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>>> WELCOME TO "RED EYE."
IT'S LIKE "CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM"
IF MY ENTHUSIASM YOU MEAN
COATING, ANDY, WHAT'S COMING UP
ON TONIGHT'S SHOW.
>> THANKS, GREG.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT WHY IS
JODI ARIAS TWEETING WHILE SHE'S
ON TRIAL FOR THE TELEPROMPTER
NOT MOVING WHILE I'M TALKING?
THERE WE GO.
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE DO NOW.
>>> PLUS WASHINGTON'S STATE'S
ATTORNEY GENERAL SUES A FLOWER
SHOP OWNER FOR REFUSING TO SELL
FLOWERS FOR A GAY WEDDING.
>>> AND FINALLY, WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN WE SEND BICHULTZ OUT TO
CHECK OUT WRESTLEMANIA.
HOPEFULLY WRESTLERS GANG UP ON
HIM.
A DEATH VALLEY DRIVER, EIGHT
CHOKE SLAMS, A CROSS FACE
CHICKEN WING, SIX TEXAS KROEFR
LEAFS, TWO CROSS ARM BREAKERS, A
TONGUE AND DEATH GRIP AND
FINALLY A SCORPION DEATH LOCK
LEAVING HIM SO BROKEN AND
MANGLED HE DOESN'T HAVE THE
STRENGTH TO CRY EVEN THOUGH HE'S
ABOUT TO FIND OUT THAT FOR HIM
THE PAIN IS JUST BEGINNING.
GREG.
>> THANKS, ANDY.
>> YOU BETCHA.
>> ALL RIGHT.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
>>> LET'S WELCOME OUR GUESTS.
SHE'S SO CUTE THAT BUTTERFLIES
GET DANA TATTOOS ON THEIR LOWER
BACK.
I'M HERE WITH DANA, FORMER WHITE
HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY, HIP-HOP
ARTIST AND ONE OF MY THOUSANDS
OF CO-HOSTS.
AND IF WITTINESS WERE THE WALL
STREET JOURNAL, I'D WAIT FOR HIM
TO COME ON MY DOORSTEP.
BERNIE McDERR.
AND IN LAKE PLACID, HE'S A
BOBSLED.
IT'S MY PSYCHIC BILL SCHULTZ.
AND IF FEARLESS COMMENTARY WERE
A GIANT WAVE, I'D RIDE HIM WITH
MY SURFING BUDDIES.
TUCKER CARLTON, EDITOR IN CHIEF
OF THE DAILY CALLER.
>> DAILY BLOG.
THE LEDE.
THAT'S THE FIRST STORY.
WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY?
>> YOUR BOSS, JERK.
OKAY, SHE'S FLINGING BARBS FROM
BEHIND BARS.
NOW SHE'LL KNIFE YOU WITH A
140-WORD CHARACTER.
I SCREWED THAT UP.
JODI ARIAS IS ON TRIAL FOR
ALLEGEDLY MURDERING HER
BOYFRIEND BUT THAT HASN'T
STOPPED HER FROM TWEETING.
YES, SHE'S BEEN USING A FRIEND
TAUNTING THE PRESS AND
PROSECUTORS.
THE ACCUSED KILLER IS CLEARLY
NOT A FAN OF HEADLINE NEWS
COVERAGE WRITING HLN IS AN
ACRONYM FOR HATERS LOVE
NEGATIVITY.
AFTER NANCY GRACE TWEETED A
PICTURE OF ARIAS SUGGESTING SHE
WAS FLIPPING THE BIRD, ARIAS
RESPONDED, ACTUALLY, NANCY, THAT
FINGER WAS FOR YOU.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
THE KILLER ALSO ISN'T AFRAID TO
GO AFTER OPPONENTS IN A COURT.
IN A NOW DELETED TWEET ABOUT A
PROSECUTOR THAT HAPPENS TO BE
SHORT, SHE WROTE THOSE AFFLICTED
FOR LITTLE MAN'S SYNDROME HAPPEN
PER SERPGS OF GENUINELY GOOD MEN
WHO HAPPEN TO BE VERTICALLY
CHALLENGED.
GOD BLESS FIVE-DAY WEEKENDS.
HER PAL WHO DOES THE POSTING OF
THE TWEETS EXPLAINS HOW IT
WORKS.
>> SHE'LL CALL AND SAY I HAVE A
QUOTE OR WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT.
SHE'LL SAY LET'S TWEET IT.
SOMETIMES SHE'LL SAY LET'S TWEET
AND WE'LL TAKE IT -- SHE'LL SAY,
NO, LET'S DON'T DO IT.
>> WHAT A FASCINATING
BEHIND-THE-SCENES LOOK FROM A
STRANGE FRIEND.
INCIDENTALLY I HAVE A GHOST
WRITER AS WELL FOR MOST OF MY
TWEETS.
I BELIEVE WE HAVE TAPE OF HIM.
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.
KEEP IT OUT OF YOUR SHORTS.
DANA, SHE'S ON TRIAL FOR ***
AND SHE'S SNARKING AT
PROSECUTORS, BUT AT LEAST SHE'S
NOT TWEETING PICTURES OF HER
DOG.
>> IF IT WAS THAT DOG IT WOULD
BE GREAT.
SO SHE'S MAKING A MOCKERY OF
JUSTICE AND NOW SHE'S BECOME OUR
HERO
SHE MIGHT BE THE MOST BRILLIANT
PERSON ON THE PLANET.
>> IT'S AMAZING.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS, TUCKER.
HOW IS THIS LEGAL?
>> I DON'T KNOW IF IT IS, BUT
TWITTER IS THE PERFECT MEDIUM
FOR JODI ARIAS.
I MEAN SHE TWEETS.
THE QUESTION IS WHAT IS IT ABOUT
NANCY GRACE THAT SENDS ACCUSED
MURDERERS INTO A TWEETING
FRENZY.
NOT ONLY HER, AMANDA KNOX.
WHY ARE THEY WATCHING NANCY
GRACE?
IF YOU WERE ON TRIAL YOU WOULD
NOT BE TORTURING YOURSELF WITH
NANCY GRACE, WOULD YOU?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
SHE'S KIND OF STRANGE.
>> SHE'S HOSTING THE HLN
COVERAGE.
MY WIFE, FOR EXAMPLE, WATCHES
THIS TRIAL LIKE A MONKEY STARES
AT A CLOCK.
MILLIONS OF OTHER PEOPLE, YOU
CAN'T DRAG THEM AWAY FROM IT.
IT SEEMS LIKE THIS TRIAL HAS
BEEN ON TV LONGER THAN THE
AMAZING RACE.
I GUESS YOU COULD CALL IT "THE
AMAZING CASE."
ANYBODY WHO GIVES THE FINGER TO
NANCY GRACE, MY ENEMY IS MY
FRIEND.
NANCY GRACE SHOULD BE ON TRIAL
FOR ATTEMPTING TO KILL MEN'S
DESIRE FOR WOMEN.
HOWEVER, I WOULD SAY THIS.
WHAT IF ADAM LANZA DIDN'T GET
KILLED, HE'S IN JAIL AND HE'S
OUT TWEETING BAD THINGS ABOUT
THE FAMILIES OF THE KIDS HE
KILLED.
HE WOULDN'T PUT UP FOR IT SO
IT'S PROBABLY NOT A GOOD THING.
>> THE FACT IS THIS OPENS THE
DOOR FOR PEOPLE LIKE CHARLES
MANSON BECAUSE YOU'RE ALLOWING
TWITTER ACCOUNTS BY PROXY.
PEOPLE HAVE DESIGNATED TWITTERS.
