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- Wa-cha! Hiyah! Male announcer: And now Dreamworks' kung fu panda: Legends of awesomeness.
- [grunts] [gong rings] hear the legends of the kung fu panda [scatting] raised in a noodle shop never seeking glory or fame he climbed the mountaintop and earned the dragon warrior name Ooh! Ahh! Yah! kung fu panda [scatting] master shifu saw the warrior blossom and master the skills of bodacious and awesome kung fu panda [scatting] he lives and he trains and he fights with the furious five protect the valley, something, something something, something alive Ooh! Ahh! Uh! kung fu panda legends of awesomeness Sweet! - You ready to do this? - Oh, I was born read--ah! Hold on.
Ahh! Just a sec.
Okay.
I'mGood.
Both: Stilt fu! - [yelps] Oof! [yells] - Unguarded moment! - Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! - Hiya-- [quivers] - I call that pillars of the ouch.
- [quivering] good name.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, you two! You're supposed to be stilt-walking ads for my shop.
I'm not paying you to mess around.
- You're not paying us at all.
- Good thing too.
- Still not sure how guys on stilts Help advertise noodles.
- It's how the restaurant business works.
Now stilt-walk, you monkey.
- [grunts] [strains] Well, I may be stuck here, but at least I've got a nice view.
There's the jade palace And the bamboo forest And a cute girl, an old dude, some bandits.
Both: Bandits! - [kung fu shout] - Shakaboo-- ahh! - Oh, please, we have no valuables.
- Yeah? What do you call this? - Don't touch that.
- You heard the lady.
Ha! - Yah! - Wow, she's even cuter close up.
- [growls] Yah! - Uhh! - Hiyah! - Wah! - Agh! [both growling] - Ha! - Whoa.
Flying goat surprise.
- Cute and knows kung fu? - A little.
Don't mess with the goat girl.
Seriously, don't! - Whoa, whoa, I'm not a band-- - I'm just kidding.
No, I'm not! - Oof! - Mess with the goat, you get the hooves.
[romantic music] - You all right? - Uh My palms are sweating, My heart is racing, and I'm tingly all over.
I think she got me With the cloven-hooved, exploding head technique.
- Uh, cloven-hooved, exploding head technique Actually explodes your head.
I think maybe you're in love.
- Love? Pfft.
[chuckles] no way.
Not this pa-- Did my head just explode? I can't feel my face.
Oh, wait, there it is, on my face.
- My daughter and I can't thank you enough For helping us in our time of need.
Lu-*** is to be married tomorrow.
- Marr--I see.
[chuckles] Lucky guy.
Anyone I know? - Well, I never even met him.
- Ah, it's one of those arranged dealios.
- Yeah, pretty stoked about it.
He's called "the dragon warrior.
" [explosion] Head definitely exploded.
- We arranged the marriage years ago, po.
You and lu-*** were just babies.
- Kind of a big deal.
Seems like something a guy tells his son.
- Well, back then, money was tight, And dishes were very expensive.
I couldn't afford to keep replacing them.
- Mu-*** the potter offered to keep me fat with dishware If I agreed that one day you would marry his daughter.
[humming happily] - So you traded him for plates? - And bowls.
That's how the restaurant business works.
- Lu-***, give poe his present.
- Yes, sir.
Po, I understand that you like action figures.
- [chuckles] yeah, well, I did.
When I was a kid a long time ago.
Not really no-- [squeals] - I collect them too.
- Is that a master shifu? - The mono-brow variant! - That's the rarest one there is! - I know! It's yours now.
Or ours if you wanna go through with the-- With the whole marriage thing.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Just so we're clear, you're pretty, funny, Good at kung fu, you love dumplings, And you collect action figures? I'm getting married! - What? Ow! - You're kidding, right? - Meet the future mrs.
Dragon warrior.
- Hey, there, furious five.
Worship you.
Totally trying not to spaz.
- I know it's kinda sudden.
- Except for the "it was arranged From when we were babies" part.
[chuckles] [nervous sigh] Okay, now I'm spazzing.
Is it wrong to ask you to sign my belly? - Is this a joke? - No joke.
- Well, looks like somebody gets to plan a wedding.
Can it be me? Please say yes! - Go crazy.
Oh, lu-***, I'd like you to meet-- - Master tigress.
Oh, my--oh, m--oh, my gosh.
