right way,
and all that stuff.
VERONICA BELMONT: Hate that.
BONNIE BURTON: So I was definitely intrigued by it.
Like, I thought it was interesting, but at the same
time, it didn't--
I don't know.
I just didn't compel me enough.
And I also thought she was just--
as a character, I didn't like her as much as I wanted to.
It's Yolanda?
How do you pronounce her name?
VERONICA BELMONT: Yelena.
BONNIE BURTON: Yelena.
And I just, I don't know.
For some reason, I just--
she talks a lot about filth, too, and we'll get to that
later when we talk about the only freakin' sex scene.
Which is pretty disgusting.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, 'cause where they're having
sex is like, eww.
But anyway, there's just a lot of like, I don't know.
I felt sorry for her, because in the beginning, she's in a
dungeon, and then she becomes the taster so she doesn't die.
But you're kind of--
throughout the whole book, I'm like, man, I would've just
picked death, because she--
she just doesn't have a good time
throughout this whole thing.
And I don't know.
And also, it felt more like a young adult book.
It didn't feel like an adult book.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: Because there was hardly
anything adult about it.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, that was interesting.
BONNIE BURTON: It kind of felt like I-- it wasn't that I felt
like I was reading "Hunger Games," because that's
definitely a different kind of book.
But all the way through it, I'm like, is she
ever gonna have sex?
Or is this one of those books where throughout the whole
thing, she has to ordeal major stuff and learn about herself
and learn about all her endurance and history and
blah-de-blah, blah, blah, and then finally, she
gets to kiss a dude?
I was just, like, neh.
I was more intrigued by the side characters, which happens
a lot with me when we read these books.
But we can talk about that later.
But my overall impression was it was like a young adult book
on how to not die of poisoning.
[LAUGHTER]
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh my god.
FELICIA DAY: OK.
Um, Veronica, what did you think?
VERONICA BELMONT: I actually kind of liked it.
I thought it was good.
I didn't think it was up to our normal levels of sexy
times, obviously, because there were virtually none.
And I remember checking in at around 40% of the way through,
being like, uh, so guys?
This-- is this gonna--
is this gonna get a little more exciting in the sexy
times department?
But I definitely get the young adult vibe.
I didn't even think of "The Hunger Games." I'm only kind
of seeing that comparison now that you've made that point.
But I liked Yelena.
I thought she was kind of a strong character, and I liked
a lot of the decisions she made.
I question some of her motives, I guess, but I
thought the characters were cool.
I don't know.
I'm not explaining this very well for some reason.
Maybe it's because I've already had
half a glass of wine.
But I did like it.
I did enjoy the book.
I read it pretty quickly, too.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, it was a fast read.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, well I read this a long time ago and I
remember loving it.
And this is the first in a trilogy, and I remember this
being, I thought, the strongest book in the trilogy.
And then when I was rereading it, I saw a lot of things that
I don't remember, which yeah--
I remember it being a lot more romantic, and then when I
reread it, it had a lot less romance than I thought.
As well as it was much more young adult in
nature than I thought.
Maybe it's because it was one of my first forays into
romance-y books, so I thought--
somehow perceived that it was bigger.
But this caused a huge controversy in a really
interesting thread on the forum, because some people
were like, I don't even think this qualifies as a book that
should be in this club.
So I was wondering if you guys wanted to go down the line,
just talking about, what do you guys think qualifies as a
"Vaginal Fantasy" book?
One that we would read in this--
BONNIE BURTON: One that we've read?
Or one that should read.
FELICIA DAY: Well, that we should read.
Like, we should have guidelines?
Or should there be a minimum standard of romance in it?
Is it OK to just have a female lead in it?
Should it always have a female lead in it?
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah, I kind of came across some of these
questions myself this week, because I was trying to think
of-- because it's supposed to be my pick this month, and so
I was kind of going through a lot of the suggestions that
were being made in the forums and on Twitter, and trying to
figure out really what constitutes a pick for this
club, and being like, well, it's hard to tell, judging
from a lot of the descriptions that I'm reading on Goodreads
and on the web, whether or not this has the right amount of
romance in it.
It's really difficult to know unless you have someone who's
read it before.
And fortunately for us, a lot of the time either Felicia or
Kiala has actually read the books, or at least is very
familiar with the author, so we have some kind of idea of
what to expect in terms of the romance
quotient in that story.
So yeah.
I think it needs to have a little more romance in "Poison
Study." That felt a little bit too young adult for me.
I like it when a book that we read gives you that kind of
like ooohh!
Kind of feel.
Like I we need a little oohhhh!
That's why we're reading these books.
That's kind of why it's the point of the club.
BONNIE BURTON: We need some titillation.
VERONICA BELMONT: A little titillation.
BONNIE BURTON: But yeah.
We need some, like, whewww!
So we need to blush a little [INAUDIBLE] the book.
VERONICA BELMONT: We need to at least put it on a 1 on the
Felicia Blush-O-Meter.
FELICIA DAY: All right, so minimum requirement, we need
to have a strong romance.
But we're saying we have to have, like, naughty parts.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
There has to be some part in every book we read from here
on out that makes you blush, Felicia.
FELICIA DAY: Well--
all right.
[LAUGHTER]
KIALA KAZEBEE: That's not that hard.
BONNIE BURTON: That's really good measure.
FELICIA DAY: I mean, sometimes it's hard to know if a book--
it reads like it's going to have a romance, but then it
doesn't have, like--
BONNIE BURTON: I'm pretty sure you could tell by the cover of
most of our books.
If the guy's like half-naked and she's being
caressed, and he's got--
FELICIA DAY: Well, that's a guarantee.
But yeah.
I'm--
OK.
I'll give you that one.
I mean, "Master of Crows," I think if you read it, is
probably more along the lines of what we would consider a
"Vaginal Fantasy" book, because there are several racy
scenes in it.
I think that were really racy, personally.
VERONICA BELMONT: Mm-hm.
BONNIE BURTON: Well yeah, but she's also half-naked in the
cover, so that's a good indication.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, all right.
So half-naked people on the cover is probably--
VERONICA BELMONT: So we should judge a book by its cover, is
what you're saying.
BONNIE BURTON: Yes.
This is what this genre is.
VERONICA BELMONT: We should absolutely.
BONNIE BURTON: It's the bodice-ripper.
I mean, that's what these are supposed to be.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Well, have you guys read--
I think it's-- is it "Lady in the Forest" or "Lady of
Sherwood?"
FELICIA DAY: Oh yeah.
The [INAUDIBLE]
Marillier, right?
KIALA KAZEBEE: I think--
no, not those.
The ones where it's the Robin Hood story, but told from the
point of view of Marian?
BONNIE BURTON: Oh yeah, those are great.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
And those have a really strong romance component.
I mean, it's huge.
And then also, and there's some sex, but it's not like
super explicit, but it's definitely hot and heavy in a
bodice-rippy kind of way, but it's not explicit.
And I'm wondering, would that fall into this, to "Vaginal
Fantasy" or not?
FELICIA DAY: I mean, I think that we
should read good books.
I don't know if we should have like a sex litmus test.
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: But that's kind of what we're out to do.
We're trying to find that happy medium between like a
book that's--
like we said in the panel at Dragon*Con.
Like, we want it to be able to stand alone by itself without
the titillation, but we also--
that's part of the reason.
We're having fun talking about this stuff because A, it
cracks this up, it makes us giggle, it's fun.
And it's something that a lot of us wouldn't normally read.
We're trying to promote this genre that we think is
exciting and fun and has some merit to it as well in the
literature department.
So I think all those elements have to kind of come together
in the perfect storm of a "Vaginal Fantasy" pick.
BONNIE BURTON: But it's also kind of fun to make fun of the
really way-out sex scenes.
Because I mean, we've read some books in the past where
it's like--
especially, remember that shape-shifter book?
FELICIA DAY: Well, the [INAUDIBLE] shape-shifter last
month was kind of like, whoa.
I mean, wait, I mean, he was rubbing vanilla lotion on
himself and it was most unerotic thing possible.
You know, and it's also a question-- like sometimes,
some books kind of get put in an erotica
category but still have--
and it's like, can we pick something that's too racy?
Because I'm always concerned about picking something that's
like, whoa, dude!
BONNIE BURTON: Well, I mean, we sort of did that with
Cthulhu erotica, because the Cthulhu erotica did have,
technically, erotica in it.
But I think we got through it--
but that was an anthology.
That wasn't just one story.
So there were plenty to choose from.
But I don't know, like I mentioned different stuff like
"Story of O," and like actual erotica books that are
considered classic erotica, that are actually taught in
colleges, too.
So they have a literature component to them.
They're not just ***.
And we haven't read any of those.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, I think it's important that we pick
things that aren't just for ***'s sake or [INAUDIBLE]
boring.
