Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
1
"I grow old, I grow old.
"I shall wear the bottoms
of my trousers rolled.
"Shall I part my hair behind?
"Do I dare to eat a peach?
"I shall wear white flannel trousers
and walk upon the beach.
"
Stay!
"I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
"Come back to tell you all,
I shall tell you all.
"If one, settling a pillow by her head,
should say,
"'That is not what I meant at all.
"'That is not it, at all.
"'
It's my turn now.
My turn.
Get out, Mr Weller.
Go on, get
out!
It's my turn now, Mr Weller.
My turn.
You do want to please me,
don't you, Michael?
Ahhh!
I'm going to thrash you
to within an inch of your life!
No, stop it! Don't!
You're hurting me, sir!
Don't hurt me, sir!
You miserable, snivelling wretch!
You're hurting me! No, sir, stop!
"Damaged.
"Disturbed.
"Malignant influence.
"
Malignant!
"Scarf in hand.
" No, no!
"In my humble opinion " Huh.
"Institutionalised.
"
Who Who's there?
You little animal, Michael Murray!
Mr Murray.
Michael.
That were the best
speech I've heard in years last night.
- You were there, then?
- Aye.
It was my wife what kissed you
on the town hall steps.
Very nice place to be kissed,
the town hall steps!
- You do remember her, don't you?
- Oh, I do, I do.
I can still taste the port and lemon!
They don't seem to be listening.
Not to the likes of us.
Actions speak louder.
They might have no option but to hear us.
It was still a great speech, Michael.
Just like the kind your dad used to make.
I knew your father, you know.
Well, I did.
- You know where I want to go next.
- What did he want?
The usual adulation.
Said he knew my father.
Did he know mine, as well?
More than likely.
Mr Weller.
Mr Weller, did you see who I was ta
Mr Weller.
Park where she can't see me,
Franky.
I want this to be a surprise.
Pass my necklace, Franky.
Drink?
Oh, ***' hell.
I have something
for the mother of Michael Murray.
Oh-ho-ho, Mikey!
"Absque labore nihil.
"
Mother, "nothing without labour".
Your father would've been proud.
And they marched, brothers,
they marched.
Not for money norjobs, but they marched
in silence against this system,
which praises the dead and condemns
the living to misery and starvation!
- That's the one.
Book her, Terry.
- OK, boss.
No problem.
So don't let anybody say in future,
ladies and gentlemen,
this council isn't green.
You want me to water that?
- Lunch tomorrow, Michael?
- Yeah, good idea, Pete.
Er, there's a good restaurant opened next
door to the bank, you know what I mean?
Hey.
- All those in favour.
- Aye.
Good.
Very good.
Before we announce it, are we sure we can
build that number of council houses?
Yes, Stan, it's essential.
The community's crying out.
Forget about trying to get
their hearts and minds, Stan,
give people a house in this city
and they'll be ours forever.
Yes, but what kind of people?
- Meaning what?
- I've nothing against blacks and Asians.
But it seems to me, and a lot of people, that
they're getting more than their fair share.
You look after your own first.
- They are our own.
- Very good, yeah, yeah!
Too right.
This is it, all right?
Morning.
Ladies.
All right, ladies?
Stay.
Surely you must've expected some changes
to take place now we've come to power.
Oh, I agree with some of the changes,
Mr Murray.
Who wouldn't agree with an increase
in facilities, in staff and in finances?
But I must question the qualifications
of Mr Terence Ashcroft
Terry, you were a junior advisor
in the Welfare Department
until recently, weren't you?
And you empty my bins,
don't you, Mr Cartwright?
Only of a Thursday and not every week.
He's a democratically elected councillor,
Mr Hunningdon.
Nearly finished my Open University course.
Yes, they all call him Rita in work.
Nevertheless
I think our Director of Education
needs educating, Joey.
About elitism, for a start.
Being told that I have to have someone
desperately under-qualified as my deputy
and a bin man as Chairman of Education
has more to do with stupidity
than elitism, Mr Murray.
Well, it seems we're going to have
to convince you of our strengths.
One way or another.
And that brings us to "any other business"
and I don't think there's any more of that.
Oh, of course.
Ah.
Can't leave without
considering the fate of Mr Weller, can we?
I popped in to see him, actually.
He hasn't changed much.
- Matthew Weller?
- Mm.
I do believe it must be.
Once upon a time
Are we all sitting comfortably?
Once upon a time
he tried to destroy me.
It can't be the same Mr Weller.
It is.
Oh, it is.
