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man: Home, sweet, home.
TV, don't fail me now.
announcer: Cat's Meow, the exciting
new cat toy.
man: Cats?
Come on.
announcer: Don't you wanna be the guy
or gal with the Big Hot Dog?
man: No, thank you.
announcer: Embarrassed by your ugly,
calloused feet?
man: Ugh!
announcer: You need a Kookn' Kap.
man: Commercial, commercial,
commercial...
(snoring)
(doorbell ringing)
announcer: Kevin, what are you
waiting for?
Answer the door now!
Kevin: Who is that?
Okay, coming.
announcer: The world's only
remote-controlled
squirrel-proof birdfeeder.
Kevin: Killer squirrels!
woman: Oh!
Kevin: Cougars in heat.
woman: Yes, you can.
Kevin: Ugh.
Ahh!
announcer: Introducing the Incredible
Indoor Banana Tree.
Plump bananas...
(cell phone ringing)
voice: Hey, Kevin, it's your
friends at "World's Dumbest."
Along with 20 of the smartest
inventions, you also get our
cast of hilarious comedians,
free of charge.
Kevin: No!
What?
Oh, it was only a dream.
Kevin: Or was it?
Kevin: Who are you?
Kevin: I'm you.
Relax yourself.
Kevin: What's happening?
Kevin: What's happening is
"World's Smartest Inventions"
starts now !
Closed Captions Provided by truTV
narrator: Let's get started with the
"World's Smartest Inventions."
Coming in at number 20,
the Bacon Bowl.
announcer: Everybody loves bacon.
The sizzle, the scent,
the mouth-watering taste.
Didn't think it could
get any better?
Introducing Perfect Bacon Bowl,
the easy way to make delicious
edible bowls out of bacon for
fun, savory, crunchable yum.
Malachi: Sorry, starving
African children.
I couldn't hear your stomachs
growling over the sound of my
crunchy bowl made out of bacon.
announcer: Eggs and hash browns
for breakfast?
It's better in a Bacon Bowl.
Just wrap your favorite cut of
bacon around the Perfect
Bacon Bowl form and cook.
Brendon: If you have a favorite cut of
bacon, you're eating way
too much bacon.
announcer: In just minutes, you'll have
tasty, toasty
Perfect Bacon Bowls.
Kids want mac and cheese?
Serve the perfect portion
that's sure to please.
woman: I've made everybody's
favorite, code-red
diabetes bites.
Come get these little
swine pockets.
announcer: The unique design allows
the bacon to crisp up evenly
while grease collects in
the channel so you can pour it
out of your diet.
Ted: And you can use the grease to
wash down your heart medication.
announcer: Or make healthy egg white
turkey bacon bowls.
Chris: I'm sorry, I misheard that.
Did you say "healthy"?
announcer: Perfect Bacon Bowl makes
bacon the star of every dish.
Everything's better in
a Perfect Bacon Bowl.
Mike O.: Stop saying bacon bowl!
announcer: Call now to get two
Perfect Bacon Bowls for $10.
Annie: I wonder where all
the bacon-eating actors from the
Bacon Bowl commercial are now?
♪♪
announcer: How would you like to have
beautiful designer nails
like these
without having to go to
the salon and pay a fortune?
Well, now, you can get
professional salon results right
at home in just minutes
with Salon Express,
the easy-to-use, do-it-yourself
designer nail kit.
Katlyn: The manicure that says, yes,
I did get my nails done
at the mall.
No, not the nice mall.
announcer: Just brush your polish onto
the image disc,
scrape off the excess,
transfer the design onto
the stamp and roll it
onto your nail.
woman: It's so easy.
woman: It is easy, right?
I mean, simple, easy,
one, two, three.
Jaime: It's as easy as one,
two, three!
Four, five, six.
Kevin: Just 100 easy steps and if
you mess one of them up,
start all over!
woman: With Salon Express, you will
have nails that look
like this in seconds.
So now, I can do it myself
and you know what?
People are gonna be commenting
on it all night when I'm out.
man: Oh, my God, Sharon, is that
a flower on your nail?
You look like a movie star with
that flower on your nail.
Dan: This is like the nail
equivalent of a *** stamp,
only this lets you know
she's not good in bed.
woman: Don't you always want your
nails to match your outfit?
woman: Yes, I love that.
Daisy: What could you possibly have
that would match this?
announcer: Right now, you can get our
designer kit for just $10.
As a bonus, we'll include our
French manicure disc
absolutely free.
Katlyn: Oh, the French manicure kit
is included.
For a second, I was like,
this isn't for strippers.
announcer: That's right.
You get the designer kit,
the French manicure disc
and the eight-piece manicure
set all for only $10.
Mike O.: I said no to this when
I found out they didn't even
offer a Spiderman design.
narrator: "World's Smartest Inventions"
presents...
"Why didn't I think of that?!?"
announcer: On the beach, at parties
or even at the game.
These folks have discovered
a way to keep their drink close
by without having to hold it.
Introducing The Beer Buckle.
The world's only retractable
can-or-bottle-holding
belt buckle.