SO SOMEBODY TRIED TO SMUGGLE A
CELL PHONE INTO CHARLES MANSON A
COUPLE WEEKS AGO, HE WOULD
PROBABLY START SAYING I WANT TO
TWEET MY DAILY MEALS AND STUFF
LIKE THAT AND ALL OF A SUDDEN
THEY'LL HAVE FOLLOWERS BECAUSE
PEOPLE ARE SICK AND STUPID,
SPEAKING OF.
BILL, IF YOU TWEET HER, PERHAPS
SHE WILL TAKE A LIKING TO YOU
AND YOU WILL START DATING AND
THEN SHE WILL *** YOU TOO AND
THEN WE CAN FINALLY GET RID OF
YOU.
>> I THINK SHE SHOULD FOLLOW ME.
SHE HAS EXCELLENT TASTE.
DONALD TRUMP, ANDERSON COOPER,
DR. PHIL.
THESE ARE ALL PEOPLE SHE
FOLLOWS.
I THINK YOU FIND OUT WHEN YOU
HACK YOUR BOYFRIEND TO DEATH,
CLAIM IT WAS SELF DEFENSE AND
THAT YOU BLACKED OUT MOST OF IT,
GO TO JAIL, START LAMPOONING
EVERYONE, THAT'S WHEN YOU KNOW
WHO YOUR REAL FRIENDS ARE.
YOUR REAL FRIENDS COME TO JAIL,
HAVE HORRIFIC TWEETS TO RETWEET.
THIS IS THE ONE SHE DID FOR THE
PROSECUTOR, THE LITTLE MAN ONE.
SHE GOES, HMM, ANGER MANAGEMENT
PROBLEMS ANYONE?
THAT WAS WORKSHOPED.
THAT WAS PLANNED.
THEY SAT IN A ROOM TOGETHER AND
AFTER HOURS THAT'S WHAT THEY
TURNED OUT.
>> IT'S AMAZING BECAUSE THE JURY
ISN'T ALLOWED TO WATCH COVERAGE
OF IT, BUT SHE'S ALLOWED TO
TWEET ABOUT IT.
THAT'S BIZARRE.
>> SHE'S ALSO ALLOWED TO ATTACK
THIS GUY.
SHE ALREADY MURDERED HIM, SHE
CUT HIM TO DEATH AND NOW SHE'S
AIRING THEIR SEX LIFE TO
EVERYONE AND ATTACKING HIM.
>> SHE IS AN AWFUL PERSON.
>> SHE REALLY IS.
>> THIS TRIAL IS A DISGRACE.
SHE'S A STONE COLD PSYCHO
KILLER.
WHAT IS THE ISSUE HERE?
UNLIKE MY WIFE, I'M NOT
FOLLOWING IT DAY TO DAY BUT I
DON'T UNDERSTAND.
CLEARLY GUILTY, WHAT THE HELL.
>> THE OTHER THING THAT BUGS ME,
SHE'S SELLING HER ARTWORK WHICH
IS ALLOWING HER TO CAPITALIZE ON
HER NOTORIETY.
NO ONE WOULD BUY HER ARTWORK IF
SHE WASN'T A MURDERER AND THIS
IS THE THING YOU SEE AGAIN AND
AGAIN, WHETHER IT'S BUNDY OR
JOHN WAYNE GACY.
CELEBRITIES BUY THIS CRAP
BECAUSE IT MAKES THEM SEEM COOL.
SHE MADE THREE GRAND I GUESS OFF
ONE PAINTING ALONE, DANA.
>> WHAT?
I SPENT MORE THAN THAT BEFORE
SHE KILLED THAT GUY.
>> REALLY?
>> I SPENT 20,000 OF A BUNCH OF
FLOWERS ON A PIECE OF PAPER.
>> REALLY?
>> IT'S NOT EVEN AN INVESTMENT.
>> YOU SHOULD TRY TO SELL IT ON
EBAY.
>> IF I HAD A DOLLAR FOR EVERY
TIME SOMEBODY SAID THAT TO ME
AND I SAID NO --
>> LIKE YOUR GLASSES, IF YOU TRY
TO SELL THOSE GLASSES ON EBAY.
>> WHY WOULD I DO SUCH A THING?
>> CHARITY.
>> YOU WANT THESE GLASSES,
AMERICA, YOU CAN -- NO, YOU'RE
NOT GETTING THEM.
ALL RIGHT, FROM KILLERS TO
CAMELS.
SHOULD AMERICA GO BROKE BECAUSE
YOU LIKE TO SMOKE?
WELL, THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA,
WHICH IS SOMEWHERE IN COLUMBIA,
HAS CLASSIFIED SMOKING AS A
PRE-EXISTING MEDICAL CONDITION
UNDER OBAMA CARE.
THAT'S RIGHT, THE HEALTH
EXCHANGE BOARD OR HEB HAS
DECIDED THAT INSURERS ARE FOR
BIDDEN FROM CHARGING MAURL
BOROUGH MUNCHERS NOTING SMOKING
IS AN ADDICTION AND WE JUST WANT
TO GIVE PEOPLE A FAIR SHOT TO
PARTICIPATE IN THE HEALTH CARE
EXCHANGE.
I LOVE TALKING CHAIRS.
AS RED EYE REGULAR AND KEVIN
WILLIAMSON PUTS IT, QUOTE, IF
SMOKING IS A CONDITION, THEN
DRUG ADDICTION IS A CONDITION,
SELF MUTILATION IS A CONDITION,
A PENSION FOR BASE JUMPING IS A
CONDITION, JUGGLING AMPULES OF
SYPHILUS, PRACTICALLY ANYTHING
QUALIFIES AS A CONDITION UNDER
SUCH A PLASTIC UNDERSTANDING.
>>> WOOD CHUCKS ARE JUST LIKE
CELEBRITIES.
>> THAT LOOKED LIKE YOU IN THE
GREEN ROOM.
>> THAT'S RIGHT, BUT IT WASN'T
ICE CREAM.
YOU KNOW WHAT, THERE'S NO NEED
FOR THAT.
WHY ATTACK ME NOW?
THIS IS MY THIRD HOUR OF
TELEVISION, BY THE WAY.
>> AND IT'S BEEN BRILLIANT.
>> THANK YOU.
>> IGNORE THE HATER.
DOES THIS ACTUALLY, THIS ONE
LITTLE THING, KILL THE WHOLE
ENTIRE IDEA OF PRIVATE
INSURANCE, BECAUSE WHY BUY
INSURANCE WHEN YOU'RE HEALTHY IF
YOU OWN NEED IT WHEN YOU'RE ILL
AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS WAIT
TILL YOU'RE ILL?
>> THERE IS NO PRIVATE
INSURANCE, THAT IDEA IS DEAD.
THIS IS INSANE BUT IS NO MORE
INSANE THAN ANYTHING ELSE.
IT'S NO MORE INSANE TO FORCE
INSURERS TO PAY FOR DIABETES
CAUSED BY OBESITY.
THE SECOND THE GOVERNMENT GETS
IN THE BUSINESS OF DECIDING WHO
GETS HEALTH INSURANCE AND WHY,
YOU CEASE TO BE ABLE TO MAKE
FINE DISTINCTIONS ABOUT
ANYTHING.
>> THIS IS AMAZING, BERNIE.
THIS MEANS I DON'T HAVE TO QUIT
SMOKING, BECAUSE THEY HAVE
REMOVED --
>> AND YOU SHOULDN'T.
>> I KNOW.
I'M GOING TO TRY.
BUT THIS HAS REMOVED A
CONSEQUENCE OF SMOKING.
THAT'S NOT WHAT THEY INTENDED.
