Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
Basic principles
No woman wakes up saying:
"God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today."
Now, she might say:
"This is a really bad time for me."
Or, something like
"I just need some space."
Or, my personal favorite
"I'm really into my career right now."
You believe that?
Neither does she. You know why?
Because she is lying to you. That's why.
You understand me? Lying.
It not a bad time for her.
She doesn¡¯t need any space.
She may be into her career.
But what she is really saying is
"Get away from me now."
Or possibly, "Try harder, stupid."
But which one is it?
60% of all human communication is nonverbal.
Body language.
30% is your tone.
That means that 90% of what you're saying, ain't coming out of your mouth.
Toby, Toby!
***!
Of course she's gonna lie to you. She's a nice person.
She doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
What else is she gonna say? She doesn¡¯t even know you ... yet.
Luckily, the fact is, Just like the rest of us,
Even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it.
That's where I come in.
My job is to open her eyes.
Toby!
Oh, my god!
Is this what you are looking for?
Basic principles,
No matter what, no matter when, no matter who,
Any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet.
Just needs the right broom.
You can not use what you do not have.
So if you're shy, be shy. If you're outgoing, be outgoing.
I'm not outgoing. That's ok.
She may not want the whole truth, But she does want the real you.
She may not want to see it all at once, But she does want to see.
So tonight, when you wonder what to say, or how you look, or whether or not she likes you,
Just remember, she is already out with you.
That means she said "yes" when she could've said "no".
That means she made a plan when she could've just blown you off.
So that means it is no more your job to try to make her like you.
It is your job not to mess it up.
Uh?
Shoes are hot. You went to the place I told you, right?
Yeah, but I don't think they are really me.
"You" is a very fluid concept now.
You bought the shoes.
You look great in these shoes.
That's the "you" that I am talking about.
Now the key tonight is "hang back".
Give her plenty of place.
If she lingers at a photograph, move on.
But maintain the visual.
All right now. It's supposed to be 64 F and clear tonight.
So when you leave the club, walk a little.
Ask her what she thought about the show.
What was her favorite photograph? Why that one?
And when she answers, don't be looking at her mouth.
Don't be wondering what she looks like naked.
Listen to what she is saying and respond.
Listen and respond. Listen and respond.
That way, when it's your turn to talk,
You have something better to say than "I like your mouth." What was your favorite one?
The, uh... Elephant, definitely. Yeah.
And all of a sudden, We're on Date Number Two.
No way.
We are going back in there. You have to smile.
In case you didn't go to high school, Hitting is a good thing.
So how does it happen?
Great love. Are you ok?
Nobody knows. Good.
Let me get a bun pop and a scoop ball for the lady.
But what I can tell you,
is that it happens in the blink of an eye.
One moment you're enjoying your life.
And the next, you're wondering how you've ever lived without them.
Three days is all that I need.
Three days and I will get you here
to the high stake meadow ground, where eight out of ten woman believe that
the first kiss will tell them everything they need to know about the relationship.
After that, you are on your own.
But always remember,
Life is not the amount of breath you take.
It's the moments that takes your breath away.
Didn't I call it, or did I call it?
I mean what did I say, six months.
And when was her first date?
So five and a half. God, I hate it when I am right.
I mean what is it about guys, that makes them want to screw anything that walks,
Even when they are going out with someone as awesome as Allegra Cole.
I mean she's only the single most fabulous thing walking around New York.
Thanks, Young.
Are you kidding?
Of course I'm gonna run it.
Why should she waste her heart on some Swedish even if he is gorgeous.
Hey, if he's stupid enough to cheat, Then the world should know he's dumb enough to get caught.
Exactly. I'm in the elevator. See you in a minute.
Morning. How are you?
Great Sara.
Better party of one?
Hey, you should try it sometime. Banbados by myself?
I wouldn¡¯t last five minutes.
Just did what the doctor ordered.
I slept in, I did my Yoga,
I read a couple of books, I flirted with my scuba instructor.
And apparently never left the office?