[nervous laugh] I'm kind of a mega fan.
No, a lot.
Seriously, it's, like, such an honor.
- Hang on, you wanna marry him? - Uh-huh.
- Really? - Whoa, tigress.
Never pegged you for the jealous type.
- Jealous? You must be kid-- - po.
A word? - I'll be watching you.
- Okay.
I'll tr--I'll try not to look all Ooh! Ah, ooh.
Odd.
I'll try not to look odd.
- Marriage is a big step, po, and you just met this girl.
Are you sure you're ready? - Well, we are combining our action figure collections, So there's that.
- Po, if lu-*** is the wife of the dragon warrior, She will be a kidnap target Of every villain and scoundrel in the land.
- Wow, I hadn't thought of that.
- You'll be putting her in grave danger.
That's why the rules Of the sacred onyx shaolin are so specific.
- Specific how, specifically? - You really don't know, do you? You'll have to step down as the dragon warrior.
- [gasps] - What? Give up being the dragon warrior or give up lu-***? I can't do that.
- Which one? - Either! Being dragon warrior is the greatest.
I'd never give that up.
Unless, what if lu-*** is my one shot at happiness? I don't wanna wind up old, sad, and alone Like my dad or yo-- uh It's just, uh, what's the point of having this awesome life If I've got no one to share it with? - [sighs] it's your decision, po.
No one else can make it for you.
- Are you sure? 'cause I'd really rather You just told me what to do, and I'd go along with it.
- The dragon warrior follows his heart.
The dragon warrior does not let others make up his mind.
- Gah! - [kung fu shouts] Crane wants to meet with us later To go over the seating chart and-- Po, are you okay? - Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, yeah.
Sorry.
- Hiyah! [gasps] you're having second thoughts.
- What? No way.
Kind of.
I mean, look, meeting you was the most amazing thing That's happened to me since-- Since I became the dragon warrior.
- Do what your heart tells you, po.
Don't let me sway you.
- Oof! But it's all happening so fast.
- As dragon warrior, you sacrifice so much To protect the valley of peace, po.
But to run from true love Would be like running from a great battle.
We'd always wonder, what if? - Huh.
Maybe you're right.
- Hmm.
- We'll put the bride's guests over here, But if it's lopsided, we can spread the fight dummies around.
- So he's going through with the wedding for sure? - Not for sure, but don't tell crane, Or you'll crush his dreams-- - No, no, no! You're using too many flowers in one spot! Spread the blossoms, and spread the [all shout] Joy.
- You might wanna reinforce that lattice.
- Huh.
- Just saying.
- I don't wanna spend my life wondering, what if? So I'm gonna marry lu-*** And give up being the dragon warrior Or not do that.
- [sighs] po.
- I know, right? Okay, I've decided.
I'mGetting married.
Unless you think-- - congratulations, panda.
I'm proud of you, And I wish you all the happiness In the world.
- Po must really love you to give up being dragon warrior.
- Tigress.
- I guess you must really love him too.
- ICare for po.
- Care for him? Or using him? Hiyah! Who is this? - I-it's not what you-- - oof! - Walk away, lady.
Totally facing off with master tigress.
So cool! Tigress, I don't wanna hurt you.
- Trust me, you won't.
[kung fu shouts] - Tigress, stop! - Stay out of this, panda.
This is how girls discuss things.
- Tigress, I know you've cried your little eyes out That you and I aren't together.
- What? - Don't be a hero.
See, there's a tear right th--no.
Wow, do you ever blink? - [growls] - Look, what you and I had Was just a figment of your imagination.
- Had? - Past tense.
It's a grammar thing.
Look it up.
Lu-***, are you hurt? - But, po, she is-- - Tigress, stop embarrassing yourself With your jealousy jealous behavior.
This is my life, and I need to start living it for me.
- Great job fixing the lattice, crane.
- Reinforced and ready for action.
Yah! No touchies.
- Crane, ever think of a second career as a wedding planner? - No, no, no.
[chuckles] Why, you thinking of tying the knot? - [inhales deeply] - Po, I-- - don't make a scene, tigress.
I've made my decision, kind of.
And it's the right one.
Possibly.
- I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
You were right.
- You are jealous.
- Y--no! No, you--I-- It is your life, po, And I wish you nothing but the best, friend.
- Places, people! The sun is casting dappled light on the altar.