>> NOT AT ALL.
DOES THIS MEAN MIKE BLOOMBERG IS
NOW AGAINST OBAMA CARE?
LISTEN, IT ACTUALLY ENDEARS ME
CARE BECAUSE
IT IS FAIRNESS FOR SMOKERS.
I LIKE THAT.
LISTEN, WHY SHOULD I PAY THE
SAME RATE HEALTH CARE INSURANCE
THAT WYNONNA JUDD AND LOUIS
ANDERSON PAID.
BEING FAT IS A PRE-EXISTING
CONDITION.
I SMOKE TWO OR THREE CIGARETTES
ON A WEEKEND BUT I WOULD BE
DISQUALIFIED UNDER SOME HEALTH
INSURANCE PLANS BECAUSE OF THOSE
TWO OR THREE CIGARETTES.
MEANWHILE THESE PEOPLE CAN STUFF
THEIR FACES AND I PAY MORE THAN
THEY DO.
THIS IS SOMETHING I WRITE ABOUT.
I LIKE OBAMA CARE, IT'S A GOOD
THING.
>> WOW, I'VE SEEN AN ABOUT-FACE,
DANA.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS?
THE MORE WE LEARN ABOUT OBAMA
CARE, THE MORE COMICAL AND
SCARIER IT BECOMES.
>> SO WHEN THEY PASSED IT,
REMEMBER NANCY PELOSI FAMOUSLY
SAID WE'LL HAVE TO PASS IT
BEFORE WE SEE WHAT'S IN IT.
PART OF IT WAS THAT THE STATES,
INCLUDING THE DISTRICT OF
COLUMBIA WHICH IS NOT REALLY A
STATE YET BUT THEY WANT TO DO
AND THERE'S A WHOLE THING ON
THAT WHICH WE CAN DO ANOTHER
DAY.
>> NO, RIGHT NOW.
>> THEY HAVE TO COME UP WITH A
DESCRIPTION OF WHAT'S GOING TO
BE COVERED IN THEIR EXCHANGE.
SO EVERY STATE IS COMING
FORWARD.
THREE STATES HAVE SAID SMOKING
IS NOT A PRE-EXISTING CONDITION
BUT DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA IS NOT
THE ONLY ONE.
SO NOW BASICALLY WE HAVE SHOWN
WHAT THE REAL GOAL IS OF OBAMA
CARE IS, AND I KNOW YOU'RE GOING
TO THINK I'MCONSPIRACY
THEERIST.
THIS IS TO GET THE ENTIRE
POPULATION DEPENDENT ON THE
GOVERNMENT FOR HEALTH CARE.
THE PRIVATE HEALTH INSURANCE IS
ENTIRELY DEAD EXCEPT FOR THE
VERY RICH PEOPLE.
>> THIS IS HOW IT WORKED WHEN I
LIVED IN ENGLAND.
WHEN I GOT THERE AND GOT MY JOB
AND I WAS ASKING ABOUT --
>> BENEFITS?
>> WHAT?
>> BENEFITS?
>> I WAS ASKING ABOUT TEA BUT
ALSO BENEFITS.
NO, AND THEY SAID OH, DON'T
WORRY ABOUT THAT.
I WILL HOOK YOU UP WITH A
PRIVATE HEALTH -- YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO GO TO GOVERNMENT.
>> DON'T WORRY, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO GO TO THE NATIONAL HEALTH
SERVICE.
>> THAT'S WHAT EVERYBODY DOES.
IF YOU HAVE A DECENT SALARY,
THEY JUST GO YOU DON'T EVEN WANT
TO STAND IN LINE, BLAH BLAH
BLAH, GO THIS WAY.
BILL, INTERESTING THING ABOUT
OBAMA CARE.
BEING A DUMB JERK IS NOT A
PRE-EXISTING CONDITION, SO
YOU'RE FRESH OUT OF LUCK.
>> THERE WAS NO QUESTION THERE.
THERE WAS NO INFLECTION AT THE
END.
I'M JUST SUPPOSED TO SIT HERE
AND LET IT WASH OVER ME?
>> YES.
>> THERE'S SUPPOSED TO BE AN
EXCHANGE ON THESE PANEL SHOWS.
>> HOW LONG UNTIL YOU SNAP?
>> IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.
I HAVE AN EMPTY VESSEL WHERE A
SOUL SHOULD BE.
WHEN I WAS 17, 16, I SUFFERED
FROM TWO PRE-EXISTING
CONDITIONS.
ONE WAS I WANTED TO LOOK COOL
AND, TWO, I WANTED TO GET LAID.
I WAS HAVING AN ISSUE WITH BOTH
OF THEM.
I TREATED THOSE TWO PRE-EXISTING
CONDITIONS FOR A NEW ONE,
SMOKING.
AND THE SAD PART IS IT DIDN'T
WORK AND I WAS HOOKED.
THANK YOU, OBAMA.
AT LEAST I ONLY SUFFER FROM ONE
NOW.
>> TUCKER, THEORETICALLY IF YOU
TAKE THIS TO THE LOGICAL
EXTENSION, IF I GET IN A CAR
ACCIDENT, CAN'T I JUST GO AND
GET HEALTH INSURANCE RIGHT AFTER
THAT BECAUSE THE CAR ACCIDENT IS
A PRE-EXISTING CONDITION?
>> OF COURSE YOU CAN.
>> OF COURSE THERE'S ALREADY A
FEDERAL LAW SAYING YOU MUST BE
TREATED FOR FREE IN AN EMERGENCY
ROOM.
I HAVE A FRIEND WHO'S A DOCTOR
WHO JUST DID A LIVER TRANSPLANT
ON AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT WHO JUST
WALKED IN AND THE GUY WALKED OUT
WITHOUT PAYING.
>> NOW I'M WITH YOU, BERNIE,
THAT SOUNDS AWESOME.
>> UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE, LET'S
DO IT.
>> BECAUSE I KNOW I PROBABLY
WILL NEED A LIVER TRANSPLANT.
>> OF COURSE YOU WILL.
>> EVEN IF I DON'T NEED ONE, I'D
LIKE TO GET ONE JUST IN CASE.
>> JUST A PROPHYLACTIC, KEEP
DRINKING.
>> KEEP ONE IN YOUR DRINKING.
>> OH, LOOK AT THIS.
BEFORE WE GO TO BREAK, DANA USED
TO BE IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
SHE WAS THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS
SECRETARY UNDER SOMEONE BY THE
NAME OF GEORGE W. BUSH.
I THINK YOU REMEMBER HIM.
A GREAT PRESIDENT.
BUT, MY, HOW SHE'S CHANGED SINCE
SHE STARTED DOING "RED EYE."
IF ONLY THERE WAS SOME KIND OF
MONTAGE SHOWING YOU HOW FAR
SHE'S FALLEN.
>> THEY HAVE A WHOLE RANGE OF
NEW TOOLS FROM, AS I SAID,
SYSTEMIC RISK AND LIQUIDITY,
STABILIZING THE MARKETS.
>> PEOPLE CAN MAKE EACH OTHER
YAWN, YAWNING IS CONTAGIOUS.
BUT FOR SOME REASON YOU CAN'T
MAKE AN ANIMAL YAWN BUT AN
ANIMAL CAN MAKE YOU YAWN.
>> THE PRESIDENT WILL MAKE BRIEF
REMARKS AND HE WILL REITERATE,
ARGUE THAT THE DALAI LAMAS A
GREAT SPIRITUAL LEADER.
>> IN JIM CARREY'S CASE IT
DOESN'T MAKE HIM A HYPOCRITE, IT
MAKES HIM A [ BLEEP ].
