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Who would volunteer to read their worksheet?
Thank you.
I am sad and disappointed in Gunnar
because is condescending.
He criticizes me. He judges me
and he becomes cold and uncaring. -So what is the situation?
I live with Gunnar. He's my partner.
I live here in Stockholm. -And was it morning or evening?
It was in the afternoon, in a grocery store.
Excellent, so would you like to do the work? We'll start it
and then we'll break for lunch and
and do a little more. Are you with the cash register?
Are you actually shopping? What is the situation in the moment?
I'm buying, I've bought oatmeal.
Good.
War can break out at the check stand over oatmeal.
So read that first one again. We're all caught up.
I'm sad and disappointed with Gunnar because he
is condescending, he criticizes me, judges me, and becomes cold and uncaring.
So, "He criticized you." Is it true?
In that moment, yes.
He criticized you. Can you absolutely know that it's true
that he was criticizing you? -Well no.
No, I can't -Okay so you all have your own situation?
So go quickly
to where someone is criticizing you. Are you sure they're criticizing you?
And the answer to these first two questions is either yes
or no. It's just one syllable because the mind will want to defend what it believes.
So just notice that.
and just wait until
you are enlightened
to that moment and what was really going on
as you get still with it.
How do you react? What happens when you think the thought
he's criticizing me?
I feel small. I feel that he
is not accepting [...] -No, how do you react?
How do I react? Actually, I reacted by becoming silent
and becoming it sad
Sadness speaks very loudly.
Yes. -So sad; you feel that?
Who would you be without the thought
he criticized me? -I would just be there
Okay, so close your eyes and witness it. Look into is
face, look into his eyes, and witness you standing there.
Silent, sad; who would you be
without the thought? Witness in that situation
what do you see? And remembered there's a lot of compassion to be found in that
fourth question.
I actually see
fear. -In his eyes? On his face?
Yeah. -Yeah. You see him?
But, it's like a mask
Just witness.
So, let's turn it around. He's criticizing me
turned around to an opposite: He's not criticizing me.
So give me an example. What did he specifically say
in his criticism?
Of course we have the oatmeal. You should look in the cover before we come shopping.
Now it's funny -So he's coming out with some just
handy dandy advice
and you hear it as criticism.
This man cannot
even make a suggestion out of his own mind.
it's not what people say that upsets us.
It's what we hear that upsets us.
Let's [...]
He criticized me.
Can you find another turnaround? -I criticized me
or him, I criticized him. -Okay, give me an example
Where did you criticized him? I just thought he's doing it again. He's
trying to control. He's
he can't just answer question or say it like
That's a very critical mind. -Yeah
A very criticizing mind just swimming.
yes and in that moment
what did it feel like
all that criticism running at him
like
you know and an old story something that I've said
many times even felt many times
so let's turn that whole statement number one around again
I am angry at myself because
named angry at myself for said
with myself because I
put him because governor
it because I I'm condescending to go in our
yes I criticize him yes I judge him
yes I become cold and uncaring
and silent inset and silent
isn't that what was really going on
for me
well that's what we're talking about I mean you're the one here going to isn't
here
no yeah no he's not it doesn't sound like he needs any work in the criticism
area
who he was just full the friendly suggestion or a suggestion
name you know that Tahoe Nev their voice though
right nice to project onto
right I was married to a man that was
very large and very loud and he would Fe
things like what the hell do you think you're doing Kate
and I'm still trying to answer that question today
I
it was just a question
if you really wanna know the truth
step in front of a screamer you if you want if
when someone does that thing with their voice they get louder they
what's going on in your head
about that is the pain
you're feeling that is the suffering you're feeling like what the hell do you
think you're doing Kate
that is you know what teacher would give us such a profound question
old mill in the cupboard
I could've look first
and I didn't
so I'm okay with that thank you sweetheart me
you're so why is I always understand why I married you
and helpful from
and you think the things I don't think I love we complement pp each other well
but that is an open mind one that is hearing
rather it then be mad Janine
what they're hearing so
let's look at statement number two in that situation
standin' in the checkout line by Neil
meals I want what you want from him I want
scanner to stop telling me that I'm not doing it right
he said you weren't doing it right is that true