But it's my turn now.
My turn.
This is what I want you to do.
Find him a loony school.
Put him in that loony school.
Find the looniest class in that loony school
and make him teach those loonies.
Do it.
Put him where he tried to put me.
Put him with the loonies.
Apart from the sheer offence of calling those
children what you've just called them,
there is no headmaster in this city whose
reputation stands higher than Weller.
His is the best, the very best-run school.
Acknowledged by Her Majesty's Inspectors
and his fellow headmasters.
Good.
He can have the Nobel Prize,
but he's going where I'm putting him.
No.
No, I won't do it.
It's unfair and cruel, arbitrary,
personal and vindictive.
Remind me again, are there one or two Ns
in Hunningdon, Mr Hunningdon?
Three.
Four.
Good.
Very good.
Weller's still going.
Therefore, in that case so am I.
You? You're 53, Hunningdon.
Where
do you think you're going at that age?
Offhand, I think I'm going home to inform my
wife that I've just resigned my position.
Tomorrow I will consider putting
my reasonably substantial house
on the market with a view
to living within my future means.
Now, if you'll excuse me, gentlemen,
and with all due disrespect,
why don't you get someone else
to do your inexorable dirty work?
You and Weller part of that funny
handshake business, is that what it is?
All freemasons together?
No, no, Mr Murray.
I think that Mr Weller and I are part of
that funny decency and freedom business.
And, on all sides,
it appears to be going out of business.
Good evening.
Well, that worked a treat, didn't it?
Terry, why don't you
try his chair out for size, eh?
To know, Michael,
to know the time and place.
To know that on Wednesday
you have games and on Thursday you die.
I don't want to die, Eileen.
Get in there, Eileen.
In there now.
- Do you understand me? Do you?
- Yes, Father.
There are always consequences
to your actions.
- But, Father
- Always.
- Yes, Father.
- Yes, Father.
I promise you, I won't play with
him ever again after today.
Good.
Only, I did promise him
that I would play with him today
and you shouldn't break promises, should
you, or there might be consequences.
You will play with me again,
won't you, Eileen?
Always, Michael, always.
- What are consequences?
- Things.
This is much more exciting.
- Ruth thingy.
- Ruth Ellis, the Mews murderess.
The last long walk to the gallows,
it's going to happen, Michael,
at nine o'clock exactly.
We know the future.
Well, I hope you all enjoyed that.
And now hymn number 275.
"Brief Life Is Here Our Portion,
Brief Sorrow Short Lived Care.
"
- Thank you, Michael.
- What for?
You'll find out.
Tell me now, please tell me now!
- Michael Murray, be quiet, boy!
- Michael Murray!
What in God's name are you doing, boy?!
You crazy boy! Have you gone mad?!
Right, boys, onward.
Evening.
- Excuse me, Mr Murray, a word in you ear.
- As long as you don't blow in it.
- Mr Mervyn Sloan wants to meet you.
- Mervyn Sloan.
Greatness calls me, boys!
Where? When? Tell me more.
I'm picking you up at your place at nine
o'clock, as long as that's fine with you.
Fishes in the sea, fishes in the sea.
We all jump up
You athlete! At interview, you told me your
hobbies were origami and Bible reading.
- I never.
- And Boy Scouts.
Sir, sir, please, sir! Sir, sir!
- Robby Burns!
- Sir, please!
Out, boy, out.
Go back out,
knock and wait.
Enter.
- Sir, sir, please, sir!
- What is it?
There's a man in the school, sir, an old man
with a cane, sir, looking for you, I think, sir!
Says he wants the headmaster,
but he's not very happy, sir.
- Where is he?
- I don't know.
I ran ahead cos I knew where you were!
There he is, sir!
Oh, the headmaster or or headmistress?
- Mr Weller.
- Oh, you were expecting me?
No, I just know who you are.
I'm Jim Nelson, the headmaster.
I was a headmaster most recently
somewhere else.
- And here I am, at your humble service.
- Whatever's happened?
You will be told in due course, Mr Nelson,
although you may not be told the truth.
The truth and Michael Murray
make strange bedfellows.
But since you weren't expecting me,
I I've been none too well.
I I just thought I'd
I just thought I'd show myself.
Well here I am
at your humble
Mr Weller
what do you want done with these?
That was wonderful, darling.
Do you fancy a cigarette?
That was wonderful, darling.
Do you
- But who did it?
- I did.
I used to be an electrician.
Oh, I don't know.
Nobody else know?