Because honestly, I've read a lot of books like that, and
they it gets very repetitive plot-wise.
Because obviously they're constructing, the authors are
constructing it to fit in this genre, which is
a little bit out.
Because I really, I love reading romance, but within
the confines of a futuristic world or a medieval world.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh!
Oh!
The YouTube--
oh, I'm sorry.
BONNIE BURTON: Go ahead.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, the YouTube chat is saying that the books
I was talking about is Jennifer Roberson.
Did you--
FELICIA DAY: Oh, yes.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yes, and then have you read the
Tiger and Del books?
Because I think that those fall
directly into our category.
So I'm sorry.
I just--
FELICIA DAY: Oh, no, those are good.
Well, maybe we can do those after next month.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: And I like that we do a paranormal element and
a historical novel element and steampunk and all that,
because obviously I don't want to just read straight-up
bodice-ripper.
Like I mean, I read "Fifty Shades of Grey," but I would
never wish that on anyone.
So I don't want us to-- you know what I mean?
FELICIA DAY: No, I would never want to read a romance novel
where it's just like, he's a hit man, and she's on the run,
like in our world.
If it's on another planet, they can do that.
But I don't know, for some reason, I can't take it
seriously if it's real life.
BONNIE BURTON: I know.
I can't either.
It has to have some sort of paranormal element to it or I
just start giggling.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
Um, OK, well, I'm glad that we-- and then everybody can
continue to discuss that.
And you know, as we go along, we will open up suggestions to
the club, so maybe you guys on the forums could be able to
pick the month after next, or December, maybe, we'll just
put it on the forum.
So we'll be able to mix it up a little bit, so we rotate and
everything like that.
Let's get back to "Poison Study."
BONNIE BURTON: Yes.
FELICIA DAY: We had some really interesting comments
about the story.
Sarah on the forums thought that the issue of trust was a
really interesting theme in the book, which I thought was
really interesting as well.
And then there were a lot of comments on the ending about
the dungeon scene, where they finally got together, and we
get all of Yelena's backstory, telling all the backstory to
her love interest, and then they have sex on a really
dirty floor.
Which was like--
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, OK.
Yeah, so I wanted to bring that up.
So the only sex scene we get-- 'cause there's hints that
sadly, she was *** by her previous owners
or captors or whatever.
Thankfully it does not go into great detail on that, because
I hate books like that.
I don't want to read *** stories.
It's just not-- yyech.
And it makes me feel really-- it makes me feel worse, and it
takes me out of a romance book--
FELICIA DAY: Oh, I just read this horrible book-- that was
suggested on the forums, actually--
by Johanna Lindsey, "Prisoner of Mine," or something.
Guys, this was the w-- this book.
I was just like, I cannot get into this book.
VERONICA BELMONT: What was bad about it?
FELICIA DAY: Well, first of all, the whole set-up for the
book is it's medieval, and the set-up for the book is that
the heroine basically assaults the hero.
[CANNED LAUGHTER SOUND EFFECT]
FELICIA DAY: And everything from there is this horrible,
abusive relationship--
BONNIE BURTON: Did you just use a sound effect?
Veronica.
FELICIA DAY: Did you use a sound effect?
Veronica.
VERONICA BELMONT: I didn't do that.
BONNIE BURTON: Veronica.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh my god.
FELICIA DAY: Do it again.
VERONICA BELMONT: Nope.
BONNIE BURTON: See, this is why Google+ uses thus in their
presentations, is because we play with all their sound
effects and freaking masks and stuff.
FELICIA DAY: OK.
Anyhoo--
yes, it was just way over the line.
I cannot see that there's any romance in there, when you
start your relationship with assaulting each other, or
during the relationship.
But a lot of people actually had a problem with this book,
because they felt like it was like a Munchausen syndrome,
where Yelena, being captive to the spymaster--
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: They fell in love because she
was captive to him.
Which I didn't get at all, even on the second reading--
BONNIE BURTON: Wait, is that called Munchausen?
KIALA KAZEBEE: I think you mean Stockholm.
It's Stockholm syndrome.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, what's Munchausen syndrome?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Munchausen by proxy is where the parents
make their kids sick?
You know like in "The Sixth Sense?"
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, that's funny.
Do you guys watch "Top Gear?"
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: That's funny.
They were doing that same joke, where he was calling it
the Helsinki syndrome, and they were like, I think you
mean the Stockholm syndrome.
BONNIE BURTON: Let's just call it the
Haight & Ashbury syndrome.
VERONICA BELMONT: The Haight-Ashbury syndrome.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, I kind of thought that too, because I
kept reading the book, and I'm like, who's she actually going
to have sex with?
Because the two guards, Jacob and Ari, I thought were gay.
So I just put them off as like two gay guys that were--
which is hot, to me-- but I didn't think of them as like
love interests.
And then everybody else in her life beats her or is
just kind of a jerk.
And then when we got to the commander being transgendered,
I was like, I am so confused at this point, I don't even
know what's going on anymore.
VERONICA BELMONT: Why, you didn't think that--
I thought that was kind of awesome, actually.
BONNIE BURTON: No, I didn't think it was bad.
I didn't think it was bad.
I was just confused.
Because I'm like, 'cause you get glimpses of this woman in
furs or something.
Doesn't she have like a vision or something, and she sees the
commander as a woman, and she's like, oh, that's weird.
And then it doesn't get revisited until the very, very
end, when he's in his coma state or whatever, and that's
when you find out.
And it just felt like an afterthought.
I felt like if you're going to do something like that in a
book, really explore it.
Don't just mention it once as a weird dream, and then at the
very end, have this huge thing about it.
Like, bring it up more.
To me, I was just like, why is this even in here if you're
just bringing it up as an afterthought?
And then the fact that she has sex on a dungeon floor--
I mean, there's vomit--
VERONICA BELMONT: I'm sorry, I thought
that was kind of awesome.
I don't know why you guys don't like that.
BONNIE BURTON: Crap, are you serious?
Would you do that, Veronica?
Would you have sex on a dungeon floor?
VERONICA BELMONT: If I thought I was going to die?
Definitely.
BONNIE BURTON: Ew!
FELICIA DAY: Oh, yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: Definitely.
FELICIA DAY: Yes, if you're gonna die, and that was the
last time you could ever--
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah, I'd totally do that.
Yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah, see?
Nope, sorry, Bonnie.
KIALA KAZEBEE: That part didn't bother me.
It did bother me that she just suddenly came on to--
is it Valek?
Or Valick.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, Valek.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Valek.
She came onto him, like-- was that right after we find out
about what happen to her?
Or are we still--
FELICIA DAY: Right after.
It's right after.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
I mean, it just--
FELICIA DAY: That's what a couple people
on the forum said.
Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: It kind of came out of nowhere, 'cause she
didn't actually seem like she was attracted to him at all
during the book, at all.
FELICIA DAY: No--
KIALA KAZEBEE: It didn't really describe him.
VERONICA BELMONT: I thought she did.
I thought Ashley on the forums had some really great points.
She mentioned the going after--
what's his--
I can't remember his name.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Rand?
VERONICA BELMONT: The main guy.
BONNIE BURTON: Valek?
VERONICA BELMONT: Valek.
FELICIA DAY: Rand?
The cook?
VERONICA BELMONT: Valek.
No, the main male character.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, the bad guy.
KIALA KAZEBEE: No.
Brazell?
BONNIE BURTON: Valek?
KIALA KAZEBEE: No.
VERONICA BELMONT: Valek.
Valek?
FELICIA DAY: Oh, Valek, yes.
KIALA KAZEBEE: The good guy.
Not Reyad--
VERONICA BELMONT: The main good guy.
Also I agree with Ashley as well, that the Reyad lame
ghost situation was just, like--
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
What the hell?
VERONICA BELMONT: Ghost following her did not make any
sense at all.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I don't know.
VERONICA BELMONT: Maybe that was part of
her magic or something.
I don't know.
BONNIE BURTON: I thought it was like a weird "Hamlet"
thing, like maybe--
VERONICA BELMONT: Totally.
BONNIE BURTON: She killed him, she was haunted by her
conscience.
Or I-- that was--
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah, I got "Hamlet" too, but I've been
rewatching all of "Sons of Anarchy," so that's--
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, that'll do it.
VERONICA BELMONT: And why did Mark hate her so much?
BONNIE BURTON: 'Cause Mark's a--
Mark's a freakin'--
you know.
I can't say it.
KIALA KAZEBEE: She's a jerk.
FELICIA DAY: She's a jerk.
BONNIE BURTON: OK, put it this way.
Have you ever worked in an office, and there was like an
older woman that's like a supervisor that hates all the
young women that come into the office?
That's what she's like.
KIALA KAZEBEE: That's like me.
VERONICA BELMONT: That's like me in ten years.