not me in a way in a certain way
so it's a yes it's a yes or a no it's a
it's a yes or no and no
you understand
how do you react when you think that thought
I want him to stop telling me I'm not doing it right
cry a feel
that this is I feel this is something that
has been going on for a long time
and even though nothing's going on no i i real
I know hurling
so how do you react what happens when you think that phat
how you react instantly II
a breeze in 10 can you feel the emotions that happen in that moment
moon I feel in my stomach I feel it
yeah and how do you treat him when you think that I move away from him
I walk away
I couldn't another party store
you hear all this laughter we understand that
you youth
so sweet are close your eyes and look at him
look at him with
outfit thought I want good or just stop telling me that I'm doing it wrong
in this is easy for you to
do its it's like that's not what he said he didn't say you're doing it wrong
so it's easy to imagine just
be the air now who would you be with
output cuts as you listen to him as you look into his face as you look into his
eyes
would you be with out the thought I want him to stop telling me that I'm doing it
wrong
I would just feel
happy with you and what do you see
what I see yes when you close your eyes
and and witness that
moment and you see him
I see his face
hmm his face
is not friendly well that your story just look at his face drop use to a look
at him
min well then I just see kerner
I see his eyes in it's wonderful dissident out
Intel eventually the brink where you do too
the the more you can see what you see
hmm which is what you doing now so let's turn it around I want Gooner
to stop telling me that I'm doing it wrong turned around put you on all other
I want me to stop telling me
and I'm not doing it right
isn't that was briefly going on yes here
yeah it wasn't him it with you
and that is the cause that the stress mmm
you had it he find another turnaround
I want me I want me to stop telling governor
I want me to stop tellin me me that Gooner
that Conor is doing it rock wrong
oh yeah okay because he didn't now
he didn't
so
continue reading that I want me
you had more written
yes into I what I want meese to feel free to do it my way
yes sweetheart you freedom is
our birthright to you're free to buy oatmeal
even if
yours your cupboard is Fulham oatmeal
extra yes so
let's take a look take a look at this is have a discussion I'm going to be you
with the right to buy oatmeal okay and
not projecting onto my amazing husband okay
so you be him just the way you perceive him to be
and I'm going to be at the checkout counter ok with my oatmeal
who we already have oatmeal
all thank you did you check to cover its before we left
he need to check the cupboards you actually I'd didn't
I didn't check the cover it's really important that you check the comforts
but you know thank you that's valuable information
but you know how I am a no
I do know how is your you yes yeah
yes well okay give it to me then I'll take it back
because we don't really need it well actually I want this oatmeal
we have
we have oatmeal wheat we real so into the microphone we don't need
we don't need more oatmeal I hear that
I you know what I love about you your thrifty
your your why
I just
you know I may grow up and be more like you are in for now
I want this oatmeal okay
year ago you know why I love you I
you always give them without an argument
ok
I'm just listening just listening
hmm I'm not listening to what I'm believing
about him I'm listening to him
he's my husband and the way this world is so weird it could be the last moment
I have with him
he'd just have a heart attack over this oatmeal you cannot and I have a right to
my freedom
yes and there was nothing meaning in it
he never overrode me not one time
something he just goes along with with everything
so
let's look at the next but let's look at statement number three what advice would
you offer him in that situation
gunner should
leave me alone he should respect my choices
and stop feeling he has to control everything
especially money to become kind
loving and caring so in that moment he was controlling you
is it true in that situation
no only if I let him no
that situation he was controlling you is it true
no
he was trying to control me no a
you don't remember we were talking earlier about
the I the I know mine the I am right and you are wrong my
hi Hari that I'm
right you're wrong I know mind
isn't that what's going on yeah
he's not he's not controlling me
if at all we can't control me not possible
no pecans you know if I'm without
with brute force and someone shoves me to the ground
the what I'm thinking and believing on the way down is the only problem I'm
going to experience
and I'm gonna blame him for my experience what I'm thinking and
believing
that's the only then
that's the only rough trip and it's inside if
otherwise you know without a store you don't miss the trip in your grateful
in she never you
you just never know the way that the way
so he was controlling me
he should stop controlling me