I know. Isn't that great? You should've taken someone with you.
Who? Who am I going to take with me?
This is where boyfriend comes in handy.
I don't have time for a boyfriend.
You said that two years ago.
Yes. It is as true today as it was then.
Hey, I thought you were on vacation.
See if these were in focus, will you? And have it on desk in an hour?
Cool.
And beside, relationships are for people that are just waiting for something better to come along.
Ahh. Spoken like a true cynic.
I'm not a cynic. I'm a realist.
A realist masquerading as a cynic, who is secretly an optimist.
What are you doing here? What is she doing here?
She works here, remember?
No, she doesn¡¯t. Not for another four days.
Well, this couldn't wait.
Of course it could. What are you doing? Go back to the beach. I don't want you here.
Oh, no, really you do.
You are becoming a sick workaholic lunatic.
That is exactly the kind of nervous overall behavior that leads to ...
Pictues of Sebby with *** brunettes.
A very very big raise.
Jesus! You could find dirt in a snowstorm.
Comes with the job.
You know kido. There is more to life than watching other people live it.
Can I help you with cheating on my beach?
Hey, I think it's great that you are so good at your job. I'm just a little worried as to why.
Let me worry about that.
OK. I want that column on my desk by lunch.
Does that mean you are going to pay for my hotel?
For you to sip my ties? I don't think so. Get out.
Oh, come on.
What? That's good, right?
No.
It was in it. It freaks out.
You know what your problem is, Hitch?
You're all about the short game.
You pick your shots based on what you see first.
Not what's uhh... necessarily best for you in the long run.
Well, all of us are not married to the woman of our dream and is about to have a baby.
I am very happy for you. Just not meant for everybody.
So please just leave me to my hot, sweaty,
totally very wildly experimental short game.
I was just talking about pool. But you know, what ever. Yeah, OK.
Honestly, I just hope one day you are able to experience the unconditional love
And the trust and the openness that ...
You know, I share with Grace every single day.
Is this really barroom talk? No, you need to listen to me, man. I'm serious.
Because when you get to a place with a woman like that,
It's so beyond anything physical.
When I think back, when I used to run around with you and chase those really gorgeous but shallow women and ...
I know it's ...
It's kind of ridiculous, and vaguely pathetic.
Yeah, I see what you mean.
That's pathetic.
That, that's pathetic. Uh-huh.
So how did you meet him?
I was in the Brelin and I was just buying some weekend gowns.
And he was doing likewise?
No. Look, yeah. Actually he said he was buying some for his mom.
His mom?
Casey. who buy high price lingerie for their mother?
No, no. Maybe he was looking for a robe.
Oh, Casey.
Casey. He was hitting on you while he was buying lingerie for another woman.
Well, I prefer the mother story.
I know you prefer it, but that's not the point.
No. The point is, I'm not gonna start out assuming the guy is a liar.
Why not? Because this is how you end up ...
Like me? Is that what you are going to say?
No. I was going to say "Like you".
What is his name? Why?
I'm going to google him. No. Google your own guy.
Let's just to see if his mother is still alive.
So when is Grace due again? Soon.
You're excited?
What did you say?
Do you want me to go get them and bring them over here?
No. No, don't do that.
Are you saying you don't want to talk to them because you can't go home with them?
Hey, what do you want from me? I just trying to keep my head above water.
Hey, did you ever hear this guy they called "Date Doctor"? Every man.
Really? Absolutely.
I was kind of hope he also help women.
Casey. You're not sick. You are single.
You just have to relax and enjoy the ride.
I haven't been ridden in months.
That's a happy note.
I'm going to go see if anybody interesting came in tonight.
Oh, you mean besides me? Right?
Right.
I'm gonna go get those girls and I'm gonna bring them over here before we have a conversation like human beings.
Then you are going to go home and I'm going to take them back to my apartment.
That sounds like fun for me, but you know, you might wanna get in line, pal.
Hey,Baby. Can I get a cup of corona over at the pool table, please. Thanks.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
A bottle is fine.
