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>>> WELCOME BACK, AMERICA.
THIS IS "RED EYE" AND I'M GREG
GUTFELD OR KNOWN IN TAMPA,
CAPTAIN TECH FORCE THUNDER
BUNS.
A HELL OF A DANCE.
LET'S GO TO ANDY LOOY VEE FOR
A PRE GAME REPORT.
WHAT IS COMING UP ON TONIGHT'S
SHOW?
>> WELCOME BACK, AMERICA.
COMING UP ON THE BIG SHOW "RED
EYE" CORRESPONDENT MIKE
MICHELANGELO WITH THE LATEST
CONVENTION COVERAGE.
AND BIDEN WITH A BIKER.
OBAMA IN A BEAR HUG.
THE POLITICAL PICTURES YOU
WON'T BELIEVE EVEN THOUGH YOU
HAVE PROBABLY SEEN THEM A
THOUSAND TIMES BY NOW.
AND FINALLY ARE MEMBERS OF THE
TALIBAN POSING WITH
WESTERNERS?
MY NEW FRIEND FREAK BRITNEY 69
ASSURES ME NO.
>> THANKS, ANDY.
>> HOW WAS YOUR VACATION,
GREG?
>> I DIDN'T HAVE ONE.
I WORKED EVERY SINGLE DAY.
>> REALLY?
>> I DO THIS OTHER SHOW IN THE
AFTERNOON.
>> NOT FAMILIAR.
>> IT IS A THING THAT HAPPENS
BEFORE SPECIAL REPORT.
>> REALLY?
I LIKE SPECIAL REPORT.
THAT'S A GOOD SHOW.
>> IT IS BETWEEN THAT AND NEIL
CAVUTO.
>> GREAT SHOW.
THAT'S KILLER BACK TO BACK.
I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT.
>> IT IS NOT.
THERE IS A SHOW IN BETWEEN.
>> BRETT BIER IS FANTASTIC
THOUGH.
>> GO TO HELL.
>> I LIKE THE PANEL TOO.
>> SHUT UP.
LET'S WELCOME OUR GUEST.
FOR BREAKFAST SHE EATS
LIBERALS AND LUNCH SHE EATS
PROGRESSIVES AND DINNER AN OLD
WORK BOOK THAT HAS THE FOOT
INSIDE.
THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN WORK
BOOT.
IT HAS BEEN TWO WEEKS.
>> WILL YOU GET ON WITH MY
INTRODUCTION.
>> TESTY LADY.
SHE IS A POLITICAL
COMMENTATOR, ANN COULTER.
HER BEST-SELLING BOOK
"DEMONIC" TELLING ABOUT HER
MID70s EXER CIVIL IS NOW
AVAILABLE IN PAPERBACK.
FIRE ANTS ARE NOW CALLED
JEDEDIAH ANTS.
IT IS JEDEDIAH BILA.
HER NAME IS IN THERE TWICE.
BOY, WE ARE OFF TO A ROUGH
START.
IN CHINA IT IS CONSIDERED A
SPRING RULE, MY REPULSIVE
SIDEKICK, BILL SCHULZ.
AND IF HILARITY WAS A BEER
PONG I WOULD DO HIM WITH THE
FRAT BOYS EVERY WEDNESDAY.
HE IS PERFORMING IN IRVINE,
CALIFORNIA, A GREAT CITY.
>> LOTS OF ROOM TO SPREAD OUT,
ESPECIALLY IN THE COMEDY
CLUB.
>> HOME OF STEVEN SPIELBERG?
>> YES.
>> YES, HE WENT TO UC IRVINE.
A FACT THAT REALLY HAS NO
MEANING.
SO THIS IS OUR FIRST SHOW BACK
AFTER A TWO-WEEK BREAK.
"RED EYE" WAS BUMPED FOR THE
NEWS OF THE CONVENTION.
BUT WE WANT TO GIVE OUR TAKE
ON WHAT HAPPENED BOTH IN TAMPA
AND CHARLOTTE.
SO WE WILL GO LIVE NOW TO
POLITICAL CORRESPONDENT
MICHAEL MICHAEL SON WHO WAS AT
BOTH EVENTS FOR A RECAP.
OF COURSE, WITHERAGE
THERE WAS A SLIGHT TAPE DELAY,
SO BEAR WITH US.
I WILL GO TO MICHAEL NOW.
MICHAEL, IT IS GREG.
WHAT DID YOU LEARN IN TAMPA
AND CHARLOTTE?
>> HI, GREG.
I AM HERE IN TAMPA, AND I'M
REALLY EXCITED TO BE REPORTING
ON THE CONVENTION FOR YOU
GUYS.
IT IS THE OPENING NIGHT OF THE
REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION
, AND I AM JUST VERY EXCITED
TO BE HERE.
>> MIKE, A, THOSE CREDENTIALS
ARE NOT REAL.
AND YOU KNOW THE CONVENTIONS
ARE OVER.
>> SORRY, GREG, IT IS REALLY
HARD TO HEAR YOU.
THERE IS A LOT GOING ON.
THERE IS A LOT OF SPEAKERS
RIGHT NOW.
ANN ROMNEY WILL BE SPEAKING
LATER ON TONIGHT.
>> MIKE, THE CONVENTION, IT
ENDED 10 DAYS AGO.
I DON'T HEAR ANY NOISE.
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING FOR
10 DAYS?
>> GREG, IT IS JUST REALLY
EXCITING TO BE HERE.
THERE IS A LOT OF ENTHUSIASM
FROM A LOT OF GREAT PEOPLE
HERE.
IT IS A HELL OF A NIGHT TO BE
HERE IN TAMPA.
>> MIKE, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU ARE
INSIDE YOUR OFFICE, OUR
OFFICE.
>> GREG, AS YOU CAN SEE, I
HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED TO BE
BRINGING YOU GUYS THE NEWS YOU
WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE
CONVENTION IN TAMPA.
>> WHATEVER.
ANY FINAL THOUGHTS?
>> THAT'S IT FROM TAMPA.
BACK TO YOU, GREG.
>> A, BLOCK.
THE LEAD, THAT'S THE FIRST
STORY.
>> SEE -- SHE USES BIDEN'S
LAUGH AS A PLACE TO LAPSE.
I SPEAK OF THE AWESOMELY
AWESOME PHOTO OF CAPTAIN HAIR
PLUGS, AND THE MOTORCYCLE
CLUB.
ON MONDAY OR SUNDAY ACTUALLY
JOE BIDEN WAS VISITING A DINER
IN OHIO CAMPAIGNING WHEN HE
RAN INTO A GROUP OF BIKERS AND
OFFERED THE LADY A CHAIR.
SHE WAS PULLING HER NEARLY
INTO HIS LAP.
YES, HIS LAP.
JOE WASN'T THE ONLY ONE
GETTING CLOSE WITH THE VOTERS
LAST WEEKEND.
IN FLORIDA OBAMA GOT A BEAR
HUG.
THE PRESIDENT STOPPED AT A
PIZZA SHOT AT FORT PIERCE AND
CHATTED UP THE 6 FOOT 3,
260-POUND OWNER.
>> IF I EAT YOUR PIZZA, WILL I
LOOK LIKE THAT?
>> THAT'S SO UNBECOMING TO THE
OFFICE.
I HAD TO IMAGINE THEM NAKED
JUST TO CALM MYSELF DOWN.
I HAVE TO GO TO YOU, ANNE,
FIRST.
LET'S TALK ABOUT THE BEAR
HUG.
DID THE PIZZA SHOP OWNER
VIOLATE THE PRESIDENT'S
PERSONAL SPACE?
>> NO, MICHELLE DOES THAT TO
OWE OWE -- TO OBAMA ALL THE
TIME.
>> I DON'T GET IT.
>> HE IS VERY COMFORTABLE
BEING LIFTED.
>> IF YOU SAID NANCY PELOSI I
WOULD HAVE GOTTEN IT SINCE SHE
RAM RODED THAT HEALTH PLAN
THROUGH CONGRESS IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE NIGHT.
