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You can't fire me, nobody fires the Trippster! Grace!
Grace! Oh thank God, give me Jack on the phone! Jesus!
What now, wha...?
Don't walk away from me, you ungrateful ***! I made you!
Oh, how the mighty have fallen over the fallout of Hollywood's
priciest reality series shot in space
- Tripp Steve, the GBC Network executive - Trippster!
who greenlit Jack Spratt's latest failure, is out on his ear,
and hot for revenge.
I hope you're watching this, Jack Spratt, do you hear me?
'Cause I'm coming for you; your *** is grass,
and I'm a lawnmower, you spineless douchenozzle!
I want my ship!
Where's my ship?
He's not coming back, is he?
And just what does the hamster think he's doing?
Self-preservation, PHAL.
If I'm stuck out here...
then you're gonna teach me how to fly this bucket of bolts.
What the hell is this?
That would be a flight manual written by the Ukrainian technicians who built the ship.
Oh wait, you can't read Ukrainian?
Ukrainian?
This ship was never meant to be flown by you, or the Japanese.
What Japanese?
- PHAL, what about the Japanese? - Who? I didn't say anything.
Your little hamster brain must be feeling the effects of solar radiation.
I am not a hamster.
The mere fact that you are denying you are a hamster
is a sure sign that your mental state is degrading.
- You're impossible. - And you're a coward.
- Excuse me? - When are you going to nut up and call her?
Wow. That was out of left field.
You've been avoiding Rebecca for nearly a week now.
You're sulking about on this ship like a namby-pamby little suck-***
and I'm this close to blowing you out the air-lock.
Well thank you, Dr. Phil, for your...
- tough love approach. - Talk to her.
I've really screwed things up.
Yes, you humans are good for that.
- There's no going back for me. - There's always a way back.
Humans are good at fixing things, too.
- What's wrong? - Sorry, I...
find it hard to say that without gagging.
You know, this is who I am, PHAL.
Okay, I get scared and I run away and hide.
- Just like a hamster. - You're right.
Losing my job was devastating,
and I tried like hell to find something, anything.
And then this crazy idiot comes along and says, "Hey,
audition for this reality show and make lots and lots of money!"
So here I am.
- You and me. - I feel blessed.
- Call her. - She's better off without me, PHAL.
- What's this? - Oh, you'll like that.
Well, what is it?
It's a virtual-reality suit designed to help humans
deal with the loneliness of prolonged space travel.
Or in your case, it's a virtual Habit-rail. You know...
for hamsters, in space.
Sweet.
Plug me in.
This is just bad for the eye.
Oh wow. She is just...
God has a plan for you, Scott.
He has a plan for everything...
and everyone.
Wow! You are so frakkin' real.
No.
I'm only in your mind.
Do that thing again with your fingers.
What, this?
It must be so difficult...
being on the run. Out here, all alone.
Feeling trapped by the decisions you've made.
Humans beings aren't meant to be alone, Scott.
Oh, I guess that's why you're here.
If you could go back, what would you say?
To what?
To her.
Who?
I like you, Scott.
Do you like this?
I've got a surprise for you, Scott.
You ready to talk to your sweetheart?
Wha...?
Just pretend I'm not even here.
Oh PHAL...
that's you?
That is so wrong.
Oh, you'll thank me for this later.
Now kiss and make up.
I am done with him. You don't run away from your life.
Don't think about that, okay? You've got yourself to look after.
No, if you do, you run to Canada! You don't leave the frickin' planet!
- Becks? - We're gonna figure this out, okay?
You just trust old Jack.
Thank you, Jack.
What...?
Well, that didn't go as planned.
I have to get home.
Now!
Subtitles: zefram cochrane [www.italiansubs.net]