Hey, ***, I don't work here.
Wow. I am sorry.
The paramedic is gonna have to come to get my foot out of my mouth, sweetheart.
Just don't let it happen again.
I knew you did not work here.
You did?
How else was I supposed to get you away from all those guys.
Why would you want to do that?
Some guys naturally develop a comfort with the opposite sex.
They like women, women like them. Everything flows naturally.
Back in college, I was just not one of them.
I seemed to lack the basic understanding that my peers just intuitively grasp.
But like any late bloomer, I was eager to make up for lost time.
Her name was Cressida Baylor.
Would you tell me where the register building is? Yeah.
And my life would never be the same.
I am Alex.
Cressida.
What we had was beautiful.
I love you.
I love you so much.
I love you too, Alex.
I know you don't love me as much as I love you.
I mean, but that is OK.
I am just glad you love me at all.
In retrospect, I guess I may have come on a little strong.
But the experience taught me a lot.
Cressida!
What are you doing?
I am sorry, Alex.
But I love you. I love you. Want did I do wrong? Just tell me what I did wrong.
Dude! You are doing it right now.
I am sorry.
It is an education I feel obliged to pass on to my fellow men.
Becuse with no guile, and no game, there is no girl.
And if ever there was a man born without a game, it was Albert Brennaman.
My business is 100% referral. And thus far, untraceable.
And if there is one thing I've learned when you orchestrate, coordinate, and otherwise mess with fate,
It is best to fly under the radar.
I hope she is single, because I don't do breakups.
Hi, thank you for seeing me.
No. I mean, she just got out of a relationship.
Is that a problem? Because if it is, fine.
I am a little uncomfortable with this anyway, you know.
Definitely, have been hurt a lot. You know, I had a lot of bad experiences.
Some good ones. You know definitely a lot of bad ones.
And you know, I am desperate, basically, I mean.
Not in general, you understand? Not just for anybody. But I mean for her.
Why don't you tell me about her?
Let's see. What can I say?
My company handles her finances. I am her tax consultant.
Well, I am one of them. I am the junior man on the account.
So does she know you are interested? Oh, no no no.
No.
Alive?
I lent her my pen once. Shoot. Does anyone have a pen?
Here take mine.
Albert, you are crushing my arm.
Sorry about that.
Allegra, as in Allegra Cole?
Yeah, I realize that I am not her usual type.
Well, her last boyfriend, like owns Sweden or something.
And the guy was a bum.
He just, he didn't seem like a very nice person to me.
You swing for the fence.
OK, look. You don't think I tried to talk myself out of this.
You don't think I know how ridiculous this is?
I know. OK. I just thought maybe with your help, I just...
You know what? I am really sorry I wasted your time.
Hold on a second, Albert.
You know what it is like.
Getting up every morning, feeling hopeless,
Feeling like, the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man,
But at the same time, hope that she still finds happiness,
Even if she is never gonna be with you.
You are flat out, out of your mind.
You know that? Yeah.
That is good.
It is? Good?
You ever heard Michelangelo? Yeah.
Heard of the Sistine Chapel?
Yeah?
Michelangelo, Sistine Chapel.
So you can do this?
My name is Alex Hitchens.
Let's go paint that ceiling.
Take it easy.
Oh my God. Oh God.
Well it looks like I am still rich.
But what I would really like, and what I was wondering is,
If I can have $500,000 to invest on my own?
Oh? And what were you thinking of investing in, Allegra?
Well, it's something that I really have a passion for.
Daydreams are for private time.
When you in the room, be in the room.
Concentrate, focus. Women respond when you respond to them.
See, my friend Maggie, is a really talented designer.
I've seen the business plan. The samples look fantastic.
And I would really, really like to get involved.
I'll tell you what. Let us just come up with a range of investment
that we think you might be interested in,
and next month we will run the whole lot of them by you. Hum?
Ok.
Fine. Thank you. All right, gentlemen, the next...