This simple stylish contraption
attaches to any belt
and conveniently folds out to
hold your drink of choice while
you party it up hands-free.
Beer cans, soda cans,
water bottles, it's all good
with The Beer Buckle.
narrator: Now back to our countdown.
Mike D.: Hi, Mike D.
here for Squirrel Boss.
Got a squirrel problem with
your birdfeeder?
Get a Squirrel Boss
squirrel-proof birdfeeder.
A Squirrel Boss birdfeeder
makes you the boss.
Dan: If you're the boss of
squirrels, you're probably not
the boss of anything else.
Mike D.: Just press the remote control
and deliver a harmless
static-shock correction
that conditions the squirrels
to stay away,
so the birds can feed.
man: Die, you cute little
squirrel, die!
♪♪
man: Babe, you mind hanging this
Squirrel Boss in that tree
outside for me?
Kaitlyn: That sounds like fun!
man: Oh, you're the best, darling.
Katlyn: Let's do it.
man: Oh, yeah.
Ooh!
Katlyn: Where do you want me
to put it?
(screaming)
man: Oh, I'm sorry, babe!
Katlyn: Wait 'til I hang it
in the tree!
man: It's not me,
it's the Squirrel Boss.
It has a mind of its own.
Mike D.: With the squirrels long gone,
you'll save so much feed,
I guarantee this product
will pay for itself.
Sunah: How expensive is birdseed?
Are we buying it at Sotheby's?
Barney's?
I don't understand.
Mike D.: Squirrel Boss is the world's
only remote-controlled
squirrel-proof birdfeeder.
Be the boss, get a Squirrel Boss
squirrel-proof birdfeeder.
man: Order right now and we'll
throw in the Squirrel Boss
slow cooker.
narrator: Coming up...
announcer: The Incredible
Indoor Banana Tree!
narrator: You've never seen doomsday
prepping like this.
And...
an invention with a magic touch.
Plus, a stone-cold great idea.
announcer: The Rock Can can store all
your pet waste needs outside
in an inconspicuous way.
narrator: But first...
Kevin: I need to know what
the number-one
smartest invention is.
devil: What's in it por moi?
Kevin: Excuse me?
devil: Por moi.
It means "for me" in French.
I'm trying to spice things up--
Forget it.
What's in it for me?
Kevin: Uh, $500,000.
devil: Not enough.
Kevin: $1 million.
devil: Not enough!
Here's a taste of the number-one
moment and perhaps after you've
seen it, you'll reconsider
your meager offer!
announcer: The dry, hard skin will
peel right off.
You won't believe your eyes.
Kevin: Okay, then,
I'll give you anything.
devil: Anything?
In that case, your soul.
Kevin: Deal!
devil: Stick around, 'cause
the number-one smartest
invention is coming up.
♪♪
♪♪
narrator: Our number-17 smartest
invention...
announcer: Attention, gardeners
and fruit lovers!
Why settle for mushy, overripe
and rotten store-bought bananas
when you can grow your own
luscious heart-healthy bananas
by the bunch?
man: Boy, I could sure go for
a banana right now.
Ew, what is that, from a store?
Gross!
announcer: Introducing the Incredible
Indoor Banana Tree!
Imagine growing dozens of
delicious potassium-packed
bananas for you and your
whole family to enjoy
right in your very own home.
man: Now I can have bananas in
just the amount of time it
takes a tree to grow!
(clock ticking)
woman: Kids, I think I see a banana!
announcer: You can add them to cereal,
make banana bread,
banana splits, muffins,
the perfect school snack
or just take them on the go.
Dan: You can use all these bananas
in the same ways that you can
use bananas!
It's incredible.
announcer: Tired of nagging your kids
to eat healthy snacks?
They'll love the excitement
these trees will bring
and will be anxious to pick
and eat them with their friends.
Brendon: Listen, kids, Daddy made
a bad investment, so we gotta
eat bananas all the time, like
a bunch of (bleep) damn monkeys!
We're a banana family now!
announcer: Everyone will simply go
bananas for these bananas.
A great conversation piece
and learning experience.
Kevin: A great conversation piece?
Really?
How's that go?
Oh, is that an
Incredible Banana Tree?
Chris: Yes.
announcer: But wait, there's more!
Buy one Incredible
Indoor Banana Tree and get
a second banana tree free!
Limited supply, don't wait,
order now.
Chris: Call now, operators
are standing by.
Hello, Banana Tree.
Can I take your order?
Sorry, can you hold?
Hello, Banana Tree,
can I take your order?
Oh, can you hold?
I'm sorry, I have another line.
Hello, all of you, do you want
banana trees?
Yes, I'm talking to you now.
Can you hear me?
woman: Ooh!
Kevin: Is this just a home video of
some girl's birthday party?
No?
This is a real commercial?
Okay, continue.
woman: What is this?
woman: Ooh!
woman: That is the uTouch.
Okay, so you slide your fingers
in here, turn it on right there
and then you just...
Oh...
woman: Oh!
Ted: How do I get invited to this
magical massage party?
woman: So here's the deal, ladies.