>> DO WE HAVE THE PART WHERE
HE CARRIES HIM AND THROWS HIM
IN THE DEEP FRYER?
>> THEY EDITED THAT OUT.
JIM, YOU TAKE A LOT OF PHOTOS
WITH CELEBRITIES, SOME SAY TOO
MANY.
YOU OFTEN ARE SEEN PUTTING
YOUR ARMS AROUND PEOPLE AND
HUGGING THEM.
>> YES, AND SOMETIMES I MIMIC
AN ATHLETIC SUPPORTER.
>> DID THIS GUY GO TOO FAR?
DOES IT SEEM RIGGED TO YOU IN
ANYWAY?
>> WELL, IT IS NICE TO SEE THE
SECRET SERVICE -- IT IS NICE
TO SEE YOU ARE ALLOWED TO PICK
THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF UP AND
CARRY HIM WHEREVER YOU SEE
FIT.
I DON'T THINK IT WAS RIGGED,
BUT THEY GOT THE VIBE IT WAS
OKAY.
SOMETIMES IT IS NICE TO BE
PICKED UP BY A MUSCULAR
GENTLEMAN.
NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
SOMETIMES I WILL PAY A MAN TO
PICK ME UP AND SAY GOOD JOB,
JIM.
>> AS A STRAIGHT MALE, AND I
CAN'T EMPHASIZE THAT ENOUGH,
YOU DON'T HAVE THE
OPPORTUNITIES OF BEING PICKED
UP BY A LARGE MAN.
IT FELT PROTECTIVE.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
SOMETIMES I LIKE TO LAY ON THE
COUCH AND DO THIS TO MY FACE.
>> SOMETIMES I WILL LET HIM
SIT ON MY CHEST.
SOMETIMES WITH PANTS ON.
JEDEDIAH, SHOULD THE PRESIDENT
STATURE -- I THINK HE WAS
UNCOMFORTABLE.
>> A LITTLE BIT.
I THINK HE WAS A LITTLE
UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT I DON'T
THINK IT WAS RIGGED.
IT WAS A SPONTANEOUS MOMENT
THAT HAPPENED.
AND TO BE HONEST IT DIDN'T
BOTHER ME.
I FEEL LIKE THESE MOMENTS
HUMANIZE THESE POLITICIANS AND
MAKE THEM MORE PEOPLE AND LESS
POLITICIAN LIKE.
>> ARE YOU SAYING OBAMA IS A
ROBOT?
>> YES, I AM.
>> I WANTED YOU TO SAY THAT.
BILL, YOU HUG A LOT OF BEARS,
HAIRY MEN IN THEIR 40s.
>> NO QUESTION.
>> HE HAS LOST THE ELECTION
BASED ON THIS ONE INCIDENT.
>> YOU HAVE ALL LOST ME.
FIRST OF ALL, HOW DARE YOU USE
THE TERM CAPTAIN HAIR PLUG.
THAT WOMAN WAS WEARING A
BANDANNA.
WE DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE WAS
WEARING.
AND SECOND OF ALL, ROBOTS ARE
MADE IN JAPAN.
HE WAS MADE IN KENYA.
THIRD OF ALL, I DON'T HAVE A
THIRD, BUT I WILL SAY THIS,
THE PRESIDENT WAS VISITING
THIS GUY BECAUSE HE IS VERY
INSTRUMENTAL IN ORGANIZING
BLOOD DONATIONS FOR THE
COMMUNITY.
NOT HIS BLOOD BECAUSE WHEN
EVER IS IN HIS BLOOD WOULD
KILL A SMALL FOREST.
I WILL SAY IT DOES GO AGAINST
THE HGH STEREO TYPE THAT THEY
ARE ALL MEAN PEOPLE UNLESS HE
ENDS UP SNAPPING THEM LIKE A
TWIG BECAUSE THAT GUY WAS
DELIGHTFUL.
HE IS OUR JOE PLUMBER WITH
HAIR, BUT I WILL TAKE HIM.
>> IT LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS
SITTING ON HIS LAP.
SHE WAS ON A CHAIR IN FRONT OF
HIM.
IF I WAS JOE BIDEN I WOULD
HAVE BEEN LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING THERE?
>> IT LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS
GIVING HIM A RIDE ON HER
MOTORCYCLE.
THAT WAS WONDERFUL.
>> THAT'S ACTUALLY TRUE.
IT WAS LIKE WHERE YOU USED TO
PLAY TRAINS WHEN YOU WERE A
KID AND PUT THE CHAIRS IN A
ROW.
STOPPED DOING THAT AWHILE
AGO.
>> IT REMINDS ME OF MYSELF AND
AN UNCLE WHEN HE WOULD LEAN IN
AND SAY WOULD YOU LIKE A NEW
PUPPY?
>> HE NEVER DID GIVE YOU THE
PUPPY, DID HE?
>> IT WAS THAT ELUSIVE DOG
THAT NEVER SHOWED UP.
>> HE KEPT SAYING THE DOG WAS
COMING AND HE NEEDED MORE
HAPPY KISSES.
>> YOU KNOW WHO THE BIG LOSER
OF THIS IS IS THE EDITORS OF
THE ONION.
THEIR DEPICTION OF BIDEN WAS
THE SHIRTLESS GUY IN THE
NEIGHBORHOOD WASHING HIS
CAMERO.
BUT HE IS NOT REALLY LIKE
THAT.
WELL, HE HAS BECOME THAT AND
THE ONION HAS TO DO SOMETHING
ELSE.
>> HE KISSED A SUPPORTER ON
THE LIPS.
IS BIDEN JUST ON THE LOOSE?
HE IS LIKE GIRLS GONE WILD,
BUT IT IS JOE BIDEN'S GONE
WILD.
DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?
A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T DO
THAT.
THEY DON'T SEE THAT YOU CAN
TAKE THE THING GONE WILD AND
PUT IT ON SOMETHING ELSE.
>> I KNOW.
AND YOU CAN CALL LOTS OF
THINGS THE PERFECT STORM.
>> THAT'S TRUE, THAT'S TRUE.
>> NOW WE ARE ENTERING A
SLIPPERY SLOPE.
>> I THINK BIDEN WAS INSPIRED
AS WE ALL WERE BY ABORTION
NIGHT AT THE DEMOCRATIC
NATIONAL CONVENTION.
THEY WERE CALLING FOR US TO
PAY FOR CONTRACEPTION, AND
THEN TO TOP IT OFF, THEY HAD
AN ACTUAL FELONIOUS FORCIBLE
*** SPEAK.
>> HEY, HEY, HEY.
MY DAUGHTER'S NAME IS
FELONIOUS.
BE CAREFUL HOW YOU USE THAT
WORD.
CALL ME, FELONIOUS.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE.
>>> AS TEACHERS STRIKE, KDS
BIKE.
CHICAGO TEACHERS, ARE THERE
ANY OTHER KIND, WALKED OFF THE
JOB ON MONDAY AFTER NEGOTIATE
-- NEGOTIATIONS BROKE DOWN
GIVING 350,000 CHILDREN A DAY
OFF FOR QUIET REFLECTION,
PRESUMABLY, IN A CITY WHERE
THE AVERAGE TEACHER'S SALARY
IS OVER $4 MILLION A YEAR.
BOTH SIDES AGREE THE WALKOUT
IS NOT PRIMARILY ABOUT MONEY.
THE UNION INITIALLY ASKED FOR
A 19% RAISE, AND THE SCHOOL
BOARD PRESIDENT SAID THE CITY
OFFERED ONLY 16%.
THE CHICAGO MAYOR AND MY
RACKET BALL PARTNER ROMY
MAN -- RAM EMMANUEL SAID THEY
ARE ABOUT TEACHER EVALUATIONS
AND THE ABILITY TO FIRE
TEACHERS.
THEY SAY THE PROPOSED
EVALUATION SYSTEM IS UNFAIR TO
TEACHERS BECAUSE IT IS HEAVILY
BASED ON STANDARDIZED TEST
SCORES AND DOESN'T TAKE INTO
ACCOUNT THINGS LIKE -- THAT
WOULD AFFECT THE STUDENT'S
PERFORMANCE LIKE POVERTY,
VIOLENCE AND SEXY TEACHERS
HITTING ON THEM.
