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♪ FROZEN IN A TIME AND SPACE DEVICE ♪
♪ BUT HOW WOULD THE UNIVERSE SURVIVE? ♪
♪ DUCK DODGERS ♪
♪ OF THE 24th AND ONE-HALF CENTURY ♪
♪ PROTECTING THE POWERLESS AND THE WEAK ♪
♪ DUCK DODGERS ♪
♪ HE'S FIGHTING TYRANNY ♪
♪ IN THE 24th AND ONE-HALF CENTURY ♪
[ZAP]
THAT ONE HURT, CAPTAIN!
DIVERT MORE POWER TO THE SHIELDS.
PROTECTORATE SPACECRAFT, YOU HAVE ENTERED MARTIAN TERRITORY.
SURRENDER YOUR VESSEL OR BE DESTROYED.
COMMANDER, THIS IS A MEDICAL SUPPLY SHIP.
OUR NAVIGATIONAL INSTRUMENTS ARE DAMAGED. WE--
I'M SURE THE MARTIAN TRIBUNAL
WILL BE MORE THAN UNDERSTANDING.
PUT US BETWEEN THOSE SHIPS, CADET.
AYE-AYE, CAPTAIN.
ENEMY TARGETED.
[BUZZ]
WEAPONS CHARGED!
FIRE!
[SCREECH]
WHOA!
AAH!
FEEL LIKE PICKING ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE?
AHH, DODGERS. QUITE THE MANEUVER.
PERHAPS, WE CAN--
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HANG ON, I'M GETTING ANOTHER CALL.
TURN OFF THE CELL PHONE!
DR. WOE? I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
JUST SIT TIGHT, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE!
SORRY, DODGERS, BUT I HAVE TO GO.
MY ARCH-ENEMY HAS SEIZED CONTROL OF THE MARTIAN PALACE.
ARCH-ENEMY? BUT I'M YOUR ARCH-ENEMY!
DID YOU THINK THAT A MARTIAN COMMANDER OF MY STATURE
WOULD HAVE YOU FOR AN ARCH-ENEMY?
GA'AK THE EVISCERATOR,
OCTINA,
TOVOX 19--
NOW, THOSE ARE ENEMIES.
MY DEAR FELLOW, YOU'RE NOT EVEN IN MY TOP 10.
FRANKLY, I CONSIDER YOU MORE OF A MINOR IRRITANCE
THAN AN ACTUAL FOE.
I RANK YOU SOMEWHERE BETWEEN INCONTINENTO THE EVER-MOIST
AND THE BOY WHO KEEPS THROWING MY NEWSPAPER IN THE BUSHES.
OH, WELL, GOTTA RUN. TOODLES!
YAHOO!
W-W-WE DID IT!
W-W-W-WE SAVED THE SUPPLY SHIP!
WAHOO!
UP TOP, C-C-CAPTAIN!
UH, C-C-CAPTAIN?
IS SOMETHING WRONG?
WRONG?
WHAT COULD BE WRONG ABOUT CHASING
SOME LITTLE MARTIAN JERK
AROUND THE GALAXY ONLY TO FIND OUT...
HE HAS ANOTHER...
[WHIMPERING]
WAAH!
I FEEL SO BETRAYED!
BUT, CAPTAIN, Y-Y-YOU'RE YOUNG.
YOU'LL MAKE OTHER ENEMIES.
[SNIFFLING]
EH...
WHO AM I TRYING TO KID? I'M A TERRIBLE ENEMY!
B-B-B-BALDERDASH! YOU'RE AN EXCELLENT ENEMY!
WHY, MOST PEOPLE ALREADY DON'T LIKE YOU.
THAT'S TRUE.
WHY, I BET THAT IF I PUT MY MIND TO IT,
I COULD BE DOWNRIGHT DETESTABLE!
I--I--I THINK YOU MISSED MY POINT.
SET A COURSE FOR MARS!
DR. WOE, WE MEET AGAIN!
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR DRAMATIC ENTRANCE, COMMANDER.