>> COULD THERE BE AREAS WE MIGHT
BE ABLE TO AGREE AND MOVE
FORWARD?
YES.
BUT REMEMBER THIS IS NOT JUST A
MEETING BETWEEN THE FRENCH AND
THE UNITED STATES.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT, I HAVE MADE
JASPER AMERICA'S DOG.
>> I THINK THE PRESIDENT AND THE
PRESIDENT-ELECT HAVE BOTH SET A
TONE OF COOPERATION, ONE OF A
SPIRIT OF PARTNERSHIP TO BE ABLE
TO MOVE FORWARD.
>> WHO WOULDN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC
AS THE PRESS SECRETARY IF YOU'VE
GOT TO WALK DOWN THERE, FACE ALL
THE QUESTIONS.
I JUST STARTED DRINKING AT 9:00
IN THE MORNING AND JUST WENT THE
WHOLE NIGHT.
>> SO, DANA, SOME WOULD SAY THAT
THIS IS SYMBOLIC OF SOME SORT OF
DECLINE WHILE OTHERS LIKE ME
WOULD SEE THIS AS A SIGN OF
IMMENSE GROWTH.
>> IS THIS LIKE A CATERPILLAR
THAT SHEDS ITS SKIN AND YOU CAN
BE WHATEVER YOU WANT?
BECAUSE I HAD THE BEST JOB OF MY
LIFE, I'LL NEVER HAVE THAT JOB
AGAIN.
I LOVED WORKING FOR PRESIDENT
BUSH AND NOW I CAN JUST BE ME.
>> EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT A
CATERPILLAR TURNS INTO.
>> WHAT?
>> A GORILLA.
>> YOU HAVE BECOME A BEAUTIFUL
GORILLA.
>> I THOUGHT THAT WAS AN
EXCELLENT METAPHOR, YOU JUST HAD
TO CONTINUE IT.
>> NO, IT'S NOT A GORILLA.
>> WHAT HAPPENED?
>> IT TURNS INTO A BUTTERFLY.
>> COME ON, MAN.
WHAT IS THAT, GAME OF THRONE
STUFF?
GET OUT OF MYTHOLOGY AND GET
INTO BIOLOGY.
YOU ARE RED EYE'S GORILLA.
FLY AWAY, GORILLA, FLY, FLY
AWAY.
>> GORILLAS CAN'T FLY.
>> YES, THEY CAN.
>> NO, THEY CAN'T.
>> WHERE WERE YOU RAISED?
YOU WERE HOME SCHOOLED, WEREN'T
YOU?
>> I WAS.
>> WOW.
WOW, WOW, WOW.
>> COMMON CORE.
>> COMING UP, SHOULD YOU MAKE
TIME FOR CHARITY?
WELL, DANA DISCUSSES HER NEW
BOOK, SURE, RIGHT AFTER I FINISH
THIS BOTTLE OF NYQUIL AND THESE
PILLS.
BUT FIRST ARE WE DOING THIS
STORY OR NOT?
NO, PROBABLY WE'RE GOING TO DO
THE OVER ONE INSTEAD ABOUT --
WELL, MAYBE WE WILL DO THIS
STORY.
I DON'T KNOW.
WE'LL DISCUSS ON THE BREAK.
>>> SHOULD HE BE BARRED FROM THE
YARD?
WELL, AT HARVARD, WHATEVER THAT
IS, HAS ANNOUNCED IT WILL KEEP
THE RAPPER TIGER FOR THE
COLLEGE'S SPRING CONCERT DESPITE
AN AVALANCHE OF PROTESTS OVER
HIS LADY-HATING LYRICS.
HORRIBLE SUNGLASSES.
STUDENTS HAVE PLEADED WITH
ORGANIZERS OF THE ANNUAL
YARDFEST CONCERT TO REMOVE HIM
AS THE HEADLINER CITING SONGS
LIKE [ BLEEP ] [ BLEEP ]
ORIGINALLY DONE BY MEL TILLIS IN
WHICH HE RAPS NEED A [ BLEEP ]
THAT CAN [ BLEEP ] COOK, CLEAN,
RIGHT.
TURN A [ BLEEP ] OUT, MAKE HER
LICK TWICE.
AN EDITORIAL IN THE SCHOOL PAPER
LAST WEEK CALLED HIM
OVERWRITINGLY MASSAGISTIC WHICH
I THINK IS AN INSULT.
BUT HIS NAME IS AN ACRONYM FOR
THANK YOU GOD ALWAYS AND
APOLOGIZED THAT IT WAS UNABLE TO
PUT ON AN INCLUSIVE EVENT.
MEANWHILE THE ANNUAL GREGFEST
HELD IN MY APARTMENT IS
HAPPENING NEXT WEEKEND AND I
BELIEVE WE HAVE HIGHLIGHTS FROM
LAST YEAR.
♪♪
FUNNY SIDE STORY THERE.
THE ANSWER ON THAT AD ON
CRAIGSLIST TO MOVE FURNITURE.
THAT'S WHAT I DO, BERNIE.
ALL RIGHT, A SPOKESMAN FOR THE
COLLEGE SAID THEY'RE GOING TO
WORK WITH STUDENTS TO FOSTER A
LEARNING OPPORTUNITY ABOUT THE
MESSAGES CONTAINED IN TYGA'S
LYRICS, SO THEY'RE TURNING IT
INTO A TEACHABLE MOMENT.
>> OH, OKAY.
AS THOUGH THE KIDS, BY THE WAY,
DON'T KNOW THIS ALREADY.
THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR YEARS
AND YEARS.
WHAT YOU HEAR ON FM RADIO, URBAN
FM RADIO TODAY IS AUDIO
***.
MY HIGH SCHOOL, CATHOLIC HIGH
SCHOOL DAUGHTER KNOWS THIS
STUFF, EXCUSE ME, TO QUOTE
EMINEM, IT'S INVESTING IN YOUR
KIDS' EARS AND NESTING.
KANYE WEST, LIL WAYNE, THIS GUY
TYGA AND JAY-Z, THE PRESIDENT'S
FAVORITE RAPPER, CAN I GET AN FU
TO THE [ BLEEP ] FROM ALL OF MY
N WORDS WHO AIN'T GOT NONE.
AND NOBODY BRINGS IT UP AND HE
HANGS OUT WITH THE PRESIDENT AND
IT'S ALL GOOD.
BUT FOLKS, WAKE UP.
IT'S OUT THERE.
YOUR KIDS, FM RADIO, THEY ALL
KNOW THE LYRICS TO THIS TYGA
SONG, BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL
YOU.
>> YEAH, TUCKER, YOU HAVE
CHILDREN, I THINK.
>> I HAVE QUITE A FEW CHILDREN.
I CAN'T GET OVER HARVARD.
THESE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE
SMARTEST KIDS IN THE WORLD.
YOU THINK THEY WOULD BE DEBATING
THINGS LIKE WHEN DOES LIFE
BEGIN, WHO CREATED THE UNIVERSE,
INSTEAD THEY'RE DEBATING AS THEY
ALWAYS DO SEXISM, RACISM.
IT IS SO FREAKING BANAL.
THAT IS THE BOTTOM LINE.
IT IS SO UNINTERESTING,
REPETITIVE AND STUPID.
IT IS THE PROVINCE OF LOW IQ
PEOPLE.
NO, HARVARD DEBATING RACISM AND
RAP.
SHUT UP.
>> YOU HAVE MADE A GREAT POINT.
HARVARD IS BENEATH TYGA.
HE SHOULD HAVE SAID HARVARD?
NO, YOU GOT ANYTHING BETTER?