KIALA KAZEBEE: That's totally me.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
It's like a mean little office thing.
It's like at every job I've had.
VERONICA BELMONT: No.
BONNIE BURTON: Well, not currently, but you know, other
jobs I've had, where you come in, and if you're younger,
then the older woman that's in charge, she'll just totally be
rude to you.
It's like what happened in "Mad Men." Just watch "Mad
Men." You'll see it.
FELICIA DAY: There were a couple people--
Holly mentioned that--
did you figure out the butterfly
dust really was not--
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, yeah.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah, right away.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: And also, Rhapsody wanted to know, did
you want to eat the creo or--
BONNIE BURTON: Yes.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yes.
BONNIE BURTON: Yes.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yes, I thought it was like a Rolo.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yes!
Me--
VERONICA BELMONT: No, what is the one, the Cadbury Flakes,
the Cadbury Flake--
BONNIE BURTON: You know what I thought it was?
Those chocolates that you get at Christmas.
You know those ones that are wrapped in
gold, and they're crunchy?
VERONICA BELMONT: Maybe, like a truffle?
FELICIA DAY: Oh, Fair Rosay?
One of those Ferrar Roche?
VERONICA BELMONT: Roche, like a Roche!
Yes, like a Roche!
Yeah, totally.
FELICIA DAY: That's what I thought it was.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
I was like, I would totally do that.
I don't care if my brain turned to mush.
VERONICA BELMONT: How did the commander not--
how is he/she not at all-- he.
He self-identifies as male.
I should say he.
FELICIA DAY: Right.
BONNIE BURTON: Right.
VERONICA BELMONT: How would he not be
suspicious of this candy?
This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life.
KIALA KAZEBEE: And he's giving it to her every morning.
VERONICA BELMONT: Nom, nom, nom, nom.
I test all of my food, but this candy from Brazell, who's
like one of my, you know--
KIALA KAZEBEE: My mortal enemy.
VERONICA BELMONT: I'm just gonna keep eating this.
BONNIE BURTON: I don't think they had chocolate there.
Because remember, they talk about they remember coffee,
but they hadn't had coffee in so long.
So I kind of feel like chocolate falls under the
coffee category, where maybe they haven't had chocolate in
so long, everyone forgot what it tastes like, and it became
this huge delicacy, and that's why he's like, screw it, I'll
just eat it all the time.
And then it's addictive.
FELICIA DAY: I think that some of those plot things were a
little obvious, and I think that even hinted at that young
adult nature.
Because when I first read this, I was enamored of it.
I loved it.
Lots of people on the forums loved the book as well.
So there were some--
I don't think the storytelling is quite a complicated because
it's on more of a young adult level than it was on an adult
level, where it was like more mystery threads.
The thing that I found most fascinating, re-reading it,
that I never noticed before, is that this is a messed-up
government that this woman/man--
man-- has imposed on everyone.
Like, OK.
Everyone gets paid exactly what they need and no more.
No one goes hungry.
They're fed by the state.
If you commit any crime, you're basically a prisoner
and you're killed.
You can never claim self-defense.
You're just killed.
BONNIE BURTON: Or accident.
Or accident.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
Everyone wears a uniform.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: Like this crazy communist--
BONNIE BURTON: And they renamed all the countries by
letter and number.
FELICIA DAY: Yes.
VERONICA BELMONT: That was a little "Hunger Game"-y.
That was a little "Hunger Game"-y.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, you don't get any sense of identity.
And I thought it--
[INAUDIBLE] was pretty bad.
Like I was like, I don't want to live in this world.
This world sucks.
VERONICA BELMONT: That's why she gets out, so she can go
live in the awesome magical world that's over on the other
side of the mountains or whatever.
That place sounds way better.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
But did anyone think she was going to hook up with Rand?
Because that's what I thought was going to happen.
FELICIA DAY: Really?
VERONICA BELMONT: So I know a guy named Rand, and for the
whole book, I was just picturing this guy.
BONNIE BURTON: Ohh!
VERONICA BELMONT: And it actually fits him really well.
BONNIE BURTON: Because honestly, I think she should
have hooked up with him.
Because hooking up with the chef is pretty awesome.
KIALA KAZEBEE: But he was a jerk.
VERONICA BELMONT: He was a total jerk.
BONNIE BURTON: What?
He fed her cake.
VERONICA BELMONT: He sold her *** out.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: Well, later.
Later.
VERONICA BELMONT: He sold everybody out.
BONNIE BURTON: But before the betrayal, he was
giving her free cake.
VERONICA BELMONT: He got what's coming to him.
FELICIA DAY: I thought he was creepy.
And whenever I see the word Rand, I
just think Rand al'Thor.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Rand al'Thor, yeah.
FELICIA DAY: And how I haven't read the last three books, and
how am I ever going to read the last one?
I'm going to have to go back and reread
28,000 pages of book.
VERONICA BELMONT: Just give up like I did.
Just give up.
Book Four.
Just end it.
KIALA KAZEBEE: No, I'm reading the last one right now.
VERONICA BELMONT: End it.
FELICIA DAY: Is the last one out?
I thought it was January.
KIALA KAZEBEE: No, the last one from last--
BONNIE BURTON: What book is this?
What are you talking about?
VERONICA BELMONT: Don't tell Sanderson I said that.
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: What are you talking about?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA DAY: It's an epic.
And when I was--
KIALA KAZEBEE: It's the "Wheel of Time" series.
FELICIA DAY: When I was like 13, 14, it was my Messiah.
I used to read them [INAUDIBLE].
BONNIE BURTON: Are you guys talking about Ayn Rand?
VERONICA BELMONT: I get played by the internet every time I
say I gave up on Book Four, so I should never
mention that again.
KIALA KAZEBEE: You gave up on Book Four?
FELICIA DAY: Some of the best ones are after that though.
VERONICA BELMONT: Shh!
Don't say it loudly.
The internet will kill me.
FELICIA DAY: Well, you just said it on record.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I love all the Tar Valon stuff, and then I
will skip over all the battle scenes.
I'll just skip to the Tar Valon stuff.
Yeah.
I'll skip over all the Aiel stuff.
FELICIA DAY: Aiel, how do you say it?
I loved all the god stuff the most.
That was my favorite part, and I would skip over Mat a lot.
VERONICA BELMONT: Bonnie, what are you doing?
BONNIE BURTON: I'm checking my Twitter, 'cause you guys are
talking about a book, I have no idea what
you're talking about.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Sorry.
FELICIA DAY: OK.
All right.
Let's go back to--
[OMINOUS MUSIC SOUND EFFECT]
FELICIA DAY: Let's talk about the characters, guys.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: OK.
Oh, man.
Yeah, so we had a lot of comments--
VERONICA BELMONT: Why does that do the "Inception" noise?
BONNIE BURTON: I know.
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: That's not right.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Is this real life?
FELICIA DAY: Take that away from her.
Um, Zita and Amy felt that it was Stockholm-y, their
relationship.
Which I don't know about that, because I really liked Valek.
I mean, I always like a guy with a very
noble creed, though.
I'm a total paladin-lover.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, but Felicia, do you like guys
throwing rocks at you?
Because that scene kind of pissed me off.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: Oh.
BONNIE BURTON: He threw a rock at her.
Twice.
Those rocks were heavy.
Those were for sculpting butterflies and panthers.
Those weren't light rocks.
FELICIA DAY: I mean--
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah, plus he did that.
FELICIA DAY: He needs to just tend his corners a little.
BONNIE BURTON: Ugh, Felicia.
FELICIA DAY: All right, you're right.
OK, fine.
Courtney on the forums said he was sexy.
He's the closest thing to a ninja I've read in a book, and
ninjas are sexy.
So there you go.
VERONICA BELMONT: Doesn't he kind of remind you of--
FELICIA DAY: Yes, Jocelyn.
VERONICA BELMONT: Jocelyn.
FELICIA DAY: Another guy--
KIALA KAZEBEE: He reminded me more of--
the other guy.
Her, oh crap, you know.
Yeah.
Her, uh,
FELICIA DAY: Oh, [INAUDIBLE]
KIALA KAZEBEE: Her trainer.
No, no, no.
The guy who buys her from the night court in "Kushiel's
Dart."
FELICIA DAY: Oh, Delauncy.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yes.
FELICIA DAY: Delauncy.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yes.
Anael, or whatever.
BONNIE BURTON: I've got a--
I got a bit of a "Kushiel's Dart" vibe from this book.
It was just not-- there wasn't any sex in it, but yeah.
It was kind of--
VERONICA BELMONT: And it wasn't as well written.
BONNIE BURTON: I'm in charge of you.
VERONICA BELMONT: And the characters weren't as
interesting.
BONNIE BURTON: Die if I don't give you--
[INAUDIBLE].