YOU KNOW WHO IS TAKING THIS IN
STRIDE?
THIS DOG.
>> YOU KNOW, JIM, IT ALL COMES
DOWN TO EVALUATIONS WHICH
TEACHERS FIND UNFAIR.
YOU ARE A COMEDIAN, AND YOU GO
AND YOUR EVALUATIONS ARE
LAUGHTER.
>> THEY REALLY ARE.
>> AND THAT IS YOUR
STANDARDIZED TEST.
IF YOU WERE JUDGED AND PAID BY
LAUGHTER, WHY CAN'T THEY BE
JUDGED AND PAID BY THE GRADE
THAT THEIR STUDENTS GET OR HOW
THEY BEHAVE?
>> THAT'S A MARVELOUS WAY OF
PHRASING IT.
I WISH I WASN'T JUDGED ON
LAUGHTER.
DO YOU KNOW HOW NICE IT WOULD
BE IF I COULD PROTEST THAT AND
SAY HOW ABOUT -- I MAY HAVE
BOMBED TONIGHT, BUT HOW ABOUT
EASY GET CHECKED FOR
CLEVERNESS OR FUNNY FACES.
I WOULD LOVE TO --
>> I THINK 50% OF ALL
ALTERNATIVE COMEDIANS DO
THAT.
>> I WILL TAKE A SIALIS AND GO
ON IN SPANDEX.
>> YOU DO THAT.
>> WHO DOESN'T?
>> I KNOW, I KNOW.
THAT'S TRUE.
I LIKE THIS STORY BECAUSE YOU
GOT A FORMER OBAMA CHIEF OF
STAFF, EMMANUEL, GOING UP
AGAINST UNIONS WHICH IS ALMOST
AN EDUCATION FOR HIM TO SEE
THAT HERE IS WHAT WE BROUGHT
AND NOW HAVE I TO DEAL WITH
IT.
>> DO YOU THINK OBAMA WILL
COME IN AND SAVE THE DAY IN
SOME CAPACITY?
HE MAY MAKE THIS AN ISSUE HE
HAS TO SOLVE.
IT IS A PROBLEM HE HAS TO
SOLVE.
I HERD RUSH LIMBAUGH TALKING
ABOUT THIS TODAY, AND I
HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT IN THAT
WAY, BUT IT WOULD BE GREAT FOR
OBAMA TO STEP IN AND BE THE
BIG MAN ON CAMPUS AND SAY
LET'S ALL GET ALONG.
YOU GIVE THIS AND YOU GIVE
THAT AND WE WILL SOLVE THE
EDUCATIONAL PROBLEM TOGETHER.
>> NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
>> IT WOULD WORK FOR HIM IF HE
DID THAT.
>> HE WOULD HAVE TO BE LIKE
SCOTT WALKER.
THE TEACHERS UNIONS AREN'T --
THEY ACTUALLY DO HAVE A WAY OF
TESTING HOW THE TEACHERS ARE
DOING.
ACCORDING TO THE DEPARTMENT OF
EDUCATION 79% OF EIGHTH
GRADERS IN CHICAGO ARE NOT
PROFICIENT IN READING.
80% AREN'T PROFICIENT IN MATH,
AND THESE TEACHERS MAKE
$76,000 A YEAR.
THAT'S NOT INCLUDING HEALTH
CARE, NOT INCLUDING PENSIONS.
THAT'S TWICE WHAT THE AVERAGE
CHICAGO AN MAKES, AND THEY ARE
STRIKING OVER A 17% RAISE.
>> IT IS INTERESTING.
80% OF THE KIDS ARE NOT
PROFICIENT IN MATH OR
ENGLISH.
THAT MAKES THEM -- THEY CAN
QUALIFY THEM AS A TEACHER.
THAT'S THE UPSIDE.
WHEN THE TEACHERS ARE ON
STRIKE THE STUDENTS CAN STEP
IN AND TEACHERS AND
THEMSELVES.
>> AND THEY TOO WILL HOLD OUT
FOR THE FREE CONTRACEPTION FOR
WHEN THEY HAVE SEX WITH THEIR
STUDENTS.
>> IT IS ACTUALLY THE CIRCLE
OF LIFE OR DEATH, I DON'T
KNOW.
BILL, YOU ARE FROM CHICAGO.
COULD YOU PLEASE MOVE BACK
THERE.
>> CAN YOU READ AND WRITE?
>> THIS IS LIKE 15 YEARS TOO
LATE AND A DOLLAR SHORT OR 76
,000 THAT ARE MAKING MORE THAN
ME.
I WOULD PRAY FOR ONE OR TWO
DAYS OFF OR MAYBE FOR A
CHICAGO BLIZZARD SO I CAN GO
AWAY FROM THE HORROR THAT WAS
SCHOOL.
THESE KIDS COULD GET WEEKS
OFF.
I HATE THEM.
BUT I WILL ALSO SAY TO GO TO
THE GYM, EXAMPLE IN WHY THESE
ALEVUATIONS DON'T WORK, JIM
WILL BE THE FIRST TO TELL THAT
YOU AUDIENCES JUST SUCK.
HE CAN BE AS BRAVE AS HE
WANTS, BUT THE AUDIENCES
SUCK.
IN MY CASE I HAVE AN AUNT WHO
TAUGHT FRENCH IN THE
CHICAGOLAND AREA FOR 30
YEARS.
SHE WAS GREAT, BUT SHE WILL BE
FIRST TO TELL YOU, SOMETIMES
KIDS JUST SUCK.
YOU CAN TELL THEM ALL YOU WANT
AND YOU CAN TEACHERS AND THEM
ALL YOU WANT, BUT IF THE
PARENTS ARE NOT HOME, OR IF
THEY ARE HOME AND NOT PUTTING
A GUN TO THEIR HEAD, IT IS
FULLY LOADED TO DO THEIR
HOMEWORK, THERE IS ONLY SO
MUCH YOU CAN DO.
SO THE EVALUATIONS DON'T TAKE
THAT INTO ACCOUNT.
>> I AGREE WITH YOU PARTLY
THEY DON'T TAKE ALL OF IT INTO
ACCOUNT, BUT BECAUSE THEY ARE
STANDARDIZED, EVERY TEACHER
HAS TO DEAL WITH THAT SORT OF
PROBLEM EVERYWHERE.
IT IS THE SAME THING WITH
LIKE -- I WOULD SAY "RED EYE'S
RATINGS SUCK BECAUSE WE WERE
NOT ON FOR TWO WEEKS BECAUSE
OF THE ELECTIONS.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HAVE TO LIVE BY THE
RATINGS.
THAT'S WHAT I HAVE TO DO.
THAT'S MY STANDARD EVEN THOUGH
WE COULD ARGUE THAT, OH, WE
WEREN'T ON AT 3:00 A.M., AND
IT COULD AFFECT OUR RATINGS.
>> IS THIS A LOW RATED SHOW
TONIGHT?
WHAT AM I DOING HERE?
>> ONE OF THE HIGHEST RATED
SHOWS EVER.
>> THE BEAUTY OF THE STORY IS
YOU TOOK CHILDREN'S EDUCATION
DOWN THE TOILET AND SEGUED IT
INTO AN EXCUSE FOR A POOR
RATING.
>> EXACTLY.
YOU SAW THAT COMING.
WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT IS
CHICAGO HAS THIS CRAZY ***
RATE, AND THEY HAVE KIDS OUT
THERE.
>> THEY HAD TO HAVE EXTRA
POLICE ON THE STREET.
YOU HAD TO HAVE PARENTS
LOOKING FOR CHILD CARE,
SPENDING MORE MONEY BECAUSE
THEY HAD TO LEAVE WORK EARLY
TO SEE WHERE THEIR KIDS WOULD
BE AND MONITORING IT.
IT IS AN ECONOMIC ISSUES A
WELL.
