How Will The End of Print Journalism Affect Old Loons Who Hoard Newspapers?

I'm Julianna McKannis filling in for Clifford Banes who is standing over a bound and gagged man with a shovel wondering if he has the guts to go through with it. With so many newspapers struggling financially, some analysts fear the print media is in danger of collapsing. But if newspapers disappear, what will crazy old loons fill their dusty, cluttered houses with? This is a real crisis. If the print media dies loons will have nothing to stack in huge piles in every corner of their home. -Robert is right. Since the time of the American Revolution reclusive loons have been hoarding newspapers. Look times change, loons will just have to find something else to stack. Speaking as a loon myself... -You're a loon? Yes! My home is a maze of old newspapers stacked from floor to ceiling. -I didn't know that. How could you? No other living person has set foot inside my house in 14 years. -Listen, the death of the newspaper is going to affect a lot more than just a bunch of crazy old loons. Damn! -There are people all over this country that depend on newspapers to cover the floor of their garage when they're trying to paint something. Now I love newspapers as much as any half crazed pack-rat hermit, but the future of the news is the internet, plain and simple. Oh come on David, kindergarten teachers aren't going to have any newspaper to make their paper-mâché piñatas out of. -Oh come on! Besides that internet news is completely unreliable. That's right. -Big piles of printout fall right over once they catch on something. -Exactly. I acknowledge the stackability of newspapers. Thank you! Because stacking is a treasured pastime of loons, something I've dreamed about my son being able to do when he loses his mind. But loons have learned to adapt in the past, I mean before newspapers shut-ins and crazies hoarded animal bones and wax figures. -You cannot insulate your clothes with animal bones. -Now some people believe that the government should step in and give financial support to the newspaper industry in order to preserve the loon way of life. No, we already subsidize Amtrak for the benefit of the loons costing the taxpayers millions of dollars. Well Robert, as a loon do you think- -6, 56, 22. Robert? -17, 49... -Well.