yet every especially money
he should become current in
loving in Carey okay so
who would you be without the thought he should stop controlling me
I would just be a woman buying
a bankable meal with the
with an amazing thoughtful husband mindful husband really interested in
what you doing in
who yes attentive
yes you know I'm not joking don't you
that's how I want you to see and because I tell yet
a actually so far so far yes
is see it so let's turn it around
I should start I should stop
trying to a feeling that I am
no imagery that's just the way you wrote it I should start *** up feeling he
read it the way you wrote it gunner should leave me alone
respond I should leave Kouchner I should leave gunner alone
at the checkout counter at the checkout and
eyes think and continue to read the whole thing I should leave
good governor out at the at should leave gunner alone it to check out
I should respect his choices
yes I should start feeling
I have to control everything yes
especially money and I should be
especially Gooner especially Conor
and I should be kind loving in caring
so that's advice not for governor but for you right
so can you find another way of turning that around
I should leave me alone I should stop use the same words
I should start controlling be
I should stop controlling me
you that's a pic 1 well it is you won't even let you buy oatmeal
peacefully mmm you me
if to control everything around what people say what they do
and 10 before you can just peacefully by some all
with her husband thats outer border
pay well it's an order but it's nothing that we can't
get fiend about so continue to read it just like that
I should the stop trying to control
me me especially around money
and I should become I should be kind
nothing in Cary toward yourself to force myself
and that moment in that moment
when you were chose doing this simplicity
yes and feeling still much guilt around this money thing
right in your projecting it onto him up
it could be he knows how you are around money and he's just trying to help you
with the oatmeal thing by reminding you
you have it at home
night in
let's look at the next one
I need color to stop criticizing me to
except that I'm capable
to accept what I choose
and to stop questioning mean about money and food
soon as just turn it around 2-3 we know he wasn't criticizing you not one
not one place and less there's something we're missing here
right I need me to stop criticizing me
need me to accept that I am capable
I need me to accept what I choose
yes and to stop questioning myself
about money in food
this is so powerful if you lived
this we did just that way again because
this issue you know how the doc to write a prescription
this is yours
and experience yourself at the grocery store again
bind the oatmeal and read it just like that
I need me to stop criticizing myself to accept
that I am capable you're capable yeah I'm capable
I mean you did it you had to walk around the store for a while the
but you pull that off you bought the oatmeal
moon you're capable
and their sudden there's a easier way to buy oatmeal
yes and continue to read it because that's how
and to accept what I choose
and to stop questioning me about
money and food
in that moment in that situation right
and you can experience it
and questioned myself
so let's look at the next one x1 hmm
Gunners scold he scud of
he's lost in some old pattern
I'm he's mean and judgemental
so
he was being judgmental is that true he was cut up is it true other than you
cutting them off
is it true in no
he Gooner with cold is it true no
I what did the
do when you left him he went to another pic ok expert
and Wendy
meet up with you again may be at the cash register I think we met up the cash
register
so he just keeps showing up he I
was they were happy to see your was he afraid to CEO
we were
I well yes that's a yes or no question right so he with
he was let's turn it around and see whose identity that's really what's in
the moment
hmm okay I
am in that situation with Gooner
I am lost in some old pattern
time Colt and cut off
I'm mean and judgemental
you're cut off from yourself and cut out for myself
and when you look at you once statements to three and four
and you turn those around to the SUP it is going to show you
how to live in those situations
with him and when you're purchasing something with him hmm
so on can you find another turnaround for that list
Gooner is cold what is the opposite
Gunners warm yes we was he warm
in that situation and the stakes in stillness
but that's what this work is about where is it that he was warm
you see clearly how you treated him now
where is it that he was a warm he did stay
his state president he stayed
you in the store he quickly
finished a transaction
we carry the groceries to the car
well
does account what happened afterwards
and well on another worksheet at work okay
okay but notice how your mind wants to but it was positive
well where he was warm he was warm afterwards
which is really amazing in
man
the man was attacked at for what he