BUT WHO'S GOING TO PAY FOR MY WINDOW?
YOUR WINDOW?
IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED,
I'VE TAKEN CONTROL OF THE PALACE.
IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, ASK YOUR QUEEN.
I'M AFRAID HE'S RIGHT, COMMANDER.
UNLESS YOU CAN DEFEAT HIM, DR. WOE WILL RULE MARS.
YOU FIEND!
ALL RIGHT, WOE, CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON.
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN FOND OF THE LASER-SABER!
THEN LASER-SABERS IT IS!
PREPARE TO MEET THY DOOM!
HA HA, YOU'VE IMPROVED SINCE WE LAST MET,
BUT I AM STILL THE MASTER.
NOT FOR LONG, WOE!
LET'S TAKE THIS TO HIGHER GROUND.
IF WE MUST.
NOW...FIGHT!
[SMASH]
IT IS I, THE IMPRESSIVELY POTENT DUCK DODGERS!
I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE.
YOU'RE PAYING FOR THAT WINDOW.
DO YOU KNOW THIS DUCK?
NO. UH, BARELY. HE'S NOBODY.
NOBODY?
LISTEN HERE, BRUNSWICK.
ONLY FAMILY MEMBERS ARE ALLOWED TO CALL ME "NOBODY."
OH, SO THIS IS THE GUY. HAVE YOU TAKEN A CLOSE LOOK AT HIM LATELY?
HE'S A JELL-O HEAD WITH A TURKEY NECK,
CAULIFLOWER EARS, PRUNE LIPS, AND HOT DOG BREATH.
FRANKLY, HE SOUNDS MORE LIKE THE HOMETOWN BUFFET
THAN AN EVIL ARCH-ENEMY.
COMMANDER, WHO IS THIS INTERLOPER?
OH, HE'S JUST SOME GUY I HAVE TO DEAL WITH FROM TIME TO TIME.
IT'S NOTHING, REALLY.
HE'S LYING!
WE'VE BEEN, HOW SHALL I SAY IT,
DOING BATTLE FOR SOME TIME NOW.
OH, THIS IS MAKING ME VERY ANGRY.
AND I BET HE NEVER EVEN MENTIONED THAT WEEKEND IN BARBADOS!
TIME TO LET THE GAS OUT OF THIS HOT AIR BAG.
SAY GOOD-BYE, DODGERS!
[HISSING]
GOOD-BYE.
WOW, THAT'S A LOT OF GAS.
[GLASS BREAKING]
YOU'RE PAYING FOR THOSE.
HEH HEH HEH.
BEHOLD!
MY SECRET WEAPON!
AN ARMY OF GIANT, ACID-SPITTING INSECTS!
YAH!
[GURGLING]
OH, DEAR.
[CHITTERING]
[GULP]
READY TO SURRENDER?
NOT WHILE I HAVE THESE!
YOU'RE GOING TO DEFEAT ME WITH A HANDFUL OF RICE?
IT'S NOT RICE.
IT'S AN ARMY OF INSTANT MARTIANS.
JUST ADD WATER.
ALL RIGHT, WOE,
LET THE FINAL BATTLE BEGIN!
Duck Dodgers: NOT SO FAST!
YOU WEREN'T GOING TO START WITHOUT ME,
THE MAD PROFESSOR...INSANO!
WAH HA HA HA!
I AM REALLY SORRY ABOUT THIS.
YOUR SILLY SCHEMES ARE NOTHING
COMPARED TO MY FIENDISH MACHINATIONS!
BEHOLD, MY MALEVOLENT HUNCHBACK ASSISTANT, JOSEPHUS!
I D-D-DON'T HAVE A HUNCHBACK.
WHO KNOWS WHAT SORT OF CRAZED AND TWISTED MONSTROSITY I WILL UNLEASH?
HA HA HA! HOO HOO HA!
NOW FEEL THE FURY OF...
[MEOWING]
SOME OF THE CUTEST LITTLE KITTENS YOU'VE EVER SEEN. KITTENS?
