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If you're a fan of Larry David's "Curb Your Enthusiasm,"
you are familiar with the lovable mensch
who gets into trouble whether he likes it or not.
Well, these are my stories. The Black Larry David.
One of my favorite customers is business giant John Toscano.
John pays a generous forty thousand a week to top consultants. Like myself.
last contract I walked away with enough for a month-long
vacay in Puerto Rico. This time
I'll probably be able to buy that little beach-house I saw for sale
in lovely in Rincon.
Good morning, sir. Welcome to Toscano Associates.
How may I help you?
I'm here for the Mike Parminter meeting.
Okay, looks like they're running a little late.
If you would have a seat, Mr. Parminter's assistant will be down when they're ready.
Okay. Thanks.
Oh, would you like some coffee or anything?
No, I'm fine. I can get you some water.
No thanks.
What can I do for you?
Well, for starters you can explain why
you felt the need to hide your purse when I came up to your desk.
Excuse me? I mean the other guy came up to your desk and you were all smiles and
"Oh, how may I help you?"
"Coffee?"
"Tea? Sunshine and lollipops?"
Are you here for a reason? No, I just put on this expensive designer
suit and spent a half hour in traffic
because I wanted to enjoy scintillating conversation
with a high school dropout. I have an appointment with John Toscano.
You know, the CEO? That guy who
pays you minimum wage to sit here and look cute? I know who he is.
I wonder if John knows that
you sit here and suspect every
African-American man
who comes into this building to be a thief? I didn't call you anything.
Well, you seemed fine with having your purse on top
of the desk until you saw me. Then, you felt the need to hide it.
I just put it on the floor. What's your problem?
Perhaps, in some twisted variation of logic
one could expect that I put on this expensive designer suit and drove
all the way from my townhouse in the suburbs
for the express purpose of stealing the $8.37
out of your knockoff purse. I didn't say you were a thief.
Actions speak louder than words, young lady.
Buddy, you shouldn't harass Kimberly. Buddy? Buddy?
That other guy... over there...
he was "Sir." I'm "Buddy?"
Your Black Buddy who goes around stealing
chump change out of purses and harassing defenseless little white girls. Is that it?
Look, Mister... Oh, now I'm "Mister."
Well, I guess that is one step closer to "Sir."
What do you want? I would like you to inform
Mister Toscano that his 10:00 appointment is here.
On time. But on the verge of being late,
given the incompetence of his reception staff.
That guy is so mean! Don't cry, Kim.
So, now I'm mean? If I were truly mean,
I would ask John to fire you
and replace you with a trained chimpanzee.
Which, by the way, would not feel the need to hide its bananas when I enter the building.
So, would you mind ringing the CEO and letting him know
I am here for our very important business meeting?
I got a better idea. C'mere!
Excuse me, can somebody call Mr. Toscano?
The only thing you're gonna need called is an ambulance!
Somebody? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller?
Don't let me see your face around here again. You hear me?
Yes, these are the adventures that I have had.
We share them with you. We hope you enjoy them.
Tune in for the next one, coming...
eh, whenever something else goes crazy.