Let's go over this one more time. What is the objective?
Shock and awe.
That is shockingly awful. What is the objective?
Shock and awe.
What is the objective?
Excuse me, sir.
Yes, Albert?
I don't really agree with that.
You don't really agree with what?
I think if you want to invest half a million dollars in your friend's business,
That is exactly what you should do. Albert!
You don't need us to tell you what to do.
We are a board of advisors. We are not your kindergarten teachers.
And if you want to be taken seriously as an adult,
I suggest you start taking yourself seriously as an adult.
Instead of asking for permission to invest your own money from a boardroom full of your daddy¡¯s golf buddies.
That is quite enough. You know I am finished.
I'd like to see anybody in this room, handle the attention and publicity
that she has to deal with her whole life with half of her class.
We should be taking advice from you, Miss Cole. Not the other way around.
Sit down, Mister. No, you know what, I quit.
Oh, my God.
Just breathe, just breathe. How did it go?
I yelled at her. I turned in my boss. I quit my job.
What? You said...
I gotta go back. Not tell you to quit.
Listen, we are fine. We are fine. OK? Just let me go.
Albert. No no.
Just relax, OK?
Just let them marinate for a second. Trust me. No.
It is Allegra Cole. Answer it.
Can I speak to you for a second? Answer it. Answer the door, Albert.
Yes, hi. What's up?
Listen, Albert, right?
People don't usually talk to me like that, OK? Close your mouth, man.
Let me re-phase that. People never talk to me like that.
Stand up.
I guess it is kind of scary for them.
But that's why I really appreciate what you did in there.
But I was wondering, do you think you and I could get together sometime this week?
You know, to go over things, financial things.
You see, I like to see the area where I can afford to take some risks.
Check your schedule. I have to check my schedule, Miss Cole.
Great. Let me give you my number. Do you have a pen?
I don't look like I have one.
Yes, I do. Great.
Call me Allegra.
You are done. Good bye.
Good job.
Albert. Oh damn.
She is some kind of newspaper columnist.
Comes in here once in a while. Great tipper.
What is her drink?
Usually beer. Tonight, grey goose martini, dirty.
Hi.
I noticed your glass was getting a little low. So I took a liberty of bringing you another apple martini.
Thank you.
And I couldn¡¯t help but notice you look a lot like my next girlfriend.
What is your name?
They call me Chip.
Aha, you can't get them to stop?
That was funny.
Listen, Chip, I understand the courage to take to walk across the room and try to generate a relationship out of thin air.
So don't take the following personally.
You have fantastic eyes.
Thanks. Try to listen.
This is no selection on you. I am just not interested.
But thank you for the compliment of coming over.
You are welcome. So do you like Cuban food?
Chip, seriously, that was not a code for "I wish you try harder".
Are you always so shutdown, and afraid that the right man might make you feel like...
Like a natural woman?
Sorry, I am late, honey. I could get a cab.
How was the meeting?
Oh well, there was a beginning, a middle, and an end. Nice to meet you, Chip.
You too.
Now on the one hand it is very difficult for a man to even speak to someone who looks like you.
But on the other hand, should that be your problem?
So life is kind of hard all around.
Well, not if you pay attention.
I mean you send out all the right signals.
No earrings, heels under two inches, your hairs pulled back.
You wear reading glasses, but no book.
Drinking a grey goose martini, which means you have a hell of a week, and beer just wouldn't do it.
If that wasn't enough, there is always the "***-off" that you have stamped on your forehead.
Because who is gonna believe that there is man out there that can sit down beside a woman he does not know,
and genuinely be interested in who she is, what she does, without his own agenda.
I wouldn't even know what that would look like.
So what would a guy like that say?
Well, he'd say my name is Alex Hitchens, and I am a consultant.
But she wouldn't be interested in that, because she probably be just counting seconds until he left.
Thinking he was like every other guy.
Which life experience has taught her is a virtual certainty.
But then he¡¯d ask her name and what she did for a living.