Dappled light! Move it! Ah-- mm-hmm.
[plays cheerful tune] - [cries] - Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today To join po and lu-***, who pretty much just met, In the sacred bonds of matrimony.
Lu-***, do you take po as your lawfully wedded husband In accordance with the rules Governing this quickie marriage ceremony? - I do.
- Uh-huh.
And po, do you, floobity doobity doo, Lu-*** and renounce being the dragon warrior? - Po? - Wuh-oh.
- We're losing the dappled light! - Po? - Uh, well - Po? - Uh, it's not-- it's not that I don't want to, But--but--but maybe we should wait and-- - Wait? We can't wait.
If we don't do this right now, he'll--he'll-- - He'll what? To who? Who's "he"? - Oh, this is an outrage.
Get on with it! Marry my daughter and step down as dragon warrior, you ninny! - But I-- - enough! - But I-- - go on! - I'm just not-- - Well, it-- well, it just--that--well-- [laughs] her safety is involved, And--and her well-being and--and-- Oh, boo.
- Junjie! [all gasp] - Oh [gasps] yourselves.
With the dragon warrior gone, I had intended to finally seize the jade palace for myself.
There, happy? - Not really.
- What? Wait.
Lu-***, you-- you betrayed me? - Po, I-- - You're going down, junjie.
- No, not just yet.
The happy couple haven't opened their presents.
- [whimpers] - It was all a lie? - Yes.
But, po, I had to, you see-- - You've said enough, girl.
And now to pay the price for your failure.
- Ha! None of you are going anywhere.
Take them! - Wedding brawl! Awesome! [all shout] [guests scream] - No, that's a rental! [grunting] - Yah! - Not the centerpiece! Hey! [grunting and shouting] - I so love seeing you with egg on your face, shifu.
- Wah! - Oh, my cake! - Ooh! [groans] - Well, at least the lattice is still-- Ugh! [all groan] [strained grunting] - We'd love to stay for the reception, But we have someplace to be.
- I'm sorry, po.
I never meant to hurt you.
- What's this? - Junjie's holding him hostage.
That's why I did all of this.
- What? - Uh, po, don't.
There's no point now and-- - Is this lu-***'s Boyfriend? She has a-a boyfriend? There's a boyfriend! - Panda, snap out of it.
Lu-*** needs you.
If you're not married, you are the dragon warrior.
- Yes.
Yes, I am.
And the dragon warrior doesn't let a broken heart Get in the way of helping those in need.
- We, actually, are in need.
- [grunts] - No, please, junjie.
Let him go! - I plan to.
Right into the fire.
- You said you wouldn't hurt him if I did what you wanted.
- Yes, but you failed.
I may be wily and dishonest, but I do keep a promise.
- Ha! - Po! - Junjie, let lu-***'sFriend go.
- Fine.
- [gasps] - No! - Ha! Wa-ta! [whimpers] [yelps] I can do this.
I can do this.
- No, not if I can help it.
I won a medal in stilt fighting years ago.
- Ha! Whoa! - Ooh! [yelps] - Ow! Ooh! [yelps] - [screams] - Ha! - Wa-ta! [yelps] Huh? [screams] Oof! [sizzles] [screams] - [gasps] - [strained grunts] Ahh! - [groans] - Pillars of the ouch.
- [quivering] good n-n-name.
Oof.
- Po, save shao! - [gasps and screams] - gotcha! - [whimpering] - Wow.
Those muscles are very defined.
- Thanks.
I don't even work out.
- Figures.
Whoa! - [grunts] - [screams] Tigress! - I was able to get free, just in time, by the looks of it.
- You're never gonna give up on us, are you? Oof! - In your dreams, panda.
- Shao, you're all right.
- [sighs] - Po, thank you so much for saving my brother.
- Your brother? Your brother? I thought he was your boyfriend.
- Gross, bud.
- [laughs] - Oof! [chuckles] - Oh, po.
Maybe now that this is all over - [sighs] I can't marry you, lu-***.
So long as there are evildoers Like junjie threatening the valley of peace, I have to remain the dragon warrior.
- Marry me? You dork.
We barely know each other.
I was thinking maybe we could just hang out sometime.
- Ow! Oh, yeah, that'd be cool.
But I gotta warn you, Somebody might be a little jealous, so, uh--ow! There she is now.