didn't do and from there let I
so what is
on statement number six what is it you don't ever want to experience about that
again
I don't ever want to experience Gunners disapproval
anger he disapproved it to you is it true
with
I i cant I can't say I don't think believe he did he know he didn't
disapprove
me it does have now I
love that you share this with him that you is met
anything that was unkind
about that situation you admit it and you apologize
in you make right where you can and for me to go through the live in turn around
the next time for example I would prefer jet
my husband as being cold
I may be awake to in that moment
I'm being cold and I am being cold if I project him as being cold
hmm chances are it's worth taking a look at
mmm and then admit it
if I have make it right where I can
by not doing that and
that is in a situation like that that's how we can make it right
admit it apologized sleek right when we can start
over hmm so when you go home
you know to live this out
another wonderful way of doing it is is on
the next time you're angry to do a judge in a BIR work she
do another one on that situation and then
begin again you know
clear the mind and start over
so on Edith approved
a few how do you react
when you think that thought he disapproved me
in the store I
I feel very bad
I feel that on
I can't do anything right or that
he is a judgmental priest and
at no time did the disapproval view so you can see is pure projection
you were disapprove in a few it's that the New Moon money you would disapprove
interview
and the projected onto him the Eagle loves that stuff it doesn't have to wake
up to itself
that's what it's all about so
the get that identity is safe
yes so who would you be with
out that thought he disapproved of me
as you witness
husband gonna I would too
just be me I would just be
maybe more approving of yourself more proving up myself and him for sure
and him consists nothing to be angry at him for some fun
he was what you believe in about him that was the cause of all the anger so
fun
is that what you is that what you're finding as well
yes in this situation
and that's all we're ever going to be looking
so on he dis approved of me
he term he he
he approved me give me an example where he approved a few
he took responsibility for his son
side of things you know I wasn't there
my an he helped you carry out the all-new
he helped me carry the groceries I which
am
he met you at the checkout line
and he didn't criticize you no
so he disapproved of me turn it around
by hi disapproved me
min then I disapproved of him
you know when he said
did you check the cupboards at home
because love your that was the moment was in it
when because I've your thing around money
you had you started with the oatmeal
and it could be he was right
and then the mind did that thing
and anyway it's nice to look at the stuff around money
so I am willing to an agreed statement number six
I am willing to experience coolers disapproval
yes that imagine disapproval I look forward to
the imagined disapprove will yeah I haven't gotten any yeah
you like that huh alright
exciting to find out you been married to a man that doesn't disapproval view
I mean UK you begin to see who you're married to
as opposed to who you believed you were married to
that man on the worksheet that wasn't gonna
that was the good or your imagination yes
no two people have ever met
so so as you open your mind to
the difference between what you're thinking
in believing and what's really going on reality
as you continue to open your mind in those areas
you do get to see
who you're with but it's always going to be yourself
project at its project is very sweet it's it's
always its always the
love what you think love you
like if you love everything you think in other words the clear mine
you love the apparent thinker
and you love the one you project
UK so I look forward to
I look forward to in read it
on my number six
I'll I look forward to experience
governors disapprove yes who mean
because your imagination could carry you away again
me in and that would be you not him
that specifically why when you judge in other human being unkindly
in in the way that we've seen here
the judge in other human being unkindly
it hurts you yes and it's supposed to hurt you because you're the one
experience seen those thought
that don't match reality
for example he's criticizing me no
I'm criticizing him he simply said if you look in the cupboard
he disapproved of me know that's me disapproving of him
lemme see he disapproves at me
you know he didn't say that
but just like buying the oatmeal having the freedom to just
peacefully by a box if ok you know you can have skim
sweetheart do you disapprove with me in this moment
I mean if you can add dream about inlets get clued in on who he is
its kind and it shows you
the difference between who you're with and what you're imagining
so that is you know on the free mind
yes all the way
so any question no
I just you love that time
yes I do love him
what you just said the painful