And she might blow him off, or she might say...
I am Sara Melas. I run the Gossip column at the Standard.
Then he would ask all these penetrating questions about it, because he was sincerely, if atypically interested.
No.
He'd be interested.
But he'd see that these was no way he could possibly make her realize that he was for real.
Well, he could be funny and charming, and refreshingly original.
Wouldn't help.
Doesn't he hate it when that happens.
Not really.
They both probably go on to lead a life they were headed toward.
My guess is, they do just fine.
The pleasure to have met you, Sara Melas.
Great goose martini, from the gentleman who just left.
Woo, is that for me?
What?
Ben, sorry I am late.
Oh, no. Not a problem.
Wow, you are the....
Can I get something to drink, sir?
No, no. I am fine. Thank you. So tell me about her.
Have you ever met someone, and you knew right away, she is gonna be important to you.
Not just because of her looks, but, you know, that X factor...
How did you meet her?
Actually, I was in a shop buying pajamas for my mom.
And by that, of course you mean you are buying lingerie for another woman.
Yes. You can't help when you meet somebody, can you?
And the lingerie was for a woman I am no longer seeing.
So, but anyway, the girl I met, the one I was talking about. She is so sweet, funny, southern.
She gave me a number, now she won't return my phone calls.
I don't know what it is about her. I just can't get her out of my mind.
Food has lost its taste, colors, you know, they seem dull.
And things that used to matter, I don't know, they just no longer do.
I think things are not gonna snap back unless I...
Unless I *** her.
Excuse me?
You know, *** her, clear my head. Get in, get off, get out.
I think you may have misunderstood what I do exactly.
No, I was told you help guys get in there.
Right. But see, there is the thing, my clients actually like women.
Hit-and-quit is not my thing.
Let me make one thing clear to you, Rabbi.
I need professional help.
Well, that is for damn certain.
And I am glad you can admit it, because generally that is the hardest part.
You see what I am doing? This is what I am about.
Power suit, power tie, power steering.
People can wince, cry, beg. But eventually, they do what I want.
Oh, so that is like a metaphor.
Oh, yeah.
Right, well, I am more of a literal kind of guy.
So when I do this.
This is more like me saying that I will literally break your *** off if you ever touch me again.
OK, pumpkin? Got it.
No. No.
I can't just mention your restaurant? Somebody has to eat there.
No. Somebody famous, you know that.
Sara Melas? No, no, no.
OK, bye.
I need your signature.
I hated when a guy calls a girl who did not give him her number.
So this is me not calling, over.
Yes, you're right. This is much less invasive.
Listen, I've been thinking about that sign on your forehead.
I was wondering you would mind taking it down for dinner Friday night, over.
Oh, I can't. I have a couple of parties I have to hit.
Gossip never sleeps.
Not till about 4 A.M.
Saturday?
I am, I have a date.
Do you know the definition of perseverance, Miss Melas?
An excuse to be obnoxious?
Continuing a course of action without regard to discouragement, opposition or previous failure, over.
OK, Webster. How do I get rid of you?
Breakfast Sunday. And you can barely even call that a date.
You do that with out-of-town relatives that you don't even like.
OK. I guess I can do Sunday.
You forgot to say "Over", over.
This conversation is over as soon as you tell me when and where.
7 A.M., North Cove Marina, over now.
7 A.M., are you crazy? I don't do 7 A.M.
Hello?
Sign here. What?
Said Sunday, right? Yeah?
What if I would've said Friday?
Sunday?
So, I guess you are not going to church.
Do you really expect me to wear this?
That would be awfully cold out there without it.
Good morning.
Good if it would be at 10.
You are a lot taller than I remember.
You ever ride one of these?
Not in the Hudson.
So what do you want to do?
Race me around the Statue of Liberty? If there is time.
You might need these. All right.
Wow, how do I look?
Fabulous.
All right. I give.
Where do I change?
So we go out passing the wall.
Take a left and it's pretty much a straight shot from there.
Straight shot to where?
