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>> MAN, I REALLY WANTED TO GO.
>> IT'S A POETRY READING.
YOU'D THINK THEY'D TAKE ANYBODY
THEY CAN GET.
>> THERE'S GOT TO BE SOME WAY
I CAN SNEAK IN.
>> SOME WAY WE CAN BOTH
SNEAK IN.
I THINK I'LL MAKE A REALLY
GREAT RADIO SHOW ABOUT SEXISM
AT UPPER REDWOOD.
A SHOCKING EXPOSE BY ROGER
RICHARDS!
>> MAN, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE
SO CONCERNED ABOUT FIGHTING
SEXISM.
>> OH, YEAH, CHICKS DIG THAT.
>> HEY, WHERE'S BLAIR?
DID HE JUST GIVE UP?
>> NO, HE'S PROBABLY OFF
FORMULATING SOME CLEVER PLAN
TO MEET BEBE LABELLE.
THAT'S WHAT WE NEED TO BE DOING.
>> YEAH.
OH, OH, I GOT A PLAN!
>> DON'T TELL ME, LET ME GUESS.
YOU THINK WE SHOULD DRESS UP AS
WOMEN, YOU KNOW, SKIRTS, WIGS,
MAKEUP, YOU NAME IT, AND JUST
STROLL ON INTO THIS LITTLE
GIRL-ONLY EVENT, LEAVING
EVERYONE NONE THE WISER.
>> DRESSING UP?
THAT'S A GREAT PLAN!
I WAS GONNA SUGGEST MONTHS
OF SURGERY AND HORMONAL THERAPY,
BUT DRESSING UP LIKE A WOMAN
IS JUST AS GOOD.
>> DRESSING UP LIKE WOMEN IS
IDIOTIC.
NO ONE'S EVER FOOLED.
THAT SORT OF THING ONLY EVER
WORKS ON LAME TV SITCOMS.
>> AND YOUR POINT IS?
>> WE NEED ANOTHER PLAN.
NOBODY AT THE POETRY READING'S
GOING TO FALL FOR A GUY IN DRAG.
>> (falsetto)
I AM OLGA.
I AM A FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENT.
I AM...
(normal voice)
A MORON FOR DRESSING UP LIKE
THIS.
BEBE, YOU BETTER BE WORTH IT,
'CAUSE IF SOMEONE RECOGNIZES
ME IN THIS GETUP, IT'LL BE MY
LAST DAY AS THE COOLEST GUY AT
UPPER REDWOOD...
AND MY FIRST DAY AS THE BIGGEST
DORK ON EARTH.
>> GEORGE, DID YOU SEE THE WAY
THAT GIRL LOOKED AT ME?
>> WHAT GIRL?
>> WELL, HELLO!
>> TANYA, PLEASE!
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE--
PLEASE!
>> NO!
>> OKAY, I WON'T ASK YOU TO GO
TO ANYTHING ELSE LIKE IT, EVER,
I PROMISE.
>> SO NO FOLK FESTIVALS,
POLITICAL RALLIES, PROTESTS--
>> UH, HI THERE, MISS.
CAN WE HELP YOU?
>> (falsetto)
YA.
YES, I AM OLGA.
I AM A FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENT.
I AM INTERESTED IN POETRY
READING.
IT HELP MY ENGLISH VERY GOOD,
YES?
>> OH, UH-HUH, OKAY.
>> MAYBE YOU COULD BE TELLING
ME APPROPRIATE QUESTION TO
BE ASKING FAMOUS POEM-WRITER
BEBE LABELLE?
>> OH, YEAH, 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW,
YOU WANT TO MAKE A GOOD
IMPRSION.
>> ENGAGE HER IN SOME LIGHT
CHIT-CHAT.
>> BREAK THE ICE.
>> I'M SURE WE CAN HELP YOU OUT.
I CAN TELL ALREADY, SHE'S
GOING TO LOVE MEETING YOU.
>> THERE SHE IS.
>> WHO?
>> THE GIRL FROM THE HALL.
SHE MUST BE NEW.
ISN'T SHE CUTE?
>> NO.
>> I LIKE STATUESQUE WOMEN.
I'VE ALWAYS HAD A THING FOR THE
REAL AMAZONS, YOU KNOW, LONG
LEGS, BROAD SHOULDERS, AND
HANDS THAT COULD TWIST MY WEAK
STRINGY BODY INTO A PRETZEL!
SO, WHO DO WE HAVE HERE?
>> WHY, THIS...
THIS WOULD BE, UM...
>> OLGA.
>> YEAH, OLGA.
>> OLGA'S NEW HERE AT UPPER
REDWOOD HIGH, AREN'T YOU, OLGA?
>> YA, BRAND NEW.
NEVER BEFORE HAVE YOU SEEN ME.
>> PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
UH...
(gagging)
>> HEY, GIRLS, HOW DO I LOOK?
