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Florida governor Rick Scott is arguably one of the worst governors
in the United States
He once refused to debate because his opponent had a small fan by his feet
We have been told that Governor Scott
will not be participating in this debate
A lot of people don't like this guy
And the reason they don't like him is
because he's awful
Thank you, Florida governor Rick Scott
for being the grownup version of batboy
In 1997, Rick Scott—
(gasp)
In 1997, Rick Scott resigned as CEO and chairman
of the world's largest hospital chain,
Columbia/HCA
After his resignation, a federal investigation found the company guilty
of Medicare fraud
And not just a little fraud
They had to pay $1.74 billion —
then the largest fraud settlement in U.S. history
But he—
(gasp)
got away scot-free
Rick Scott-free
Instead of going to prison, Rick Scott
(gasp)
Are you serious with this?
He became governor of Florida,
twice
which might be worse
As governor, he refused Medicaid expansion
and left nearly 1 million people uninsured
He was caught using a private email to discuss state business,
and then used $700,000 in taxpayer money
to cover his own legal fees
(gasp)
Stop doing this!
He's defunded abortion clinics,
he endorses Donald Trump
and despite governing a state with disappearing coastlines,
he not only denies climate change —
he bans his employees from even saying the phrase
His state is plagued by giant snakes and deadly sinkholes,
and he still manages to be the worst part
To top it off, he’s mad creepy
He looks like Voldemort if Voldemort went to law school
He looks like the Crypt Keeper with skin
He looks like John Locke's
skeleton
He looks like the conservative lovechild of Skeletor and Red Skull,
but somehow more villainous and more skeletal
He looks like the star of a Stephen King novel
and that's coming from Stephen King
Maybe my next horror novel could star Rick Scott
This is your Mic Check
(gasp)
Seriously, it's not funny anymore