If you can touch it,
you can relieve it.
woman: Oh!
Yes, you can.
(all laughing)
Katlyn: If you can touch it,
you can relieve it.
Know what I'm saying?
Chris: Hey, man, do you want to
hang out?
Like, now?
My mom's having one of her
old lady sex parties.
woman: I can feel this down
to my toes.
woman: Now hold on a minute,
when do we get a try?
Sean: Hey, kids!
Your *** grandma is in
a commercial!
Sunah: And for her birthday, she gets
to know what her mom's
"Oh-face" looks like.
announcer: The gentle power of uTouch
twin touch-point technology
breaks up painful stress
and tension in your hands,
shoulders, forehead,
temples, sinuses,
calves, feet,
ankles, neck...
Brendon: Um, I think you guys left
a body part out.
woman: All right, give it back.
woman: No!
woman: You're enjoying it too much.
John: Let's just keep those cameras
rolling, 'cause I got a feeling,
another half a wine spritzer
later, they're gonna be
scissoring.
woman: Oh...
>> "World's Smartest Inventions"
presents...
"Manvention".
announcer: Few things in life are
as functional and awesome
as the Beardo hat.
It's a beanie with a beard.
The oversized Beardo doesn't
just make you lumberjack cool,
it also keeps you warm.
Beardos are knitted with 100%
acrylic yarn, keeping you
cozy without irritation.
Available in different colors,
the Beardo is ideal for
snowboarding, skiing,
hiking or just keeping warm.
So drop your beard envy
and pick up a Beardo.
announcer: This has been
"World's Smartest... Manvention".
At number 15 on our countdown...
woman: Let's put this in the garage.
girl: No, it'll smell in there.
woman: Oh, you're right.
Well, that doesn't look very
good, either.
I wish we had a better
place to put it.
Kevin: Yeah, nobody stacks bags of
dog crap in front of
their garage.
That's not a real problem that's
ever happened for anybody.
announcer: Introducing the Rock Can,
a new type of functional
landscaping.
Instead of keeping dog waste
bags in your garage
and smelling it up
or having unsightly bags in
front of your house,
use the Rock Can.
Daisy: It looks like a rock,
but it's full of (bleep)!
announcer: The Rock Can can store all
your garbage and pet waste needs
outside in an inconspicuous way.
Mark: This is gonna be a bad night
when you come home drunk
and you're looking for your
Hide-a-Key.
announcer: It can hold your pet waste.
It can go by the pool to
keep your pool chemicals in.
It can go on the deck so you
can hold party drinks in it.
man: Now remember, everyone.
The fake rock on the left is for
dog poop, but the fake rock on
the right is for
Mike's Hard Lemonade.
Who wants one?
announcer: It can go by your grill
so you can...
... throw your waste away.
Jaime: What was that pause?
A cliffhanger?
Mike O.: It can go by the grill
so you can...
Let me just turn this page here.
Throw your waste away!
announcer: It can do so many things.
It's portable and lightweight.
Move it where you need it.
Katlyn: Then when the Rock Can is
full, just transfer the poop
to the garbage.
You get to touch the poop twice!
announcer: The Rock Can, order now!
Ted: Just throw your bags of
(bleep) on people's roofs
like everyone else.
announcer: Tried every diet.
Nothing seems to work.
Now there's Stink Yourself Slim,
a new weight-loss aid that kills
your appetite by spraying
a bad smell near your food.
man: You hear that,
other diet companies?
You might as well shut it down.
This lady figured out the
perfect weight-loss solution.
Liquid ***!
♪♪
Dan: Ugh!
Whoa.
That's really gross.
announcer: Stink Yourself Slim was
invented by Miss Alex Fontaine.
Alex: I had a eureka moment
when I was at a party.
Jared: Oh, my God, it's a
half-woman, half-skunk hybrid!
Alex: And there was a really,
really bad smell and
I couldn't eat the buffet.
At the party, I met my new
best friend, Sally Skunk.
She's inspired me to create
Stink Yourself Slim.
Mark: She met a skunk at a party?
What kind of party is this?
Kevin: Are we supposed to buy
a skunk now?
I'm totally confused.
Alex: I lost ten kilos with
Stink Yourself Slim
and it's helped keep
the weight off.
Malachi: From the look of her body,
she could have put a little more
stank on it.
Alex: I can't believe a bad smell
has changed my life.
You can do it.
Stink Yourself Slim.
Sean: Wow, that looks delicious.
Mike O.: Yeah, it's a lobster.
Duh.
What are you eating?
Sean: Ham sandwich.
Mike O.: Ham sandwich, boring.
Sean: Oh, my god, look behind you,
a mugger!
Mike O.: What?
How did they even get in here?
Wait, there's no mugger.
Oh!
What is that smell?
I've lost my appetite.
Sean: Well, I guess you won't
be eating this.
narrator: Coming up...
(cat meowing)
... a new way to
mess with your cat.
announcer: Order your very own
Cat's Meow.
narrator: And the real housewives of
Colonial Williamsburg.
announcer: You need a Kookn' Kap.
narrator: Plus,
what happens when C-notes
and C-cups meet?
announcer: Stuff your bra with
The Racktrap.
narrator: Find out when "World's
Smartest Inventions" continues.