IT'S ALL I COULD COME UP WITH ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE.
I KNOW THERE'S ONLY 5 OF YOU, AND YOU'RE TINY AND WEAK,
BUT TOGETHER, YOU CAN DO IT!
LET'S SHOW 'EM WHAT TEAMWORK IS ALL ABOUT!
THIS IS REALLY QUITE PATHETIC.
YES, VERY SAD.
[CATS SCREAMS]
AAH!
AAH! OOH! GET 'EM OFF!
GET 'EM OFF ME! WHOA! WHOA! AAH!
UH, L-L-LET'S PRETEND LIKE THIS NEVER HAPPENED.
Dr. Woe: JUST THINK, MY DEAR QUEEN,
A SIMPLE PULL OF A LEVER IS ALL THAT SEPARATES ME
FROM TOTAL DOMINATION OF MARS.
Martian Commander: NOT SO FAST, DR. WOE!
YOU LEAVE ME LITTLE CHOICE BUT TO USE THIS,
THE MARTIAN PSYCHONIC SCRAMBLER!
YOU WOULDN'T DARE!
I WOULD, TOO!
PREPARE FOR SCRAMBLIZATION!
[ZAPPING]
GOOD-BYE, DR. WOE!
OH, DEAR.
AAH! OH! AAH!
[THUD]
I THOUGHT THAT YOU MIGHT STOOP
TO SOMETHING THIS LOW, COMMANDER.
SO I BROUGHT ALONG THESE MIRRORED SUNGLASSES.
I DON'T WANT TO GO SWIMMING IN MY UNDERPANTS, GRANDMA.
THE NEIGHBOR GIRL WILL SEE ME!
[CRASH]
OH, NO!
IT LOOKS LIKE I'M DOOMED!
Duck Dodgers: BUT LOOKS, MY LADY,
CAN SOMETIMES BE DECEIVING.
DODGERS?
IN THIS GUISE, I PREFER TO BE CALLED
"THE EVIL LORD DESTRUCTOCON!"
BUT YOU'RE NOT EVIL.
AREN'T YOU TRYING TO RESCUE ME OR SOMETHING?
OH, YEAH. I GUESS I'M NOT TOO EVIL.
PLEASE REFER TO ME AS
"THE BENEVOLENT LORD DESTRUCTOCON."
AND BEHOLD, MY FIENDISH-- I MEAN, FRIENDLY SIDEKICK,
CHAOS-LAD!
UH, C-C-COULDN'T I HAVE AT LEAST WORN A T-SHIRT?
LOOK, DODGERS, I'M GOING TO FLIP THIS SWITCH,
DROP HER INTO THE FIERY, MOLTEN LAVA,
AND SPEND THE REST OF MY EVENING
MAKING BUCKETHEAD HERE WISH HE WAS NEVER BORN.
HELP ME! HELP ME!
OH, YEAH? WELL, LISTEN UP, PRUNE BOY!
THAT LITTLE BOWLING BALL-HEADED SHRIMP
HAPPENS TO BE MY LITTLE BOWLING BALL-HEADED SHRIMP.
AND IF ANYONE IS GOING TO DEFEAT THESE MARTIAN LOSERS, IT'S ME!
SO HIT THE BRICKS, BALDIE!
[ZAP]
AAH!
OOF!
[CLANG]
TOO LATE, DODGERS!
MARS IS MINE!
IT'S GETTING A LITTLE TOASTY IN HERE!
FEAR NOT, MY LADY!
I WILL FREE YOU FROM YOUR GILDED CAGE!
AAH!
DODGERS, THAT WAS MAGNIFICENT!
'TWAS NOTHING!
AND I NEVER KNEW YOU COULD SHOOT
LASER BEAMS OUT OF YOUR EYES.
WELL, THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS YOU DON'T--
LASER-WHATS OUT OF MY WHERE?
CURSES.
THANK YOU FOR FLYING AIR DODGERS.
YOU MAY NOW EXIT THE VEHICLE.
