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SIMON: Who are we video conferencing with, again?
THE LITIGATOR: They're the lead scientists at The Front Office.
We're going to get this whole "Dracula Clock" mess settled.
THE LITIGATOR: Gentlemen...we meet at last.
I'm Alexander Jaghdund, The Litigator for The Front Office.
DR. GEBIETEND: It's a priviledge to finally meet the man himself,
...on the front lines this close to "Zero Clock" no less!
[Music]
DR. GEBIETEND: I'm Ehrfucht Gebietend.
DR. DU: And I'm Tian Du, but you can call us...
DR. GEBIETEND & DR. DU: Awesome and The Sweetness!
[Explosion!]
SIMON: Are they using special effects during a live video conference?
DR. DU: Those aren't effects...
...those are a by-product of a virtual reality system we've been working on.
...That isn't working right.
...And it won't turn off.
DR. GEBIETEND: So we're to help you and...I'm sorry, who are you?
SIMON: Simon Polidori.
DR. DU: Simon Polidori!
SIMON: "Dori".
DR. DU: Your antics with The Daughter of Dracula are legendary!
DR. GEBIETEND: Yeah, Legendarily bad! Five it, Sweetness!
[Louder Explosion!]
SIMON: What college did these guys attend? Clown?
DR. GEBIETEND: Eh, so funny. Let me use my sarcastic laugh:
Ha ha ha ha ha.
DR. DU: We graduated from a little place we like to call,
...The Massachusetts Institute of Technology: Vampire Sciences Division, ***!
Five it?
DR. GEBIETEND: No, dime it!
[Even Louder Explosion with Laser & Machine Gun Fire Mixed In!]
SIMON: This is the top of our Science Division?
THE LITIGATOR: On to the matter at hand, Gentlemen?
DR. GEBIETEND: The Dracula Clock is a math formula that comes from the factors of every "Dracsurrection"
...any operative's been able to witness.
There were a particular series of events, um, astronomical data, meteorlogical conditions...
...that were the exact same, every time.
DR. DU: Once we had clocks that were accurate to the second in the 17th century,
...and Dracula got another beatdown,
The formula had its last component, and we knew exactly when it was time...
to open up a can of the smackula, on the DRACULA!!
DR. GEBIETEND: Aw, that one was SWEET!
DR. DU: Sweet like my name, FIVE TOWN!
[Explosion mixed with fighter jet flying over head!]
DR. GEBIETEND: So we'll just look over this bad boy, here,
...and sign off on the Victory Parade.
DR. DU: Everything looks, uhh...oop. One tiny mistake there...
...looks like we were using the wrong star to track the parenthetical.
Uh, hey guys! Replace Brendon 6756 with Angelo 9-33-B...
...uh, how does that change the clock?
DR. LIGHTNING: Uh, nothing big. Just .00007 seconds total.
DR. DU: Well, problem solved!
DR. GEBIETEND: Hold on. Found another one:
...The day that Atlantis fell into the ocean was discovered to actually be about...
...9 Years after they thought it fell when they made this. The wave-impact calculations are off...
...can we adjust for that, guys?
DR. LIGHTNING: Yeah, we only lost another .0004 seconds total.
DR. DU: Hold on! They don't take into account the effect of deep-focus and mega-thrust earthquakes onto our rotation axis!
DR. GEBIETEND: Look at this thing! This is a mess!
[Hold Music]
THE LITIGATOR: They're having a serious science discussion...
SIMON: I see that.
...this looks...pretty much like the exact kind of screen you see come up on, like...
...news stations. Uh, you know...during Zombie Apocalypses.
THE LITIGATOR: It must be important. I mean, there's no colored bars.
SIMON: Yeah. Yeah I'm sure...I'm sure that this is no way...forbo-
DR. DU: Who thought of this *** COSINE!!
DR. GEBIETEND: My four year old brother can multiply better than this!
DR. DU: The cake is a lie!
DR. GEBIETEND: Do they even understand how the moon works?
DR. DU: It's a damn lie!
DR. GEBIETEND: Yeah and Hailey's Comet doesn't come every 79 years!
...that's more like "Failey's Comet". ...Idiots!
DR. DU: There's no leap year in 17, 18 or 1900!!!
DR. GEBIETEND: You put the lime in the coconut, not the other way around! Good lord, who made this?!
DR. DU: Pluto isn't a planet anymore! Pluto is ***!
...how can you calculate the cake, if the cake is a lie?
[Hold music continues]
DR. GEBIETEND: Guys, what do we got here?
DR. DU: What's uhh...what's the verdict? Is this accurate, boys?
DR. LIGHTNING: Yeah, no problem, we got it.
DR. GEBIETEND: Alright, after correcting some of the mistakes we found in a 572 year old math formula...
...that, was never look over, apparently, for this like the fact that science evolved, or time continued to move forward,
...Or how to multiply...we can now say, for absolutely certain, that The Dracula will rise again in:
Two days ago.
DR. DU: Yeah, we did it...
...five it...
[pathetic clapping sound + losing music]