♪♪
announcer: Do you love cooking, having
a dinner party for your
girlfriends and preparing some
food filled with aroma?
Does the smell of your delicious
food get in your hair?
Katlyn: Man, I hate it when my
hair smells delicious.
announcer: If so, you need
a Kookn' Kap.
This trendy yet comfortable and
stylish Kookn' Kap will save
any blowout and keep your hair
smelling fresh and looking
like you just styled it.
Ted: Or push that dinner party
back 15 minutes and jump in
the shower, you pig.
announcer: Kookn' Kap.
It keeps the smells of eggs,
bacon, sausage, omelets,
hash browns
and pretty much anything else
out of your hair.
man: You're gonna have to put this
cap on, baby, if you want me
to have sex with you,
'cause I can't do it with your
hair smelling like steak
and potatoes and baby carrots
and cheesecake for dessert.
announcer: Are you a working mom
on the go?
Do you want to make breakfast
for your family and still
make it to work on time?
woman: It saved me so much time from
having to wash my hair, that now
I can dedicate my life to
ironing my husband's shirts.
announcer: And men can wear it, too.
man: How do I look, everyone?
Like a nurse from the '20s?
announcer: Not only does the Kookn' Kap
keep the smell out of your hair,
it also keeps hair
out of your food.
Rachel: Why is she dressed like she's
in a soft-core Quaker ***?
man: Kookn' Kap is most effective
naked so the rest of your
clothes don't smell.
Don't pan down.
You don't want to get my spatula
in the shot.
announcer: You can have your very own
for as low as 9.95.
Hair smell like crap?
Get a Kap!
Kevin: Who said anything about hair
smelling like crap?
Don't cook crap.
Easy solution.
(doorbell ringing)
announcer: You wouldn't lather and shave
on the way to your date
and you wouldn't carry a big,
bulky electric razor in your
pocket all day.
But now, there's a quick
and easy way to shave
your face anyplace.
Introducing Shave Bullet,
the finger-sized razor that
shaves fast as a bullet
and close as a blade,
for the cleanest,
most convenient shave ever.
Brendon: Yeah, guys, keep that shave
nice and close.
Nobody wants a gross dude with
a beard.
announcer: Keep it in your briefcase so
you can touch up in a moment's
notice for those unexpected
business meetings.
Jared: This is a time-management
issue.
Why didn't you shave before you
left the house?
announcer: Or shave away 5:00 shadow
at the office so you'll look
great in time for your date.
Daisy: If you're living in
a train station
and the bigger homeless people
won't let you near the sink,
Shave Bullet.
Dan: Shave Bullet is most famous
for its nice, relaxing
application.
(yelling)
announcer: Shave Bullet is the little
shaver the big razor companies
don't want you to know about.
Chris: The big razor companies have
been driving by my house
late at night.
They scare my wife,
they scare my kids.
It's all because of what I know
about the Shave Bullet.
announcer: Plus, Shave Bullet is
waterproof so you can even shave
under the waves.
Ted: Finally, I can shave
in my neighbor's pool.
announcer: Use in the shower and get
the closeness of a wet shave
with the convenience
of an electric.
Mike O.: Okay, gorgeous girl that's
in the shower with me, relax,
I'll be done in a minute.
Then it's all yours.
announcer: So if you want a close,
comfortable shave at an
unbeatable price...
man: I do-- I-- I do.
announcer: Then call now and get
the amazing Shave Bullet,
a $25 value, for just $10.
Judy: Does this vibrate, too?
You know what, I'll be
right back.
announcer: So don't delay, order today.
narrator: And now, "Not So Smart
Inventions in History."
singers: ♪ It's a new thing ♪
♪ It's a fun thing ♪
♪ It's the Swing Wing ♪
Kevin: Oh, so basically,
it's like a toy seizure.
announcer: It's a what?
singers: ♪ It's the Swing Wing ♪
♪ It's the wing ding ♪
♪ A brand-new trend ♪
♪ To have fun thing ♪
Mike O.: Before these kids discovered
alcohol, they needed a fun way
to damage their brains
and the Swing Wing was it.
singers: ♪ It's the Swing Wing ♪♪
announcers: Get Swing Wing,
where the fun comes from.
narrator: And that was "Not So Smart
Inventions in History."
Now back to our countdown.
announcer: Ladies, for years, we have
been hiding all kinds of
things in our bra.
Now you can look and feel smart,
safe and sexy when you stuff
your bra with The Racktrap.
Jared: I don't know what you've been
hiding in your bra,
but women have
clothes with pockets now.
announcer: It's an undetectable
one-size-fits-all
personal bra pocket
that holds everyday essentials
conveniently in your bra.
woman: Oh, you have a cut?
Yeah, no, I have a Band-Aid
somewhere really wet
and warm in my bra.
Let me find it.
announcer: With The Racktrap, you can
skip the purse and still have
your valuables within
easy reach.
Mike O.: I noticed condoms are on
the list of everyday items.