MY HERO.
OH, I MEAN MY ENEMY!
MY VERY HATED ENEMY!
RIGHT BACK AT YOU, BABY!
Dr. Woe: HA HA HA!
SO LONG, SUCKERS!
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF DR. WOE--OH!
AAH!
[THUD]
OW.
NICE WORK, CHAOS-LAD!
YOU'RE A CREDIT TO SIDEKICKS EVERYWHERE.
UH, C-C-CAN I PUT MY CLOTHES BACK ON?
MY N-N-NIPPLES ARE GETTING COLD.
CARRY ON.
YOU KNOW, DODGERS, I'VE BEEN LOOKING
FOR A PERSONAL ARCH-ENEMY MYSELF.
PERHAPS WE COULD DISCUSS THIS OVER DINNER?
WAIT! WAIT!
YOU CAN'T RUN OFF WITH HER!
AFTER ALL, YOU'RE MY ARCH-ENEMY!
YOUR ARCH-ENEMY?
MY DEAR FELLOW, YOU ARE NOT EVEN IN MY TOP 13.
COME ALONG, MY DEAR,
WE HAVE IMPORTANT ENEMY MATTERS TO DISCUSS.
BUT, DODGERS, YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!
THOSE OTHER ENEMIES MEANT NOTHING TO ME!
I WONDER IF TOVOX 19 HAS AN OPENING.
ROCKETS ARE LOCKED, COMMANDER.
THIS WILL BE MY FINEST HOUR.
EH, THIS DOESN'T LOOK GOOD, CAPTAIN.
THE MARTIANS ARE P-P-PREPARING TO FIRE!
I CAN SEE THAT, CADET.
WHO CAN THAT BE?
Man: HA HA HA!
IT BE GENERAL K'CHUCKA SA'AM,
AND I'M A-PREPARING TO BLAST YA TO SPACE-SMITHEREENIES!
UM, THIS ACTUALLY ISN'T A VERY GOOD TIME FOR ME.
TOO BAD! I'M A-HERE TO--
DODGERS! WHAT IS THE DELAY?
THE LITTLE RUNT'S LOOKING FOR A RUMBLE.
I WAS REALLY HOPING TO ANNIHILATE YOU BEFORE NOON.
Dodgers: WELL, I HATE TO THROW YOU OFF SCHEDULE...
Man: ATTENTION, DUCK DODGERS.
NOW WHO'S A-CRASHING THE PARTY?
I THINK IT'S MY GARDENER.
I'M NOT YOUR GARDENER!
I'M NASTY CANASTA,
INTERGALACTIC BOUNTY HUNTER!
OH, YEAH, I REMEMBER YOU!
YOU'RE THAT COWBOY GUY!
I SEEK YOUR DESTRUCTION, DODGERS!
TAKE A NUMBER!
DODGERS IS MINE!
I THINK NOT, YOU HAIRY LITTLE HAMSTER!
DODGERS IS MINE!
GEE, I NEVER KNEW YOU CARED.
DODGERS, I DON'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT ANYTHING IMPORTANT--
YOU ARE.
BUT YOUR ANNUAL INVENTORY REVIEW IS TWO WEEKS LATE.
CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS ANOTHER TIME?
YOUR FLIP ATTITUDE ABOUT INVENTORY ANALYSIS
DOES NOT BECOME A PROTECTORATE OFFICER!
C-C-CAPTAIN DODGERS, SIR,
D-DO YOU HAVE A SECOND?
OF COURSE NOT, CADET!
I JUST THOUGHT I'D LET YOU KNOW
THAT MY NIECE AND NEPHEWS WILL BE COMING TO VISIT
AND THEY'LL BE STAYING FOR A WHOLE MONTH.
ISN'T THAT NICE?
WE WILL DISCUSS THIS LATER.
DODGERS, ARE WE GOING TO DO BATTLE OR WHAT?
YES, WE ARE GOING TO DO BATTLE!
Sa'am: WHAT ABOUT ME?