>> HAVE YOU BEEN TO THE
CHILDREN'S MUSEUM?
IT IS A DELIGHT.
IT IS ESSENTIALLY ONE GIGANTIC
BALL PIT.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE
TEACHING, BUT I GO THERE, DIVE
IN AND HAVE A BLAST EVERY
TIME.
>> SANDBOX?
>> THERE IS A DIRT BOX THEY
THROW ME TO GO TO THE BALL
PEOPLE.
>> YOU DON'T GO TO THE BALL
PIT.
YOU GO TO THE 8 BALL PIT.
>> NO WONDER THOSE KIDS ARE
CRAZY.
YOU CAN'T TEACHERS AND THEM
ANYTHING.
THEIR ATTENTION SPAN IS HELL.
>> AS WAS YOURS.
>> YOU WERE GOING TO SAY
SOMETHING?
>> IT WAS NOTHING IMPORTANT.
IT REMINDED ME OF MY CHILDHOOD
WHEN I WOULD STAY HOME FROM
SCHOOL AND HAVE SOUP AND WATCH
"THE PRICE IS RIGHT."
>> THAT WAS THE GREATEST
THING.
>> IT WAS, BOB BARKER AND FOUR
FAT PEOPLE FROM WHERE THEY
WERE FROM.
>> SNOW DAYS.
>> IT WAS JUST BEING SICK OR
FAKING SICK ON THE WEST
COAST.
THAT'S WHAT YOU DID.
JUST WOULDN'T GO TO THE
BATHROOM FOR UH WHILE AND YOU
CAN HAVE A STOMACH ACHE AND
STAY HOME.
>> WHY NOT JUST FAKE THE
STOMACH ACHE?
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GIVE
YOURSELF ONE?
>> YOU HAVE TO PLAY THE ROLE.
IF YOU DIDN'T EAT YOU WOULD
GET A STOMACH ACHE AND STAY
HOME AND YOU CAN WATCH "MATCH
GAME,"" -- SANDY FLAG, RICHARD
DAWSON.
>> AND BOB BARKER TEACHES KIDS
TO SPAY AND NEWTER THEIR
PETS.
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT
MEANT UNTIL I PRE END ITED TO
BE SICK, AND I -- PRETENDED TO
BE SICK.
>> I LEARNED THE WORD GAY FROM
MATCH GAME.
IT WAS FILL IN THE BLANKS.
IT WAS UNCLE TOM JUST CAME
HOME FROM TEACHING SCHOOL AND
HE WAS WITH ANOTHER MAN AND HE
WAS BLANK.
AND IT WAS LIKE, THAT'S HOW
YOU LEARN WHAT GAY WAS.
>> ARE YOU SURE THAT WAS NOT
JUST YOUR DAD WITH A COUPLE
DRINKS?
>> HE ALWAYS HAD A CLOSE
FRIEND NAMED MARCUS.
HE CLAIMED THEY WERE
EXERCISING IN THE GARAGE AND
NOT TO DISTURB THEM.
IT DID SOUND LIKE THEY WERE
LIFTING WEIGHTS.
THEY WERE DOING A LOT OF
GRUNTING.
>> IT IS A MASS MASCULINE
SOUND.
>> BUT IT IS WEIRD BECAUSE MY
DAS WASN'T IN -- BECAUSE MY
DAD WASN'T IN GREAT SHAPE.
WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?
I AM KIDDING.
>>> COMING UP, IT HAS BEEN TWO
WEEKS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM DOING.
>> ARE WE ON?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
THIS IS TOTALLY A DRESS
REHEARSAL.
>> PHEW.
>> WE WILL GET THE REAL ANN
COULTER IN.
WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
>> MILDRED.
>> MILDRED, EY?
COMING UP, HOW DO YOU GET SUCH
POWERFUL TRY -- TRICEPS AND
QUADS?
HE COULD BE REALLY INTRUSIVE.
BUT FIRST, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH,
HOT CHICKS, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH
AND SO ON.
THERE YOU GO.
>>> SHOULD MEN BE FINED FOR
PRAISING A BEHIND?
WHISTLING AT WOMEN AND MAKING
SEXIST COMMENTS COULD BE
AGAINST THE LAW IN BRITAIN.
PRIME MINISTER DAVID CAMERON
WANTS TO SIGN A PLEDGE TO
CRIMINALIZE VERBAL, NONVERBAL
OR PHYSICAL *** YOU
HARASSMENT.
AS PART OF THE COUNCIL OF
EUROPE'S VIOLENCE CONVENTION
AGAINST WOMEN.
CAMERON EXPLAINED, QUOTE, THE
AGREEMENT WILL LIFT THE
STANDARDS OF PROTECTION FOR
WOMEN ACROSS EUROPE AND BRING
MANY MORE PERPETRATORS TO
JUSTICE.
ADDS AN ANTI-STREET HARASSMENT
ADVOCATE, THE WAY WE SEE IT IS
IF YOU WANT TO TACKLE IT, YOU
TACKLE ALL OF IT.
YOU SAY NO TO ALL FORMS OF
*** HARASSMENT.
A DOWNING STREET SPOKESMAN
SAYS IT IS TOO EARLY TO
DISCUSS PENALTIES WHETHER THEY
BE FINES OR JAIL TIME.
LET'S LOOK AT HOW ONE BRITISH
SHEEP DEALS WITH ALL OF THE
UNWANTED CAT CALLS SHE
RECEIVED.
>> ADORABLE, I TELL YOU.
ALL RIGHT, ANNE, OF COURSE
EVERYBODY IS AGAINST THE
PHYSICAL HARASSMENT STUFF.
IT IS COMMON SENSE, BUT THEY
ARE LUMPING IN STUFF THAT,
YES, IS RUDE AND CRUDE, BUT, I
MEAN, IF SOMEBODY WHISTLES AT
YOU, WHAT DO YOU DO TO THEM?
DO YOU FINE THEM?
ARREST THEM?
>> I THINK YOU ARE BEING RASH
IN YOUR CONDEMNATION.
WE CAN FINALLY GET BILL
CLINTON FOR THIS YOU -- FOR
THIS LAW.
>> BUT HE DOESN'T DO IT.
HE HAS PEOPLE DO IT FOR HIM.
>> IN THAT CASE I AM WITH
YOU.
>> WHEN IT COMES TO STREET
HARASSMENT, ALL WOMEN ARE
ASKING FOR IT.
THAT MADE ME SICK TO MY
STOMACH.
>> WELL, THE DAY COMES WHEN I
CAN'T YELL HEY GOOD LOOKIN,
WHAT YOU GOT COOKIN.
I CAN'T WHISTLE.
IT WAS ALWAYS LIKE --
>> YOU SPIT ON THEM.
>> YES, I DO A PURSED LIP
THING.
>> IT LOOKS LIKE --
>> TYPICAL BRITISH NONSENSE.
THEY ARE TERRIBLE WITH
SPEECH.
>> I MEAN, IT IS --
>> I DON'T KNOW WHY I HAD A
NICE LAUGH.
>> IT ACTUALLY BRINGS UP THE
POINT OF THE SOCCER PLAYERS
THAT HAD TO GO TOOURT
BECAUSE ONE MADE A RACIAL
COMMENT THAT COULDN'T BE
HEARD, BUT A LIP READER COULD
READ IT.
>> YOU ARE KIDDING.
>> THAT WAS OVER A BUNCH OF
SOCCER PLAYERS.
WE DIDN'T DO THE STORY HERE,
BUT IT WAS SO COMPLICATED WE
DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING ON
CATS.
JEDEDIAH, THIS PLEDGE IS
SIGNED BY 18 COUNTRIES.
SHOULD AMERICA BE NEXT?
>> NO.
NOT EVERYTHING IS HARASSMENT.
PEOPLE NEED TO REALIZE THERE
IS LEGITIMATE HARASSMENT, BUT
IF YOU START USING THE TERM
HARASSMENT TO APPLY TO
EVERYTHING, THEN EVERYTHING IS
HARASSMENT.
IT IS LIKE RACISM.
YOU SAVE THESE WORDS FOR
LEGITIMATE CASES.