HE SHOULD HAVE.
HARVARD IS BENEATH TYGA.
DANA, I WAS AMAZED BECAUSE YOU
ACTUALLY DEFENDED HIM BECAUSE
YOU'RE A HUGE FAN.
>> OH, YEAH.
I LISTEN EVERY NIGHT.
AND THEN I LISTEN TO DIERKS
BENTLEY TO BALANCE IT OUT.
THE THING ALSO ABOUT THE HARVARD
PEOPLE IS THAT, YES, THAT MIGHT
BE TRUE, TUCKER, BUT ANYONE WHO
GRADUATES FROM HARVARD WILL BE A
PART OF A NETWORK THAT WILL MAKE
SURE THAT THEY ALWAYS REMAIN IN
THE 0.1% OF AMERICANS IN TERMS
OF WEALTH AND INCOME.
THEY'RE NOT JUST FIGURING OUT --
THEY'RE NOT JUST NOT ASKING
THEMSELVES ABOUT THE UNIVERSE
AND CAPITALISM, THEY'RE FIGURING
OUT HOW CAN WE MAKE SURE THAT WE
PROTECT OUR NETWORK SO THAT
NOBODY ELSE CAN INFILTRATE IT
AND MAKE SURE THAT WE ARE
STANDING UP HEAD AND SHOULDERS
ABOVE ALL THOSE LITTLE PEOPLE
OUT THERE IN AMERICA.
>> I THINK YOU'RE MISSING THE
BIGGER POINT, WHICH IS A DOUBLE
STANDARD.
IF DIERKS BENTLEY AND BRAD
PAISLEY WERE RAPPING THESE TYPES
OF LYRICS, I MEAN THEY WOULDN'T
BE INVITED TO THE WHITE HOUSE.
>> THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT, CIVIL
RIGHTS DIVISION WOULD BE -- OH,
GOD, CAN YOU IMAGINE?
>> MAINSTREAM STUFF IN THE MUSIC
WORLD.
>> A PARAMEDIC -- TW PARAMEDICS
IN NEW YORK RECENTLY GOT FIRED
FOR TWEETING REALLY BIGOTED
STUFF.
STUFF YOU SAY OFF THE TOP OF
YOUR HEAD.
NOT SONGS THAT ARE WELL PRODUCED
AND YOU SPENT A MONTH ON.
THEY LOST THEIR JOBS.
IF THEZ GUYS ACTUALLY DID RAP,
THEY WOULD BE AT HARVARD.
ISN'T THE BIG WINNER HERE TYGA?
HE'S GETTING PAID 40 GRAND,
WHICH IS 20 TIMES YOUR YEARLY
SALARY, AND HE GETS ALL THIS
FREE PUBLICITY EVEN THOUGH HE'S
KIND OF A NOBODY.
>> I WAS ABOUT TOEFEND HIM.
THIS IS LIKE COMPLAINING ABOUT
WHAT WAS ON THE SET LIST AT A
PARTY AT THE PRINCETON CLUB.
AND BY THE WAY, IT WAS ALL
GERMAN MARCHING TUNES.
VERY, VERY, VERY SHOCKING.
IT'S A PRIVATE COLLEGE.
IF YOU AS A PARENT DON'T LIKE
THIS, DO NOT SEND YOUR KIDS TO
HARVARD.
IF YOU AT A STUDENT AT HARVARD
DON'T LIKE IT, DO NOT GO TO THIS
PARTY.
THE REAL LOSER IS DANA.
DANA, THAT YOU WOULD REPEAT THAT
FILTH AND SHE WAS FLINCHING AS
YOU SAID IT.
>> I FELT BAD FOR BERNIE BECAUSE
YOU CAN'T EVEN DISCUSS THIS
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T ACTUALLY SAY
ANY OF THE WORDS.
THEN HE SAID THE B WORD AND THEN
THE N WORD FOLLOWED BY THE S
WORD AND BASICALLY YOU CAN'T
REALLY MAKE A SENTENCE.
>> AND BEAUTIFUL AND NIGHT IS A
GREAT WORD.
>> I'M GOING TO BAN THE WORD
"WORD" SO WHEN YOU GO HE SAID
THE B W.
YOU LIKE THAT?
I JUST CAME UP WITH IT NOW
MAINLY BECAUSE I LIKE TO THINK
OF STUFF.
>> YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE TO
HARVARD.
>> ALL RIGHT, WE'VE GOT TO TAKE
A BREAK.
DO YOU HAVE A COMMENT ON THIS
SHOW?
E-MAIL US.
AND DO YOU HAVE A VIDEO OF YOUR
ANIMAL DOING SOMETHING,
SOMETHING HEALTHY, WHOLESOME,
NOT WEIRD.
I GET ENOUGH OF THOSE VIDEOS ON
OTHER WEBSITES.
CLICK ON SUBMIT A VIDEO AN WE
MIGHT USE IT.
TILL TO COME, THE HALFTIME
REPORT FROM TV'S ANDY LEVY.
>>> TONIGHT'S HALFTIME REPORT IS
SPONSORED BY MODELS.
THOSE PEOPLE PAID TO DISPLAY
CLOTHING OR OTHER MERCHANDISE.
THANKS, MODELS.
>>> WE'RE BACK.
LET'S FIND OUT -- DID I SAY
WE'RE BAD?
>> WE ARE BAD.
>> AND WE'RE ALSO BACK.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
LET'S GO TO ANDY LEVY TO FIND
OUT.
>> GREG, YOU SAID WE'RE BAD?
>> YEAH.
>> IT SHOULD BE WE'RE BACK.
>> OH, THANKS, DUDE.
I DID SAY THAT.
THANKS FOR GRABBING THAT.
>> HOW ABOUT WE BACK.
TRYING TO BE COOL.
>> JODI ARIAS TWEETING DURING
HER *** TRIAL.
FIRST OF ALL, SHE TWEETED HLN IS
AN ACRONYM FOR HATERS LOVE
NEGATIVITY.
JODI, IF YOU'RE WATCHING, HLN
ISN'T CRONYM, IT'S AN
INITIALISM.
>> IT'S AN INITIALISM?
>> YES.
>> THE ACRONYM THING, THAT'S
YOUR BUGGABOO.
>> IS IT AN ACRONYM OR
INITIALISM?
>> WHAT ABOUT ALD?
ANDY LEVY IS A ***.
IF YOU PRONOUNCE IT ALD IT'S AN
ACRONYM.
IF YOU SAY A-L-D, IT'S INITIALS.
IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.
DANA, YOU SAID ARIAS IS MAKING A
MOCKERY OF THESE TWEETS AND YOU
WERE QUITE STRONG ABOUT IT.
WHY DO YOU THINK THAT?
>> BECAUSE THE JURY IS NOT
ALLOWED TO LOOK AT THE MEDIA, TO
TALK ABOUT THE MEDIA OR SAY NICK
THAT'S GOING ON.
IN THE MEANTIME SHE'S LOBBYING
HER CASE DIRECTLY TO THE PUBLIC
WITHOUT GOING THROUGH THE MEDIA,
WHICH WOULD BE THE TRADITIONAL
WAY OF DOING IT.
STILL SHE HAS TO BE JUDGED BY A
JURY OF HER PEERS.
ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?
>> NO.
NOT EVEN A LITTLE.
THE JURY CAN'T READ HER TWEETS,
RIGHT?
>> MAYBE THEY ARE.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM IN ARIZONA,
THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THE JURY IS
NOT SEEING OR HAVEN'T SEEN.
THAT'S WHY THAT ONE JUROR GOT
KICKED OFF.
HAVE YOU FOLLOWED THIS?