FELICIA DAY: OK.
Well what about--
OK.
So Valek, we have some--
what about Yelena as a main character?
Uh, Alithea on the forums was appreciative that
she was not a ***.
Also, a lot of people liked her acrobatic skills--
Bonnie, another Bonnie.
And then Nancy Elizabeth said, Yelena is my
preferred sort of hero.
Far from the damsel in distress but not automatically
kick-*** and a saucy minx.
BONNIE BURTON: Well, she did end up killing like five guys.
So I mean, she did kick *** at the end.
Like she turns all Buffy and she just starts cracking
skulls and breaking necks.
FELICIA DAY: She is surprisingly good at
everything, though.
Like I loved her when I first read it, and then when I read
it again, I'm like, whoa, this chick is great at-- she's
great at poison.
She's an amazing acrobat.
She takes off every single thing--
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, but to be honest, she threw up a lot.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah, she was terrible at running.
She's like me.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, me too.
I can't run.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I cry.
I cry when I run.
VERONICA BELMONT: I cry and puke and go cry some more.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, I can't run.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Snot rockets.
VERONICA BELMONT: Nope.
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: It's true.
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: When the zombie thing happens, I'm going to be
in the corner throwing up, because I can't run.
So I'm gonna be--
KIALA KAZEBEE: Well, neither can they.
So--
VERONICA BELMONT: Well, are they fast?
Or are they shamblers?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
What kind of zombie is it?
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah.
Depends on what kind of apocalypse we have.
FELICIA DAY: I liked-- oh, you know that scene where she was
flying through the tops of trees?
That was my favorite scene in the whole book.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, when she "Jungle Book"ed it?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, like "Crouching Tiger, Hidden
Dragon?" Like that.
FELICIA DAY: Yes.
VERONICA BELMONT: "Crouching Tiger,
Hidden Yelena." [LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: I will say there's a lot of smearing of
mud in this book.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: And there's a lot of--
I don't--
it's not--
ugh.
This book was too descriptive in smells.
I just couldn't get over it.
I kept smelling like stable horse crap.
FELICIA DAY: But I thought that was good.
It was very sensory.
I think that's good writing, when you--
BONNIE BURTON: Lots of--
I mean, I don't know if you've ever woken up in a pool of
your own vomit, but that's not a good smell to
keep reading about.
And that was three times in the book.
I kept counting, like-- so there's no sex in this book,
so I was like, OK, instead of marking down how many times
she has sex, I'm marking down how many time she pukes.
[SAD TROMBONE SOUND EFFECT]
BONNIE BURTON: She threw up like seven different times.
She threw up a lot in this book.
There's a lot of vomit.
FELICIA DAY: Why did you give--
KIALA KAZEBEE: Veronica.
FELICIA DAY: A mariachi band for the vomit?
VERONICA BELMONT: It wasn't a mariachi band.
FELICIA DAY: What was it?
VERONICA BELMONT: It was a sad trombone.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Sad trombone.
BONNIE BURTON: Sad trombone.
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: I'm really glad there's no vomit sound effect
on Google+ Hangout.
I'm just gonna say that right now.
VERONICA BELMONT: Bleeghhh.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, you're right.
You know, the one thing was, one time after she puked,
shortly thereafter, Valek kissed her.
And then I was like--
VERONICA BELMONT: Ugggh!
BONNIE BURTON: It's true!
It's true.
And, by the way, not one mention of brushing teeth ever
in this book.
So I all I keep thinking--
VERONICA BELMONT: Well, that's that era.
They don't do that--
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: Worst breath.
VERONICA BELMONT: I was thinking
about deodorant today.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA BELMONT: Life must have been
really smelly before.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah, 'cause if I go one day--
VERONICA BELMONT: One day.
I know within a couple hours if I forgot.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Me too.
VERONICA BELMONT: Like pretty quickly.
FELICIA DAY: That's why I always have a
tiny one in my purse.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah, the tiny one in your bag?
Yeah, the tiny one.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah, I have that.
I have that too.
BONNIE BURTON: I'd like to imagine in medieval times they
had the hippie rock.
You know, the rock that all those hippies use underneath
their-- you don't think so?
FELICIA DAY: That's advanced technology.
KIALA KAZEBEE: They had--
VERONICA BELMONT: That is a lie.
That's like healing crystals.
KIALA KAZEBEE: They had those pomander things that they wore
around their neck and they smelled.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh.
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh.
That's why they have scented gloves.
BONNIE BURTON: Really?
VERONICA BELMONT: The smelly, you had--
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah, 'cause it's like filled
with cloves and stuff.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, OK.
Anyway.
I'm just saying, there was a lot of vomiting in this book.
FELICIA DAY: It was a lot.
I agree with you.
BONNIE BURTON: There was a lot of bodily fluids, and they
weren't the right bodily fluids, let me just say that.
FELICIA DAY: OK.
Well, we've already established, we're definitely
going to try to have more sexy times in the books, but keep
the standard of writing very high.
This one definitely--
in retrospect, there was a lot less romance than I
remembered.
I think I'm imbued it a little bit more, so I
apologize for that.
And we will hopefully make up for it next month.
BONNIE BURTON: But you know what?
A lot of people tweeted how much they liked about-- they
liked the book.
So there were a lot of people that liked the book and want
to read the series.
So I don't think it was a bad book,
necessarily, for our group.
I just personally prefer sex over vomit.
[LAUGHTER]
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah, a lot of people really liked the book.
FELICIA DAY: I really still enjoy the book and I would
recommend it, but I understand why--
a lot of people did like it, but the
flipside, I agree with.
OK.
Let's wrap this book up so we can talk about the alt and
other things.
What kind of casting are you thinking, guys?
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh.
FELICIA DAY: Love casting broads.
Who would you picture as Valek, and who would you
picture as Yelena?
BONNIE BURTON: Well, Yelena, Yelena's
supposed to be tan, right?
They describe her as having a darker skin tone.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
Well, she has dark hair, and I think she has light eyes?
But I'm not sure.
Green eyes?
She has green eyes, and she has dark kind of Gypsy-cast
skin, they said.
BONNIE BURTON: So I pictured her--
I don't know if you guys are watching the new "Beauty and
the Beast" on CW?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, with Kristin Kreuk.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
The girl who was on "Smallville," right?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yep.
She was Lana.
BONNIE BURTON: So I kind of pictured her as Yelena.
I think that's just because I'm watching a lot of "Beauty
and the Beast."
KIALA KAZEBEE: No, that's good, because I pictured the
girl from "Vampire Diaries," which is
basically the same show.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, yeah.
Which, they kind of, they're both really super pretty.
Did you notice in those shows, their guns are bigger than
their thighs?
I don't understand that.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: Have you been watching-- did you like
"Beauty and the Beast?" I watched the pilot.
I thought it was OK.
I haven't watched it since.
BONNIE BURTON: You know what?
I mean, maybe Kiala can interject, because I'm a big
CW addict, so I watch everything on CW.
But I honestly--
it feels like "The Nagging Girlfriend and the Beast."
Because she's really naggy, and she only cares about
finding her mom's killers, and she constantly puts the Beast
in jeopardy.
Because the beast isn't like the old-school Ron Perlman.
He's like Incredible Hulk kind of guy, where he had military
tests done on him, and when he gets angry, he Hulks out.
And he's hiding from the military, because they want to
kill him, because he's proof that they did military
experiments.
He's in hiding for like, five years.
She finds him, she constantly stops by his house to talk to
him about cases she's working on, 'cause she's a detective.
She's putting him in jeopardy.
Like if anyone followed her, they're going to find him.
And he keeps telling her, you know what?
I kind of am in hiding.
And she just keeps ignoring it.
And on the last episode, she got mad at him because he
doesn't call her more than once a week.
I'm like, are you kidding me?
You're not even dating.
It's just annoying.
I like "Arrow" better.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, but "Arrow"--
I've been watching "Arrow." I still enjoy it, but that guy
murders probably 30 people an episode.
BONNIE BURTON: He's supposed to!
I like "Arrow" 'cause it's "Revenge" meets "Lost" meets
"Batman."
FELICIA DAY: OK.
I mean, I like it, I'm just saying--
I'm surprised between that and "Revolution," the body count
on this season's TV is like through the roof.
OK, we should probably talk about books.
OK, so casting, I pictured Camilla Belle.
If anybody knows her.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, yeah!
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah, You could ugly her up a bit.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, you could wipe vomit on her.
She'd look good in vomit.
FELICIA DAY: And Valek is Daniel Craig.
Because I saw the "Skyfall" trailer--
BONNIE BURTON: Really?
But he's supposed to be alkaline and
like skinny, and frail-y.
FELICIA DAY: Well, he's supposed to be a little
slight, but if you remember Daniel Craig
in his early years--
also, he's supposed to have piercing blue
eyes and be very proper.