MEN WHISTLING, CONSTRUCTION
WORKERS WHISTLING, THAT'S NOT
HARASSMENT.
>> BILL, YOU HAVE BEEN
CONSTANTLY HARASSING ON THE
STREET JUDE LAW WHO LIVES
DOWNTOWN NOW.
ARE YOU WORRIED IT MAY AFFECT
WHAT YOU CALL A RELATIONSHIP
WITH HIM?
>> THEY ARE CREATING THE JAWED
LAW LAW BECAUSE OF ME.
I TAKE GREAT PRIDE IN THAT.
I AGREE WITH WHAT THIS HOT
LITTLE NUMBER SAID.
WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS WHY
THEY ARE DOING THIS IN
ENGLAND.
IN ENGLAND, NO MATTER WHAT
THEY SAY, IT IS GOING TO SOUND
CHARMING.
HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, WHAT WE
GOT HERE?
LOOK AT THIS LITTLE NUMBER.
THAT'S CUTE.
I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP.
THIS IS WHAT THEY DO IN NEW
YORK.
GIRLS WILL COME BY, AND I HAVE
SEEN THIS IN MIDTOWN.
TO THIS DAY SOMEBODY SAYS --
WHAT IS THAT?
>> A BUDDY OF MINE WHO I WON'T
MENTION, A, NOER, THEY ALSO
DO -- A NEW YORKER DO THE MEOW
THING.
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
HOW DOES THAT WORK?
DO YOU ACTUALLY EXPECT A WOMAN
TO RESPOND WHEN YOU SAY MEOW?
IT IS CREEPY.
I GUESS THEY THINK SHE IS
GOING THINK THERE IS A CAT
HERE, AND SHE IS GOING TO SAY
OH THERE IS A CUTE LITTLE
CAT.
I MUST LOOK FOR THE CAT.
THERE IS A CAT TRAPPED IN THE
GRATING.
THERE IS A CAT TRAPPED IN THE
GRATING.
>> YOU HAVE WHAT SOUNDS LIKE A
DELETED SCENE IN "MARY
POPPINS" AND THEN YOU SOUND
LIKE A LITTLE SNAKE.
>> THAT MIGHT BE FROM ANOTHER
COUNTRY TOO.
WHO KNOWS?
THEY HAVE DIFFERENT WAYS OF
DOING THINGS.
>> I HAVE RESIGNED MYSELF NOW
AND IF THERE IS AN ATTRACTIVE
WOMAN I SAY, JUST SAY NO.
>> THAT SAVES YOU A LOT OF
TIME.
>> THE FIRST TIME -- I AM NOT
A BIG WINKER, BUT THE FIRST
TIME I WINKED AT SOMEBODY I
WAS IN CHURCH AND I WAS ABOUT
7, AND THERE WAS A CUTE LITTLE
BLONDE GIRL WITH A BOB
HAIRCUT.
I KEPT WINKING AT HER WHILE WE
WERE ALL SHAKING HANDS LIKE
PEACE BE TO YOU, AND I
ALREADIED IT WAS A BOY.
THAT'S A TRUE STORY.
>> AND BOY HOW THINGS HAVE NOT
CHANGED.
>> THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THAT
MONEY HAD NOT EXCHANGED
HANDS.
>> I COULDN'T STOP WINKING.
THAT WAS AWFUL.
>> THAT WAS A FORE SHADOWING
OF THINGS TO COME.
AND THINGS YOU LEARN TO ACCEPT
ABOUT YOURSELF.
>> THAT WAS CREEPY.
>> SWREE BROKEN A LOT OF
NEW -- WE HAVE BROKEN A LOT OF
NEW GROUND TONIGHT.
DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT
THE SHOW?
E-MAIL US.
DO YOU HAVE A VIDEO OF YOUR
ANIMAL DOING SOMETHING CUTE
AND SLASH OR INTERESTING?
GO TO FOX NEWS.COM/RED EYE AND
CLICK ON SUBMIT A VIDEO.
WE MIGHT USE IT ON "RED EYE."
STILL TO COME, SPEAKING OF
ANIMALS, THE HALF TIME REPORT
FROM TV'S ANDY LEVY.
>> TONIGHT'S HALF TIME REPORT
IS SPONSORED BY TRACTORS.
THE MOTOR VEHICLES USED FOR
PULLING HEAVY LOADS ESPECIALLY
ON FARMS WHERE THE LARGE REAR
WHEELS ALLOW THEM TO RUN ON
FIELDS.
>>> WELCOME BACK.
LET'S FIND OUT IF WE GOT
ANYTHING WRONG SO FAR.
FOR THAT WE GO TO ANDY LEVY.
HI, ANDY.
>> HI, HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M ALL RIGHT.
KIND OF ROCKY IN THE FRONT
HALF OF THE SHOW.
I MISS PRONOUNCED A LOT OF
NAMES.
I [BLEEP] THE INTRODUCTIONS,
SCREWED UP THE INTRODUCTIONS.
>> DID YOU WRITE THAT ONE
DOWN?
>> YES, WRITING THAT ONE
DOWN.
>> I THINK I NEED TIME OFF,
GREG.
>> NO.
YOU SEE, I WAS IN TAMPA WHILE
YOU WERE FLOATING AROUND L.A.
WITH YOUR HOLLYWOOD FRIENDS.
I WAS IN TAMPA.
>> WE SHOULD TALK AFTER THE
SHOW.
I THINK I MAY HAVE TO TAKE A
WEEK OR SOMETHING.
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M BEAT, MAN.
>> LOOK AT ME.
LOOK HOW EXHAUSTED I LOOK.
I LOOK TERRIBLE.
>> YOU SHOULD HAVE TAKEN A
COUPLE WEEKS OFF, MAN.
WE DID.
>> I DID "THE FIVE" EVERY
DAY.
I EVEN DID LABOR DAY.
>> IT IS YOUR OWN FAULT, MAN.
IT IS YOUR CHOICE.
BIDEN WITH THE BIKER CHICK,
OBAMA GETS A BEAR HUG.
I FEEL LIKE I AM OBLIGATED TO
SAY THIS, ANNE, THE BIG PIZZA
OWNER DID NOT THROW THE
PRESIDENT INTO A DEEP FRYER.
>> ARE YOU SURE?
>> YES, MY SOURCES TELL ME.
JIM, YOU SAID THE SECRET
SERVICE GOT A VIBE THE HUG WAS
OKAY.
THE PIZZA OWNER DID VISIT THE
WHITE HOUSE IN JUNE AS PART OF
THE CHARITY HE RUNS.
SO HE PROBABLY WASN'T UNKNOWN
TO THEM.
>> HE WAS BASICALLY SAYING
THERE WAS A PRIOR
RELATIONSHIP.
>> YES.
I BELIEVE YOU WERE CORRECT.
>> SO IT WAS COMFORTABLE FOR
EVERYBODY.
>> I BELIEVE SO, YES.
>> IT MAY NOT HAVE BEEN THE
FIRST TIME.
>> I THOUGHT IT WAS A FUN
MOMENT.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
IT WAS A LIGHTHEARTED ROMP.
>> THAT'S HOW YOU TREAT THE
MOST POWERFUL MAN ON THE
PLANET.
>> IT IS A SIGN OF RESPECT IN
SOME CULTURES.
>> I'M SURE THE RUSSIANS AND
THE CHINESE LOOK A LOT OF OUR
PRESIDENT WHEN HE IS LIFTED UP
LIKE SOME KIND OF WEIRD
SMALLER THING.
>> MY GUESS IS THE NEXT TIME
OBAMA VISITS PUTIN, PUTIN WILL
DO THAT TO HIM.
>> YES, BUT HE WORKS OUT.
>> WHAT A WEIRD -- WITH HIS
DUMB STUNTS AND SHIRTLESS ICE
FISHING?
OH HE IS A REAL MAN.
>> HE HAS TWO SIBERIAN TIGERS
THAT ARE AT HIS BECK AND
CALL.
IN FACT, THEIR NAMES ARE BECK
AND CALL.