That's for me to tell you to find out.
So look. What you do with these babies is ...
Yeah, what I do with these babies is to kick your ***.
Hey! Hey!
What happened? You changed your mind?
It just died.
Did you put gas in it?
Yeah, no, you know. I bet it must have sucked up a diaper or something.
Gross.
Try it again.
You want me to call AAA?
Come all around and let me hop over yours.
I don't know. What if you break mine, too. Then we will both be sitting ducks.
I didn't break it. It just died.
Yeah, yeah.
All right, hop on. Come on.
Go back. Hey, I'm already here.
Yeah, but you don't know where we are going.
Why don't you tell me and we will both know.
Sara?
Man, male egos.
I don't know how you guys make it through the day with them.
What? It is not my ego.
I just don't want to ruin a surprise.
Sara!
I'm sorry. Are you all right?
I always keep a few of those around. Thank you.
I have lower back trouble.
I just shovel the ice pack right down there.
Oh, no, no. This is a fresh one.
So, Ellis island.
I have to admit. I have lived in New York my whole life.
And I've never been here.
I figured that most people haven't.
So I got my man Larry here to set us a private tour.
Anything for Hitch.
It was originally known as Oyster Island.
The island was expand to its present size with dirt,
removed during the construction of the New York subway system.
Are you serious? Yes.
Did you know this?
Yes. I mean that's why I brought you here.
In fact, over 100 million of Americans can trace their ancestors
back to a single man, woman or a child on the ship's manifest
to an inspector's ledger.
By 1910, 75% of the residents of New York, Chicago, Detroit ...
It's called the "Kissing Post".
The plaque explains how different cultures kiss after long absences.
What exactly would qualify as a long absence?
I mean, like ...
No.
I actually have a relative come through here.
Really? Yeah.
What? What?
What's that thing?
No. You know, I was just thinking, uh...
You can't know where you are going,
Until you know where you've been.
Ain't that right, Larry?
You're the man, brother.
It's kind of deep for a first date, don't you think?
What is there?
Oh, my God!
It's my great great grandfather.
That's his signature. I mean, Jesus, it's right here.
How did you ... How did you know?
Hitch did the search. I just found the page.
I thought that going differently in my mind.
My family never saw him again, except from the Wanted posters.
Look, I am really sorry.
When I saw that on the computer,
it said "the butcher of Cadiz".
You know, I thought it was a profession.
Not a headline.
It's one of those horrible family legacies we all tried to forget.
Thank you. No, it was ...
A train wreck. Yeah.
No. I'll get you a cab.
Thanks.
Bye.
Bye bye.
Taxi.
Poor guy. Sounds like went into a lot of trouble.
It was fun.
In a disaster's kind of way. I mean this isn't exactly a hickey.
At least you got your story out of it, right?
Right?
You should try mine. It's great.
Wait. You are seeing him again?
Look. You said I am always expecting men to let me down, right?
Assuming they are going to fail,
Which he did.
Yeah? But he did it with flare.
I mean, Casey, really taint.
And that's a desirable trait.
Yeah, weird, huh?
Now just keep it simple. Just like we practice.
We're just leaving a message here, OK?
Women like Allegra Cole don't pick up numbers they don't recognize.
Hello?
She's on the phone.
Yes, hello, Miss Cole?
Hi, I have an Albert Brennaman for you.
One moment please.
Tell her I am at lunch.
We called her to tell her you are at lunch?
Allegra. Hi, it's Albert Brennaman.
Hi, how are you?
Good. Good. I'm doing good.
The reason I'm calling is about our appointment this Wednesday.
Not gonna be able to make it.
Oh, uh, when can you make it?
Uh, when can I do it?
I don't even know. Because my whole next week is slammed.
Right, it's all good.
Yeah, it's all good.
Uh-huh.
No. We are gonna make it happen. That's for sure.
We're gonna make it happen. Yes.
Oh, are you ...
What's going on over there?
Just move some things around.
Sky Studios.
