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Morning.
Mm.
Oh.
Wow.
Okay.
Hey there.
Let's, uh and break!
Can I give you some
constructive criticism?
As long as you start
with something nice.
You are a great gal,
really smart and funny
I can swim real fast.
So fast.
But your
hugs are too intense.
Now I love 'em not really
but with people who you
aren't sleeping with,
you can't give them a "stab me
with your pelvic bone" hug.
But people love them.
But people don't.
Look,
just dial it back a little, Okay?
Like, say I'm a grocery
boy who just helped you
with your groceries.
How do you thank me?
Ohh! See? That's that's
that's a little much.
Okay.
Mm.
Aw!
Happy Thanksgiving break,
sweetie.
Mwah.
Mwah.
Oh, I'm so glad you
could make it, Kevin.
Ohh! Jules.
I can't help it.
It's like hugging a sofa.
Mm!
Thank you for having me, Mrs.
Cobb, sir.
Let's go.
Did you notice that Kevin
just thanked both of us?
This is our first Thanksgiving
that we're hosting together.
Are you sure you're ready?
I was here last year.
How does
hosting make this any different?
We'll probably have
sex afterwards.
I think I'm ready.
Really? Yeah.
Ohh! Mm!
Ugh.
Andy, your brother called me
because you're not
picking up your cell.
Big Maria and little Maria
and wheelchair Maria
all say "Hi.
"
Oh.
Dear God, I hate your family.
Sorry, Babe.
I lost my cell.
My life would fall
apart without my phone.
It's like my second brain.
Only brain.
Ugh.
It has my calendar,
my e-mail, all my apps,
like my birth control
reminder Mm.
My updo how-to Oh.
And my death-row tracker.
So it vibrates every time
someone gets executed.
Yeah.
My candy journal,
my dramatic music sting,
my virtual horoscope
Really? 'Cause I just
downloaded an app app.
When you shake it,
Zach Braff tells you
what appetizer to order.
How about some potato skins?
Yum.
Good-bye.
Honey, did you
cancel your cell yet?
Nah.
Someone will bring it back.
Everything goes my way.
You know why?
Because I believe it will.
Is he being serious right now?
Nah.
'Cause if he is saying it back.
I wanna punch you in the face.
It won't stop him.
He's the
world's biggest optimist.
Ugh.
I love pot stickers.
Waiter!
Thank you.
Hi.
Hey, sister.
Whip me up
a 'aramel macchatata,
two 'spresso pumps,
and a crapload of extra foam.
I'm sorry.
What?
'aramel macch, two 'spresso pumps,
crapload-a foam.
I can't understand you.
Crapload-a foam,
girl! Crapload-a foam!
It was ridiculous.
You guys can understand
what I say, right?
It should be me.
Listen, I probably should've
brought this up to you
in our fifth or sixth year
of marriage, but, you see,
sometimes, um,
when you talk too quickly
or, um, too quietly
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Or, well,
just when you talk at all
Get to it!
Bobby, we can't understand
one word you say.
Or as you would put it,
"we can't grouberdan
yur frazzle dazzle!"
Y'all think you're
funnier than a barrel
full of foxworthys,
but you're not.
Bobby,
you're right! We're sorry.
What did he just say?
Got me!
Frazzle dazzle.
Oh, no, no, no.
No cashews.
I'm allergic.
Cashews, penicillin,
and cat dander,
whatever the hell that is.
Oh, I'm allergic to oysters,
onions, and my ex-wife.
No, no, no, seriously.
She's right there.
Wow.
Are those real?
Yeah.
Grayson, Happy Thanksgiving.
Vivian, you remember Jules,
our old neighbor?
Hey, Viv.
Missed you.
You know, I'm sorry.
I'm I'm bad at hugs.
Jules and I are together now.
That's why she's acting so weird.
You always did like
to watch her jog.
That is the sweetest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
Well, it was good to see you both.
You, too!
Ugh.
Thank God that is over.
Oh, God.
We're following her.
Okay, I have been so upset about
your lost phone that I forgot
to tend to my virtual
horse's virtual broken leg,
and I had to virtually
shoot him in the head.
Your life is so dumb.
Not now, golden girl.
Andy, your phone
isn't coming back.
I mean, have you even called
it to see who picks up?
Let's do that.
Wait.
What?
Oh, it's Laurie.
She's fun.
Hey, Laurie.
It was returned.
Interesting.