No, of course not, not even those who are
gonna be here for rest and recuperation.
- What if anybody finds out?
- They won't.
And I'm going to make it
very worth your while, aren't I, Geoff?
Just think, after all these humdrum years
of being a humble hotel manager, eh,
life could become exciting and rewarding.
What more could you want?
- You don't want a go in here, do you?
- No, certainly not!
- I got a social disease once.
- Oh.
Come on, we'll miss the first fight.
Oh, 96.
I'm sorry, sir.
I'm numerically dyslexic.
A Rastafarian wine waiter.
What are you doing to me?
- If head office found out.
- Hey, Geoff.
He's a favour for his sister
a very good friend of mine.
Now, tell me, Geoff
Jesus!
Do I smell of anyone?
Keep that smoke coming this way
just in case.
If it were my missus, she'd be out looking
for fancy women who smoke cigars.
- Bloody hell, I bought you a pack of six!
- So I used five.
- Anyway, what was she like?
- She was all right.
I won't be seeing her again, though.
Her name was Josie.
Who won the last fight?
The *** in the fifth.
Oh, come on, can't tell my wife that.
Come to think of it, I can't tell anybody that.
Say black people, for Christ's sake!
- The black people won in the fifth.
- You were never prejudiced.
Not that I remember, not even when
you were a kid.
What's gone wrong?
- Wasn't gonna be a chauffeur then, Mickey.
- Michael.
My name's Michael.
- Who noticed that I'd gone?
- Everyone.
Everyone?
Everyone? What, even those
who absolutely loathe and despise me?
It's great being someone, Franky,
that's a fact.
Do you know, I can never remember a time
when I didn't want to be someone.
When you're someone, you've got the power
to do nearly anything you want.
Better still, you can get people
to do nearly anything you want them to do.
Like tonight with that girl.
I mean, I didn't actually have to do anything.
I just got a waiter to go over to her table
with a bottle of sparkling wine and a note.
"Michael Murray would
like you to join him.
"
But you have to be someone first.
It doesn't work otherwise, I know that much.
I tried it last year
when I was almost someone
and I can still hear the laughter.
But not now.
No, no, not now.
- You don't mind me talking like this?
- Yes.
It's a funny world, though, innit?
I mean
you were always the big hero at school,
weren't you?
You were the one always going places.
You did, you joined the Merchant Navy.
But me
everyone just hated me.
There again, you had one almighty
advantage over me, didn't you, eh, Franky?
You knew my dadda, didn't you?
What was my dadda like?
I don't know.
I keep telling you,
I was three-and-a-half when he died.
I only have vague memories, pictures.
What Mam said, what Mam told both of us.
- I know as little as you.
- No, you don't.
You were born when he was alive.
He was there for you.
He wasn't there for me.
You can't deny this, Franky, no one can.
My father left me fatherless
before I was born.
It wasn't my fault.
- But he's very handsome.
- Ohhh!
He is, I'm afraid, Jim.
I saw him on World in Action last week.
The camera loves him.
I've seen Michael Murray in action, Diane,
even before he came to power.
And now this episode at school
I was telling you about, with Mr Weller.
A great headmaster.
Of the old school, but a great headmaster.
Now a sad sack of a little old man.
- Wrecked.
- But isn't he
I mean, from a distance, it seems as if
Murray's making the right noises.
Doing some good, isn't he?
Beneath the sound and fury
and cloak of honest socialism,
that man is dressed for a funeral.
I tried to write a poem about a funeral once,
but it's a swine to rhyme anything with.
Don't talk about your work at the sink,
darling.
Now, not that I want to change the subject, in
fact, speaking of funerals, I might not be,
but how is your health these days?
- Please!
- Nothing serious?
Don't talk about that till we're in the
hallway and the two of you are in your car.
No, no, go on, Jim, please.
No, I'd rather listen to you.
Nobody I know has worked on a Hollywood movie before.
My cousin had a part in Z Cars,
but he stood behind Colin Welland.
Nobody saw him.
- Is it a new pain?
- And all set in Hawaii, eh?
- Can anyone be a set designer?
- Oh, absolutely, Jim!
No talent or training required whatsoever.
But this new pain, is it in a new place?
I've been to see the doctor.
- Several times.
- And?
He doesn't believe me either.
This is the fourth time
in just over a fortnight, Mr Nelson.
I know.
I'm sorry, but
it's the er the pain.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
Nothing physical.
- You understand?
- But I get this pain across my stomach.
