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Romance.
Women.
Men.
Excitement.
Connections.
Fun.
As you all know, my life is not exactly a fanfic.
If it were, I'd be in the TARDIS, surrounded by
Captain Jack, Sparrow, mind you, Spike Spiegel and Nathan Fillion.
And Faramir!
And Hardison!
Thank goodness the TARDIS is bigger on the inside!
And Brian Kinney!
What? Where did that come from?
And of course Chris Pine, but only if he brings Zachary Quinto and Karl Urban.
Right, not a fan fiction.
Instead of meaningful looks across the room and getting hot and heavy between the sheets,
I mostly just stare at my computer screen all day.
Not that I mind. I love my little baby.
But you know... my libido would like some action from time to time.
Well, analog, not digital action.
Apart from that, with every year that passes, I can picture myself better and better as a crazy cat lady
and, let's face it, I love cats, and I am a little crazy but who would want to be a lady?
Anyway, instead of my usual whining, I've decided to try to be more... active.
I will pursue my own happiness. I will find the love of my life efficiently and effectively.
I will sign up with a dating service and I won't be able to answer all the emails I will get from this.
And then I will rule the world!
Muahahahahahaaahaha!
Well, that's the plan at least.
I'm off now to make the best profile ever. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Honey, he dumped you two years ago. You need to move on.
I have moved on!
Now I’m only checking his profile about once a week or so.
But that he’s changed his status to "engaged" hurts. It truly does.
Oh, come on! Stop whining. This *** was only using you.
You always said that he wasn't good for me. But he's a great guy and I -
You what? You didn't move to another country without telling your significant other about it, did you?
For ***'s sake, you had to call his freaking mother to find out he'd left at all.
Fair point. So how do you get over someone?
Easy. By finding a new "someone". Preferably hotter than the last.
I’d suggest that you sign up with an online dating service. That way you’ll probably have the broadest selection.
You’re kidding me. I’m not that old and that desperate yet.
I’ll just meet guys the normal way. In libraries, or in...
Lainey, how often have you met an attractive guy in a library in all your life?
Okay, maybe that was just a bad example, but -
How many guys have you met in total over the last two years?
Three, maybe four?
And would you have been interested in a romantic relationship with any of them?
No.
So?
Okay, okay, I give in. I’ll sign up.
On one condition: you sign up with me.
What? I have a boyfriend, why on earth would I sign up?
I’m not gonna do this alone. Seriously. I need your moral support.
Besides, if you're signed up as well, you can check out all the guys on the site.
You can see who's writing me, or you can help me find suitable guys.
Please?
Fine. But if Andrew ever finds out about this, he’s going to be pissed.
As you've probably seen, RogueBookaneer has signed up on a dating site this week.
As I was getting ready to tease her mercilessly about it,
it occurred to me that she hasn't been single half as long as I have,
and that at least she's willing to get off her *** and do something about it,
rather than mope on her vlog like I've been doing.
So...
I've decided to follow her lead.
After all, what's the worst that can happen?
I mean, I'm already single, and it's not like putting on my best ***-Me-Face and crooning
"My, what a big mouse you have..." is beneath me.
Okay, that is beneath me. But still.
Plus, this dating site is supposed to work on "scientific principles".
I figured that sounds promising enough, although I couldn't find their methodology anywhere.
Should I be worried about that?
Nah...
Basically, if it's even slightly more sophisticated than a Ouija Board, I'm willing to try it.
Wish me luck!
And then he whipped out his business card and -
You know what, it's over.
What?
You're a narcissistic, self-involved idiot and I'm not feeling this anymore. Have a good life.
Are you seriously dumping me? You are dumping me?
But I haven't done anything wrong.
You haven't done anything right either.
Is this...
Is this seriously happening?
Ha!
I knew it! There she comes crawling back to me.
Man.
Zach?
Dude, guess what?
Sheila broke up with me?
Huh? The blonde one? Is she looking for a cute, younger guy?
Don't even think about it, man!
Moving on, guess what? My sister just signed up with an online dating service!
Online Dating, huh? That's something I should do.
Thanks, man, that's awesome advice. Be hearing you!
Man... So much for telling the world of my cunning plan.
Damn! How could I forget you?