>> THAT'S GREAT.
>> WHAT A WAY TO LIVE.
>> PUTIN PROBABLY DOES BELIEVE
THEY ARE MASCULINE.
>> AND IT DIDN'T WORK OUT TOO
WELL FOR WHO WAS SIGFRIED OR
ROY.
>> YOU SAY HE WAS OUR JOE THE
PLUMBER WITH HAIR.
WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY OUR?
>> I AM MORE INTERESTED IN THE
FACT THAT HIS NAME IS VAN
DOOZER.
THIS GUY IS AN ACTION MOVIE
WAITING TO HAPPEN.
HE HAS TO STOP ATTACKING THE
PRESIDENT AND ATTACK THOSE
CHINESE AND RUSSIANS YOU WERE
TALKING ABOUT EARLIER.
>> ELECTRIC HOMAGE?
WHAT IS VAN DEUCER 3
PRONOUNCING THINGS.
>> THAT COULD BE ONE.
>> IT COULD.
>> MY ONLY POINT IS VAN DUESER
IS REPUBLICAN.
BY OUR IF YOU MEANT DEMOCRAT.
>> HE VOTED FOR OBAMA BEFORE
AND HE PLANS TO VOTE FOR HIM
AGAIN.
>> BUT HE IS REPUBLICAN.
>> HE SAYS HE IS --
>> I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
>> I VOTED THIS, AND IT IS
LIKE, WHATEVER.
I WILL TAKE HIM AT HIS WORD.
HE MAKES GOOD PIZZA.
AND MAYBE HE MAY LIFT ME UP.
>> I AM TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
WHY BIG APPLE PIZZA IS IN
FLORIDA.
>> IT IS A CHAIN.
>> A LOT OF PEOPLE MOVE TO
FLORIDA.
>> I GET THAT.
AND IT IS A CHAIN.
BUT IT IS STILL WRONG.
DON'T DO THAT.
BIG APPLE PIZZA GOT SOME
NEGATIVE YELP REVIEWS
INCLUDING THIS ONE THAT I
THOUGHT WAS GOOD.
IT SAID, QUOTE, WELL I WOULD
EAT THERE, BUT AFTER SEEING
THE LEFTIST PRESIDENT I FELT
COMPELLED TO DISRESPECT HIS
ESTABLISHMENT AS MUCH AS HE
DISRESPECTS OUR CONSTITUTION.
THANK YOU FOR THUMBING YOUR
NOSE AT ALL OF THE SMALL
BUSINESS OWNERS THIS PRESIDENT
HAS DISRESPECTED FOR THE LAST
FOUR YEARS.
I GUESS YOU DIDN'T BUILD IT.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS, ANDY?
>> WHAT IS THAT?
>> THIS GUY BASICALLY
SACRIFICED THE SMALL
BUSINESSMAN SO HIS SMALL
BUSINESS COULD GROW THROUGH
THE NOTORIATY OF BEING AROUND
OBAMA.
HE SOLD OUT HIS BROTHERS.
>> THERE IS NOTHING SMALL
ABOUT THAT BUSINESSMAN.
PERHAPS YOU DIDN'T SEE VAN
DOOZER4.
>> WHAT WAS THAT ONE?
>> BUSINESS HOMAGE.
>> IT DID WELL IN YELP.
IT GOT A LOT OF REVIEWS.
>> AND MALAYSIA.
>> THAT'S WHERE IT TOOK
PLACE.
>> JEDEDIAH, ABOUT THE BIDEN
THING, THE THING ABOUT BIDEN
IN ADDITION TO THE FACT THAT
HE IS DEMOCRAT, THAT'S WHY HE
GETS A PASS ALL THE TIME.
IN HIS MIND IT IS LIKE BIKER
CHICK NEEDS SEAT, GET CLOSE TO
BIKER CHICK.
IN A NANOSECOND THAT'S WHAT
GOES THROUGH HIS BRAIN.
>> IT DOESN'T MEAN HE IS A
MORE RON, THERE IS NO THOUGHT
PROCESS THERE.
>> I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY NO
ONE IN THE MEDIA THOUGHT TO
LOOK AT THAT AND SAY IT LOOKS
A LITTLE INAPPROPRIATE OR
LOOKS A LITTLE ODD.
THEY JUST PASSED OVER IT.
WHEN I SAW IT I THOUGHT HIS
WIFE IS GOING TO DECK HIM WHEN
HE GETS HOME.
>> THAT'S A GOOD POINT.
>> I WAS GOING TO SAY I THINK
THE MEDIA -- THAT'S BIDEN.
PART OF IT IS OBVIOUSLY HE IS
IS A DEMOCRAT.
IF YOU WERE REPUBLICAN YOU
WOULDN'T GET AWAY WITH THIS
STUFF.
THAT FACT ASIDE, HE IS IN AN
ERA WHEN EVERY POLITICIAN IS
LIKE CAREFULLY MANICURED AND
WHATEVER HE DOES SORT OF STAND
APART.
>> THAT'S MY POINT.
I DON'T KNOW IF I WOULD CALL
IT INAPPROPRIATE.
EVERYBODY COMPLAINS ABOUT
EVERYTHING BEING TOO
APPROPRIATE.
ONCE IN AWHILE A LITTLE
INAPPROPRIATENESS.
>> WHAT IS CHARMING ABOUT
BIDEN --
>> EXCEPT IF RYAN HAD DONE IT.
>> RIGHT.
>> RYAN'S MO IS THIS KIND
OF -- HE DOES THESE RIDICULOUS
THINGS.
THINGS COME OUT OF HIS MOUTH
THAT NEVER SHOULD.
THAT'S HIS DEAL.
>> IT IS LIKE THE REVERSE OF
CLINTON.
>> OH BOY.
>> I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT --
THAT MADE NO SENSE.
IT IS TWO WEEKS, ANDY.
>> WE'LL GO WITH IT MADE NO
SENSE.
CHICAGO TEACHERS' UNION GOES
ON STRIKE.
GREG, THE AVERAGE TEACHER
SALARY IS NOT $4 MILLION A
YEAR.
>> MAYBE IN 350AD.
>> THAT'S NOT THE ISSUE AT
HAND, SIR.
>> HOW DO YOU KNOW.
I JUST LANDED FROM THERE WITH
NEW FACTS.
>> IT IS ABOUT 74 TO 76 GRAND
A YEAR.
>> AND 3,050AD DOLLARS IS 4
MILLION.
>> YOU CREATED A PARADOX.
WE HAVE KNOWLEDGE OF THE
FUTURE NOW.
WE WERE DUPED.
>> YOU THINK PRESIDENT OBAMA
MAY STEP IN AND SOLVE THIS
PROBLEM?
WERE YOU SAYING HE SHOULD BE
IMPEACHED?
>> OF COURSE.
DO YOU EVEN HAVE TO ASK?
>> LET'S JUST CLARIFY.
THERE MAY BE FIRST TIME
VIEWERS WHO DON'T KNOW WHERE
YOU STAND ON THIS.
>> IMPEACH HIM.
EVEN FORGETTING PICKED UP IN A
PIZZERIA.
>> ANNE, YOU SAID THE TEACHERS
WERE STRIKING OVER THE 17%
RAISE.
ACTUALLY THEY ARE NOT.
THEY WERE OFFERED -- THEY
ASKED FOR 19 AND WERE OFFERED
16.
APPARENTLY MONEY IS NOT THE
ISSUE HERE.
IT IS THE EVALUATIONS THAT
GREG WAS TALKING ABOUT.
AND ALSO THE BIG THING FOR
THEM IS THEY WANT TEACHERS WHO
WERE LAID OFF TO BE
AUTOMATICALLY REHIRED IF A JOB
SPOT OPENS AND A MAN IN THE
CITY WILL SAY NO THEY JUST
WANT THEM TO HAVE TO REAPPLY
FOR THE JOB AND NOT
NECESSARILY GET IT.
THOSE ARE THE TWO BIG ISSUES.