>> YOU FOLLOWED IT MORE THAN I
HAVE.
>> NOT REALLY.
>> IF SHE'S NOT BREAKING THE
LAW, IF WHAT SHE'S DOING IS
FINE --
>> IF SHE WANTS TO DEFEND
HERSELF THEN PLEASE STOP USING
TAXPAYER MONEY WITH THE PUBLIC
DEFENDER THAT SHE HAS AND DEFEND
HERSELF.
THEN SHE COULD STAND UP IN FRONT
OF THE JURY AND TWEET TO HER
HEART'S DESIRE.
IF SHE'S USING TAXPAYER MONEY
FOR A DEFENSE LAWYER, SHE SHOD
SHUT UP.
>> YEAH, MOVE ON!
>> STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT.
GREG, TUCKER SAID TWITTER IS THE
PERFECT MEDIUM FOR ARIAS.
YOU SAID YES, AS IF YOU KNEW
EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS TALKING
ABOUT.
>> I WAS THINKING P ABOUT SALT
AND PEPPER -- I WAS.
>> HE WAS AN ANTI-NAZI PASTOR.
>> LOOK AT ANDY.
CAPTAIN GOOGLE.
>> I ABSOLUTELY LOOKED IT UP.
ON THE OTHER HAND, I WOULDN'T
HAVE PRETENDED TO KNOW WHAT IT
WAS IF I DIDN'T.
>> YES!
BILL, YOU POINTED OUT THAT ARIAS
TWEETED OF THE PROSECUTOR, HMM,
ANGER MANAGEMENT PROBLEM ANYONE?
>> RIGHT.
>> THIS FROM THE WOMAN WHO
STABBED HER BOYFRIEND 27 TIMES
AND THEN SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD.
>> SHE DOESN'T REMEMBER THAT
PART, ANDREW.
YOU'VE GOT TO REMEMBER THAT.
REMEMBER WHAT SHE DOESN'T.
>> ALL RIGHT, THAT'S FAIR.
BERNIE, YOU SAID ARIAS IS A
STONE COLD KILLER.
>> YES.
PSYCHO KILLER.
>> ALLEGEDLY.
>> WELL, MAYBE IN YOUR MIND.
BUT IN MY MIND SHE'S GUILTY AS
HELL.
>> IN THE MIND OF THE FOUNDING
FATHERS WHO WROTE OUR BEAUTIFUL,
BEAUTIFUL CONSTITUTION, BERNIE.
>> WASTE OF TAXPAYER MONEY TO
DRAG THIS DISGRACE OUT FOR SIX
MONTHS OR WHATEVER THE HELL IT
IS.
>> IF YOU HATE THE FOUNDING
FATHERS OF THE CONSTITUTION,
THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS, SIR.
I DO NOT.
>> ALL RIGHT.
SO YOU'RE APOLOGIST FOR KILLERS
AND MURDERERS.
>> I DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR
SUPPORTING THE CONSTITUTION OR
THE FOUNDING FATHERS, BERNIE.
AGAIN, YOU ARE FREE TO HATE
THEM.
>> WHO ARE YOU IMPERSONATING
RIGHT NOW, ANDY?
>> I DON'T REALLY KNOW.
>> ANDY JUST DOESN'T LIKE TO
WIPE HIS BUTT WITH THE OLD
CONSTITUTION.
>> THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.
>> BY THE WAY, SHE'S NOT EVEN
THAT HOT.
>> I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
>> I AGREE.
>> CRAZY MAKES HER HOT.
>> NO, I AGREE.
>> CAN WE TWEET THIS WITH THE
SERIOUSNESS IT DESERVES?
>> I DOUBT IT.
>> I WAS JUST ASKING.
>> NO, I KNOW.
I WAS ANSWERING.
DANA, YOU SAID OF ARIAS' ARTWORK
THAT BILL SHOULD TRY TO SELL IT
ON EBAY.
EBAY SHUT DOWN HER ACCOUNT.
SHE NOW HAS HER OWN WEBSITE
WHERE SHE SELLS IT.
>> SO NOW WHO'S SUBVERTING THE
CONSTITUTION?
EBAY?
>> I SUPPOSE MAYBE THEY ARE.
AS A PRIVATE ENTITY, THEY'RE NOT
SUBJECT TO THE CONSTITUTION,
DANA.
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT.
>> IS TWITTER THEN ALLOWED --
TWITTER COULD SHUT DOWN HER
ACCOUNT IF THEY WANTED TO.
>> THEY COULD, BUT WHY WOULD
THEY?
>> BECAUSE SHE'S A COLD-BLOODED
KILLER?
>> ALLEGEDLY.
>> SHE'S A COLD-HEARTED SNAKE.
>> SHE IS A KILLER.
>> WHAT IF NIDAL HASAN WAS
TWEETING STUFF OUT ABOUT THE
SOLDIERS' FAMILIES THAT HE
KILLED.
WOULD YOU BE OKAY WITH THAT?
>> SHE'S NOT TWEETING STUFF OUT
ABOUT FAMILIES.
>> WOULD YOU BE OKAY WINIDAL
HASAN TWEETING?
>> I DON'T HAVE TO FOLLOW HIM.
>> FOR THE RECORD, ANDY IS NOT
WEARING PANTS.
>> D.C. HEALTH BOARD SAYS
SMOKING IS A PRE-EXISTING
CONDITION.
GREG YOU SAID NOW YOU DON'T HAVE
TO QUIT SMOKING BECAUSE THEY
REMOVED THE CONSEQUENCE.
>> YES.
>> BECAUSE THE MAIN CONSEQUENCE
HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE HIGHER
INSURANCE PREMIUMS.
>> ABSOLUTELY, MY FRIEND.
>> BERNIE, KUDOS TO YOU FOR
SUPPORTING THIS, BY THE WAY.
>> YES.
EQUALITY, NO MORE DISCRIMINATION
AGAINST SMOKERS.
TWEET THEM THE SAME WAY AS FAT
PEOPLE.
IT'S THE SAME THING.
>> DANA, THE TWO STATES THAT
SAID SMOKING ISN'T A
PRE-EXISTING CONDITION ARE
COLORADO AND ALASKA.
>> NO, I SAID THE ONE THAT IS.
>> CALIFORNIA.
>> THEY ALL START WITH A C.
>> PROTEST OVER HARVARD INVITING
TYGA TO PERFORM.
BERNIE, YOU SAID EVERYTHING YOU
HEAR IS AUDIO ***.
>> I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING, I SAID
A LOT OF IT.
BY THE WAY, I LIKE IT.
I LIKE JAY-Z, KANYE, I LIKE THE
SONG, I LIKE THIS STUFF.
BUT IT'S BEING MARKETED TO
14-YEAR-OLD GIRLS AND THEY KNOW
ALL THE LYRICS.
I'M NOT SAYING LIKE VIDEO GAMES
THAT THEY'RE GOING TO BECOME
*** STARS, LIKE VIDEO GAMES YOU
DON'T NECESSARILY BECOME A
VIOLENT MASS KILLER.
HOWEVER, IT'S OUT THERE AND
NOBODY IS CALLING THEM ON IT AND
JAY-Z IS PART IF THE AND HE'S
ONE OF OBAMA'S BUDDIES AND
EVERYBODY IS COOL WITH IT.
I'M JUST SAYING WHAT'S UP?
>> YOU SAID THAT SO WELL.
>> TWO THINGS HERE.
FIRST OF ALL, SETTLE DOWN,
GRANDPA.
AND SECOND OF ALL, OBAMA SHOULD
BE IMPEACHED OVER THIS.
>> YES.
I THINK THAT GOES WITHOUT
SAYING.