Canasta: FORGET YOU, SHORT STUFF.
DODGERS IS MINE!
TOUGH BEANS, BOUNTY HUNTER!
TOUGH BEANS TO YOU! COME ON, DODGERS! LET'S FIGHT!
Martian Commander: I WAS HERE FIRST.
Sa'am: I GET HIM! HE'S MINE!
Cadet: C-CAPTAIN DODGERS?
ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO P-P-PARROTS?
NO, I'M NOT!
DODGERS, IT'S ME.
I'VE DECIDED TO TAKE YOU BACK.
THAT'S IT!
[GASPING]
I QUIT.
YOU WHAT?
PLEASE, DODGERS! MAKE SENSE!
YEAH, YOU CAN'T QUIT!
I GROW TIRED OF THESE COSMIC HIJINKS.
I'M GETTING A RESPECTABLE JOB.
W-W-WHAT ELSE COULD YOU DO?
I HAVE MANY OTHER SKILLS.
AH HA! OH, PLEASE.
DID HE--HA HA-- SAY SKILLS?
HA HA HA!
HEE HEE HEE! HA HA HA!
HARDY-HAR-HAR!
[LAUGHTER]
I MUST BE GOOD AT SOMETHING!
YOUCH!
Man: LET'S SEE.
3 YEARS AT THE CORDON BLEU IN PARIS,
PERSONAL CHEF TO THE QUEEN OF MARS,
APPEARED ON "IRON CHEF" TWICE!
OH, CHAIRMAN OF THE LEAGUE OF WOMEN VOTERS.
YOU'RE ALMOST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, CHEF DODGERS!
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK WHEN I SEE A RESUME LIKE THIS?
I THINK I'M THE LUCKIEST RESTAURANT MANAGER IN TOWN!
WELCOME ABOARD, CHEF DODGERS!
HMM. HAVE WE MET?
AND THIS IS THE KITCHEN. TOTALLY STATE-OF-THE-ART.
AND WE'VE ALSO JUST HIRED AN ASSISTANT FOR YOU.
OH, TRAINEE!
HELLO, MR. NEIGHBORLY.
WHAT DID YOU SAY YOUR NAME WAS?
I'M THE NEW TRAINEE.
HMM. YOU EVER BEEN TO SHEBOYGAN?
[TICKING]
ALL RIGHT, TRAINEE, THIS IS IT.
THE LUNCH RUSH.
THIS IS WHAT SEPARATES THE MEN FROM THE BOYS.
SO HEED MY WORDS AND TARRY NOT,
KEEP PACE OR WE SHALL BE OVERWHELMED.
'TIS A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH.
SO, GOOD LUCK, TRAINEE.
AREN'T YOU G-G-GONNA HELP?
I'D REALLY LOVE TO,
BUT I'M READING THE NEW JOHN GRISHAM NOVEL,
AND I CAN'T PUT IT DOWN.
OH, OK.
I GUESS HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S D-D-DOING.
OH, TRAINEE?
Y-Y-YES.
WHAT'S THIS WORD?
C-C-CAT.
AH, THANKS, BUDDY. AND DON'T FALL BEHIND.
[SIZZLING]
HA HA HA!
AH HA HA HA!
OH HO HO!
OH, THIS JOHN GRISHAM IS-- HA HA--HILARIOUS, BOY!
HA HA HA!
HOO, BOY.
T-T-THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY.
IT'S A L-L-LEGAL THRILLER.
I HATE IT WHEN THESE COMEDIANS FEEL
LIKE THEY HAVE TO BRANCH OUT INTO DRAMA.
PATHETIC!
OUCH!
DODGERS!
HA HA! SORRY, MR. FRIENDLY.
NEIGHBORLY.
NEIGHBORLY.
OH, MY, THESE ORDERS ARE REALLY STACKING UP.
HA HA HA!
OH HA HA!
THIS JOHN GRISHAM CRACKS ME UP.
TWO EGGS OVER EASY, WHEAT TOAST, AND A SIDE OF HASH BROWNS!