Bye!
Hand-delivered by
a tiny Chinese man
who also gave me a scalp
massage to die for.
Was he a masseuse or something?
Nope.
Just happened.
No! What if being optimistic
actually makes good things
happen in your life,
hmm? In your head,
it's all doom and gloom.
In my head, I hear music.
It's all bouncy,
positive stuff, like reggae.
* The phone come back,
the life is good *
* Me scalp got rubbed
by a Chinese dude *
* Jamaica! *
* Oh, dah-oh-doh-doh *
I am going to beat the
optimism out of that man,
and I know he's your husband,
but then
Laurie, enough.
I'm in.
Aah!
Great shopping with you, Vivvers!
Why did we have to follow her?
I'm sorry.
It's just that I
saw her last Thanksgiving,
and she was with her new
husband and pregnant.
She looked at me with such pity.
It was like,
"my life's so great,
and you've got nothing.
"
Hey.
But now I have everything.
I just needed her to see that.
What?
Nothing.
It's just, this is
so awesome.
Just keep going.
I'm happier with you than I
have ever been in my life.
Oh, Grayson.
Mm.
I love you.
Jules
Thank you.
We still gotta get
some yams, right?
Yeah.
Isle two.
Yams?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Aisle two.
So he didn't say "I love you" back.
It's not a big deal, right?
You promised you wouldn't
say it before he did.
It just slipped out.
It was like a soda burp.
Look, we've been really
into each other lately.
I-I let me tell ya,
the other morning,
we were in the shower
Go What?
Hey, Kev.
How ya doin'
over there? All good.
Just chillin' while Trav
video chats with his lady.
Babe why do you
always make me do this?
You love it.
Ooh.
Slow song.
* And every night,
I see you smile *
* And every night,
I feel your touch *
They video dance.
Hmm?
I hate it! And that's Kevin.
Oh.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
You know why I'm not gonna
panic about Grayson?
Because he wanted to say it,
he just We were in
the grocery store.
We all know how much he
hates fluorescent lights.
I didn't know he
Shh, shh!
I've just gotta give him a little push.
That's why I have
to make this the most
romantic Thanksgiving ever.
That's my plan.
Tell me it's great.
Thanksgiving is not
a sexy holiday.
Ellie thinks it's great.
Laurie?
In my family, we had to
kill our own turkeys.
The way those little turkey
orphans would look up at you
Don't tell me that
turkeys can't cry!
This will work.
All right, freeze.
You, too, tiny dancer.
Kevin.
Your outfits are unacceptable.
I want you all to
be swanky.
Now go.
Ah.
Much better.
You know, Katy Perry wore
at the MTV music awards.
I'm gonna beat that tonight.
I am pulling out all
of my a-list outfits.
Starting with the one
after this? Seriously?
All right.
No fighting.
Not on romantic Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna get some candles
and my Teddy Pendergrass CD.
Where should I put this wine?
In our bodies.
Oh!
That is so sweet.
Thank you.
Mm.
There you go.
Mm.
Cheers.
Okay.
Let's kill his optimism.
How do we do that?
He needs to lose something
he can never get back,
something really meaningful.
How about fried grapes?
They were Elvis' favorite.
Not now, Zach!
Something meaningful like what?
Like his wedding ring.
Oh, my God! You just
boosted that? Mm-hmm.
Aw, what's the inscription say? Oh,
nothing, uh
"Too legit to quit"?
Andy thought it was timeless.
Stupid '90s.
Hey, everybody.
Wow, what's with the
boot-knockin' grooves?
Is that Teddy Pendergrass?
It's his Thanksgiving album.
It's the same songs,
but instead of saying "making love,
" he says "eating Turkey.
"
No, he doesn't.
Listen.
* I wanna make sweet love to you *
Okay, do you wanna
argue about lyrics,
or do you wanna start
your co-hosting duties
by having some champagne and
maybe making out with me?
The second one.
Really?
That guy's more whipped
than a baguhna-duhdah!
What are you laughing at?
That was intentional gibberish.
Now do you really care that
little about what I have to say?
Dad, no.
We understand big
Chunks of you.
Sometimes whole paragraphs.
And when we don't understand,
we still get your tone.
Not helping, Trav.
What are you looking for?
My wedding ring.
I don't know how it fell off.
It usually gets knotted
up in my knuckle hair.
Those rings are a
symbol of your love.
Oh, no.