As far as I can see, Mr Nelson,
you've been a scourge of the medical
profession for nearly a quarter of a century,
yet you remain stubbornly still alive!
Not one of us can find
the slightest thing wrong with you,
apart from one torn cartilage
and a broken toe.
Now
let me put this to you.
You are an extremely healthy,
relatively young man.
You have a splendid wife,
you have three beautiful children,
you have a lifetime to look forward to.
Why, therefore, don't you go away
and enjoy that life
instead of torturing yourself,
wasting my precious time,
and draining the already limited resources
of the National Health Service?
Are you Scottish, Doctor?
Only when I'm angry.
It's an appointment for the hospital.
Resistoscopy.
- Thank you, Doctor.
- Don't thank me.
Will it do me any, um, you know, good?
No, none at all.
Because there's nothing wrong with you.
But it will hurt you so much
that, hopefully, you'll
never bother me again.
Now, go away.
There are sane peopled dying
in the waiting room.
Next.
Thank you.
Thank you for your wonderful support
and I would like you to demonstrate
your valued allegiance
when I present to you
one of our favoured sons.
Welcome to "The Antique Pavement
Acquaintance Society"?
It shows the organisation's
got a sense of humour.
Why?
Because of Trotsky's words
on the matter of pavements.
"If you cannot convince a fascist,
acquaint his head with the pavement.
"
Oh, aye, too true.
Wise old *** Trotsky was.
Mr Murray! Mr Michael Murray!
- Mervyn Sloan.
- I know.
Do I know!
About 20 years ago, I lost my faith
and found another.
You've got to have a belief.
And I'm delighted that I found this.
Even though it has been a secret belief.
Often the best kind of belief, Michael.
A meeting of like minds, then,
much awaited by everyone here
not least of all myself.
The word is out.
Such good reports.
Fine words round the
table have their place,
but action is all.
- That's right.
- Absolutely.
In the meanwhile, let's sit around the table
and use some words, fine or otherwise.
- Lou Barnes.
- Oh, yes, I've heard a lot about you
in the last couple of years, Mr
What shall I call you?
Anything but Gladys.
So now you know.
You know precisely what has to be done
in your unfair city,
how it is to be done, who will know,
and who will not.
Who will do the public and private work
in preparation for the great day.
And that day will be
October the 21st.
Chosen, of course, to coincide
with the opening of Parliament.
Oh, aye, of course.
Parliament can have its show
of pomp and ceremony
for we will hold a show of
force and fervour, Michael.
- And we will take the headlines.
- By the throat.
Parliament will open.
Your city will close.
Created by Bonaparte, modelled
to the shape of the *** of Josephine.
Fine for drinking Babycham, absolutely
useless for the drinking of champagne.
Now
get me some fluted glasses and make it
fast before the champagne gets too cold.
Yes, sir.
No, no, no, no, be seated, Michael.
This is for you.
Now, it would be easy for me to say
that you have been chosen,
but in reality you chose yourself
by virtue of your charm, your charisma,
your force of personality,
your strength and your aggression.
And we believe
that you will be, very soon,
a great force in the land,
a force to be reckoned with.
Oh, yes.
And consequently,
you are as valuable for our intentions
as we hope that we will be for yours.
You have the gift, Michael Murray.
Do not forget, it's very rare.
To Michael Murray
and the gift.
You do want to please me,
don't you, Michael?
and that this government should
continually deny the will of the people
and be industrially destructive and
Do you mind?
Hey, I'm in the middle of something.
- This is to be added.
- Who says?
Lou Barnes.
It's from Mervyn Sloan.
That's different.
Christ!
Doesn't pull any punches, does he?
What kind of reception am I gonna get
if I say all this?
The best you've ever had.
They yours?
Ours.
- Who's the little prick?
- He's a messenger boy, that's all.
Franky
imagine you're a socialist,
just for a minute.
Listen to this.
Comrades
Comrades,
it used to be said by the cynical ones
that politics was only a game.
But now the game is over,
it's been abandoned, and why?
Because this callous, crypto-fascist
Conservative party
have broken all the rules!
Oh-ho!
They've done more than break the rules,
they've shown us that
there are no rules left
unless it's the old rule of one rule
for the rich and another for the poor!
So fair play is finished, it has to be,
in which case, we must ask ourselves
how we can ever win again!
For win we must! Yes, we must beat those
whose only god is Mammon, whose only
- I'd vote for you, I would.
- Hang on, there's more.
No, that's enough
cos normally, at this point,
I ask for a copy of the Watchtower,
swear I'll be good Jovo forever
and that's the end of it.