>> IMPEACHABLE.
>> LET'S BE VERY CLEAR, I'M
MARKETING THOSE SONGS TO
14-YEAR-OLDS.
I'VE GOT A LITTLE FREE DOWNLOAD
STAND FAR AWAY FROM THE HIGH
SCHOOL I CAN'T GET CAUGHT.
>> TUCKER, KIND OF A CHEAP SHOT
AT SLIPPERY ROCK STATE BECAUSE
IT'S SLIPPERY ROCK UNIVERSITY.
>> IS THAT TRUE?
THEY HAVE UPGRADED?
I HAD NO IDEA.
>> YES.
GO SLIPPERY ROCKS.
THEY ARE THE SLIPPERYOCK
SLIPPERY ROCKS.
THAT MAY BE WRONG.
POSSIBLE I MADE THAT UP.
>>> DANA, DON'T YOU THINK THE
BOTTOM LINE HERE -- I THINK FOR
ME WHAT'S GOING ON IS THIS IS
WHERE HARVARD'S FEAR OF BEING
CALLED RACIST TRUMPS HARVARD'S
FEAR OF BEING CALLED SEXIST.
>> I THINK THAT'S PROBABLY BEEN
TRUE.
HAVING BEEN CALLED A RACIST
TODAY, I FEEL THEIR PAIN.
>> AND YOU ARE A RACIST.
>> YEAH.
ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU KIND OF
BROUGHT THAT ON YOURSELF, DIDN'T
YOU?
>> WELL, IT WAS INSTIGATED BY
TWO PEOPLE SITTING AT THIS
TABLE.
>> NOT SO HEAVY --
>> BERNARD AND TUCKER.
>> GLAD I'M NOT SITTING AT THE
TABLE.
I RAIN -- IRANIAN SCIENTIST SAID
HE'S -- IT'S ALSO THE SAME
REGIME THAT SAID THERE ARE NO
GAY PEOPLE IN IRAN.
>> WHAT?
>> BILL, YOU SAID CORRECTLY -- I
DON'T THINK THE SCIENTIST
CLAIMED HE INVENTED A TIME
MACHINE.
THAT WAS WHAT THE RAN BEFORE
THEY PULLED THE STORY.
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
>> THE STORY ABOUT THE IRANIAN
SCIENTIST CREATING THE TIME
MACHINE.
>> WE HAVEN'T DONE THAT YET.
>> I'VE GOT TO GO, MAN.
>> WE DIDN'T DO THAT YET.
>> GOTTA GO.
>> WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?
>> TIME IS UP.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>>> COMING UP, TUCKER PERFORMS
THE LATEST SINGLE OFF HIS LATEST
DEAF METAL ALBUM.
>>> FIRST, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO
DO WHEN WRESTLEMANIA RUNS WILD
ON YOU?
I HOPE YOU DON'T CHANGE THE
CHANNEL BECAUSE I WILL HUNT YOU
DOWN AND KILL YOU.
>>> AN IRANIAN SCIENTIST, IS
THERE ANY OTHER KIND, CLAIMS TO
HAVE INVENTED A TIME MACHINE
THAT CAN PREDICT DETAILS OF THE
NEXT FIVE TO EIGHT YEARS OF THE
LIFE OF ITS USERS WITH 98%
ACCURACY.
ALI SAYS THE DEVICE CAN PREDICT
THE FUTURE IN A PRINTOUT USING A
COMPLEX SERIES OF ALGORITHMS AND
IT WILL HELP IRAN PREDICT
MILITARY CONFRONTATIONS WITH
OTHER COUNTRIES AS WELL AS
FLUCTUATE OIL PRICES ON FRIDAY.
HE RELEASED TAPE OF THE
INVENTION.
THAT'S WHERE KEITH OLBERMANN
ENDED UP.
BUT IS ALI A PROGNOSTICATOR OR
FABRICATOR.
AN IRANIAN OFFICIAL HAS BEEN
FORCED TO DENY HE REGISTERED THE
TIME MACHINE WITH THE STATE.
WE KNOW YOU HAVE A TIME MACHINE
IN IRAN.
TUCKER, THIS GUY HAS 179
INVENTIONS UNDER HIS OWN NAME.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
>> YOU KNOW, LET ME JUST SAY,
GREG, THAT CYNICISM IS NOT THE
SAME AS WISDOM.
YOU MOCK.
BUT WHEN THIS GUY WINS THE NEW
YORK STATE LOTTERY, YOU'RE GOING
TO EAT THAT SCRIPT.
>> YES, I WILL.
>> I'M OPEN TO THE POSSIBILITY.
>> I MIGHT EAT THE SCRIPT ANYWAY
BECAUSE I'M REALLY HUNGRY.
>> BERNIE, IF THIS WORKS, WHICH
IT WILL, AND THEY CAN PREDICT
OIL PRICES, COULD IRAN BECOME
THE MOST POWERFUL COUNTRY IN THE
WORLD?
>> I THINK IT'S INEVITABLE.
FIRST I WANT TO HEAR FROM
NOSTRIDALI WHETHER IRAN IS WILL
LIKE HIROSHIMA OR NAGASAKI IN
TEN YEARS.
WHEN HE GIVES ME THE ANSWERS TO
THAT, I'LL BELIEVE ALL THIS
CRAP.
>> DANA, WHAT ARE THE CHANCES
THIS IS JUST AN iPAD ATTACHED TO
A PRINTER?
>> WELL, THIS IS THE SAME REGIME
THAT TELLS ITS PEOPLE THAT NO
JEWS WENT TO WORK ON 9/11.
>> YES.
>> THAT THERE WAS A CONSPIRACY,
THAT THEY WERE TOLD NOT TO GO TO
WORK AND SO PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT.
SO THIS GUY IS ACTUALLY PROBABLY
A GENIUS WHO HAS FIGURED OUT OH,
I KNOW HOW TO MAKE MONEY, OR
HE'S JUST A PUPPET ROBOT OF THE
REGIME.
>> AH --
>> I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A PUPPET
ROBOT.
NOBODY HAS INVENTED A PUPPET
ROBOT OR A ROBOT PUPPET.
LET'S GO TO BILL.
A FORTUNE TELLER PREDICTED YOU
WON'T LIVE MORE THAN ANOTHER SIX
DAYS.
THAT WAS MY MOM.
SHE WAS GOING THROUGH A GYPSY
PHASE.
YOU'VE GOT TO LISTEN WHEN PEOPLE
INTRODUCE THEMSELVES TO YOU.
I'VE GOT NEWS, CORRECTLY
PREDICTING SOMETHING IS NOT BY
DEFINITION A TIME MACHINE.
I WOULD LIKE TO ACTUALLY MEET
HIM, THOUGH, THE ONE THING "BACK
TO THE FUTURE" DID NEED WAS THE
MORE STONING OF THE MOM.
THAT WAS THE ONE PLOT POINT
MISSING FROM THAT.
>> HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO
CONNECT AN iPAD TO A PRINTER?
>> NO.
>> NO, YOU HAVEN'T BECAUSE IT'S
ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE.
IF THIS GUY ACTUALLY PULLED IT
OFF, HE WOULD BE THE MOST
ACCOMPLISHED PERSON IN IRAN.
>> I BOUGHT AN iPAD AND I DIDN'T
LIKE IT ANYMORE.
I JUST DIDN'T LIKE IT AT ALL.
I KEPT HITTING THE WRONG THINGS
AND I JUST FELT LIKE IT WAS
WEIRD.
>> AND THEN YOUR WIFE SAW WHAT
YOU WERE LOOKING AT.
>> EXACTLY.
