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[Ice-T]
Yeah, last year a lot of *** asked me
Why I didn't do no sex nasty ***
But this year I went to Miami and got my *** from 2 Live
Brother Marquis in the house
[Brother Marquis] Yeah I'm the ***' ***
[Ice-T]
Yeah, we gonna answer the question about girl problems
All these *** is havin' girl problems, Marq
[Brother Marquis] Huh, tell'em man, tell'em
[Ice-T] Lemme tell you what time it is...
[Ice-T]
I got a ho from the east
Got a ho from the west
Got a ho that likes to jack it off
And rub it in her chest
I got a ho from the north
A ho from the south
A ho that likes to suck at long and hold it in her mouth
I got a *** with hair
A *** with none
A *** with a knife
A *** with a gun
A *** with an *** big as a TV set
And there's a *** over there
Hey, the one I'm gonna get
But yo, yo maybe not, she might not like me though
No sweat to vet, I'll slam her sister though
Word, I'll slam the whole damn herd
I *** 'em all and leave em on the curb
I got a *** with a mink
Who rocks a fat gold link
Who likes to *** me with her *** up on the kitchen sink
Got a *** with ***
A *** with ***
A *** with none
But hey, I give her a pass
And I love em all, I love 'em crazily
And they love me back, that's why they stay with me
So if you're havin' girl problems
I feel bad for ya, son
Got 99 problems and a *** ain't one
Hit it
No a *** ain't one
[Ice-T]
I got a *** that's old
A *** who is new
A *** who likes velvet in the colors blue
I got a *** who's fat
A *** who's built
A *** that all her *** give out powdered milk
I got a *** who is funny
A *** who ain't
A *** who can sing
A *** who can't
A *** who loves ***' on an airplane
I even got a *** off soul train
I got a *** who rolls a rag top Benz
Long ends
I got a *** who's broke as a bum
But she's the most fun
I got a *** who play piano
A *** who don't
A *** who dances naked
A *** who won't
A *** who's short
A *** who's tall
A *** who burns my pager with priority calls
And I love em all, I love 'em crazily
And they love me back, that's why they stay with me
So if you're havin' girl problems
I feel bad for ya, son
Got 99 problems and a *** ain't one
Hit me
[Ice-T]
Yo Marquis, you from Miami man,
Why don't you show these *** all the over the world
The 2 Live style of how the *** treat
A ***' fly *** like you
[Brother Marquis]
I got 99 problems a *** ain't one of them
I don't trip on hos
Cause I don't need none of 'em
***'s the temptation, ***'s the persuasion
All hos suck ***, *** how you play 'em?
That's why I don't sleep on 'em
I just freak on 'em
Put my *** in their mouth
Take it out and I ski on 'em
The ***, the one-nighter
The *** exciter
I only love my hos when I'm goin' up inside 'em
Problem number one is gettin' money
I'd rather taste the green than sip the honey
So don't expect nothing
Cause I ain't offering
I go *** my *** 'cause I'm never never softening
Putting demands on em
*** 'em then scram on 'em
The wham bam thank you ma'am game just ran on 'em
So *** how you feel
You ***' cheap thrill
I hope you took the pill 'cause I won't pay the bill
Getting *** is just another expense
If *** pays the bills
Then *** pays the rent
I only need a ho for one thing and that's to ***
I've got 99 problems and a *** ain't one
[Ice-T]
Ha!
Yo Marquis my ***, you got problems man?
A *** ain't one
Aw ***, let me tell you how to do this ***
[Ice-T & (Marquis)]
(I got a *** that loves to gink)
She'll *** you right after she *** me
(I got a *** who loves boats)
I got a *** who loves handcuffs and ropes
I got a *** that's fast
A *** that's slow
(A *** that's a ***
And a *** that's a hoe)
A *** that lies
(A *** that's true)
A *** who's a man
Because they're *** too
I got a *** that's cool
(A *** that's hot)
A *** who loves rap
A *** who loves rock
A *** who's lost
And one who knows where it's at
She gets up under me
And purrs like a cat
[Brother Marquis]
I got a *** that runs
I got a *** that walks
I got a *** that yells
I got a *** who talks
[Ice-T]
I got a *** that's dirty
Got a *** that's neat
I got a super fly *** that I knocked in a swap-meet
And I love 'em all, I love 'em crazily
And they love me back that's why they stay with me
So if you havin' girl problems
I feel bad for ya, son
Got 99 problems and a *** ain't one
Hit me
[Ice-T]
No a *** ain't one
[Marquis]
Huh, you know a *** ain't one
Outro:
[Ice-T]
You know what I'm sayin'
I got problems my ***' rent Marquis
But a *** ain't one
[Brother Marquis]
Maybe got yourself nothing man
*** raggedy ***-*** hos, ***
[Ice-T]
A *** ain't one
I got a problems stayin' out here on the streets
With these police tryin' to take a *** out, y'know?
But a *** ain't one
Got problems with ***
Buying my records
But a *** ain't one
[Brother Marquis]
*** 'em all
*** them ***
[Ice-T]
Y'know what I'm saying
A *** ain't one
Got problems man
[Brother Marquis]
All of *** can kiss my ***' ***, for real
[Ice-T]
*** worryin' about ***, they better find something else to worry about