That's presumptuous.
And a little slutty.
Kevin: If you're the kind of person
who would consider hiding
condoms in your ***, you're
also probably the kind of person
who doesn't use condoms.
woman: I've been pickpocketed a few
times in my life, so with
The Racktrap, it keeps
everything right
where it belongs.
Jaime: Life just got a little more
exciting for pickpockets.
man: Now if they want to steal
my valuables, they have to
steal my *** as well.
woman: On the right, I keep my cash,
my credit cards, my license
and on the left, you never know
who you're gonna meet,
so I keep my business cards.
Mark: That's real professional.
How you doing?
Kim Jones, attorney at law,
here's my warm card.
announcer: If you wear a bra or you know
somebody that does,
you need The Racktrap.
Brendon: And if you're a new mother,
don't forget to remove
The Racktrap before
breastfeeding your baby,
or else it'll choke
on all the condoms, Band-Aids
and lipstick you have
stored in there.
narrator: At number ten on our
countdown...
announcer: Your cat gets bored and wants
to play, but that can spell
trouble when you're away.
Introducing Cat's Meow,
the exciting new cat toy
that keeps your kitty
entertained at play
both night and day.
Jared: Don't you hate it when you
keep an animal in your house and
it still behaves like an animal?
How annoying.
announcer: Just press the button
and watch Cat's Meow silently
attract your pet instantly.
Just like a scurrying mouse,
Cat's Meow swings back and
forth, peeking in and out of
the carousel cover.
Mike O.: This thing doesn't
do anything.
I mean, it's so...
announcer: Older cats can get fat
and lazy and that's not healthy.
With Cat's Meow, your cat
is so active.
You'll turn lazy kitty
into crazy kitty.
Daisy: I like to give my cats
a workout, really get 'em
energized so they can go tear
the (bleep) out of my couch.
announcer: You'll enjoy hours of fun
watching your cat and mouse.
Annie: If you have that much time to
watch your cat play with a toy,
you probably have enough time to
play with your cat.
announcer: Order your very own
Cat's Meow for the
special TV price of just 19.99.
Kevin: Okay, Mr. Cat,
now, Daddy's gonna be back
tomorrow, but you have fun
playing with your new toy, okay?
cat: Meow, meow!
Kevin: Oh, no!
Mr. Cat!
cat: Meow, meow.
narrator: Coming up...
announcer: Is your pet a peeing machine?
Spraying on the carpet, couch
and all over the house.
narrator: The magical invention that
makes toilets obsolete.
And...
woman: With these glasses I now feel
more confident.
narrator: More flair, less glare.
Plus...
woman: Always trust your grandma.
narrator: Old women... for sale?
But first, a clue to the
number-one smartest invention.
man: Hey, magical voice in my
phone, how do I get to
Andre's Pizza?
voice: Did you say,
"Shave my foot"?
man: No--
No, why would anyone say that?
Local pizza place!
voice: Hard, dry foot skin.
man: What's your angle,
magical voice?
What are you getting at?
voice: It's the number-one smartest
invention.
It uses chemicals and
elbow grease to make you
less disgusting.
man: Okay, now I just really want
to know what you're
talking about.
voice: You can, at the end of
the show.
man: Oh, there's always a catch
with you, isn't there?
♪♪
♪♪
Jared: Hello, I'm world-famous
inventor Dr. Logan Jaredson.
And here's what we've
learned so far.
Not all *** stamps are on
the lower back.
woman: You will have nails that
look like this in seconds.
woman: Love it.
Jared: Americans are disgusting.
announcer: It's better in a Bacon Bowl.
Jared: Women's lib never happened.
announcer: You need a Kookn' Kap.
Jared: And finally, one man's trash
is another man's trash
in a rock.
And that's what we've
learned so far.
Now back to our countdown.
Hello?
Where'd everyone go?
narrator: Our number nine
smartest invention.
announcer: Eyes straining at night?
Struggling with glare
from oncoming lights?
You need visual clarity.
Get it instantly with
Night View NV,
the glare-reduction glasses
that turn fuzzy and dull into
clear and bright, even at night.
Mike T.: Are your eyes
straining at night?
Well, then get off the road
before you kill someone with
normal eyes!
woman: Oh, my goodness.
When I drive at night,
the light coming toward me,
it really bothers me.
These are giving me clarity.
Katlyn: I shouldn't legally be on
the road at all, but with these
jazzy sunglasses,
I'm ready to kill.
announcer: The secret is specially
coated yellow lenses that block
the blue light that causes
nighttime glare.
Mike O.: What I like to do to see at
night in my car is turn
the headlights on.
woman: With these glasses,
I now feel more confident.
Jaime: If you looked in the mirror,
you might feel less confident.
announcer: Similar glasses can cost as
much as $400, but during this
special TV offer, you'll receive
one pair of Night View NV
glasses for just $10.
Katlyn: I'm not good at math,
but that's, like, a savings of
how dumb do you think I am?
announcer: Call or log on now.
announcer: Are you fed up with hiring
domestic help who are clueless?