TWO EGGS,
WHEAT TOAST,
AND A SIDE OF HASH B-B-BR--
FRIED POTATOES!
SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS!
SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS!
HOT DOGS AU GRATIN WITH HOLLANDAISE SAUCE!
CORN ON THE COB!
CHEESE FRIES!
TURKEY DINNER WITH ALL THE FIXINGS!
HAMBURGER, T-BONE STEAK, POT ROAST, SALISBURY STEAK,
NECK BONES, PRIME RIB, RIB EYE STEAK,
ONE DUCK DINNER!
EH, CANCEL DUCK DINNER!
UNH!
AAH!
F-FIRE!
STAND CLEAR, TRAINEE!
THERE, ALL IS WELL.
N-N-N-NO, IT'S NOT.
ALL THE FOOD IS R-R-R-- IT'S A MESS.
DON'T WORRY, I'LL JUST ACTIVATE THE AUTO-CHEF.
HE'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.
[BEEPING]
W-W-WHERE DID HE COME FROM?
WELL, WHEN THE MAMA ROBOT AND THE DADDY ROBOT
FALL IN LOVE AND GET MARRIED--
Neighborly: DODGERS! I'VE GOT AN EMERGENCY ON MY HANDS!
I'LL FINISH MY STORY WHEN I GET BACK.
I DIDN'T GET TO THE GOOD PART YET.
I'VE HEARD A RUMOR
THAT A NEW RESTAURANT IS MOVING INTO THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
IT'S NO RUMOR, NEIGHBORLY.
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.
I AM MELVIN.
MANAGER OF THE NEW MELVIN'S RESTAURANT.
I JUST WANTED TO WARN YOU
SO YOU CAN PREPARE TO GO OUT OF BUSINESS.
DON'T COUNT ON IT, MELVIN!
MY CUSTOMERS ARE LOYAL!
FREE REFILLS ON SOFT DRINKS AT MELVIN'S!
[COMMOTION]
FAREWELL, LOSER.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
HEY, FREE REFILLS!
GRRR!
EEH!
WE'VE GOT TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO SAVE THE RESTAURANT.
ALL RIGHT, TRAINEE, ARE YOU SET?
UH, I HAVE THE RESTAURANT MOTIVATOR READY.
FULL SPEED AHEAD!
UM, I PRETTY MUCH ONLY HAVE UP, DOWN, FORWARD, AND B-B-BACK.
OK, LET'S DO FORWARD, THEN!
HE'S GOING TO RAM US!
BATTLE STATIONS, EVERYONE!
All: AAH!
I MEAN, FREE REFILLS!
[CHEERING]
WELL, IF IT'S CHICKEN HE WANTS, IT'S CHICKEN HE'LL GET!
RAMMING SPEED!
UM...
JUST PUSH THE FORWARD BUTTON AGAIN!
EVASIVE MANEUVERS!
HIT THE UP BUTTON!
[BOOM]
WHOA!
HA HA! DIRECT HIT!
B-B-BUT WE JUST KNOCKED HIS SIGN OFF.
NO RESTAURANT CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT PROPER SIGNAGE.
Melvin: AAH!
[BOOM]
Melvin: FREE REFILLS!
WELL, DODGERS, NEIGHBORLY'S IS BACK OPEN FOR BUSINESS.
WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
I THINK YOU'VE GOT A GREAT FUTURE HERE.
GOOD NIGHT, MR. NEIGHBORLY.
GOOD NIGHT, TRAINEE.
UH, GOOD NIGHT, CAPTAIN DODGERS.
GOOD NIGHT, CADET.
UH, C-CAPTAIN?
CADET?
CADET! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WELL, I WAS HOPING YOU'D CONSIDER COMING BACK
TO THE PROTECTORATE.
I-I-IT JUST HASN'T BEEN THE SAME WITHOUT YOU.
AND IT HASN'T BEEN THE SAME WITHOUT YOU!
ALTHOUGH IT HAS BEEN EERILY SIMILAR.