BONNIE BURTON: You know who I thought?
You can't laugh too hard when I say it.
FELICIA DAY: OK.
BONNIE BURTON: David Bowie.
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: It's funny you said that, 'cause a lot of
people said David Bowie for the Commander.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, yeah.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh.
Mm-hm.
VERONICA BELMONT: And also, I thought it was a pretty great
choice, but Lauren in the forum said Tilda Swinton for
the Commander.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, nice.
BONNIE BURTON: I agree.
VERONICA BELMONT: Which is pretty cool.
That's would be a great casting.
BONNIE BURTON: Well, actually, Tilda Swinton might be good as
the lady that's magical that comes in.
VERONICA BELMONT: No, I saw her more as a Lucy Lawless.
BONNIE BURTON: Really?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: More type.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh.
VERONICA BELMONT: Vibe.
BONNIE BURTON: I thought of her as Eva Green, but that's
just 'cause Eva Green was in "Camelot" and I can't not
think of Eva Green as a witch now.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: As a naked witch.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, I know, you always think about her naked
because she looks really good naked, objectively.
BONNIE BURTON: She does.
She really does.
KIALA KAZEBEE: She does.
Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: She was meant to be naked, that girl.
VERONICA BELMONT: Wait, who are we talking about naked?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Eva Green.
BONNIE BURTON: Eva Green, in "Camelot."
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, I haven't seen that show.
FELICIA DAY: In any movie she's in.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
Wasn't she naked in one of the James Bond movies?
I feel like she was.
KIALA KAZEBEE: She was in it.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA DAY: [INAUDIBLE] naked.
BONNIE BURTON: Naked-ish.
FELICIA DAY: I think [INAUDIBLE], where she's--
[INAUDIBLE].
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
Yeah.
That's such a good movie.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: OK.
BONNIE BURTON: By the way, someone just posted on
Twitter, George Doggett just posted, Sex over vomit is my
name of my Aerosmith cover band.
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: Ooh, not bad.
BONNIE BURTON: Awesome.
VERONICA BELMONT: Not bad.
FELICIA DAY: OK.
Let's move on to our alt book.
Well, so wrapping it up, we had varying reactions, but I
think overall, if you like the blurb and like how we describe
it, you will definitely like that book.
BONNIE BURTON: I kind of-- and the second
book might be better.
I feel like the second book would be better.
BONNIE BURTON: No, I mean, there's less romance.
So if you need romance, there's definitely less
romance in the other two.
And in fact, I kind of like her newest series about the
healer better than this one.
But you know, "Poison Study," I think, is a good standalone,
like you could read it as a standalone or you can go on
and read the series.
"Master of Crows," however, I found
just randomly on Goodreads.
BONNIE BURTON: There's "Master of Crows."
FELICIA DAY: And it was published through a very small
publisher, and it's only available on Kindle,
so if you like that.
But it's about a fantasy world, again, where a girl is
sent to live with a sort of renegade magician.
And she's sent to infiltrate and sort of basically root out
the fact that he's corrupted.
And he is in fact corrupted.
So we see a different point of view.
We see her point of view in falling in love with him, but
still her overarching goal is to basically entrap him to get
him killed.
And then he's fighting, trying to hide this demon, or this
angry god inside him that's trying to get out and
basically take over the world.
VERONICA BELMONT: Corruption.
FELICIA DAY: So I--
and there's definitely more romance.
Is much more romance-heavy.
And I think if you compare the two books, like "Poison Study"
has very strong lore and world-building, versus, I
think the main criticism of "Master of Crows," although a
lot of people liked it better, especially 'cause of the
romance, was the lore-building was probably the weaker part
of the book.
What did you guys think?
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah.
I definitely agree with you on the world-building part.
Because they just give you like a few main things to
accept as truth.
Do you know what I mean?
Like we have the Conclave.
They don't really go into or explain what the
Conclave is all about.
They just, this is this thing that exists.
And then we have, you know, this mage,
this master of crows.
And he has his backstory.
And there's like a separate world, or like a separate
group that he kind of comes from.
And we're not really going to explain too much about that,
but this exists.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: So it just states a lot without going
into the backstory too much.
I also felt bad for Martise, because I mean, I feel like
half the book was taken up by them just explaining how plain
and boring she looked.
BONNIE BURTON: I know!
VERONICA BELMONT: Like leave the poor thing alone.
God.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, a lot of people commented about that.
It's like, OK fine, I like the fact she's plain, but I don't
want to hear it every second.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, it was like a slam book.
It was like-- (LAUGHING) it was so mean.
It was like in high school.
VERONICA BELMONT: It was a burn book on Martise.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: And then Courtney--
by the way, I really liked this book.
And the fact that it's not the major publisher, is even more,
I think that's even more interesting.
And actually, the author, the second day, donated a portion
of the proceeds from our group, all the books we
bought, two autism research.
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, wow.
FELICIA DAY: So that was kind of cool.
VERONICA BELMONT: That's awesome.
BONNIE BURTON: Cool.
VERONICA BELMONT: I thought it was great, though.
I loved so Silhara.
FELICIA DAY: Yes.
Courtney on the forums wrote this, and
then it made me laugh.
Every time they mentioned how raspy Silhara, the hero's
voice was due to garroting, he became-- oh, no, it
was the other guy.
He became Batman.
This alone made the book much more entertaining.
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: Totally.
Totally.
FELICIA DAY: [INAUDIBLE]
VERONICA BELMONT: (GROWLING) I'm Silhara.
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: I totally envisioned Batman too.
It made it better.
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: Instead of bats, it's crows.
BONNIE BURTON:
"Master of Bat." [LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: What did you think--
VERONICA BELMONT: And the sex was hot.
FELICIA DAY: [INAUDIBLE], Bonnie?
BONNIE BURTON: Huh?
FELICIA DAY: What did you think of the book overall?
BONNIE BURTON: I liked it.
It was funny, because when I was reading it-- now first of
all, this is my first Kindle book.
Ever.
FELICIA DAY: Yay!
VERONICA BELMONT: Really?
BONNIE BURTON: I broke my Kindle rule and I read a
Kindle book.
So that was--
I don't know.
I feel like the applause meter should go up for that, because
that was-- or shock meter.
FELICIA DAY: Veronica, where's your applause?
BONNIE BURTON: I know, where's the applause sound?
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, hold on, hold on, sorry.
FELICIA DAY: I got a new Kindle.
Guys, the new Kindle--
[APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT]
VERONICA BELMONT: I was hydrating.
BONNIE BURTON: But I missed having a book, so I don't
think I'm going to be reading Kindle books often.
I still think--
FELICIA DAY: Really?
Do you have a new Kindle?
Are you reading on an actual Kindle?
BONNIE BURTON: I'm reading on my phone, the Kindle app.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah, that's not the same.
FELICIA DAY: It's not--
I mean, the new Kindle.
VERONICA BELMONT: I'd give you a Kindle.
FELICIA DAY: I have an old Kindle you can have.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Give me a Kindle.
Give me.
VERONICA BELMONT: I sleep on a bed of Kindles.
I just get one, a new one, every week.
Just take one.
BONNIE BURTON: How about, Veronica, just loan me--
KIALA KAZEBEE: I will take Kindles.
FELICIA DAY: I will give you a Kindle.
I will give you my Kindle, Kiala.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Really?
Because honestly--
yes, I will.
I'll send you my old one.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Well, thank you.
FELICIA DAY: I just got a brand new one.
You can have my second-gen.
[TA-DAH SOUND EFFECT]
[LAUGHTER]
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yay!
VERONICA BELMONT: I'm sorry.
That wasn't even appropriate, really.
That was just superfluous.
FELICIA DAY: It was a free Kindle.
What's not appropriate about that?
BONNIE BURTON: I liked the story.
I mean, it was weird, because when I started reading it, it
didn't feel like a romance book.
It felt like this old-timey "Lord of the Rings" kind of--
just the language that's used was very eloquent and lots of
big words, like someone has a thesaurus.
So it wasn't your atypical--
well because "Poison Study," when you read it, it feels
like it's in this time.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: Even though it's not.
But it feels like it's this time because the verbiage
that's used, the dialogue, there's a lot of comments and
mannerisms and just things she says that sound very
Buffy-like.
So it was like-- and a lot of things that the side
characters said were very like sidekick-y
type camaraderie talk.
Whereas with "Master of Crows," it felt like this was
supposed to be "lit-ra-ture." You know what I mean?
VERONICA BELMONT: The writing was very good.
BONNIE BURTON: It was eloquent.
It was eloquent.
And it was very rich in detail.
I don't necessarily think it should have gone page after
page after page of certain details, and I started to get
bored and raced through descriptions so I could get to
dialogue and action.
