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I have to get a college degree. I don't wanna end up reaping wheat. I don't wanna work at
McDonald's. I got money in my...in my...birthday card from Grandma. She's being nice so she
can meet Jesus. What would happen if Grandma forgot to put money in your birthday card?
Have you ever seen "Scarface?" I saw some college girls. I like the juicy parts. I have
it pretty good around here. She does my laundry. She cooks my food. I accidentally got ketchup
on the rug. SCRUB! Them tibbles aren't...ain't bad. I like her, but I can't lie - sometimes,
when she leans in the oven to bake cookies, I feel like going all Hansel and Gretel. There's
nasty things in Burger King. Ladies just want respect...and money. I like all kinds'a girls.
Even midgets can have a hear-...big heart. My hamster's named Freddy...Fredrick, for
long. What does he like to eat? This is not uncommon, but broccoli?! I don't eat Mexican
food anymore. It gives me the hot snakes. (*FART*, *LAUGHTER*) That's gonna itch when
it dries. I'm livin' clean now. (*GUNSHOTS*) Sometimes, when Satan grabs ahold of me, I
prowl through the college bars. Give them ladies smooches like... (*SLARPING*) Usually
when it's dark outside. Darkness hides the...the flaws. I don't like the slides in Burger King.
I looked in there once...have you ever seen two hobos wrestle? You can see poop stains
on the side of the slide. Pretty gross. Those...those people need Jesus! Yeah, I don't really...I
don't really like the smell. That's why I don't go in the slide area...'cause I always
remember that. Take a picture, it'll last longer.