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( car doors slam )
( several people talking at once )
Mother's here!
( all talking at once )
Oh, Rachel. Dear!
Rebecca.
Mother brought us gifts from London.
Oh. Nice.
Oh, Mother, please.
Oh, Mother, I love them.
For your chignon.
Oh.
Oh, thank you so much.
It's about 1812.
All that tea with this instant family.
Mother, this is perfect.
Oh, do you like it? I found it in Capri.
Mother, I love it.
Min Foo, she's not your mother.
Oh, I-I just...
Oh, Minerva, I've always thought of you
as my fourth daughter, haven't I?
Rebecca, come, come, come.
You haven't opened your present yet.
Oh. Okay.
Oh. An apron.
I thought something useful.
Thank you.
Now, Barry, tell me all about the wedding plans.
Well, we finally found a minister.
Nono and I were at a restaurant the other night
wondering who we could get to marry us,
and our waitress said, "Well, I can do that."
So, what'll it be?
Do you, like, take this woman here
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
Oh, you're joking.
Turns out she has some kind
of certificate she sent away for
through the mail.
You didn't tell me this.
It's...
Perfectly legal, and she said
she'd do it for free.
Oh, well. Why not?
It's all a big charade,
anyhow, I mean, my singing teacher was devastated
when I married Joe, I mean,
"My dear, you are throwing away
a God-given talent."
I mean, marriage may be useful
during those little child-bearing years,
but, all that, "My darling, aren't you amazing?"
gives away to blood pressure monitoring
and hand holding when the man retires
and he can't think what to do with themselves.
And the wives, meanwhile, start longing to get free
from this institution invented by males
for their own benefit.
It's all a primitive tribal ritual,
meant to make us forget
we're merely propagating the species.
( man clearing throat )
She certainly knows
the right thing to say to a bride and groom.
I can't believe ( phone diUncle Poppy's
still here.
He was always such a bore.
I mean, all the Daviches, a bunch of mopers.
How ironic their profession
was throwing parties.
I mean, just because your house
has 14 foot ceilings doesn't automatically
turn you into a social butterfly.
I don't know how you've managed all these years.
I just put one foot in front of the other.
You don't have any, shall we say,
man friends, I suppose.
No.
Well, of course not.
After baby-sitting Joe Davich,
why would you want one?
Yes, why would I?
Oh. Ah.
This place is like a time machine.
Same old sink.
Same sticky wooden cabinets.
Same scummy little drinking glasses.
Same rusty screen door.
Why, how American.
Instant lawn!
I knew we could create a garden here.
Very impressive.
Thanks a lot.
Been working out every day.
Oh.
She's so cute.
( "Wedding March" plays on piano )
Oh...
Oh...
Today we are gathered here
to witness a celebration
of the human family.
The uniting
of two people in marriage.
Nono and Barry come before us here today
to... be united in marriage.
Theirs is a love
that springs from the affection
of those who loved them into being.
And to that source, let us all turn and ask,
who gives this woman?
Oh.
Me.
( chuckles )
London, well...
Our mother's actually flirting
with her new son-in-law.
Nono's about to kill her.
She was telling Barry
they ought to take Peter on their honeymoon.
Every time, you girls can't wait
for your mother to get here.
Now you can't wait for her to leave.
by blood-- can you move to the sides, please?
I can't get you all into the picture.
That'd be us. We'll just...
Oh, Beck, Peter, come on.
Come on, Beck.
PHOTOGRAPHER: We're smiling, and...
Quickly.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Okay.
Smiles, and we're smiling, and we're smiling.