Look. Tonight I am actually going this fashion thing as Sky Studios.
Designer friend.
Yeah. I just thought it might be something your designer friend Maggie would be interested.
Yeah. Definitely.
Well, great!
Great. I will put you back on with my secretary...
Allegra, over here please.
Miss Cole, this way.
Hi there.
This was a fantastic idea.
I suppose.
Hey, where is Maggie?
Late as usual.
Tonight I want you to meditate on the image of an iceberg.
You know why I want you do to that?
Because I'm cool?
No. I know I'm not.
I'm saying that you're an iceberg in that over 90% of your mass is below the surface.
I know I'm heavy. I am.
I am talking about who you are.
It's a metaphor.
Accounting, business, all of that is just a small part of a much deeper, richer Albert.
I know it's gonna be loud in there.
So this is our opportunity to break the touch barrier in a non-*** way.
So get her to where it's the loudest. Ask her if she likes a drink.
Lean in, put your hand on the small of her back, say in her ear like a secret.
But watch your hand placement.
Too high, says "I just want to be friends."
Too low says "I just want to grab some ***."
All right. Friends, ***, me.
Special issues.
Allegra Cole is a celebrity,
which means when people talk to her, they will ignore you completely.
She's classy. So she will introduce you.
When she does do, shake hands hard and speak up.
Let them know you are there.
Show her you can handle being her escort.
Egon, this is Albert.
Egon.
Albert, this is Zak.
Nice to see you.
These guys are friends of Maggie.
Have you been to that new Brazilian restaurant?
No, but I am looking... It's disgusting.
I am writing an article about it.
Did you see that new station?
Yes. Did you... It's disgusting. Disgusting.
Women can always tell when you are not being real with them.
The worst thing you can do is trying to fake it.
Because you are a great guy and you do have something to offer to Allegra than no other man does.
What's your name, Mad dog?
Egon.
What do you think of the design of the new football stadium on the west side?
Uh...
Let me guess, disgusting?
Think it over. We'll be back.
Thank you. I can't stand those guys.
Really? I kind of like them.
But when all that said done.
Tonight is not about Allegra.
It's not?
No. Tonight is about Maggie.
A woman's best friend has to sign off on all big relationship decisions.
So you can't afford to mess this up.
Albert, I want you to meet my friend, Maggie.
Hi, Maggie.
It's an absolute pleasure to meet you. I'm Maggie.
No, you're not.
Actually I am.
Magnus Forester.
Thank you so much for inviting us.
Very soft hands.
Thank you.
Wow, so do you.
Thank you.
So tonight, you focus on one thing and one thing only. Maggie.
Where did your inspiration come from?
Oh, my God.
Anything I see. Something in a
Out on the streets, in an old movie.
There's certain nature of creative facility just astounds me.
Oh, anybody wants some spring rolls?
It's a beautiful time by the way.
I mean this whole thing, it just works.
Thank you.
Is he gay?
I don't think so.
I like him.
Now about the DJ, generally I have a firm "No dancing" policy.
But if she asks, you can not say "No".
Dancing is the one thing I'm not worried about.
But if there are people there ...
I'm sorry. I have to be a stickler.
But I need to be thorough.
Show me what you mean by you are not worried about it.
Trust me. Yes, I do.
That's where it's all about right there.
See how it gets bigger.
Now I'm gonna start the fire.
Put the feet going.
I start the fire.
I make the pizza.
Hips are always going.
Kick in the hip.
There, the Q-tip.
Q-tip. Q-tip. Throw it away.
That's not working. You hit with it.
Don't ever do that again.
Do you hear me?
Just express myself.
No. No.
Not like that, you are not.
All right.
This is where you live. Right here.
You live right here.
This is home.
Like this.
I want to see none of that.
They don't need no pizza. They got food there.
Elbows, six inches from the waist.
Ninety degree angles.
Don't you bite your lips. Stop it.
OK?
Women relate dancing to sex.
All right. Even a great dancer can lose it with one of these.
OK, you know, that's what I need to be learning.