Franky, how long were you unemployed?
- It was only a joke.
- It wasn't funny.
- Sometimes they're the best jokes of all.
- Don't you mess about with me, eh?
Those days are over.
You were very good, Michael.
- I hardly recognised you.
- That's more like it.
Hey, come on.
What happened?
What happened?
For win we must!
We must beat those
whose only god is Mammon,
whose only goal is profit
and how do we do this?
We take the schools
we will take the services
and we will take the fight
and we will take it to them
and the time when we take them?
And that day is October the 21st! And why?
Because that day
marks the opening of Parliament! Yes!
Yes! And Parliament can have its show
of pomp and ceremony!
- We will have a show of our own!
- Yes!
No pomp, but passion!
No ceremony, but celebration!
- Yes!
- Celebration of the voice of the people!
Yes!
We will tell this government
we cannot pay!
- We won't pay!
- Yes!
I will see you all on the
streets on the 21st!
That means you!
That means a day of action!
Yes!
Day of action, day of action,
day of action!
Day of action, day of action, day of
action, day of action, day of action
Tomorrow is a day of action.
- But how popular is this gonna be?
- Oh, hey, Stan, misery personified.
The last time you laughed, they were
still taking bookings for the Titanic!
It is going to be popular, Stan,
with those who matter - the people.
Not some of the people I've listened to.
Stan, it is going to happen,
that is the be all and end all.
And it's going to happen tomorrow!
- Any other business?
- No.
Right, before we finish,
I want to ask all those involved
in the coordination of this event
to double-check that when we say
this city is closed, it bloody well is
and everything that we have a right
to picket is picketed, understand?
- Yes.
- Tomorrow this city is closed.
- I could *** a pint.
- Yeah.
Just the one.
About tomorrow's day of action, Mr Murray,
a few words for our readers?
Your newspaper, your readers?
A few words, sure, sure.
How about these?
I think the point has been made,
has it not, gentlemen?
They wrote it all down, an' all.
Monica!
Ah.
- It's all there? All the questions?
- And answers.
Key sections are underlined.
And there's some firecrackers
to throw at your Conservative opponent.
Good, very good.
Right, you've kept
your side of the bargain, I'll keep mine.
Sylvia's waiting for you at the hotel.
You'd better hurry up.
You're 20 minutes late.
- Which room?
- 69, where else?
- Take him over there.
- Why?
Why? Because I want to learn my lines
and because I want you to.
The Royal Imperial Grand Hotel.
May I be of any assistance?
- Get me the hotel manager.
- Who shall I say is calling, sir?
Michael Murray.
And in answer to that,
let me let me give you some facts,
Minister.
- The government statistics
- Michael?
Yes, Minister, your gov Geoff.
- You having an argument in there?
- No, no, that comes later.
Listen, that television researcher
is on his way over
Look, I'm still a bit worried about
Geoff, do you want me to send the health
authorities over to your kitchens,
find a few dead rats?
- We haven't got any.
- You will have.
I'm glad you asked me about housing.
That is why tomorrow is important, Minister,
far more so than the opening of Parliament.
- Just a minute
- Let me finish, let me finish!
Because the voice of the people
will be heard!
The people telling your government
that our pockets are empty,
our hospitals in danger,
our schools in need,
our land poisoned, our freedom curtailed!
That is why tomorrow is important
because the people are important!
That's all we have time for this evening.
Perhaps thankfully,
with feelings running so high.
And so on the eve of what promises to be the
most eventful day in this city's history,
it's good night from all of us here.
Good night.
He's cleverer than I thought.
Mm.
Well, thanks very much.
He made a fool of me!
You told me he was a political cretin!
You said he couldn't string two words together!
You said he was all *** and wind!
As far as your ambitions are concerned,
you'll fight seats in Glasgow, Newcastle
and Liverpool for the rest of your life!
- It must have been a fix!
- Of course it was! Why didn't you fix it?
What are you doing?
I'm washing my feet
in case I die in my sleep.
Cleanliness doesn't necessarily
prevent death.
No, but it stops shame dead in its tracks.
Have a shower.
I won't be able to sleep then.
- So you won't die in your sleep.
- I've thought of that.
Then I'll be awake when I died and I'd
rather be asleep.
That is, if I die.
This is just in readiness otherwise
I'll lie awake all night worrying.
And how long have you been doing this?
Oh, depends how long
you've noticed me doing it, Doctor.
If you've never noticed me before, I'm glad
to say I've never done it before in my life.