I'm so sad,
I can't catch my breath.
Dial it down!
I'm okay.
I'm better.
Ah, I'll find it.
Everything comes back to me.
Hey, maybe it slipped
off when I took off
my weight lifting gloves.
Pow! Pow!
Suckah!
Is that a burka?
I don't know.
What's a burka? Oh!
I'm glad no one else is here.
I like cooking with you alone.
Hey, what about trying
some of my stuffing?
Oops.
Oh.
You got some on your lip.
Let me get it.
Mm.
Mmm.
Mm.
Mmm.
Do you know where dad is?
Probably somewhere not
being a third wheel.
You know, I can't stop thinking
about what you said yesterday.
Jules
Yeah.
You are so special to me
And I want you to know
I wanna know.
Well, I need you to know
Tell me.
That I
Oh, my God.
Is that your stomach?
What's in that stuffing?
What, the oyster stuffing?
I forgot you were allergic!
How bad is it?
Oh, God!
All right.
Why are
you looking in here?
The ring is gone.
Just give it up
and admit that sometimes things
don't go your way.
Well, if it really is gone,
I have to believe it
happened for a reason,
and maybe it's because
we need new rings,
since the "too legit to quit"
engravings you chose
are a little outdated.
You chose them?
Hammer's an artist, and
he's been overlooked.
Ppfft.
I promise, though,
one way or another,
good will come to us.
Maybe
I'll get to marry
you all over again.
Hee hee!
Barf.
I married a care bear.
He can't be defeated.
Agreed.
Just give
him his ring back.
I gave it to you.
That was, like, four outfits ago!
Hey, dad.
You know
what'll cheer you up?
Our annual Turkey
day game of catch.
Okay, I get that you're mad,
but I'm not sure
who you're punishing by
letting the ball hit you.
Oh, he locks his mouth,
and you can't figure out
how to swallow the key
with a locked mouth, can you?
Fine.
Didn't wanna do this,
but come on.
So you remember when you won
$300 off that lotto scratcher
and I videotaped it? Yeah.
So?
Well, you're mad at us because
we can't understand you,
but why don't you tell me
exactly what it is you said?
Whoo, boy! 300 smackeroonies!
Whoo! Sweet lady victory
showed me her ***, son!
We gon' be eatin' beef
bourguignonne tonight!
Whoo!
I'm a monster.
Aw.
You feeling a little better?
Your color's coming back.
Well, maybe not in your face,
but look at your hands.
They're purple.
That's good, right?
Cool, cool porcelain.
Do you want me to get
you a ginger ale?
Or would you like me to
stay here so you can finish
what you were saying before?
Oh, God.
I-I get a little sick when I
hear other people throw up.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yep.
Here it comes.
Hold my hand.
It can still be romantic.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Ow, ow, ow.
This soft, fleecy
blanket hurts? Uh-huh.
Man.
You're my
Thanksgiving co-host.
You know, the food's gonna
be ready in about an hour.
Do you think there's any chance
that you might make it over
if I stall for a while?
You mean, like, a month?
Oh, baby.
Ow.
Okay.
Ah, big Carl.
You can almost fix everything.
I can't believe you lost the ring!
It's your fault for
giving it to me, lady!
Jules, are you gonna help look?
I know Grayson's not coming
over because he's sick,
but thanks to that stupid
"I love you,"
I feel like it's still rejection.
Honey, why don't you
go back over there
and just ask whether
he loves you or not?
If he says he loves me
I will always think it's
because I pushed him.
Plus, he'll resent me for
putting pressure on him.
Stuff like that always
ends relationships.
Yep, yep.
Has anyone tried frisking Laurie?
I mean, sometimes
my missing stuff actually ends
up in weird spots on her body.
So not true.
Really? Last week my earring,
your armpit.
It happened.
Yeah.
It did.
Check my undies.
Gotcha.
You know, I feel
stupid in this dress.
That's enough.
It was funny, 'cause I'm
not wearing any underwear.
I know.
I got it.
Guys, the romantic
Thanksgiving is over.
If you wanna change clothes,
go ahead.
Ah.
Mm.
I am much more
comfortable like this.
No, no, no.
I don't like that.
Andy, we need to
apologize for something.
And you know how apologizing
makes me resent our love,
so even though I look away
and act like I don't care,
know that I feel really,
really bad.
Laurie, go.
You were so annoying with all
your positive reggae stuff
that we took your ring.
And then we lost it.