Young girls who are more
interested in texting their
friends while your little ones
are left unattended?
It doesn't have to be that way.
Rent a Grandma is here to help.
Jared: Kids, we didn't hire
a babysitter we know.
We rented an old woman
we've never met.
announcer: Rent a Grandmas are carefully
screened mature women who meet
the high standards you demand
for your family.
man: I can't stand it when
the 17-year-old neighbor girl
comes over in short shorts
and just lays around my house,
but thanks to Rent a Grandma,
now I have an octogenarian
that likes to play Candy Land.
announcer: Our friendly grandmas love to
nanny, cook,
clean, pet-sit and even
help out with homework.
Mark: All right, I'll do my
homework, then we'll do your
colostomy bag, Ethel.
announcer: Just like a real grandmother,
Rent a Grandmas are loving
and affectionate.
Kevin: But what if I get really
attached to the grandma?
Is there a rent-to-own option?
announcer: With decades of experience,
our grandmas are loyal,
dependable and arrive on time.
Judy: Did someone call
Rent a Grandma?
If you wanted Mary Poppins,
you should have rented
the (bleep) movie.
woman: Grandma has made my life
so much easier.
Having her here, an extra pair
of hands just helping out...
Katlyn: Sure, why not put someone
who refers to cell phones as
"thingamabobs" in charge of
dialing 9-1-1.
woman: Always trust your grandma.
Chris: Always trust her?
What if she touched me in
my bathing suit area?
announcer: To reserve your own grandma,
call today.
Call now and receive a tin of
Grandma's delicious
home-baked cookies.
man: Order now.
Seriously, order now.
These grandmothers are dropping
like flies in the warehouse.
man: Hello, Rent a Grandma?
I'm interested in Gertrude,
she looks ***.
I mean, nice!
♪♪
narrator: And now...
"The Loneliest Inventor
in the World".
His invention,
the kissing machine.
man: If you take one device in
your mouth and turn it
with your tongue,
the other device turns
the same way.
It's pretty cool.
narrator: That was the loneliest
inventor in the world.
Now back to our countdown.
At number seven...
announcer: Is your pet a peeing machine?
Spraying on the carpet, couch
and all over the house,
and what about that awful urine
smell that never goes away?
When you want it gone, there's
Urine Gone, the odor and stain
eliminator with amazing
enzyme action.
Brad: If your house is covered in
that much urine,
just burn it down
and start over.
announcer: Watch as we expose this
hidden urine spot to
a stain-revealing black light.
Kevin: Oh, good, you can use that to
easily find old stains,
if that's what you want to do
for some reason.
announcer: Just spray it on
and it's gone.
Urine Gone's amazing enzymes
have an appetite for urine.
man: I'm sorry, I was wondering if
it's possible for me to never
heard the phrase
"appetite for urine" again.
woman: With Urine Gone, I just spray
and the odor goes away
and stays away.
Brendon: Yes, but does it work on
Grandma smell?
announcer: And it's not just for
pet accidents.
Urine Gone knocks out odors and
stains in the bathroom and helps
eliminate embarrassing tough
stains and smells
all around the house.
Rachel: Kathy, this place is
teeming with ***!
Did you have a hobo convention
in here?
announcer: You get the supersized bottle
of Urine Gone for just $10.
But wait, there's more!
We'll include this black light
stain detective free.
man: I'm John Rockwell,
urine detective.
Where were you at 2:00 a.m.
last night after you had a tall
glass of water at midnight?
Answer the question!
announcer: Call or log on now!
♪♪
announcer: Since ancient times,
mankind has been bad at
saving money.
We thought that
maybe it's a problem
due to wallets,
not people.
Introducing Living wallet.
Jared: In ancient times,
man didn't have money.
He traded crops.
Did you guys research
this at all?
announcer: When you try to reach it,
Living wallet will
automatically evade.
Malachi: It will evade every attempt
at spending money you don't have
with the speed of
a crippled snail.
Chris: Listen, I'm sorry,
I can't pay rent this month.
My wallet literally ran away.
(tires screeching)
Oh, God, it stole my car.
announcer: If it gets caught,
it will start screaming
asking for help.
wallet: No, don't touch me!
Help!
Help me!
Jaime: I don't need my wallet to
sound like a women in distress.
I do that just fine
on my own, thank you.
announcer: Living wallet works
together with a bookkeeping
app called "Zaim."
Kevin: Oh, so it's a wallet that
can run away from me
with my financial information.
What could go wrong?
announcer: If you exceed your
predetermined budget,
Living wallet is also equipped
to automatically call friends
and family for help.
(cell phone ringing)
Rachel: Hello?
wallet: Hey, it's Billy's wallet.
We got trouble.
Rachel: Just a second.
It's my loser son's wallet
and he's trying to buy
a *** online again.
Run!
wallet: Okay.
man: See what you did?
You shut your mouth!
You shut your stupid
wallet mouth!
narrator: Coming up...
announcer: Now you can safely remove
those tags with no damage
and no pain with the Wizor.
narrator: Cutting-edge technology.
And *** implants for men.
