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(Driver) The first thing you notice physically about this lady
is her eyes -
bright, blue eyes.
It's rare to actually see those eyes,
'cause they're usually covered up.
But when you do, it's worth it.
The next thing you notice is her hands -
strong, powerful, yet feminine, hands.
But the real heart-stopper that this woman has
in her galaxy of talents is her voice,
her billion-dollar voice.
[coughing]
She's a legend
in her own lifetime.
She's achieved giddy heights few have equaled.
She's unrivaled in her world.
And she's a complete c-
(Star) Glen!
(Glen) Right here, darlin' !
I'll be right back.
[Star, shouting] Glen, get over here.
(Glen) Hey, Glen is flying in.
Glen is here to say you are the bomb!
(Star) Idiot!
You are such a moron.
This is not -
slap!
what I pay you for.
(Glen) All right.
(Driver) Glen: her manager for seven years.
No backbone on the man.
(Glen) Not a problem, sweetheart.
We will work it out, okay?
(Driver) But he gets paid enough not to have one.
(Star) Coffee!
I want my coffee!
It better not be cold.
(Glen) Piping - piping hot.
(Star) I'm so over black.
(Glen) Get that for you.
Okay.
(Star) Take the bus.
(Glen) Hey, hey.
[exhales]
(Star) This'Il do.
Take me to the venue.
(Driver) I'm sorry.
I'm booked for someone else.
(Star) Yeah, right.
Just take me to the venue.
(Driver) What venue?
(Star) I am gracing this armpit of a town
for one night.
If you also think I'm gonna know the name
of the venue in El Armpitto,
you're sadly mistaken.
You are the driver.
You are supposed to know.
(Bodyguard) We're going to the Palace.
(Star) We?
Listen, my bone-from-the-neck-up driver friend,
I suggest you put your foot down.
And next time, do your homework.
(Driver) Okay. Fine.
(Star) What do you think you're doing?
(Bodyguard) Coming with you, ma'am.
(Star) Then get on the roof and hold on tight.
Out. Out!
(Bodyguard) I'll follow behind.
(Star) Good idea, tough guy.
What are you waiting for?
Let's get out of here before he gets in the car.
I don't want him following me!
(Driver) Okay.
(Bodyguard) Don't lose them.
[people screaming]
(Star) Why are we going so slow?
(Driver) Excuse me?
(Star) Are you deaf as well as stupid?
I said, ''Why are we going so slow?''
People are waiting for me.
(Driver) Well, ma'am, I wouldn't like to put you in any danger.
(Star) Don't ma'am me, smarty-pants.
[honking]
It's a shame your driving
isn't as smart as your mouth.
I thought I told you
I don't want that car following me.
Huh?
Not so smart as to answer that,
are you, smarty-pants?
[phone ringing]
(Driver) Would you excuse me for a second?
Hello.
(Glen) Hey, is she doin' okay?
(Driver) Yeah, yeah, she's fine.
I'll take care of her.
(Glen) No rush.
Show her the sights.
Give her everything I've paid you for:
breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
(Driver) She'll be there on time.
(Star) If you'd keep your eyes on the road
instead of on me, we might be getting somewhere.
(Driver) Lemme see what I can do, sir.
[Blur's ''Song 2'' plays]
[engine revving]
(Blur) Whoo-hoo!
[tires squealing]
(Driver) Just hold on tight, sir.
We'll get you there safely.
(Blur) I got my head checked...
by a jumbo jet.
It wasn't easy.
But nothing is, no.
Whoo-hoo!
When I feel heavy metal -
whoo-hoo!
And I'm pins and I'm needles,
well, I lie, and I'm easy
all of the time.
But I'm never sure-
(Driver) Looks like we've lost them, sir.
Ohh.
Let's try again!
(Blur) Whoo-hoo!
When I feel heavy metal-
whoo-hoo!
And I'm pins and I'm needles-
whoo-hoo!
Well, I lie, and I'm easy
all of the time.
But I'm never sure when I need you.
Pleased to meet you.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
[Wagner's ''The Ride of the Valkyries'' plays]
(Blur) Whoo-hoo!
Aaagh!
[tires screeching]
(Blur) Whoo-hoo!
(Driver) Well, we got you here.
Aaahhh!
And in good time too!
scrrrrrch!
[gasping]
[gasps]
[gasping]
[shutters clicking wildly]
(Blur) When I feel heavy metal-
whoo-hoo!
And I'm pins and I'm needles -
whoo-hoo!