Otherwise, a few weeks.
Why?
I dunno.
Comfort.
Come to bed.
I'll comfort you.
Comfort and joy.
Lower the chandeliers, men.
If I don't die tonight,
there's always tomorrow to think about.
Stay at home from school.
Just for once, avoid something.
I can't.
Kids, the other teachers.
Bloody headmaster's gotta be there.
And when you see the picket lines,
you'll come home?
Oh, yeah.
That's union policy.
No pickets, go in.
Pickets, no go in.
It's only for one day.
One day too many.
This, too, shall pass.
But will it, Laura, will it?
Dark ages come, it's a fact.
But we don't notice.
Not then.
They sit there at home convinced they're
well hidden away and protected saying,
"Jesus Christ, things are bad out there,
but this, too, shall pass.
"
And there's some big ***
outside the house going,
"I'll huff and I'll puff
"and I'll blow your house down.
"
I'd rather have Goldilocks, Jim.
Well, you can't cos I've already got her
and she's here in bed with me.
So push off, whoever you are.
Be glad when I've had enough.
- Do you jog every morning, Michael?
- Listen, healthy body, healthy mind.
- I do this most mornings.
- Even on a morning as important as this?
The people will make their decision.
It's not up to me any more.
According to reports,
the city already is beginning to close.
Oh, yes, well, the people
have made their decision,
the people have spoken, so be it.
Let me put it to you that the people
who are really speaking
are the ones on the picket line who have,
according to some reports,
prevented people from doing their own
talking, their own working, Mr Murray.
I'm sorry, could you repeat that question?
You heard the question, Mr Murray,
now answer it.
The people on the picket line, pal,
for your information,
are in the vanguard of the fight.
They are the ones
who really care about this city
and about this country!
And you're going purple,
you do know that, don't you?
'Scuse me, Mr Murray
Did he say something?
Come on, let's get going!
Come on, lads, let's go.
Right, come on, let's move it!
Let's move it!
- Why are you driving, Mum?
- Because I'm not going to work.
Social Services is shut, but you and
your father might be going to school.
- What, on account of the strike?
- Yep.
The deprived and the depraved
within my care can despair alone today.
What?
- On your way, love.
No school today.
- There's no school.
It's a day's holiday.
No school, Jessie.
Ah, and no teachers, Jim.
- Remember when we carried banners?
- Oh, yeah.
- Did we look like that?
- Well, you didn't.
Oh, I see, a one-day strike
for the dead, as well.
Keep up the good work, lads.
What's the matter?
I've got a hard-on
and there's nobody here!
No pickets.
Oh, dear.
- What's the matter?
- It'll end in tears.
Bye, Dad.
Bye.
is claiming 100°% success
in what is one of the most remarkable anti-
government demonstrations in recent years.
Mr Murray, can I ask ask you first
- Will Dad be all right?
- Course he will.
You've less than 20 and he brought eight.
Where are the others?
Maybe the parents didn't think
there'd be any school today.
- Morning.
Nobody tried to stop you at all?
- No.
Frank Twist was expecting them
and they never came.
- Right.
Thanks.
- Spoilt your day, has it?
Not yet.
Come on, school's in there,
not out here.
- Sir!
- Come on.
Ashley, get in there now.
- Sure nobody's been here at all?
- No, but if they do, I'll be ready for 'em.
Now, I want you all Pick that up!
I want you all to nip to the gym.
Well, just get over as soon as you can,
that's all I can ask.
Maylene's on her way.
Thanks, Mary.
- Hello?
- It's Jim Nelson, Vincent.
- Er, yeah, Mr Nelson?
- Where are you?
- Erm At the foot of the stairs.
- Assembly's in five minutes.
But the radio said all
the schools are shut.
- Well, this one isn't.
- And the pickets and all that?
- There are none.
- Are you sure?
- Do you want to think about that question?
- What if they come later?
And what if they don't?
It's a day wasted, opportunities missed
by kids who need every opportunity.
But what would happen
if something happened?
- Are we talking in some sort of code?
- Actually, I got a knock in training last night.
Here they are!
The only people working today!
Solidarity!
quack, quack, quack, quack, quack,
nyeeeow, boing,
nying-nying-nying,
to which the greater spotted
one-legged, purple-nosed
throat-warbler said,
"You never told me I had a twin brother,
Mother.
"
- That's as much of the story as I'll tell you.
- Awww!
I can't tell you any more because I made
it up and I don't know what happens next.