>> I JUST WANT THEM TO HAVE TO
TEACHERS AND CURRENT EVENTS SO
THEY CAN READ UP ON SCOTT
WALKER.
>> WHAT DO YOU ROOT FOR HERE?
IT IS EMMANUEL VERSUS THE
UNION.
>> I THOUGHT THE GREAT PAUL
RYAN HAD -- IT WOULD BE
ANOTHER GOOD MOVIE.
THEY ARE WORKING ON THE
TITLE.
I THOUGHT PAUL RYAN HAD A
BEAUTIFUL RESPONSE EVEN THOUGH
EMMANUEL IS NOT FOR US.
WE ARE THIS.
>> GREG, I AM NOT SURE WHY YOU
THINK WE GOT BAD RATINGS THE
TWO WEEKS WE WEREN'T ON.
>> I SAID IF WE HAD.
WE COULD HAVE HAD BAD RATINGS
BECAUSE OF THE OLYMPICS.
WE COULD HAVE HAD BAD RATINGS
BECAUSE OF -- WHAT I AM SAYING
IS WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO
ACCEPT THE RATINGS WE GET.
>> OKAY.
>> WHICH IS ABOUT WHAT I
WAS -- IT WAS IN COMPARISON TO
THE TEACHERS AND THE
EVALUATIONS THAT YES, THE KIDS
MAY COME FROM TROUBLED HOMES,
BUT EVERY TEACHER HAS TO DEAL
WITH THAT.
>> RIGHT.
I MEAN I THINK THE TEACHERS --
IT WORRIES ME WHEN EVERYTHING
IS BASED ON STANDARDIZED
TESTS.
>> IT SHOULD WORRY YOU.
>> IT DOESN'T WORRY ME.
>> I CRUSH STANDARDIZED
TESTS.
>> YOU DON'T WANT TO GET IN ON
THAT.
>> I WAS IN AP ENGLISH.
>> I COULDN'T EVEN SPELL
STANDARDIZED.
>> THERE WAS AN EPISODE OF
GOOD TIMES THAT ADDRESSED
STANDARDIZED TESTS AND HOW
THEY WERE BIASED AND FLORIDA
EVANS SHUT THE TEACHER UP
SAYI YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
CERTAIN THINGS ABOUT OUR
COMMUNITY.
WHAT DOES TCB STAND FOR.
HE SAYS THAT'S COOL BABY AND
SHE SAYS, NO, TAKIN CARE OF
BUSINESS.
THAT'S A NEW FEATURE ON THIS
SHOW.
>> I SAW THAT ONE.
WAS THAT THE ONE WHERE RERUN
IS CAUGHT BY THE DOOBIE
BROTHERS?
>> NO, THAT'S WHAT'S
HAPPENING?
>> REMEMBER IN THE END GARY
COLEMAN IS LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING, WILLIS?
HE WAS SMOKING CRACK.
>> I GUESS THEY ALL LOOK ALIKE
TO YOU, BILL.
>> THAT'S ANOTHER CATCH
PHRASE, THEY ALL LOOK ALIKE,
WILLIS.
>> AND THEN ALLEN GIBBS WOULD
SING SOMETHING.
>> HAVE I TO GO, BILL.
YOU TOO, GREG.
>> SEE YOU LATER.
>>> COMING UP, JOHN TRAVOLTA
LOVES MEN -- SHIONING UPCOMING
PROJECTS, BUT NOT ON THIS
SHOW.
WHAT IS UP WITH JAY Z?
I
>>> MY GOSH.
IS IT A BABE OR A BEARD?
WELL TALIBAN INSURGENTS ARE
POSING AS PRETTY GIRLS ON
FACEBOOK, WHATEVER THAT IS, TO
TRICK AUSTRALIAN TROOPS TO
GIVE AWAY MILITARY SECRETS.
ACCORDING TO A REVIEW OF
SOCIAL MEDIA USAGE, QUOTE, THE
TALIBAN HAVE USED PICTURES OF
ATTRACTIVE WOMEN AS THE FRONT
OF THEIR FACEBOOK PROFILE AND
HAVE BEFRIENDED SOLDIERS.
SOLDIER DOES NOT RECOGNIZE
THAT PEOPLE USING FAKE
PROFILES CAN CAPTURE THE
MOVEMENT.
THIS IS WHY I TAKE A DIFFERENT
ROUTE TO THE NAIL SALON EVERY
TIME.
YOU NEVER KNOW.
DISCUSS IN THIS SHALL WE?
>> LIGHTNING
ROOOOOUUUUNNNNDD.
LIGHTNING ROUND.
>> JIM, HAVE YOU FALLEN FOR
THIS AT ALL, AND ARE YOU STILL
DATING THIS MAN?
>> YES, I HAVE FALLEN FOR IT
MANY TIMES.
I FIND THE GAL I AM SEXTING
WITH IS A MAN IN SANDALS
HOLDING A GRENADE LAUNCHER.
HOW ABOUT YOU SMARTEN UP,
AUSTRALIAN SOLDIERS?
IF YOU SAY WHAT ARE YOU
WEARING?
AND THEN SHE SAYS I WILL TELL
YOU IF YOU GIVE ME YOUR GPS
COORDINATES?
>> THIS HAPPENED TO ME MANY
TIMES, BUT NOT WITH
TERRORISTS.
DOES THIS MEAN WE HAVE WON
WHEN THEY HAVE TO POSE AS
INTERNET TROLLS?
>> I THINK IF YOU CANNOT
RESPOND TO THE POTENTIAL SEX
PARTNERS ON THE INTERNET, THEN
THE TERRORISTS HAVE WON.
>> INTERESTING.
JEDEDIAH, SHOULD WE JUST DO
THE SAME THING AND HAVE OUR
SOLDIERS POSE AS HOT, SEXY
SUICIDE BOMBERS SO WE CAN
LEARN WHERE THE TERRORISTS ARE
HIDING OUT?
>> THAT'S A REALLY BAD IDEA.
>> I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW
WHEN THEY CALL THAT
BRAINSTORMING.
>> THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
YOU START THINKING.
CAN'T DO THAT EVER.
>> WOW.
>> BILL, YOU DATED A TALIBAN
INSURGENT ON-LINE FOR A YEAR.
LONG DISTANCE DIDN'T WORK
OUT.
>> IT DIDN'T WORK OUT.
HE DIDN'T FOOL ME ONCE.
I WAS LIKE, OH, TALIBAN, LET'S
DO THIS.
DID AUSTRALIA JUST GET ON THE
INTERNET.
THERE IS NO GROUP OF MEN THAT
KNOWS LESS ABOUT WOMEN THAN
THE TALIBAN.
AND YET THEY ARE STILL FOOLING
THEM?
I AM WEARING SOMETHING THAT IS
MOST OBJECTABLE IN THE EYES OF
ALLAH.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO -- THEY DO
NOT KNOW.
THE LAST I CHECKED IT MEANT NO
WOMEN.
THEY HAVE SEX WITH HALF OF THE
WOMEN IN NEW YORK.
THEY KNOW -- NONE OF THIS
MAKES ANY SENSE WHATSOEVER.
>> GOING BACK TO THE STORY,
WHEN I WAS FIRST ON FACEBOOK I
WAS GETTING SPAMMED A LOT BY
THIS GIRL IN A BIKINI.
I WAS GOING, YOU KNOW, I WAS
SEEING SHE WAS A FAN OF "RED
EYE" AND I SAID YOU MUST LIKE"
RED EYE" AND SHE SAYS, I DO.
WE CAN DO THAT.
>> AND THEN FIVE MONTHS LATER
HE REALIZED.
>> YES, IT HAD NOTHING TO DO
WITH THE SHOW.
>> IT IS GREAT TO SEE HOW FAR
YOU CAN GO.
LIKE IF YOU SAY ARE YOU A BOT
THEY WILL SAY, NO, I AM A REAL
PERSON.
I SAY I AM HAVING SEX WITH A
CHICKEN.
COOL, HERE IS MY PROFILE.
>> IT HAD TO BE LIKE FIVE
YEARS AGO.
I HAD NO IDEA.