But that's just me.
I mean that's--
FELICIA DAY: I was just surprised she doesn't have a
major publishing deal.
Like I think, I read so many books all the time, and I
think the writing level of this was really much higher
than a lot of books that I read that have big publishers
behind them.
VERONICA BELMONT: Absolutely.
I totally agree.
FELICIA DAY: I find it to be really interesting.
I like the fact that we can highlight books and maybe
explore alternate publishers.
BONNIE BURTON: Well, keep in mind, too, she might actually
be making more money this way.
Because when you self-publish or go through smaller
publishers, you have a chance to kind of erase the middleman
and erase all that extra stuff that goes
into paying for things.
So it just may benefit her.
I mean, "Fifty Shades of Grey," I hate to bring it up,
but that was published first.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, that's true.
I mean, it's a lot.
It probably wouldn't--
BONNIE BURTON: And "Twilight."
FELICIA DAY: OK.
Kat was bummed at the lack of actual crow magic.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: Where it's more like, just
chilling in the crow.
Which actually I totally get.
VERONICA BELMONT: The one crow that had any magic got like
blown up in the fourth chapter.
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: I felt bad for that crow.
VERONICA BELMONT: He was like, he's like, oops, sorry.
Oh, well, my bad with that.
BONNIE BURTON: I know, right?
I was kind of hoping it would be, like, "The
Crow," where The Crow--
VERONICA BELMONT: He wasn't really the Master of Crows.
They just kind of hung out in his orchard.
BONNIE BURTON: They just hung out.
FELICIA DAY: But a lot of people loved the two
characters.
Like Syl loved the fact that it began organically and their
loins didn't start pulsing immediately.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: And then the fact that Martise was plain, even
though it is over-mentioned, for sure.
But I kind of liked the fact that it was--
she had very low self-esteem, but it was completely
justified in her character, in her backstory, in her looks,
in everything.
It was really, I thought, believable.
As well as his isolation and his hostility
and all that stuff.
It was very organic, the way that the characters were
built, and I think that was the strongest part of the
book, is that relationship.
So when they finally got together--
I read that scene like 50 times.
I was like, oh my gosh, it's so romantic.
KIALA KAZEBEE: It sounds like you're describing "Jane Eyre."
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
It was.
It was.
Because when they started talking about how plain she
was and how dynamic he was, I was like, this is "Jane Eyre."
'Cause they spent so many pages talking about how boring
Jane Eyre was.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, I couldn't get through it.
I'm sorry.
But a lot of people, you're right.
Jessica said Jane Eyre.
Briana said "Howl's Moving Castle," which I thought was
interesting.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh.
Ok, yeah.
FELICIA DAY: Melissa said it was "Beauty and the Beast." So
I got all of those, which is kind of fun.
BONNIE BURTON: "Beauty and the Crow."
VERONICA BELMONT: I bet she wasn't even that plain.
I bet she wasn't even that plain.
I bet she was actually hot.
FELICIA DAY: Well, I picture her as Cate Blanchett.
You know, not plain, but not traditionally gorgeous.
And she has that great voice.
VERONICA BELMONT: Hm.
FELICIA DAY: I don't know.
BONNIE BURTON: This is my only bird that I have, by the way.
VERONICA BELMONT: I can't see.
Where are you?
Where's your bird?
Oh, god, I thought was like--
FELICIA DAY: Oh, Bonnie.
VERONICA BELMONT: I wasn't on the tab, and then I clicked
back over and there's just this giant bird
like right in my face.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, I try not to collect dead birds, but--
I didn't get it off the road or anything.
VERONICA BELMONT: Where do you think you get
these diseases from?
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: Where do you think this, this cough--
BONNIE BURTON: No!
VERONICA BELMONT: Where do you think you got this
consumption?
FELICIA DAY: It's true.
A lot of people would--
VERONICA BELMONT: You have bird flu.
BONNIE BURTON: SARS, clearly.
VERONICA BELMONT: Bird SARS.
BONNIE BURTON: SARS.
VERONICA BELMONT: That's redundant.
BONNIE BURTON: What's your bird's name?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Is that-- yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: I don't have a name for him yet.
Maybe someone should name him on our forums.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh.
FELICIA DAY: They should.
All right.
Maybe these people can name this bird
before we wrap it up.
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: Do we want to talk about-- like, did anyone
have questions on the forums about--?
FELICIA DAY: Well, Holly wants to know, again, did you think
Martise should have lost her magic at the end?
And then let's talk about-- because a very interesting
thread came up on this--
the fact that Martise--
and this whole idea feminine superpowers.
Joya started this whole thread off of this comment by Kat.
Just once I want a heroine whose special, unique, magical
gift does not have anything to do with bonding or being a
vassal or sharing magic or something touchy-feely.
I just want a heroine who will blow crap up.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, me too.
FELICIA DAY: And then this starts a whole thread on
people complaining about how most chicks will have these
healing powers and support powers, and they don't get to
blow stuff up.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, I agree.
Why do we have the Florence Nightingale powers, but we
don't have the--
VERONICA BELMONT: But you guys, we just read an entire
book, "Poison Study," she has magical power
that blows *** up.
BONNIE BURTON: No, she doesn't use her magical power
till the very end.
She uses--
VERONICA BELMONT: No, she uses it several times in the
beginning and the middle of the book where she attacks--
FELICIA DAY: She can freeze people.
VERONICA BELMONT: And she-- well, she--
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, you mean when she opens her mouth and
does that weird sound thing.
FELICIA DAY: The weird sound, where she's like
ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: I think it said it's like bees.
Like a swarm of bees, like bees coming out of her mouth.
BONNIE BURTON: Is her magic that she sings something and
people freak out?
Or is her magic--
FELICIA DAY: I never got what her magic exactly was. 'Cause
she could do a bunch of different things, and she had
that ghost going around with her.
So it was a little vague what Yelena's power exactly were.
VERONICA BELMONT: Someone in the chat room said that it
explains it better later.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, in Book Two,
it's much better explained.
All her magic, the whole book is about her--
which I didn't enjoy as much, because it
was not as much Valek.
But I think if I reread it, I would be like, oh, OK, it's
cool if Valek's not around.
VERONICA BELMONT: Alaskan Girl.
Alaskan Girl wants us to read the rest of them, 'cause it
all will be revealed.
FELICIA DAY: It's true.
BONNIE BURTON: I do agree with that comment, though, 'cause
I'm more of the Buffy field of heroines, where I like my
female heroines to be able to hold their own.
And luckily in "Poison Study," she does, because she get
trained by Ari and Jacob how to fight.
And that's good because-- and the other woman, who's like
the best woman warrior, teaches her
how to use that bow.
So I kind of feel like that was cool, 'cause
she'd learned that.
But I don't know.
I get kind of tired of the healing--
[CAR HORN HONKS]
BONNIE BURTON: WITCH crap.
VERONICA BELMONT: That wasn't me.
That was a real sound effect.
That was not--
FELICIA DAY: What?
BONNIE BURTON: What?
FELICIA DAY: Who?
VERONICA BELMONT: The horn.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Lies.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, the horn is N-Judah.
I live right next to a train.
FELICIA DAY: Also, like invisibility and force fields,
Joya on the forum was talking about any stuff based on
empathy or shyness is basically, usually what female
characters have in fantasy worlds, as much.
I think there was a young adult book.
It was about a girl with a fire sword.
I can't remember the name of it.
It was really good.
I'll link it on the forums.
Where she--
VERONICA BELMONT: Alex Craft had real magic.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: The wind girl.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
KIALA KAZEBEE: And "Mirror of Her Dreams." That's--
she's, like--
FELICIA DAY: We've got to read that.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
We should read that.
FELICIA DAY: Is there enough sex in that?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah, yeah.
All the stuff that she does with what's-his-face.
FELICIA DAY: All right.
Maybe we'll put that on the list.
VERONICA BELMONT: Speaking of which, should we talk about
our next thing?
FELICIA DAY: Let's do casting for this, and then we will get
to-- oh, oh.
There was a lot of--
OK.
I guess we're going to probably have
NSFW this video anyway.
So a lot of people had a problem with the word
C-U-N-N-U-S, which I don't even know if that's
a bad word or not.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Is that even a real word?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE BURTON: What?
KIALA KAZEBEE: That sounds like, they
put two words together.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
Pronounce it Sesame Street-style.
FELICIA DAY: What?
BONNIE BURTON: Like, you know, they would pronounce words in
Sesame Street, and they'd say the first part and the second
part, and then they get closer, and then the pronounce
the whole word.
VERONICA BELMONT: Cun.
Nus.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Nus.
FELICIA DAY: Is that even a word?
I don't understand it.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I can't--
FELICIA DAY: Anyway, everybody hated that
word in the racy parts.