IS MY HAIR STRAIGHT, MY TEETH
CLEAN, MY BODY ODOURS ALL IN
CHECK?
>> EW!
ROGER!
YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS?
>> YEAH.
IT'S MY DREAM GIRL.
>> STAND BACK.
THESE DISASTERS ARE BEST WATCHED
FROM A SAFE DISTANCE.
>> SO, OLGA, THAT'S A REALLY
LOVELY ACCENT.
EASTERN EUROPEAN, IS IT?
>> (stammering)
>> WHEREABOUTS?
>> LITTLE TOWN.
OSTER... KIVEN... GRADENSKI.
>> AH YES, I KNOW IT WELL.
>> THERE ONCE WAS A GIRL
FROM OSTERKIVEN GRADENSKI.
>> GEORGE!
■
I'M A BIT OF A GEOGRAPHY NUT.■
NOTABLE PRODUCTION CENTRE FOR
WHEAT, STUFFED PIG'S BLADDERS,
AND IRON CLOGS, IF I'M NOT
MISTAKEN.
TELL ME, OLGA, HAVE YOU EVER
TAKEN PART IN THE AUTUMNAL
OX-HURTLING FESTIVAL?
I HEAR IT'S QUITE THE TOURIST
ATTRACTION.
>> YES, IS FAMILY TRADITION.
WE THROW OX...
VERY FAR!
>> I BET YOU DO.
>> LATE FOR CLASS, MUST GO.
BYE-BYE!
>> I THINK I'M...
NAH, IT'S WAY TOO EARLY.■
OH, WHAT THE HECK, I THINK I'M
IN LOVE.
>> YOU MAKE A CUTE COUPLE.
>> OH, MY HEART JUST SKIPPED
A BEAT.
>> OH, NO!
DON'T WORRY, BUDDY.
WE'RE GOING TO GET YOU MEDICAL
ATTENTION!
>> OKAY, ALL RIGHT, GEORGE.
I'M FINE NOW.
>> MAN, GOTTA TAKE IT EASY
WITH THAT OLGA GIRL.
YOUR BODY OBVIOUSLY CAN'T TAKE
THE STRAIN.
LET'S JUST HOPE SHE'S HEALTHIER
THAN YOU ARE.
>> SHE'S A HEALTHY GIRL,
ALL RIGHT.
YOU CAN ■@L■ SHE EATS ALL■
OF HER VEGETABLES.
(air escaping)
>> BEANS, MOSTLY.■■
>> ALL R■■HT, THE INTRODUCTIONS
HAVE BEEN MADE.
IT'S TIME FOR ME TO MAKE MY
MOVE.
>> I'LL JUST WAIT HERE UNTIL
THINGS GET UGLY.
UGLIER.
>> HEY, OLGA.
HOW'S IT GOING?
>> THE... GOING IS FINE.
>> I'VE BEEN THINKING.
IT MUST BE LONELY FOR YOU,
COMING INTO A NEW SCHO,
A NEW COUNTRY.
GUESS YOU HAVEN'T HAD TIME
TO MAKE ANY NEW FRIENDS,
LET ALONE BOYFRIENDS.
>> WHAT?
BOYFRIENDS?
NO...
>> I'D LIKE TO BE YOUR FRIEND,
AND MAYBE, IN TIME, SO MUCH
MORE.
>> SO MUCH MORE THAN WHAT?
>> OH, OLGA, CAN'T YOU SEE?
WHAT'LL START AS CASUAL PUPPY
LOVE WILL BLOSSOM INTO SOMETHING
MEANINGFUL AND LASTING.
IN TIME, WE'LL KNOW EACH OTHER
AS WELL AS WE KNOW OURSELVES.
>> I'M NOT FEELING MUCH LIKE
MYSELF RIGHT NOW.
>> WE'LL HAVE PET NAMES FOR
EACH OTHER.
>> YOU'LL BE MY HONEY BEAR,
AND I'LL BE YOUR POOPSIE-BUNNY.
>> POOPSIE-BUNNY?
>> AH, MUSIC TO MY EARS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?
W'S THIS GRAB YOU: AFTER
SCHOOL, WE TAKE A ROMANTIC BUS
RIDE OVER TO THE BOWLING ALLEY
AND PLAY DUCKPINS TILL DUSK,
AND THEN AFTER THAT WE'LL HEAD
OVER TO THE INDUSTRIAL PARK
AND HOLD HANDS BY THE LIGHT OF
THE GREEN FIRES AT THE TOXIC
CHEMICAL INCINERATOR.
>> I MUST GO POETRY READING NOW.
>> OH, BUT THAT'S NOT FOR HOURS!
WE STILL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME
TO KILL, TOGETHER.
>> I MUST GET GOOD SEAT.
>> HEY, WAIT--
■
>> THE CHASE IS THE SWEETEST
PART IN ANY COURTSHIP.