SHE WAS IN NERMING NEW JERSEY
AND I KEPT THINK -- SHE WAS IN
NEW JERSEY AND I KEPT THINKING
OH SHE PROBABLY WATCHES "RED
EYE."
IT MEANT SOMETHING THAT WE
PROBABLY WILL NEVER KNOW.
NOR WILL SHE.
SHE IS PROBABLY SOMEWHERE
ELSE.
MAYBE SHE IS ON A FARM.
>> DOING "RED EYE."
>>> WE WILL TAKE A BREAK.
WE HAVE MORE CRUD WHEN WE
RETURN.
>>> WELCOME BACK.
IN AN INTERVIEW JAY Z SAID HE
NEVER THREW HIS SUPPORT BEHIND
OCCUPY WALL STREET BECAUSE HE
NEVER KNEW WHAT IT STOOD FOR.
TALKING TO RUSTLE SIMMONS --
RUSSELL SIMMONS HE SAID I AM
NOT GOING TO A PARK AND
PICNIC.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FIGHT IS
ABOUT.
WHAT YOU DO WANT?
WHAT DO WE KNOW?
JEDEDIAH, I AGREE WITH HIM
COME PLOATLY AND GLAD HE SAID
SOMETHING -- BUT DHEE GO THERE
AND HE WORE A SHIRT.
THE ANNIVERSARY IS NEXT WEEK
FOR OCCUPY WALL STREET.
>> HE WENT, BUT HE DIDN'T
THROW HIS SUPPORT BEHIND IT
BECAUSE HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT IT
STANDS FOR.
THAT'S WHAT MOST AMERICANS
HAVE TO SAY.
THERE IS A COHESIVE MESSAGE
WHICH IS TO TAKE DOWN
CAPITALISM.
THEY COULDN'T GET THEIR STUFF
OUT THERE THOUGH AND PUT IT
TOGETHER.
>> YOU AND J TALK ALL THE
TIME, TEXTING BASICALLY.
>> YES.
>> IS THIS MOVEMENT FOR ALL
INTENSIVE PURPOSES OVER?
THEY DIDN'T MAKE A BLIP IN THE
CONVENTION.
>> I DIDN'T REALIZE WE ARE
COMING UP ON THE ONE-YEAR
ANNIVERSARY.
WOW, WHAT A DIFFERENCE IT HAS
MADE.
>> IT HAS.
>> IN MY LIFE, AND IN ALL OF
OUR LIVES WE WILL REMEMBER
THIS WAS THE YEAR OF OCCUPY
WALL STREET.
>> WELL, YOU KNOW IT WAS THE
YEAR OF THE PROTESTOR
ACCORDING TO TIME OR NEWS
WEEK.
>> AND JUST BY CONTRAST, LOOK
AFTER THE YEAR AFTER THE TEA
PARTY STARTED, THEY CHANGED
CONGRESS, THEY CHANGED
POLITICS.
THE WORD HAD GENUINELY
CHANGED.
WHAT HAS OUPY DONE OTHER
THAN GET GIRLS ***, PEOPLE
OVER DOSED AND KILLED AND
BILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN
PROPERTY DAMAGE?
>> TRUE.
IT IS TRUE.
IT IS TRUE.
JIMMY, IF I MAY CALL YOU
THAT.
>> SURE.
JIMMI LIKE HENDRIX.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE IT --
I KNOW JAY-Z IS A BIG OBAMA
FAN.
HE IS NO REPUBLICAN, BUT HE
REALIZED THAT CAPITALISTIC
BELIEFS ARE THE BEST BELIEFS,
AND THAT IN THIS OCCUPY WALL
STREET THING WAS BASICALLY
DEMONIZING WHAT YOU DO FOR A
LIVING.
>> I THINK THE IMPORTANT
QUESTION IS WHY A YEAR LATER
DOES ANYBODY CARE WHAT JAY-Z
THINKS OF OCCUPY WALL STREET?
WHO CARES?
IT WAS IRRELEVANT TO ME 10
MINUTES AFTER OCCUPY WALL
STREET WHAT RAPPERS THINK.
NOT THAT I AM TRYING TO DISC
ANYBODY, BUT I COULD
CARELESS.
IF HE SAID IT IS GREAT, IT
STINKS, I DON'T CARE.
I NEVER CARE WHAT HE THOUGHT.
I DON'T CARE WHAT RUN-D.M.C.
THINKS.
I DON'T CARE WHAT BIG DAB CANE
THINKS OREN MINUTE THEM
THINKS -- OR EMINEM THINKS.
>> I BROUGHT IT BACK WITH
EMINEM.
>> WHAT ABOUT SLICK RICK?
>> I HAVE A PICTURE WITH SLICK
RICK AT THE COMEDY SHOW.
>> WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED?
>> HE CAME ON STAGE WITH ME
AND PUT HIS ARM AROUND ME AND
PUT ON HIS EYE PATCH AND TOOK
A PICTURE.
>> HAVE READ ABOUT BIG DADDY
CANE IN THE FINANCIAL TIMES?
YOU MIGHT WANT TO THINK
TWICE.
>> I AM A 44-YEAR-OLD MAN.
REFERENCING OLDER RAPPERS.
I DON'T CARE WHAT LITTLE
RICHARD THINKS.
>> ALL RIGHT.
SHALL WE CLOSE THINGS OUT?
PERHAPS WITH SOMETHING CALLED
THE POST GAME WRAP UP STARING
SOME GUY NAMED TV'S ANDY
LEVY.
AND MAYBE YOU SHOULD SEE CLIPS
OF RECENT SHOWS.
HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
GO TO FOX NEWS.COM/RED EYE.
YOU ASK TOO MANY QUESTIONS,
VIEWER.
>>> I WILL SEE YOU BACK HERE
AT 5:00 P.M. EASTERN TIME FOR
"THE FIVE."
WE HAVE AMBASSADOR BOLTEN AND
BROOKE GOLDSTEIN AND JESSE
JOYCE.
>>> BACK TO TV'S ANDY LEVY.
>> TELL US ABOUT THE UPCOMING
GIGS OF YOURS.
>> WELL, ANDY, IT WILL BE FUN
FILLED, AND BRING THE WHOLE
FAMILY.
THERE IS A LOT OF SEATS.
YOU CAN BRING THE WHOLE FAMILY
AND HAVE TWO EMPTY SEATS IN
BETWEEN.
IT IS THANKS TO THE KIDS.
WE ARE WORKING ON A NEW HOUR.
IT IS NONE OF WHAT YOU SAW ON
THE EPIC SPECIAL.
IT SHOULD BE CHOPPY AND
UNPREPARED.
>> I HAVE SEEN YOUR
PERFORMANCES.
THEY ARE FAMILY FRIENDLY.
>> I WILL BE LIKE A ***
REFERENCE AND SAY LOOK AT HIM.
>> THE MAN SON FAMILY.
>> JEDEDIAH, A NEW COLUMN OUT
THIS WEEK?
>> YES, LATE THEY ARE WEEK.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
ABOUT.
GO TO JEDEDIAH BILA.COM.
>> DO SOMETHING ON OBAMA.
>> MAYBE ABOUT IMPEACHING
OBAMA.
I DON'T KNOW.
>> OR SOMETHING ABOUT SARAH
PALIN MAYBE.
>> SOMETHING I HAVE NEVER
WRITTEN ABOUT BEFORE.
NEW TURF.
>> WHAT ARE YOU UP TO THE NEXT
COUPLE WEEKS?
>> I AM SPEAKING BIRMINGHAM,
ALABAMA, RALEIGH NORTH
CAROLINA ON SUNDAY.
I HAVE A WEEK OFF AND THEN MY
NEW BOOK COMES OUT.
>> AND YOU WILL BE BACK IN A
COUPLE WEEKS AND WE WILL BE
TALKING ABOUT YOUR BOOK?
>> YES, WE WILL.
NOT OPENING NIGHT BECAUSE I AM
PLANNING MY FIRST NIGHT OF
DRINKING.
I AM TAKING "RED EYE" THAT
FRIDAY NIGHT.