They were like, this is the worst word I've ever seen
[INAUDIBLE].
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: Kristin took an entire star off the book just
because of the use of that word.
BONNIE BURTON: Wow.
Really?
VERONICA BELMONT: Hm.
KIALA KAZEBEE: How is it pronounced?
VERONICA BELMONT: Is it "cunn" or "***"--
FELICIA DAY: OK, let's not talk about it anymore.
BONNIE BURTON: I just kept thinking Mila Kunis.
FELICIA DAY: Yes.
Mila Kunis.
VERONICA BELMONT: All right.
We'll just call it, we'll call it a Mila from now on.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, there you go.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, that's nice.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: (LAUGHING) That's not nice at all.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE BURTON: But anyway, I just wanted bring up the fact
that sometimes words are used in the racy parts that are
just like, whoa, stop it.
Just doesn't that word.
BONNIE BURTON: Well, no, we had this problem.
Remember we had this problem in the shape-shifter, what was
it, the shape-shifter wolf book or whatever?
Wasn't there some sort of sex description where we're like,
don't do that.
Don't use that word.
VERONICA BELMONT: You guys are so missing out right now in
the chat room.
It is hilarious.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, god, what--
what are they saying?
BONNIE BURTON: What are they saying?
VERONICA BELMONT: They're trying to figure out what
these things mean.
They're talking them out.
They're like, figuring out what they stand for.
It's really elaborate.
It's cracking me up.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, I love it.
I love it.
BONNIE BURTON: What's Twitter saying?
I feel like we need to check in with Twitter more.
Are there any Twitter questions
we should be answering?
VERONICA BELMONT: Ha-ha, they said
"cunning linguist." [LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: "Cunning linguist."
FELICIA DAY: I don't know.
I haven't seen--
I've seen some.
We have a lot of comments everywhere.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I've seen a lot of people are upset that we
didn't talk about the two guards in--
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
Let's talk about them.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
KIALA KAZEBEE: Ari and Jacob.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah, they were great.
They were some of my favorite characters.
I thought they were awesome.
I wish they were more in the book.
BONNIE BURTON: I actually--
I would read a whole book just of those two guys.
Like I think they should have their own storyline.
KIALA KAZEBEE: They could have sex with each other.
VERONICA BELMONT: Like Rosencranz and Guildenstern?
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
KIALA KAZEBEE: No, a love story.
FELICIA DAY: Also, in the--
VERONICA BELMONT: Were they in love?
BONNIE BURTON: In "Master of Crows," the Gern and Anya, and
the dog which needed to be washed really badly, but
Gern-- and there's were some great secondary characters.
VERONICA BELMONT: Gern is great.
FELICIA DAY: Definitely makes the book [INAUDIBLE].
BONNIE BURTON: Like I could have totally seen Jacob and
Ari have a love triangle with that woman warrior that was
really good, that wouldn't give them the time of day,
that was constantly trying to impress Valek.
So I wanted that to happen more than the
Valek/Yalena thing.
Because I was like, these guys are awesome, and they're
totally funny, and they're engaging characters, and I
totally pictured them as hot dudes, and I was
totally all over that.
VERONICA BELMONT: I thought she was going to
get it on with Ari.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: I know, me too.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: But if he's getting it on
with Jenko, then that's--
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: We don't want get in between that.
BONNIE BURTON: What's his name?
VERONICA BELMONT: Jenko.
BONNIE BURTON: Jenko?
Oh, I called him Jeko.
VERONICA BELMONT: That's OK.
BONNIE BURTON: Sorry.
Sorry.
FELICIA DAY: All right.
Before we close out, let's do our casting, and then we have
a couple questions, and we'll announce our
books for next month.
But for casting, we had a lot of suggestions.
I believe Rufus Sewell and Summer Glau were two top picks
for casting "Master of Crows." I picked Hri--
I can't even say his name, but he's Roshan--
Roshan--
BONNIE BURTON: What?
FELICIA DAY: He's like a Bollywood--
he's that Bollywood star who's like the
hottest guy on the planet.
And Cate Blanchett.
Those were my two picks.
VERONICA BELMONT: Cate--
I don't see that.
FELICIA DAY: Really?
BONNIE BURTON: Really?
VERONICA BELMONT: I don't know why, yeah.
FELICIA DAY: She's plain, but has a great voice.
But she's--
I mean, she's not plain, she's gorgeous.
But you know, not in a traditional way.
BONNIE BURTON: But she has to be plain--
VERONICA BELMONT: No I'm--
I was going to say Cumberbatch.
BONNIE BURTON: Ah!
FELICIA DAY: Oh, yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: And maybe a little swarthier, but I'm
agreeing with chat room, because I was about to say
that, and they were saying that too.
But yeah.
That was my top pick.
But not in my mind at the time, only thinking about
casting later.
I didn't really have a picture of anyone.
I had made up my own guy.
Almost like a Johnny Depp as, you know, "Pirates of the
Caribbean," but like a little--
KIALA KAZEBEE: Not drunk?
VERONICA BELMONT: Less weird and crazy.
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: If he was like serious.
BONNIE BURTON: Maybe Richard Armitage?
FELICIA DAY: Yes.
You always suggest him, don't you?
BONNIE BURTON: No, I always suggest Cumberbatch.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, OK.
OK.
BONNIE BURTON: Don't pigeonhole me.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: I mean, listen.
You can be pigeonholed with Cumberbun--
batch--
I mean, I would be pigeonholed with him forever.
BONNIE BURTON: Ok, I take back my vomit crap dungeon thing.
If I could have sex with him in that dungeon, I'd do that.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh my god.
See?
VERONICA BELMONT: Well, there you go.
We all have-- we all have our limits.
BONNIE BURTON: Only if I could be closer to the window where
the straw is.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh yeah.
You can breathe.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
Febreze it out.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: Febreze it out.
BONNIE BURTON: Agh, that dungeon scene though, oy.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I only read the beginning of the alt book, but
I pictured what's-his-face from "Rome." Or not "Rome."
What am I talking about, "Rome?" "The Tudors."
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, he's a little pretty.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah, I pictured
him more, like, swarthy.
More like--
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, a little bit rougher around the edges.
Graceling.
Delia on Twitter says Graceling.
Graceling was the character I'm thinking of who has the
kick-*** fire sword and just awesome.
She's definitely a character that--
she has power, let's say.
It's a really good young adult novel.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
OK.
VERONICA BELMONT: God, I can picture his body perfectly.
I just can't picture his face.
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: Me, too.
FELICIA DAY: Cumberbatch?
VERONICA BELMONT: No, the character in the book.
Like they describe his body so much, but they never really
describe what his face looks like.
FELICIA DAY: No, well because-- yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: But she talks about his muscles, and
his, like, being all cut and kind of wiry.
FELICIA DAY: I have to say that romance-wise,
this was a good book.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: All the scenes were good.
VERONICA BELMONT: Mm-hm.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
I--yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: Girl.
FELICIA DAY: Gurrrl.
BONNIE BURTON: Not as much vomit.
VERONICA BELMONT: OK.
FELICIA DAY: All right.
OK, we're going to wrap it up.
BONNIE BURTON: Really?
Already?
VERONICA BELMONT: Well, we have to talk about
the next book pick.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, we can talk about the next book pick.
Oh, wait, we did have a question by the Pipers twins.
What "Vaginal Fantasy" book would you written about
yourself, each of us.
VERONICA BELMONT: What?
KIALA KAZEBEE: What?
VERONICA BELMONT: OK.
Read it again?
BONNIE BURTON: It starts with Cumberbatch.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: What "Vaginal Fantasy" book--
VERONICA BELMONT: I am not--
FELICIA DAY: Written about yourself.
BONNIE BURTON: OK, so actually I've thought about this at
great length.
FELICIA DAY: Wow.
BONNIE BURTON: So yeah.
OK.
Wait, is the question about all four of us?
Or just ourselves?
FELICIA DAY: I think individually.
VERONICA BELMONT: I still don't understand the question.
BONNIE BURTON: It's like if you were going to be a
character, perhaps, in a "Vaginal Fantasy" type book,
what would you want the story to be?
That's what I'm thinking.
And mine is, because I was a big fan of the "Beekeeper's
Apprentice," I always envisioned myself as like an
Irene Adler type.
VERONICA BELMONT: Ohh.
BONNIE BURTON: You know what I mean?
Like kind of like, I am an apprentice to Sherlock Holmes,
but I pretend I'm a maid, but I'm not.
I'm like this royalty person, and I go in, and I pay Mrs.
Hudson off, and I hang out, the campfire, and I read all
his books-- oh my god, did Felicia go away?
Oh there she is.
FELICIA DAY: I had to plug my computer in.
BONNIE BURTON: So when I think about this a great length,
because I am bizarre and weird.