I can't stop it. You can not stop it.
Next subject.
Get out.
Thanks.
So, you are Knicks fun?
When they are good.
Hey.
Hey. I'm really sorry.
Oh, God, why?
She was there?
I left a bunch of messages.
My phone fell in the Hudson, Sam.
It gets worse.
I don't believe this.
I thought he was a bodyguard.
The only one she was getting protection around here is from me.
Max is gonna ...
Gonna be very irritated.
You know when I got on the train this morning, I thought this was going to be a good day.
Who the hell is Albert Brennaman?
I need you to tell me how it happened.
What dude? Some photographers.
Does this even look like dance to you?
Just a little bit me. Being me.
No, Albert. That's you being a lot better something that you don't need to ever be again.
Just one dance. No.
One dance, one look, one kiss.
That's all we get, Albert.
Just one shot to make the difference between
"Happily ever after" and "Oh, He's just some guy I went to something once."
All right?
What?
You said "Kiss".
Is that a problem?
It's not a problem, but I don't know. This is Allegra Cole ... Albert.
Eight out of ten women believe the first kiss will tell them everything that they need to know about a relationship.
And believe me, she has definitely thought about it.
She has?
Oh, of course. I mean not that she's going to act on it.
So it's no real big deal.
All right. Well it's no big deal.
It's a very big deal, Albert.
Huge. Monumental.
You are not listening.
You need to wrap your head around this.
Tomorrow night, Allegra Cole could have her last first kiss.
All right, come on. Just show me what you got.
What do you mean?
Just go to show me how you will kiss me.
Why would I kiss you?
I'm not me. I'm Allegra.
But you are really not.
OK, Albert.
At the end of the night, you are dropping me off at home.
Show me the magic.
Yeah, you know I'm really not comfortable with this.
God, Albert. I had such a wonderful time with you.
Yeah, how about "twist and fix", huh?
You see what I'm doing? Right? This is a signal. OK?
I'm fiddling with my keys. All right?
A woman that doesn't want to kiss, takes the keys out,
Puts them in the door, goes into the house.
The woman that wants the kiss, she fiddles.
I'm a fiddler.
OK, you have a good night, I don't know.
You see what I'm doing?
Robbing me? No.
See this one most guys do, they rush in to take the kiss.
But you are not "most guys".
The secret to a kiss,
is to go 90% of the way.
And then hold.
For how long?
As long as it takes.
For her to come the other 10.
OK, 90-10. Got it.
OK. Come on and shake it off.
It's your turn.
I had a really nice time tonight, Albert.
Great night tonight too, Allegra.
Isn't it weird?
What's up?
I'm not feeling that.
What do you mean? I came 90.
I'm not feeling like you want it.
Look, I'm Allegra Cole. The woman of your dreams.
The woman whose green eyes are limpid pools of desires.
Now show me the magic, Albert.
Show me the magic. What's the hell was that?
I'm showing you the magic.
No, I said come 90 then I come 10.
You don't go the whole 100.
My mouth wasn't open, Albert. You over eager son of wah...
Other than that, how was it?
They came together. They danced together and they left together.
He's cute. She got kind of way.
Hey, for all I know, he's adorable.
With him dating her, it's ...
You seem stressed.
You and I had an understanding.
If you invite Allegra, you are supposed to call me.
Sara, I didn't invite her.
Honestly sweetie, I thought she was still in Europe.
So you invited Albert.
No. Well it says here the tickets were to some guy named Alex Hitchens.
The machine.
Hi, it's Sara.
I just want to say thank you for uh...
An unforgettable experience the other day.
And if you ever thought of your shirt again,
you can come by the Fountain dish market tonight around 8 o'clock. OK.
Bye.
You think he will show?
Yeah. He's too much of a player to have a bad day on his record.
Is this a source or a date?
A source.
It sounds like a date.
Well it was supposed to.
So it looks like a date,
and it sounds like a date.
But it's not a date. Yeah. Right.
Just checking.