AND SHE SAID BUT GREG, I THOUGHT
I WAS ENOUGH FOR YOU.
WHO ARE THESE MEN IN TIGHTS?
I SAID GERMAN ART FILMS.
BUT I'D RATHER DEAL WITH THE
PRESENT.
>> NO QUESTION.
>> THEIR PRESENT IS HILL VALLEY
IN 1955.
>> THEY HAD THE TIME MACHINE TO
BRING THEM TO THE PRESENT.
THAT'S WHAT THEY NEED.
TIME TO TAKE A BREAK, BUT WE
HAVE A LOT MORE STUFF WHEN WE
COME BACK.
AMAZON.COM, AUTOGRAPHED COPY.
NUMBER
>>> DUDE, DUDES AND LYCRA STILL
EXCITE YOU?
LAST WEEK WWE SUPERSTARS
COLLIDED IN AN *** OF SWEAT,
SPANDEX AND SUN TANS.
SPECTACLE THAT WAS
WRESTLEMANIA.
AND WHILE THEY SAW DON SENA
DEFEAT THE ROCK, RED EYE ELECTED
TO HIT THE IZOD CENTER ON
SATURDAY.
MOSTLY BECAUSE WE READ THE PRESS
RELEASE WRONG.
LET'S ALL GET STOKED THAT BILL
GETS CHOKED.
>> HEY THERE, WRESTLING FANS!
IT'S BILL, THE CONDOR SCHULTZ,
AND I'M HERE AT WRESTLEMANIA FOR
EXTREME, EXTREME AND I FORGOT
THE OTHER ONE, SO I ASK YOU
THIS.
CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE CONDOR IS
PACKING?
>> BOO!
BOO CONDOR!
BOO!
>> CONDOR SUCKS!
CONDOR SUCKS!
CONDOR SUCKS!
>> YOU SUCK!
>> YAY, HE'S GONE!
USA, USA, USA!
>> USA, USA.
>> NARNIA, NARNIA, WHAT ABOUT
MIDDLE EARTH?
YOU'RE KNOWN FOR YOUR 2 BY 4.
DID YOU USE ANY OTHER PROPS.
>> NOTHING FANCY WITH B HACKSAW
JIM DUGAN.
JUST A 2 BY 4, FLAG AND THE
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
NO FANCY GOWNS, JUST A BOARD AND
THE FLAG.
>> I'M KIND OF A FEATHER BOA GUY
MYSELF.
WHO DID YOU BEAT TO GET THAT
BELT?
>> STEPHANIE McMAHON, OF COURSE.
>> THE REAL LOSER IS AMERICA
BECAUSE IT'S COVERING YOUR
MIDRIFF.
>> THAT'S JUST THE MAGIC.
>> MAGIC OR THE TERROR.
COME ON, YOU'RE COVERING UP WHAT
GOD GAVE YOU.
>> WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE?
>> BRANDY.
>> DON'T GET ME STARTED.
>> AIM FOR THE NIPPLES.
MORE OIL?
>> WHAT DO YOU WRESTLE WITH IN
YOUR PERSONAL LIFE?
>> MADISON SQUARE GARDEN IS THE
GREATEST PLACE IN THE WORLD.
>> I LOVE MSG UNLESS IT'S IN MY
CHINESE FOOD.
>> WATCH PACIFIC STANDARD TIME,
EASTERN STANDARD TIME --
>> YOU JUST SPIT ALL OVER THE
MIC.
>> IT'S ALWAYS VADER TIME.
>> THAT MEANS HE NEEDS A MOUTH
GUARD BECAUSE THERE'S SALIVA ALL
UP AND DOWN THIS PIECE.
ANY CATCH PHRASES THAT YOU
WORKSHOPED AND DECIDED TO
ABANDON LIKE BEHAVE OR OH, YOU,
ANYTHING LIKE THAT?
>> WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
BEHAVE?
>> YEAH.
>> OH YOU?
>> THAT'S INTIMIDATING.
>> NO, IT'S NOT.
>> HOW ABOUT NO, NO, NO, NO.
>> WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?
>> I'M STARTING TO THINK THESE
BELTS ARE EASIER TO COME BY THAN
INITIALLY THOUGHT.
WHERE DID YOU WIN YOURS?
>> MY FIRST BELT WAS BACK IN
1989.
IT WAS AGAINST THE ROCK.
>> I HAVE YET TO MEET THE ROCK
BUT THE NAME OF MY GIRLFRIEND IS
CALLED THE SOCK WITHOUT GETTING
INTO TOO MANY DETAILS.
>> MILLIONS DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF
DOLLARS.
GET BACK, GET BACK.
>> LEARN, LEARN, LEARN, LEARN.
MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF
DOLLARS, SAY IT.
>> HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS, HUNDREDS
OF DOLLARS.
>> HAVE YOU SIGNED ANY BOOTS?
>> I SIGN BOOKS.
>> WOULD YOU MIND?
THAT WAS COLD.
THANKS SO MUCH.
I WILL GET THIS TATTOOED POST
HASTE.
TATTOOED IN RED.
>> WELL, IT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF
BLEEDING ALREADY, BUT THAT'S
PSORIASIS.
ANY FINAL THOUGHTS FOR THE
VIEWERS ON "RED EYE."
>> KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
SUPER FLY JIMMY SNOOKER, WE LOVE
YOU, AND TAKE GOOD CARE.
>> ALWAYS TALK IN THIRD PERSON,
NEVER USE CONDITIONER AND EAT
YOUR VITAMINS.
>> YOU KNOW, I'M CONVINCED THAT
YOUR MOS IS WHAT'S CALLED
KNOWLEDGE EXTRACTION MACHINES.
WHEN YOU WATCH THEM YOU ACTUALLY
END UP DUMBER THAN YOU WERE
BEFORE.
>> I INVENTED THAT BEFORE I RAN.
THAT IS A MACHINE THAT I
INVENTED.
I PULL THINGS OUT OF YOUR BRAIN.
YOU'RE DUMBER NOW, AMERICA.
>> YOU HAVE MADE AMERICA DUMBER.
HE HAS.
>> I CAN BARELY SPEAK.
>> IT'S GOOD BECAUSE TO SPEAK IN
THE THIRD PERSON IS FANTASTIC.
>> YES.
>> FIDEL CASTRO, IT'S AWESOME.
>> IT'S LIKE THE *** OF THE
PEOPLE.
IT KEEPS THE MASSES LIKE THESE
PEOPLE AT BAY.
THE BAD THING IS THEY ALL HAVE
THE RIGHT TO VOTE, THESE FANS.
JUST LIKE THE JODI ARIAS TRIAL,
IT KEEPS THESE PEOPLE HAPPY AND
SATIATED.
>> I'M NOT GOING TO AGREE WITH
YOU UNTIL COMMERCIAL BREAK.
>> DANA, YOU BEGAN YOUR CAREER
IN LITTLE PEOPLE WRESTLING.
WHAT WAS YOUR RING NAME?
>> THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT TO BE
CALLED.
I'M A LITTLE MORE SENSITIVE TO
YOUR VIEWERS.
>> YES.
>> I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT
WRESTLING.
>> WHAT WAS HER NAME?
>> I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT
WRESTLING.
>> AND THEN I WOULD DO THAT.
>> BODY SLAM.
>> WONDER WOMAN MOVES?
>> YES.
>> I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT
WAS.
>> THAT WAS ADORABLE.
>> YOU WOULD ALWAYS WIN BECAUSE
YOU WOULD ERUPT IN A CUTEGASM.
>> ALL RIGHT, WE'VE GOT TO CLOSE
THINGS OUT WITH A POSTGAME