Plus...
announcer: The headset gives you perfect
comfort for movies, eBooks
or gaming.
narrator: A new way to get stuck on
the phone,
when "World's Smartest
Inventions" continues.
♪♪
announcer: Oh, no!
You ripped a hole in your
brand-new shirt.
Those retail store tags can
be such a nuisance,
but not anymore.
Introducing The Wizor
Wall Scissors.
Gilbert: If you call something
The Wizor,
I'm gonna *** on it,
just out of principle.
announcer: Simply peel and stick
The Wizor in your closet,
your kitchen, your garage,
and you'll never go searching
for scissors again.
Mark: You know what I like
about scissors?
They're not glues to a leg of
a table in the garage.
announcer: Whether it's a pair of pants,
a backpack, or sporting goods,
they always have those
pesky retail tags.
Daisy: Take your piece of clothing,
try several times to cut
the tag, then use your teeth
as you would normally do.
announcer: With our protective shield,
The Wizor is safe and easy
for kids to use.
Mike O.: Of course it's safe for kids,
why wouldn't it be?
It's a razorblade attached
to the wall.
announcer: Order today and we'll send
you not one but two Wizors
for just $10.
man: I'm sorry, did you say
$10 for two razorblades?
Put that number on the screen
before I forget which end of
the phone to talk into.
announcer: New tennis racket?
Wizor it.
Frayed jeans.
Wizor it.
New decoration?
Wizor it!
woman: Unwanted *** hair?
Wizor it!
Boyfriend cheating on you?
Wizor it!
narrator: And now, a homemade
invention that sucks.
man: The Cake-O-Matic!
narrator: This is Colin.
He loves cake so much that he
invented a way to get it into
his mouth as fast as possible.
(laughing)
(laughing)
Colin: Yes!
narrator: Better luck next time, Colin.
Our number-four smartest
invention comes to us from
Japan.
Introducing the Scentee,
a new smartphone accessory
that releases delicious
smells into the air
to make your mind think
the bland food you're eating is
actually a much tastier dish.
Katlyn: Move over, pesky real food.
Hello, phone huffing.
announcer: Are we ready to savor this?
Let's say you're a student
with no money.
Malachi: A student with no money?
Please.
I guess that sweet hoodie
bought itself.
announcer: All you need is some
white rice and your stomach
will feel satisfied.
commentator: Mmm!
Gilbert: So that white rice doesn't
taste like white rice anymore?
Yeah, and I'm
Scarlett Johansson.
announcer: Now, let's say there's
a couple going out on a date.
Mike T.: Let's say we kidnapped
a couple and forced them to have
dinner together in our
research prison.
I mean, restaurant.
announcer: We're pretty sure this will
help bring them closer.
Kevin: Am I crazy or is this rice
that smells like steak
about to get me laid?
announcer: Let's say you're a woman
on a diet.
Jared: Nobody eats a bowl
of lettuce.
That just has never--
That doesn't ever happen.
That's a crazy person.
Katlyn: Hurry up and download,
you stupid app.
This lettuce just tastes
like lettuce!
announcer: A whole new approach to food.
Tasting and savoring food
with your nose.
Mike O.: Or just do what I do and eat
the food that you wanna eat.
announcer: Are you tired of looking
skinny and scrawny?
Do you long for big muscles
to boost your confidence
and impress the girls?
Then you need Funkybod,
the revolutionary new
muscle top for men.
Jared: Usually, I lie to women about
what I do to get them into bed.
But now, thanks to the Funkybod,
I can lie to them about how
I look, to their faces!
announcer: Funkybod is a
muscle-enhancing shirt that
accentuates the pectorals,
shoulders biceps and triceps
It's like a workout in a shirt!
Kevin: This is great for that person
who wants that sexy "I got
a bunch of tumors" look.
announcer: Worn as a normal
undergarment, the Funkybod top
is a great confidence booster
for men.
And the best part?
No one will ever know
you're wearing one.
Dan: No one can even tell that
your muscles are fake,
except everyone who knows you
or has seen you recently.
Mike T.: Confession time.
I've been wearing one of these
on every episode.
I'm actually a little chubby.
announcer: Everyone will notice your new
mojo and your new physique.
Gilbert: It'll make you look like
you're wearing a T-shirt
that doesn't fit.
Mark: I don't get this whole thing.
I'm just gonna stick to
the old sock in the pants.
announcer: So get your Funkybod today
and get funky.
Mike B.: The illusion is great when
you're out in the street,
but if you should get lucky,
that's on you, dude.
woman: Should we, uh, get a little
bit more comfortable?
man: Sure.
woman: Where did your pecs go?
Sean: My pecs?
They're on the floor next
to my shoes.
Should I put 'em back on?
(door closing)
narrator: "Inventions that
nobody asked for."
announcer: Tired of the same old
traditional tiny hot dog?
Well, now there's new
Big Hot Dog.
When you put tiny hot dogs on
a plate, grill or other
cooking device, they roll
all over the place.
Big Hot Dog solves all
the problems inherent
to tiny hot dogs.
The secret is
that the Big Hot Dog
is sliced into patties for
cooking and eating per
the consumer's desire.