Whatever.
I don't care.
This is so exciting.
What?
Oh, there's gotta be a
reason this happened, right?
I-I can't wait to find
out what it is.
Can you?
Oh, brother.
I take back my awesome apology!
Too late.
Thank you
for loving me so much.
Do you have an app that shows
you how to *** your husband
without getting caught? I do.
Hold on.
I just have
to find it.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Oh, hold on.
Hold Wait.
I messed up on it.
I'm gonna go back.
Hold on.
How about
Sorry.
That was an accident.
Zach!
Hold on.
Hold on.
No, you hang up first.
No.
You.
No, you.
No, you.
You.
You.
Problem solved.
I'm sorry, Trav.
Redialing.
Ohh.
All right.
Scratch it.
I'm gonna go ask
Grayson if he loves me.
But you said that always
ends relationships.
That was ten minutes ago.
Oh, but
Oh, don't bother.
Once she gets like this,
nothing can stop her.
Hey, Jules.
Where you going?
Talk to Grayson.
Ask if he loves me.
Ruin everything.
Oh, no, no! Wait!
This is the reason.
I am supposed to be here
looking for my ring right now
to keep you from going over
there and making a total a
You know what? No.
Forget that.
Look, yesterday you guys were happy,
so just chill.
Everything's gonna be fine.
When you are this optimistic,
it is hard not to punch you.
Seriously, I
My hand is literally shaking,
I want to punch you so bad.
Well, you could either punch
me and then go over there
and ruin everything,
or you can just believe
that things with you and Grayson
will keep getting
better and better,
'cause you're the type of
person who deserves to be happy.
Oh, look.
Look.
My wedding ring.
Oh.
Hmm.
That's cool.
Wanna go back inside?
Yes.
* Me ring come back,
the Jules calm down *
All right.
No, no, no.
All right, Mr.
Happy pants.
Tone it down.
Just get in the house.
* Dee yo, yo, yo *
No.
Are you ready? Count of three.
One two Hello? Hello?
Is your girlfriend having
a nice holiday with her family?
Look, I like the
way you talk, okay?
I'm already starting to miss it.
Give me a taste of old Bobby.
Old Bobby-baroo.
Figured out a way
to swallow the key.
I love you, dad.
People don't understand me either.
That's why I don't talk as much.
Have you been sittin'
there the whole time?
All my friends make fun of me.
The only one who
doesn't is Travis.
Makes sense now.
He was raised by a mumbly.
A Bumblebee?
A mumbly.
You should be
grateful you have friends
that love you the
way that you are.
Are we done talking now?
Mm-hmm.
Okay, everyone.
I present you the Turkey
and Laurie Keller's
ninth and final outfit.
I would've beaten Katy Perry,
but I ran out of *** tape.
Aw.
Still, I've never been
prouder of myself, so
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nice.
Okay.
Everyone, let's join hands.
You know, every year this
blessing gets easier for me,
because I am more
and more thankful
for all of you in my life.
You all give me so much
love that, I don't know,
sometimes I-I hope I give
enough back to you.
You do.
Seriously, it is amazing
to stand here and know
that if I ever needed any one of you,
that you would
Hold on.
H hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
I can't miss the toast.
Yeah.
Okay.
Go ahead.
If I ever needed
any one of you,
that you would be there for me.
So thank you so much.
I love you guys.
Let's eat.
Yay!
Pass the potatoes.
All right.
Someone's gotta carve the bird.
I'll carve the bird.
You're gonna carve it.
Jules, what I was gonna say
before you poisoned me
I'm so lucky that I found you.
I'm not as open and quick
with my feelings as you are,
but thank you for not
putting any pressure on me.
You take as much time as you need.
Not too much time, right?
I wouldn't.
Right.
* I'll show you how *
* You can take my hand *
* And save me *
Okay.
You all know the rules.
First team to guess
what in Sam hell we were
saying gets a point.
This is way better
than pictionary.
Go.
Okay.
Golf balls.
Eagles.
Galapagos Island things
you take off your body.
All right.
Some sort of animal.
Uh it's either Bolshevik
revolution or, uh
All right.
Jules!
Umm.
.
We're gonna go with animals.
Yeah, baby! Yes!
No.
He says no.
Really?
No.
No.
All right.
We're gonna do this again.
We're gonna go again.
No point.
No point.
No point.
No point.
No point for the ladies.
No point.
No point.
No point.