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[theme song]
(Jack) I don't get this.
(Fitz) What? This is the fist bump. (Jack) Duh Fitz. I know.
I mean what happened to the handshake
or the high five? (Fitz) They got bumped.
(Jack) I mean where did it come from?
I'm gonna look it up on wikipedia.
(Fitz) Will you just bump my fist already. We look like a couple of angry lovers.
(Jack) Maybe it was the Black Panthers or something.
(Fitz) You think too much. (Jack) You talk too much.
(Fitz) Let me bum one. (Jack) I'm out.
(Fitz) Already?
(Jack) Don't you have your Shermans? (Fitz) I ran out.
(Jack) Dude, we're sad.
(Fitz) Speak for yourself.
[music playing]
(Fitz) Where's Emmy already?
(Jack) She shoulda left work so she should be here by now.
(Fitz) She have Yoga tonight?
(Jack) No, that's on Mondays. (Fitz) True.
(Jack) Her voicemail said she got an opportunity lined up for us.
(Fitz) A gig? (Jack) Yeah.
(Fitz) A paying gig?
(Jack) Yup. (Fitz) **** yeah!
(Emmy) Oh my God are you guys kidding me? You never answer your phones. Are you retarded?
(Jack) Hey! (Fitz) What's the job?
(Emmy) You too! Seriously, answer your phone.
(Jack) Um, wait. You called again?
(Emmy) Oh my God, seriously!
(Jack) Uh, seriously
pay my phone bill, all right. You're the one with a job.
(Fitz) What's the job?
We're hard up.
(Emmy) Smokes? (Fitz) Caaaaash.
(Jack) Smokes. (Emmy) Right.
(Emmy) So, look. She said she'd meet us here. She should be here soon.
(Jack) What? Why didn't you tell me? I look like ***! (Fitz) Jackie, you look fine.
(Jack) Dude, I didn't even shower today. (Emmy) Are you kidding me?
(Emmy) It's almost Six O'Clock. (Jack) I haven't showered in a week.
(Jack) Seriously what's the deal?
(Emmy) Okay here's the deal.
(Emmy) So my friend Cammy, she's shooting like this spoof on 'Sex and the City'
and she said I can be in it.
(Fitz) As what? The slutty one? (Jack) Dude, they're all slutty.
(Fitz) Really? (Emmy) Nooo!
(Fitz) I totally see it.
(Emmy) Uh yeah. Okay. No. I'm 'Samantha.'
(Jack) There's no 'Samantha' on the show.
(Emmy) [laugh] Have you ever seen the show?
(Fitz) Well we've watched the online clips of them having sex. (Emmy) Yeah, right.
(Jack) Another internet spoof? Aren't those a bit done by now?
(Fitz) At least it's not another webseries. I mean everyone's got one of those.
(Emmy) Ok, look. Her uncle's fronting us the money and we all could use a little bit of money right now.
(Jack) Cash. (Emmy) Huh? (Fitz) It's gotta be cash. (Emmy) Why?
(Jack) Unemployment cannot know about this.
(Emmy) Oh God not again! Ok look if we get this gig and we do really well then
you don't have to collect unemployment anymore. This could be a big break for us.
(Jack) Another vanity project by a spoiled little girl who thinks she's an actress.
(Fitz) Oh lighten up Jackie, how bad can it be?
(Emmy) Hey Cammy. (Cammy) Hi!
(Emmy) Ok so these are the guys I was telling you about. This is Jack and Fitz.
They're a bit of a team of sorts.
(Cammy) And I understand that you are a director
and you have a camera?
(Fitz) Oh my stars and garters. (Jack) Uh-huh.
(Cammy) Ok so I don't know if Emmy's explained to you in full
but my Uncle Marty if fronting Five thousand dollars for the project. (Fitz) Cash?
(Cammy) Yes. (Jack) Well, uh- (Fitz) Deal!
(Cammy) Great. And the project is going to be called Sex and the Beach. (Emmy) Isn't it great?
(Jack) I guess so. I guess so. I don't understand something.
What exactly will you be doing?
Lights, camera- (Fitz) Craft services?
(Cammy) No, isn't it obvious?
(Jack) Uhhh-
(Cammy) My Uncle Marty has always said I look exactly like Sarah Jessica Parker.
(Fitz) Yes, I totally see it!
(Emmy) What? Scuzz!
(Fitz) What's your name again homeboy? (Trevor) I'm not your homeboy, 'dude!'
(Jack) Why can't I get a decent ****ing script to do?