But I just think of all the different ways that I could
warm Sherlock's heart.
So I have all this Sherlock Holmes slash fic with me
starring as the plucky young apprentice.
So I've thought about this a lot.
And I've also thought of a Buffy-type line with me as her
successor, and I hook up with Xander.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: OK.
BONNIE BURTON: There's lots of Xander hooking-up.
FELICIA DAY: I would definitely be transported to
another world and wear dresses.
And it has to be a place with magic, where I have powers.
It would have to be a fantasy world.
VERONICA BELMONT: I would be a reluc-- yeah, go ahead.
Finish yours.
FELICIA DAY: That's all I have.
I have nothing else more detailed.
But everybody'd have to be showering and clean.
Like it can't be like--
BONNIE BURTON: No dungeon sex.
FELICIA DAY: [INAUDIBLE] dirty.
VERONICA BELMONT: I would be a reluctant princess.
I would be a princess that was supposed to be, I was supposed
to learn how to take care of the kingdom, but I was too
much of a tomboy, and I wanted to go out and fight with the
other boys.
And my best guy friend becomes like my love interest when I
come of age.
And I like realize that I actually have real
feelings for him.
BONNIE BURTON: Awww.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, that's really good.
That's a good-- you should do a NaNaNaNoNoBra.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
KIALA KAZEBEE: A NaNaNaNoNoBra.
VERONICA BELMONT: I love every year how Felicia refuses to
say it right.
It cracks me up.
A NaNaNaNoMoMo.
BONNIE BURTON: I can't say it either.
VERONICA BELMONT: NaNoWriMo.
FELICIA DAY: A lot of people on the forums are doing
NaNaNoMoRo.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA BELMONT: Menomena.
KIALA KAZEBEE: OK, so mine--
VERONICA BELMONT: [SINGS "MENOMENA"]
FELICIA DAY: OK, Kiala's going.
KIALA KAZEBEE: So I would also want to be transported into
another world where I wake up and I'm there, and I'm being
set upon by bandits, and suddenly I save myself right
before somebody else saves me, because I am suddenly very
good with like a knife.
Because it just comes out of me in the new world.
FELICIA DAY: [INAUDIBLE]
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
And then the place that I'm at, like the world is always
cold, like the Darkover novels.
So it's always cold.
And then the castle or whatever is heated through the
floors, like they do in "Rome." And there's bathtubs,
really big bathtubs.
And you have sex in them.
So that's really--
this is--
I've thought about this a little.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: Maybe you have a NaNaNoRo in you too.
You need to do it.
VERONICA BELMONT: We all have a little NaNaNaMaNoMoNo in us.
BONNIE BURTON: I have a bathtub scene in my Sherlock
think too, so yeah.
I think bathtubs play a lot of parts in our--
FELICIA DAY: I mean, we all want to just be clean.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I do.
I want to be clean and warm.
VERONICA BELMONT: I have hot springs.
[LAUGHTER]
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, see?
Yes.
Same thing.
VERONICA BELMONT: Volcanic hot springs.
KIALA KAZEBEE: There's always some kind of swimming scene.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: OK.
Veronica, tell us what we're reading next month.
Because it is your month.
VERONICA BELMONT: All right, so we are doing sexy zombies.
BONNIE BURTON: Yay!
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yay!
FELICIA DAY: OK.
VERONICA BELMONT: I'm hoping--
I do not know the level of romance, and hopefully it will
have romance in it.
I know at least our alt, hopefully, will.
But the main pick is going to be "My Life as a White Trash
Zombie," by Diana Rowland.
BONNIE BURTON: Yay!
FELICIA DAY: Which I love her Demon series, so I'm sure this
is going to be really good.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yes.
So the cover looks really fun.
Should I read the description?
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: Or should we just let people--
OK.
Living with her alcoholic deadbeat dad in the swamps of
southern Louisiana, she's a high school dropout with a
pill habit and a criminal record who's been fired from
more crap jobs than she can count.
Now on probation for a felony, it seems that Angel will never
pull herself out of the downward spiral
her life has taken.
That is, until the day she wakes up in the ER after
overdosing on painkillers.
Angel remembers being in a horrible car crash, but she
doesn't have a mark on her.
To add to the weirdness, she receives an anonymous letter
telling her there's a job waiting for her at the parish
morgue, and that it's an offer she doesn't dare refuse.
Before she knows it, she's dealing with a huge crush on a
certain hunky deputy and a brand new addiction--
an overpowering craving for brains.
Plus, her morgue is filling up with the victims of a serial
killer who decapitates his prey--
just when she's hungriest.
Angel's going to have to grow up fast if she wants to keep
this job and stay in one piece, because if she doesn't,
she's dead meat.
Literally.
BONNIE BURTON: Uh, this may be my new favorite book.
FELICIA DAY: Really good.
VERONICA BELMONT: It does have a little bit of a Sookie
Stackhouse vibe to it, except maybe a little more raunchy.
So it could be kind of fun.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, it sounds really cool.
I love it.
FELICIA DAY: And then the alt looks like really fun, too.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah.
The alt one's a little more bodice-ripper-y, I think.
BONNIE BURTON: What is it?
VERONICA BELMONT: It's called "Dearly Departed--
Gone With the Respiration, Book One" by Lia Habel.
BONNIE BURTON: Cool.
FELICIA DAY: I love the way Veronica pronounces things.
VERONICA BELMONT: Am I pronouncing them right?
I don't even know.
FELICIA DAY: No, you do, you just always sound
well-rounded.
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, I'm using radio voice.
That's why.
FELICIA DAY: You have a good radio voice.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, she gets paid for a
living to do this stuff.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: That's why I like listening to it.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: This is a long description, but just to
kind of make it short, it's another Victorian-era-style,
bodice-ripper-y type of book, I believe.
But it also has to do with zombies and the undead.
And there is a brave soldier-- a handsome,
noble, and dead soldier.
So I think that'll be a fun one, too.
I'm not sure how long it is, but it had some pretty good
reviews on Goodreads as well.
Both of them do, actually, so.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: I think they'll be--
I think they may balance each other well.
One's more modern, ones a little more, of course, the
Victorian-era style that we've read previously.
That's why I didn't make that one the top pick, because it
felt like some of the stuff we've read in the past.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
And you know, sometimes we get to the alt,
sometimes we don't.
But this one sounds like really fun for next month.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah, a little bit different, huh?
Zombies.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, I love it.
BONNIE BURTON: Just so you know, just to get back to our
last alt book, not this one but the one before, the Nina
Bangs dinosaur shape-shifter--
I made more puppets when I was out sick this week for our
book trailer, Veronica.
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, good, OK.
I've been waiting for that.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
So I made a bunch of puppets.
So I thought we could shoot a book trailer soon for what we
think the book trailer should be for that book about the
dinosaur shape-shifters.
FELICIA DAY: I cannot wait.
OK, if you can make it, we'll show it in the Hangout.
BONNIE BURTON: I'll make it short.
It won't be that long, but it'll be hilarious.
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, and I have to say one thank-you to--
I was at Geek Media Expo this weekend, and I met a "Vaginal
Fantasy" listener named Amanda who was awesome, and she gave
me a bottle of wine.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh!
VERONICA BELMONT: Which was great.
So I had to say thank you.
And I'm not drinking tonight because I had to ship it back
to myself, because I couldn't bring it
in my carry-on luggage.
But I will enjoy it, hopefully next month.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, awesome.
BONNIE BURTON: And I think also we should thank people
that aren't in this country that stay up till 4:00 AM--
FELICIA DAY: I know.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yes.
Thank you.
BONNIE BURTON: Or like, they just get up early, like they
have an alarm, just to watch this show--
thank you for watching.
Because that's--
we must be awesomely hilarious at 4:00 AM.
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: Because I can't imagine--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA BELMONT: Hopefully it's a good way to wake up.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, hi.
But the cool thing is that you can join our forums and there
are people all around the world, like Bonnie said, who
are talking.
And even if you can't make the Hangouts live, you can talk to
other people live on Hangouts or get together and
meet them in person.
So we have a great community.
So if you want to enjoy our *** fun times, just come
over to our Goodreads.
Vaginal Fantasy Hangout Forums.
BONNIE BURTON: And I promised this a while ago, but I'm
going to bring up the thread again on Goodreads where I go
through every book and list all the
pages of the sexy scenes.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
Please do that.
Bonnie, [INAUDIBLE].
VERONICA BELMONT: You're a valuable resource.
Treasure.
Treasure.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, for this last book we read, I'll have
the two sexy-ish scenes, and then I'll list all the pages
that talk about vomit.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, god.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: OK, on that note, we will see
you guys next month.
Last Tuesday of the month.
Bye!
BONNIE BURTON: Bye!
KIALA KAZEBEE: Bye!
VERONICA BELMONT: Bye!