It won't roll around on the
grill and it's going to cook
thoroughly and evenly every
time, so next time you go to
a barbecue, picnic or party,
don't you wanna be the guy
or gal with the Big Hot Dog?
Order yours today.
narrator: That was "Inventions that
Nobody Asked For."
At number two on our countdown,
from Germany, is a new invention
called the Headflat.
Renata: My name is Renata and I'm
the social web representative
of Headflat.
Kevin: I don't know what she's
selling, but I am interested.
announcer: The Headflat is
a new technology.
It is worn on top of your head
and attaches to your smartphone
so you can go hands-free.
man: After a while I noticed that
always keeping the phone in my
hand while I'm watching
is not very comfortable.
The Headflat gives you perfect
comfort for movies,
eBooks or gaming.
Ted: Finally, the ultimate goal.
You don't have to do
anything, ever.
announcer: With the Headflat,
your smartphone looks the same
as a 60-inch flat screen from
a distance of only 3 meters.
Annie: Yeah, but if you're watching
a movie with your girlfriend,
it's gonna make it
hard to make out.
I'm just kidding, you don't have
a girlfriend.
man: We are professionals in
developing the Headflat.
The controller is a very
important part for our project.
Chris: So just to clarify, you've
invented a hands-free device
that comes with a controller you
have to hold with your hands?
man: Headflat in combination with
our controller is pure
action and fun.
You can play it everywhere like
a mobile gaming console that
you almost have already.
Mike O.: The most innovative thing
about this commercial is that
it features an Asian German.
Who invented that?
man: Join us in the next level of
using a smartphone.
With our Headflat, we guarantee
you fun and you will definitely
have more than just
a smartphone.
Dan: What's up with those puppets?
Seriously, those two puppets
just video-bombed this whole--
No one?
man: So thank you and goodbye.
Bryan: Sir, I'm not interested in
your invention, because it's,
uh, oh, yeah, ridiculous,
but is the girl for sale?
narrator: And now, your final clue to
the number-one smartest
invention.
Kevin: You're in the barracuda pit.
Pitch me!
Sean: Oh, boy, have I got an
invention for you!
Katlyn: Can we see it?
Sean: No.
Kevin: Not a great start, buddy.
Sean: But I can tell you, it takes
exfoliating to the extreme.
Mike B.: Okay, I'm intrigued.
Sean: It can even fill an entire
trash can with dead skin.
Really!
Katlyn: Sounds gross.
Sean: Oh, it is.
But here's the best part.
It uses chemicals to make your
nasty feet look
slightly less nasty.
Kevin: You know what?
I'm in.
Mike B.: Me too.
Katlyn: This sounds like the world's
number one smartest invention.
When can you have it ready
for us?
Sean: By the end of the show.
To Mom's basement!
♪♪
♪♪
narrator: And now, it's time to reveal
the number-one smartest
invention.
announcer: Tired of ripped pantyhose?
Embarrassed by your ugly,
calloused feet?
You've tried everything.
Nothing works.
Stop.
Introducing Callous Clear,
the brand-new miracle
callous-removing system
that you can do
right at home in just minutes.
Katlyn: Introducing Callous Clear,
the brand-new--
(gagging)
Callous removing--
(gagging)
announcer: Just one simple application,
your feet will feel baby soft.
Look at the difference.
man: Am I looking at callouses
or full-blown gangrene?
Kevin: That one was actually
a lizard.
No way that's not an
iguana foot.
announcer: Apply the callous softener
gel to the remover patch,
place the patch on the calloused
area and in just a few minutes,
the dry, hard skin will
peel right off.
You won't believe your eyes.
Katlyn: Apply the flesh-eating
chemicals directly to your
God-forsaken feet
and let the dark magic
do its thing.
woman: I had a huge callous on
the side of my foot and toe
I could never get rid of.
With Callous Clear, I was able
to get rid of it quickly
and easily and now,
I can wear my sandals again.
Daisy: I can finally tell
my boyfriend he's dating
a real model.
A disgusting
"before" foot model.
man: For years, my wife complained
about my calloused feet.
I tried filing them.
That didn't work.
We got Callous Clear,
the callouses were removed
quickly and easily
and I was amazed.
Brendon: My wife still won't touch me,
but what are you gonna do?
announcer: Order your Callous Clear Kit,
the callous softener gel,
foot balm
and the two-in-one scraper
and file for just $10.
Chris: And if you call now, we'll
throw in shoes, 'cause you've
clearly never worn them.
Mike O.: Honey, you coming to bed?
Rachel: In a minute.
I almost have enough to
fill the duvet.
Mike O.: Oh, yum.
Sean: Oh, my God!
Look right--
Sorry.
Mike O.: Whoa!
Oh!
Sweet pickles!
Oh, what is that smell?
Oh, my gosh.
Sean: This is getting fun.
Mike O.: I don't know where that came
from, where did that smell
come from?
Sean: I have no idea.
Mike O.: Maybe that mugger
brought it in.
Where do smells come from?
That's an interesting question.
Oh, my gosh.