I've run out of ideas so you have the
ideas, you animals get together a story,
make up an ending and we'll listen to you,
won't we, Miss Hutchinson?
That's right so, come on, now,
what I want you to do
is to get into groups of five
and finish the story
and make it really exciting!
- Yes?
- We're journalists.
National press.
- We just wondered if
- Where's your notebooks?
- And your trilbies?
- Pardon?
Nothing.
What do you want?
- Just a few questions, Mr?
- Nelson.
Oh, the headmaster.
Ah investigative journalists.
But you are the headmaster?
- Correct.
- And you're working?
All in one piece, odd twinge of lumbago,
occasional pain
- I mean, you're working today?
- Indeed.
Even though it's a day of action?
I was told by my union
not to walk through a picket line.
And you didn't?
So you and your staff
are working normally?
Not all my staff are here and neither are all
the children, but what we have is adequate.
I'll have to ask you to go because,
to be quite honest,
I find your newspaper
a severe waste of trees
and yours, a fascist rag
and news for the dead.
Dead or alive, this is
big news, Mr Nelson.
It is whatever it is to you.
To me, it's just another working day.
- The only school in the city we know about.
- We've been almost everywhere.
Well, I haven't.
So good day.
Only a couple more questions, Mr Nelson.
- May I ask what your politics are?
- No.
- So you'd be against this present conflict?
- What makes you think that?
Sounds more like a Labour man to me.
Go on, tell us.
We won't tell a soul.
Can I take it, Mr Nelson,
you're a family man? Married, kids?
No, I'm a one-parent, hump-backed
transvestite in a yellow dress.
Do me a favour, go away and fast,
because I don't like either of you.
We can find all this out, you know.
Go on, then.
Do your job.
Leave me to do mine.
No, he's at school, but my mother's here.
It's some bloke from an opinion poll.
What's going on? Just what is going on?
What's happening, then? Where's
the circus? The so-called people's press!
Maybe they've found somewhere still open.
Found somewhere open?
There is nowhere open.
- The pubs are open.
- Oh, yeah, that's what it'll be.
Capitalist press, boys.
Expense accounts and ***-ups.
Then they stagger off to
write the usual lies.
Talking of which!
Wanna know, Mickey? Eh, eh?
Wanna know why you're all alone, my son?
My name's Michael and I'm no son of yours.
Fair enough, brother,
and I use the term loosely,
but I just thought you might like to know
we've found our hero for the headlines.
Shame about you.
- What hero?
- Our hero, Mickey boy.
Just going to see him again.
Got all the credentials for a strikebreaker.
Nice family man, qualified schoolteacher and,
best of all - you're gonna like this -
I do believe he's even a card-carrying
member of the Labour Party.
Good, eh?
Eh? Follow me if you want.
I know where I'm going.
Hanley Grange.
Come here! Now!
- You are sacked! Sacked!
- What for?
You went on the *** last night!
I know you did!
- I only had a couple
- You didn't double check the schools.
- I did, I was
- You couldn't have.
The school buses are still running
and one of them loony schools is open!
- It can't be.
- It is.
You know which one it is, don't you?
The Hanley Grange!
- Where are we going?
- Hanley Grange.
- I'm not Education Chairman any more.
- Check the bins for future reference!
And what's more important, you can find
the place for us because nobody else can!
- Wife or boyfriend?
- Boyfriend.
Wife.
- Yes?
- Frank Twist, Jim.
- Oh, yes?
- It's been a while
since I saw you last at the Labour Club.
You shouldn't have painted the wall.
Go and settle the children down,
will you, Mary?
- What was that about paint?
- Purple and orange don't go together.
Last time I was there, I had three pints of
bitter and a migraine.
What do you want?
I won't keep you long.
Can you guarantee the s-safety
of my buses and my drivers this afternoon?
- Have you got a gun at your head?
- Er yes!
- Someone in there with you?
- Oh, yes.
From the council?
You could say that.
You have a contract with the council
to bring the children to this school
and then take them home again.
- Correct?
- Yes.
But, Mr Nelson, it's
been pointed out to me
that I undertake a considerable amount
of work for the council as a whole,
if you know what I mean,
and it's been intimated
- Or intimidated.
- That, as well.
But it's been intimated to me that
the authority would not look kindly
on renewing my contract
in the foreseeable future
if I associate with blackleg scab labour.
You've just read out
a prepared written statement.
Oh, indeed, Jim, completely.
I'm I'm
I'm glad we understand each other.
- How will the children get home tonight?
- Hang on a minute.
Mr Nelson?
