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Due to MTV's recent acquisition of PBS
this evening's three hour performance of Hamlet has been reduced to one minute.
Oh f***!
James! Did you hear that?
What? One Minute!
Oh f***!
To be or not to be, that is the question.
It seems I'm going mad, losing my discretion.
Seems, nay, it is, I know not seems
to wake or to sleep, perchance to dream.
There's something rotten in the state of Denmark,
It's midnight at the Casa Elsinore when hark!
Who's your brother in law? OW!
Who's your brother in law? OW!
Yo Mum that's my uncle, get off my Dad's grave!
Son! I've been unnaturally murdered, oh curs-ed spite!
Time is out of joint, I've got to set it right!
I must avenge my father and kill Claudius,
I'm gonna start by acting nuts, and talking to the audience.
Hey Hamlet if you love me, then why are you shunning me?
I never loved thee, go get thee to a nunnery.
Hey nonnie nonnie and a nonnie nonnie hey,
gather round everybody for a play within a play.
I poison you! I be illen!
You're smiling!
I'm smiling!
You must be a villain.
He didn't kill you Dad -- not that we'd admit it.
I know she's my mum, but she's hot. I want to hit it!
This curtain really makes me want to do something erroneous.
This isn't who I meant to kill, this is, this is Polonius.
Gentle Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, bring us note on Hamlet's plans.
And you'll get killed in turn. Sorry!
Hamlet's so mad. There's my dead Dad.
I'm gonna go drown myself now 'cause I'm sad.
To be or not to be, that is the question.
It seems I'm going mad, losing my discretion.
Yo Hamlet! We already heard those lines. Just cut to the part where everyone starts dyin'.
Alas poor Yorik.
Oh my God, Ophelia's dead. This may be my last chance to get her in bed.
Hamlet you scoundrel, that's my sister you're boffin'.
Bring on the grand duel, right here by the coffin.
First just let me poison this cup.
Yo what is up now, Hamlet.
What up.
I'm going to kill you with this poison sword of mine.
Oh you will?
Yeah! Yeah? Yeah! Yeah? Yeah.
Fine. Ow! Now it's on. You're going to get stuck.
Here's to Hamlet!
Don't drink it! Oh, no, f***!
That poison what meant for you.
Now you've killed my mum, it's time to do this.
I've waited way too long.
Good God I've been bled!
And the poison has spread!
I'm dying, I'm dying, I'm dying, you're dead!
Have flights of angels sing me to thy ditch.
I'm Fortenbras of Norway, taking over this ***!
Ya heard?!