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In this episode of ¡Oye!
I never spoke about any of these subjects until I was an adult...
And if you don't say it, you can't find any help...
But in reality, we are very worried about what others think.
In This Episode: Breaking Taboos
>> Johanna: Here with me is Vicglamar Torres, senior editor of MamásLatinas.com
and Neroliza Valdera, CEO of ON Productions.
When we talk about latin culture, what are some taboos that come to mind?
>> Vicglamar: Homosexuality, for example.
>> Neroliza: Sex.
>> Vicglamar: When you have a disabled child.
>> Johanna: Or getting pregnant outside of marriage.
>> Vicglamar: Yeah, that's a big one.
>> Johanna: ***.
There are so many topics that,
if I think about my grandmother or my mom,
these are topics that they never spoke about between them,
and they won't talk about with me.
I never spoke about any of these subjects until I was an adult.
Why are we so worried about what someone else thinks?
So much so, that we hide problems in fear?
We don't want to talk about them and we hide.
>> Vicglamar: I think as latinos we are on one side very outgoing - we love parties -
but in reality we are very worried about what others think
and we are all about hiding things.
>> Johanna: I think that's the biggest problem about taboos in the latin culture --
that "What would they think?".
I was raised in a house where my mother
was always worried about what would others think.
Is that how you were raised?
>> Vicglamar: Well, I come from a very traditional family.
For example, in my extended family
there are a lot of married aunts, married for life
in unhappy marriages that don't work,
but you had to get married, and you had to be a lady.
>> Johanna: ...and you had to pretend it was perfect.
Everyone had to look like it was a perfect family...
>> Vicglamar: ...even if it was actually not like that.
>> Johanna: In your case, you grew up in a home with a single mom,
and in our society, there's a stigma to that.
Did it affect you?
>> Neroliza: It didn't affect me specifically.
My mom is a very hardworking woman,
my family is a very united family,
so I never felt that lack of a father,
because I had a family that was always there for me.
I never knew the difference.
>> Johanna: Well, another thing I see is that, as latin women,
we don't look for help, or admit we might have a problem,
when actually there's nothing wrong with seeing a psychologist.
It can be helpful.
And a mother who has a child with special needs
doesn't want to admit it to the world.
Or maybe a sickness or a challenge.
I know that in your case you had the challenge
of Gabriel's illness that happened when he was young.
A lot of people in that case wouldn't want anyone to know,
but you were very confident and open about that topic.
>> Vicglamar: I thank God every day for not letting me fall into that stereotype,
because, I have no statistics about it,
but I believe latin mothers have a hard time accepting when we have a child with a problem.
We always feel like a saint acknowledging the illness of someone else's child,
but when it's your own it's very hard.
>> Johanna: It's something that we have to go through,
that level of denial. We don't want to accept it,
and we end up not seeking the help we need.
>> Neroliza: And if you don't say it, you can't find any help.
>> Johanna: Also, the topic of homosexuals...
recently we had a post on MamásLatinas.com
>> Vicglamar: Yeah, Sofia.
>> Johanna: She was writing about someone who was staying at a house of a gay friend
and didn't want anyone to know about it.
God forbid someone does!
Or, someone that has lived with their partner without being married
and their families can't know about it.
>> Vicglamar: It's terrible.
>> Johanna: But you are able to see deeper than those taboos.
Another important taboo about sexuality, for example...
If I don't feel happy
or satisfied sexually,
or if I'm someone who doesn't have a problem admitting that I ***
or that I use sex toys, etc.,
these are things we never speak of!
Do you believe that maybe being exposed to the American culture,
which is a more open minded culture,
might be making us more comfortable talking about these topics.
>> Vicglamar: It could be, and I think it can be a generational thing.
For example, I have a 22 year old niece,
and the conversations that she has with her friends,
I would have never had myself.
In that case I'm the one who gets out the fan and the crucifix.
As a mother, I try consciously to have these conversations with my children
because I want to try to break these taboos.
We have to force ourselves to do it
so things don't stay the same, you know?
>> Neroliza: Let people be what they are and let them be happy,
without judging.
>> Johanna: Exactly! >> Vicglamar: That's the most important thing.
>> Johanna: Thank you very much, this has been a very interesting conversation.
Thanks for opening up about topics we don't even discuss with our families.
>> Vicglamar: Thank you for inviting us.
>> Johanna: How can we transform our latin culture so that
we are finally free to live and talk about whatever we want?
Something interesting to think about with our families.
Thanks for watching the show.
I want to invite you to subscribe to our YouTube channel,
and to visit us at MamásLatinas.com
so you can be part of our conversation
and listen to what other moms have to say about this topic
Thank you. See you next time.