- Mr Nelson? Jim?
- What?
It's been suggested to me
that if you announce publicly
that you will not ever again
walk through a picket line
I didn't.
a picket line in the manner in which
you did this morning, then
we
I mean I I can assure you
that there will be a full coach service
available to your school at all times.
Do you know,
this phone's perspiring in here, Frank.
- It's coming right out through the earpiece.
- That will be me.
- But what's your answer?
- It's simple.
I didn't walk through a picket line and I
won't make any statement saying I did.
- Be reasonable!
- No.
Police.
I'm only an old fart,
but this old fart is telling you
that your behaviour's indecent,
outrageous and criminal!
And don't mention consequences again!
Look at this.
Two old farts.
Damn you!
Look, I know you're stretched, Officer, but
five o'clock at the earliest is no good to me.
What do you want me to do,
keep them in detention till you arrive?
- Yes?
- Jim?
You'll have a coach tonight, Jim,
even if I have to drive it myself.
You can go now.
- Now?
- Yeah.
Well, can't I have a lift back?
Do you think you really deserve one?
That's not fair.
I live miles away.
There's no buses running, you know.
I know there are no buses running,
you stupid sod!
I stopped the sodding buses from running!
But I've got wonky knees.
- You'd better go in there and talk to him.
- Don't tell me what to do.
I was just going in there, anyway.
Please, Laura, I'm fine,
but I've got to go.
I'll get the school bus home.
No problem.
OK.
- It wasn't me!
- What have you done this time, son?
It wasn't me, Mam.
It wasn't me!
The animals
went in two by two, hurrah, hurrah!
The animals went in two by two,
hurrah, hurrah
And they all went into the ark
for to get out of the rain
The animals went in two by two,
hurrah, hurrah!
The animals went in
All right, carry on.
The animals went in two by two,
hurrah, hurrah
The animals went in
two by two, hurrah, hurrah
The polar bears and the kangaroos,
the elephants and the monkeys, too
And they all went into the ark
for to get out of the rain
The animals went in two by two,
hurrah, hurrah
The animals went
And he beats one man!
Oh, yes, he takes two!
Oh, the genius of this man
is apparent for all to see!
Yes! The people's choice!
Very good.
Probably no other trespasser's
ever done better.
Jim, isn't it?
To some.
Not all.
Pleased to meet yer.
This is a school.
You're not a member of this school.
- I'd like you to leave.
- Oh, come on, Jim, you know who I am.
Wouldn't interest me
if you were Bishop Tutu wearing one.
- You weren't invited.
You're not welcome.
- Oh, we'll see about that.
See about it, then.
See about it outside.
- Why? What have we done?
- This is a special school.
The children here, one way or another,
need peace and quiet
and, above all, security.
Oh, they're very secure now.
We've got the whole place surrounded.
Look, Jim, you see, I'm only here
to sort things out, you know.
Surely you and I can sort this out
in an honourable fashion.
What? What's so funny?
Just hearing you use the word honourable.
Look, I'm easy.
You want to walk away, just walk away.
No problem.
For a start,
I'll make sure you're still able to walk.
This time.
But, you see, if
you're looking for trouble
Better step aside.
A lot of men didn't and a lot of men died.
Next question.
I prefer to the mid to late-Sixties myself,
for sentimental reasons.
Next question.
Jesus Christ!
What is it with you schoolteachers?
Go.
Now.
And take the others with you.
- Listen, you
- And the basketball.
I'm telling you
I'm telling you, I've already made my mark
on the likes of you
so you and those two
little girls out there
No, two women with four years'
teaching experience
and more understanding of humanity
than you will ever have.
I understand humanity, all right, pal, and I
understand it gets terrified very quickly.
So I'm here to tell you that,
if you screw up this day,
I'll screw up the rest of your life!
Very good.
The Grand Old Duke of York
routine.
Haven't seen that in a while.
Let me remind you that
you're supposed to be on our side.
You know, you're supposed
to be a socialist.
Don't ever use that word to me.
Don't ever, ever claim that what you're doing
has anything at all to do with socialism.
I'll get you! Oh, yes, I'll get you!
I know where you live!
How can I be this strong and tonight
I'll be washing my feet in the sink?
Sir, sir, please, sir, they're doing things, sir!
They're jumping, sir, they're jumping!
Robby, you stay with Miss Hutchinson!
- Let me come, sir!
- Robby, stay with Miss Hutchinson!
- You don't follow me, right?
- Right.
Frank.
That's it.
Oh, lovely!